That's the Way I Loved You

by Carrie Aarons

  “Actually, we have a night shoot tonight that my boss, Donna, wants me to be at. I thought we could pick up dinner from my favorite Thai place on the way and have it on set. You guys could meet the actors—”

  Adeline jumps off the couch so fast, I don’t think she’s even breathing. “We’re going to Love General! Oh my God, what am I going to wear?”

  For the next half hour, the two of them rifle through their bags, and we pick out the best outfits for them to wear to set.

  After that, I introduce my sisters to Pad Woon Sen and honey puffs, which they devour, and they ask for every single person’s autograph on set. Even the microphone boom, who looks so confused that I actually contemplate snapping a picture.

  27

  Savannah

  The next two days are filled with working like a dog, in between showing my sisters the finest of New York City sightseeing.

  When I’m not on set or in meetings or revising massive scenes in the scripts, I’m taking Lori and Adeline to the Statue of Liberty, Times Square, the Met, and everything in between. We see Wicked on Broadway and they both cry at how beautiful the music is. I take them to their first Yankees game, even though our family are diehard Texas Rangers fans. And we eat. My God, do we eat. I’m pretty sure Lori has had spaghetti and meatballs for every meal, while Adeline asks for a slice of pizza wherever we go. The Italian food in Texas just doesn’t measure up, though I do make them eat street meat, milkshakes from Black Tap, and at an Indian buffet that I used to frequent with writer friends of mine.

  All in all, it’s heartwarming to introduce my sisters to the city that made me who I am today. Hopefully, they can understand why I stayed so long after getting here, and fully realize the need I had to escape the pain I’d left in Hale.

  And aside from giving them the grand tour of the Big Apple, I’m at work. It electrifies me, being back on set. I’d forgotten how alive it makes me feel, to be in the thick of things, watching as the actors play out scenes that I’ve written. To see stories that I wrote coming to life right in front of my eyes, to be respected for that work—it’s what I was meant to do. I’m thankful every day I get to do it, but this week has been exhausting. Donna is pushing me extra hard since I took that time to go to Hale, though I know she’s just concerned about ratings and being renewed. She has to worry about that stuff, and I don’t envy her job.

  Then, of course, I have to introduce my sisters to Perry while we’re here. It would be extremely strange if I didn’t bring them to meet my boyfriend, the man who has been in my life for four years. If I just brushed off introducing them to the guy I was about to buy a million-dollar apartment with, they would know something was up.

  As of now, I don’t feel like getting into the details of how messed up my personal life is. They would just want to talk it to death, or sway me in one direction or the other.

  We’re dressed to the nines as we head for the restaurant, a very upscale steakhouse that Perry likes to frequent. I personally don’t think they’re food is all that good, but I wasn’t going to argue.

  When we walk into the restaurant, I spot Perry immediately.

  He’s sitting at the best table in the house, one he has reserved for us on numerous occasions. His suit is a six-thousand-dollar Armani custom design, I know this because I was there when he bought it. His head is buried in his smart phone, and the waiter is trying to ascertain something from him, but Perry waves him off with a flip of his wrist.

  It’s a rude and arrogant gesture, and something Mom used to say pops into my head.

  “You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat those that wait on and serve them.”

  My sisters look around, giggling to each other about if they can pick Perry out of a crowd. Part of me doesn’t even want to walk them over to him, because my God, he’s being a total dick right now.

  But then he looks up and spots me, and waves.

  “There he is,” I say, pasting on a smile.

  “Oh, Savvy, I see why you’re so into the guy.” Adeline elbows me.

  It’s a short walk to the table, and then they’re all shaking hands. Perry comes toward me, his hands grasping my upper arms, and kisses me on the cheek before sitting down.

  That’s it. That’s all I get. The man hasn’t seen me for over a month and a half, and he just gave me some European air kiss greeting as if I’m a female coworker of his.

  If someone really misses you, they don’t care what setting they’re in. A reunion of this sort calls for a passionate, all-consuming make-out session, which clearly Perry does not want. He’s never cared for public displays of affection, and I guess a long period away is not the exception either.

  It’s not that Perry is a bad person; in fact, he’s a pretty good man. He helped me in a time when I couldn’t do so myself and has built me up on a number of occasions. He’s taught me a lot about hard work and the ways of the world outside my bubble of small-town Texas. For that, I’ll always be appreciative.

  But he’s also a product of his environment. Perry grew up with money; Christ, his father retired from Perry’s current Wall Street firm right after bringing his son in at an executive level. My boyfriend has never had to want for anything; he’s gone to the best schools, had everything paid for, and knows all the right people to situate himself wherever he wants to.

  That isn’t to say he doesn’t work hard, because he is one of the hardest workers I’ve seen. But there is something about coming from nothing, having to pick yourself up by bootstraps that are secondhand and crumbling at a touch, that molds a person into something special.

  Perry? He’s not it. And it’s not until this moment that I realize it. His values, his morals … they don’t match up with mine. I’ve been leading myself down this path, trying to prove that New York is the place I belong by getting in with some of its most powerful. But one trip back to my hometown, and I see what genuine, determined people look like. Those who barely have enough in their savings account to cover an extra month’s mortgage, but would gladly give it away if someone else needed it more. Perry would never do something like that.

  And it’s at this moment, as my sisters and I take our seats at this table, that I realize my heart isn’t pounding. My cheeks aren’t flushed, and my lips don’t spread wide with excitement. Here is a man that I’m supposed to be in love with, one I haven’t seen in months, and my physical response is …

  Nothing. The parts of a woman that should react to seeing the man she’s thought about spending her life with couldn’t care less.

  My mind and heart’s reaction to Perry pales in comparison to how I feel each time Jason is simply in the vicinity. He doesn’t have to be in the same room as I am, and yet I know he’s close. My stomach drops, my heart gallops a million miles an hour, and I can’t control my breathing.

  When I’m around Jason Whitney, it’s like my entire system is short wiring, and that’s how it should be …

  When you’re in love.

  “So you all flew in from which airport in Texas?” Perry tries to start the conversation as we sit down.

  Adeline and Lori exchange a look. It’s a little thing, my boyfriend forgetting where we flew from, but it does kind of demonstrate that he either doesn’t care or wasn’t listening.

  “We have an airport in Hale that flies to Houston, where we transferred,” Addy supplies, trying to remain polite.

  “Have you guys seen New York, yet? I hope Savannah didn’t take you somewhere touristy, like Times Square.” He scoffs, rolling his eyes.

  Lori narrows hers. “Actually, she did, and I thought it was magnificent.”

  Perry doesn’t even have the awareness to look sheepish. I cut in. “We went to that Strand Bookstore stand, and Lori got some cute books for her boys. Then I took them for falafel.”

  He waves his hand into the middle of us. “I’ll take you for the best Mediterranean food if you are sticking around. It’s in this underground basement where—”

  The waiter comes to
our table and interrupts him, asking to take our drink order. Adeline goes first, ordering a glass of white wine, but Perry cuts her off.

  “No, disregard that. We’ll have a bottle of the Opus for the table.” He gives a nod, and the waiter scoots off, knowing not to talk back to the person clearly taking charge here.

  It’s undeniably rude that he not only cut the rest of us off from ordering drinks, but the fact that he canceled Adeline’s white wine for something he thought more superior speaks volumes. The thing is, I let him do this all the time for me. I just assumed he had better taste, and the things he picked were always wonderful.

  But they weren’t my choices. Which shocks me straight to my core.

  Adeline raises an eyebrow discreetly at me, and I know in that instant what I’m going to do after this dinner is over and my sisters go back to my apartment.

  28

  Jason

  My rag wipes down another streak of cleaner, making sure the counter gleams.

  As I go, I turn the stools over and stack them atop the tasting bars, the lights low at the end of the night. I’m glad to be alone tonight, to make this place shine before we close it down for our Monday off. The weekend has been a blur of customers, sales and restocking, and I need to sleep for about twelve hours straight.

  That is, if my mind allows me to do so.

  Savannah has been in New York for three days, and in that time, I’ve been able to think of nothing else.

  Is she with him? Does she miss her old life? Is she planning on staying there? Will I ever even see her again?

  Questions like that run rapid fire through my brain at all times, and it’s making me unhinged. I’m not a social media guy, but I’ve even contemplated joining some of the sites to keep up with what she’s doing. Then I thought that was creepy, but that’s what those platforms are for, right?

  In the end, I’ve just driven myself crazy, and continually talked myself off the ledge. I promised myself I wouldn’t call or text her the entire time she was in the city, because she needs to make this decision on her own.

  I lost her one time, and it ruined the next decade of my life. I don’t want to be that man, the sullen, heartbroken bachelor who lives in his hometown his entire life and dies alone. That sounds melodramatic, but I honestly think about that sometimes. I’m happy with what I have, but I’m not happy. Which just shows how important love and the right partner is in a life. Without that, all you have and have worked for is just … shit.

  But I have to have faith in Savannah, too. I’ve done all I can to show and tell her just how much I want and need her in my life. I can’t make someone love me, hard as I try. So the next part is on her.

  And I believe, somehow, that the universe is going to bring her back to me. With all that’s unfolded the past few months, she has to know that not choosing what we have would only make the both us more miserable.

  Looking out over the vineyard, the one I named for her, I send up a prayer. Although I’ve gone to church every Sunday for almost my entire life, I’m not much of a praying man. To be honest, God never seems to answer mine.

  But I send one up now to the big man, hoping he hears it.

  And hoping he can whisper in her ear that the place she belongs is in Hale, with me.

  29

  Savannah

  “So, what are you going to tell him?”

  Lori leans her chin on her elbow, hijacking the armrest as she looks at me.

  I try to use the whir of the plane engine to drown out my thoughts of the last forty-eight hours.

  “I don’t know. I haven’t … I haven’t thought out the details yet.”

  She’s not talking about Perry, she’s talking about Jason.

  “I’m just glad you kicked that jerk to the curb.” Adeline nods in approval, leaning back in her window seat.

  We’re on our way back to Hale, after Donna cleared me to leave New York again. It wasn’t easy getting her blessing to do my job remotely again, but I hadn’t worked my ass off on set for the past five days for nothing. She knows I’m trustworthy, and more than that, I’m a great freaking writer. She can’t lose me, so she had to agree to a compromise.

  I’m free to write from Hale for the next month. After that, I’m expected back in New York. In the next thirty days, I’ll have to decide what my future holds.

  But something it won’t contain? Perry.

  “He’s not a jerk, don’t say that.” I sigh, knowing I’ll get push back anyway.

  “All I’m saying is, if Brad ever dominated the conversation and spoke to my friends like that, I’d smack him. The audacity of that guy, grr, it pisses me off just thinking about how many times he cut me off.” Adeline shakes her fist.

  “He was just raised in a different place than us.” I shrug my shoulders, trying to reason with them.

  Lori is still staring at me. “And it’s made him hard and brash, two things I don’t want for my baby sister. You deserve so much better than that. And I’m glad you realize it.”

  A knot of emotion clogs my throat. “Y’all, I’m still upset about it even if it was the right thing to do.”

  Adeline reaches across the seats, grasping my hand. “I’m sorry, I’m being an ass. Of course, you’re upset, any breakup will do that to you. Even one that was necessary.”

  “Was it hard? Are you okay? Do you need us to get you chocolate and wine, because I’m pretty sure we can request that in first class?” Lori is about to push her call button for the flight attendant.

  I cover her hand. “No! We can save that until we get home.”

  Their heads both whip right to me when I call Hale home. It makes me smile; the word coming from my mouth. But then I frown, the sadness of what I just did washing over me again.

  “Yes, it was hard. I’ve been with the man for four years, we shared a life together. I’m walking away from all of that, and it’s not an easy choice.”

  “Isn’t it, though?” Adeline presses further, being that asshole she said she wasn’t trying to be.

  Even Lori gives her a look that says stop it. “But she kind of has a point. Hasn’t it always been Jason?”

  “You guys …” I sigh, knowing they’d go down this path.

  “Come on, you can’t tell us that something didn’t happen between you two. We were all there at opening weekend of the winery. You two are still head over heels for each other, I could tell that from the pheromones.” Adeline wiggles her eyebrows.

  Lori goes quiet and then looks at me with the most serious look on her face that I’ve ever seen.

  “I’m going to say this once, so listen good. If you love Jason Whitney, you can’t waste any more time not telling him, and not loving him. I know all too well what it’s like to love someone and let them go off and do something that might end their life altogether. The man you love, who loves you more than anything, is right there waiting for you. Don’t dwell on your ex-boyfriend, who was never right for you anyway, and don’t be stupid enough to question your gut. I know you want to, I know you’re trying to overanalyze this. Don’t. Just go love that man.”

  Her declaration makes tears well in my eyes.

  After that, my sisters just hold my hand and let me rest my head against the seat.

  Of course, it wasn’t easy. I feel so many conflicting emotions about breaking up with Perry, but the one I don’t feel is heartbreak. Which is how I know it was right. What I do feel is sadness for a life that I’ll no longer have. We spent a long time together, had the inside jokes that long-term couples do and a routine that was our every day. I feel loss, because he was essentially my best friend for many years. Perry was the one I leaned on. He saved me in a way when I was drowning in New York.

  Breaking up with someone that you’ve shared many intimate moments with is like losing a limb. You’ve functioned for so long with it, that you’re not quite sure what to do when it’s gone. I’m not shattered by the breakup.

  If anything, I’m relieved. It feels like a weight has been l
ifted off my shoulders now that I’ve finally made a choice. Now that I’m not living in a limbo of if I tell Perry about what happened with Jason. And honestly, it’s not as if he took the breakup badly.

  No, on the contrary, Perry was all but amicable about it. Frowned when I began the speech I’d been going over in my head during dinner with my sisters, listened the whole way through, and then nodded like this was a business deal. Said something about these things happening, and how he was disappointed that we couldn’t make it work but we’d be better off.

  Better off. He said better off.

  God, part of me can’t believe I’d been with him for so long. The other part wondered what would have happened if we had just moved in together, if my credit cleared and I’d never gone back to Hale.

  How strange life is, placing these tiny forks in the road, your decision determining the rest of your life. I close my eyes, but all I’m thinking about is the man I’m flying back to.

  The plane touches down, and I’m bolting for town.

  Well, not town, but the outskirts of it. I’m not sure why I know he’ll be there, but I just do. Call it intuition, a sixth sense, but Jason and I have always shared it and I hope it doesn’t fail me now.

  I swear, Jenks is going to pull me over for speeding again with how fast I’m whipping around the curves toward number three Covered Wagon Lane.

  While Lori and Adeline slept for the last hour of the plane ride, I was lost in my thoughts. And then it hit me. Maybe this was all supposed to happen.

  Maybe I was meant to flee to New York, to meet Perry and make a life. And maybe I was also meant to go back to Hale. To see how much I needed to join my two worlds, to see how much I’d lost touch with the humility and good nature of people.

  Maybe everything I’d been through was to bring me back to Jason as a more mature, responsible woman. As someone who could work through tough problems and appreciate the inexpressible connection we have.