Assisting the Bosshole

by Kristin MacQueen

  “She’d never let you fuck her,” Owen mumbles around a mouth full of food.

  “Well, unlike you, I'm not trying to fuck my assistant.”

  “You’re not? Can I?”

  “Seriously, should I just offer her a settlement right now?” Lucas throws his hands up in the air.

  “She’s a little spit fire, she yelled at Parker on her first day. I bet she’s amazing in bed, spit fires always are.”

  “I’m still trying to figure out why you didn’t fire her for that?”

  “For yelling at me?” I question, Lucas nods, a serious expression on his face. “Fuck if I know. I should, she’d deserve it... but she actually did a great job today.”

  Both of them stop chewing, their mouths fall open, half chewed food on full display. They glance at each other for a long moment before they turn back to me.

  “Did he just?” Owen mumbles.

  “I think he did... did you just say she did a great job? Are you feeling ok? Should we take you to the hospital? You have to be dying, there’s no other explanation. I'm scared, I can't lose you. This company will crumble if I'm left with Owen to run it. He’ll get put in jail for all the sexual harassment charges and no one will respect me because I'm the nice one. I can't take that kind of pressure, Parker! You have to fire her, it’s the only way really.”

  I blink at him several times, I feel Owen’s gaze on me, he gives me a bewildered expression.

  “You alright, buddy? You’re kinda flipping out over nothing.” Owen pats Lucas’s back.

  “Over nothing! Parker isn't nice, he doesn’t compliment people! This is a big fucking deal! He didn’t fire his brand new assistant for snapping at him, I think we’re losing him.” He wipes away a fake tear.

  “Jeez, can you two grow up? She did everything I asked her to do and more. She went above and beyond, didn’t cry and didn’t piss herself when I yelled or scowled. That’s a hell of a lot better than any of my other assistants.”

  “If she does everything you ask, you should ask her to suck you off under the desk.” Owen wiggles his eyebrows.

  “Dammit! Do. Not. Do. That. Parker!”

  6

  Logan

  “EMPLOYER.” I NOD TO Parker as he strolls by my desk. He groans before slamming his door shut. I have a hard time keeping my laughter to myself. It’s just a feeling, but I'm sure he wouldn’t appreciate me laughing at him.

  I knock on his door and wait for him to yell for me to come in.

  “I have a few messages for you and I talked to Mr. Barton’s assistant. He’s happy with lunch on Friday. I asked Mr. Powell and Mr. Coleman’s assistants which restaurants you prefer and checked with Mr. Barton’s assistant, then made reservations at the Mexican place on Second and Spruce. Reservations are at eleven forty-five and you will be in a private room for your meeting.”

  “A private room?”

  “Yes, it’s much quieter and you don’t need to worry about people listening to your business.”

  “How much did we have to pay for that?”

  “Nothing extra.”

  “How did you pull that off?”

  “I'm good at my job, Employer. I know how to convince people to do what needs to be done.”

  “I want you at that meeting.”

  “You told me you didn’t need me at meetings.”

  “I changed my mind. I want you at it. If nothing else it will force you to eat something besides a fucking protein bar.”

  My stomach rumbles at the thought of having a delicious Mexican meal. It’s not that I don’t eat, it’s just I live on ramen and anything else cheap. The thought of tasty lunch is a dream come true.

  “Even your damn stomach agrees with me.”

  “My stomach’s fine. If you want me at the meeting on Friday, am I supposed to come to the one tomorrow too?”

  “Yes. I want you at all of my meetings.”

  “Taking notes?”

  “Shit, Logan, I don’t know. I’ve never done this before.” His fingers are back in his hair, tugging at the ends in frustration.

  I’d give just about anything to run my fingers through his hair, to run my lips down his neck... oh my Lanta! No! No, no, no. I'm not thinking about my new boss like this. That can't happen no matter how attractive he is. No matter how delicious he looks with his dress shirt stretched across his muscles, showing off each peak and valley.

  “Logan!” Parker snaps his fingers in my face. When did he come to this side of the desk?

  “Y-Yes?” I mentally face palm myself for stuttering. I can't show weakness in front of Parker, he’ll pounce on any he finds.

  “Where’d you go? You were just licking your lips. Jeez, do you starve yourself so much that you’re licking your lips thinking about Mexican food?”

  “What? No! Why are you so obsessed with what I eat?”

  “I'm not!” He protests a little too strongly. My brows furrow, I examine him.

  “I’ll bring my tablet, take notes and sit quietly in the corner. If you need something, I can handle it and you can decide later on if you want to read my notes or if you want me to continue taking them in the future. Do you need anything else? Or shall I retreat to my desk to dream about Mexican food?” I roll my eyes as hard as I can.

  “You have to call me Mr. Scott in front of clients. Then and only then.”

  “Aye, aye, Employer.” I salute him before leaving him behind, an angry glare directed at me.

  7

  Parker

  ALL I DID WAS TOSS and turn last night. I couldn’t get a certain brunette fire cracker out of my head. She drives me absolutely crazy yet I crave more. Maybe I really am sick.

  “Does my head feel hot?” I gesture to myself. Owen scowls.

  “I'm not touching your fucking head. What am I, your mother?”

  “Dude, just touch my forehead, I think I'm getting sick.”

  A devilish grin sweeps over his face, his eyebrow quirks up.

  “She’s under your skin.”

  “What’s under your skin?” Lucas meanders into my office.

  “Parker thinks he’s sick. He saw something wiggling under his skin. He wanted me to feel his forehead but that was a hard fuck no from me.”

  “Daddy, touch me,” I moan, imitating Owen from yesterday at lunch.

  Lucas slaps the back of his hand against my forehead before he drops into the chair on the other side of my desk.

  “Fucker,” I mutter under my breath.

  “You’re fine.”

  “Good morning, Employer.” Logan’s sexy voice floats through the door, I lean to the side, trying to see what she’s wearing. I almost fall out of my chair but catch myself at the last second.

  Owen howls with laughter, tears stream down Lucas’s face.

  “Fuck! I think he’s sick! I see something wiggling in his pants!” Owen gasps between his laughter, making Lucas laugh even harder. He falls to the ground, clutching his stomach. I can't help the laughter bursting free from me, I can't keep a straight face when they’ve lost control like this.

  Logan appears at the door, concern written all over her face.

  “Are you all ok?” She stares at Lucas rolling around on the floor, gasping for air.

  “Parker isn't feeling well,” Owen says seriously before laughing even harder. I really wouldn’t be surprised if he pisses himself at this point. Lucas is a lost cause; I hope he has extra pants.

  “Aww, I'm sorry, is there anything I can do for you?”

  “You should see if he has a temperature. He said he feels stiff.”

  She’s at my side in seconds, a hand reaches for my forehead but I lean away from her.

  “I'm fine.”

  “Where do you feel stiff? Do you need a massage?”

  Owen and Lucas roar louder than ever before, if they piss on my carpet, I'm going to kill them.

  “Oh my gosh,” I mumble under my breath, dropping my head to the desk and banging it a few times.

  “Please... stop...�
�� Lucas wheezes. “Can't... breath...”

  “What’s wrong with them?”

  “Who the fuck knows. Can you shut the door on your way out? I don’t need my employees seeing their bosses pissing themselves.”

  “Yes. Let me know if you need me to cancel the lunch meeting.”

  “I’ll be fine,” I growl.

  As soon as the door shuts, I drop my head back on the desk.

  “I hate both of you.”

  8

  Logan

  “I HEAR YOU’RE DOING a great job,” Mr. Coleman says as we step into the elevator.

  “I am?” I glance to Parker, who has the biggest scowl in the world on his face.

  “Why can't you keep your mouth shut?” He growls at Lucas.

  “What? She deserves to know she’s doing a good job. You catch-”

  “More bees with honey. Yeah, yeah we know.” Owen rolls his eyes.

  “You’d think if you knew, you’d try it. Tina would be happier if you told her she does a great job.”

  “I keep Tina plenty happy. I don’t need honey; I’ve got a great dick.”

  My eyes widen but I keep my mouth shut. Being around the three of them is like hanging out in a frat house. I'm never quite sure what to expect.

  “Dammit, Owen! There’s a lady in your presence, can't you control yourself!”

  “What? I mean I can show her if she doesn’t believe me.” His hands move to his pants, unbuckling his belt and starts working his button before Parker backhands his stomach. “Mother fucker! What was that for?”

  “I don’t need her quitting because you wanna get your dick wet and Tina doesn’t want it,” Parker mutters.

  “Aww, you wanna keep me?” I slap a hand over my chest. “I'm touched.”

  Parker’s gaze snaps to my hand, staring a little too long at my chest. When his eyes meet mine, his cheeks pinken ever so slightly.

  “He doesn’t want you to be touched, he wants you to touch him. If you don’t want him, I'm available to touch too.” Owen wiggles his eyebrows.

  Parker spins around, pinning Owen with a glare.

  “I swear if you don’t shut the fuck up, I'm going to beat the shit out of you.”

  The elevator goes silent, tension fills the space. As soon as the doors part, I rush out and straight to the limo waiting outside for us.

  I can't believe they take a limo to a business meeting. It must be awesome to be as rich as they are.

  The second we get into the limo; silence engulfs the car. It isn't an awkward tension like the elevator, more of a quiet moment for them to prepare. Gone are the frat boys, in their place serious businessmen. They each have their brief cases open beside them, looking over documents. Owen and Lucas have neat stacks, stapled or paperclipped together, while Parker looks like he threw his papers up in the air then quickly collected them off the floor. This man is the most unorganized person I’ve ever met. I don’t know how he’s so successful.

  When we pull up in front of the restaurant, they exchange glances before giving a silent nod. They climb out of the limo and Lucas holds out a hand, helping me out of the car. I give him a small smile; he seems the sweetest out of all of them.

  SQUEEZING MY EYES SHUT, I try to suppress the moan begging to break free. This food is amazing, I don’t think I’ve ever tasted anything so good in my entire life. When I open my eyes, Parker’s gaze is locked on me. I duck my head in embarrassment, definitely not something I want my boss to see on my second day.

  As soon as we’re done eating, Owen takes lead and starts conducting business. He commands the room, all attention on him.

  Mr. Smyth hands out a packet to each of them, ignoring me completely. Parker slides his over in front of me, I get to work reading through it immediately. He drones on and on about his business, taking it up, trying to convince the boys to buy his company.

  Something seems off, I just can't put my finger on it. I scroll through the information I compiled last night on Smyth’s company, comparing it to the documents Mr. Smyth himself gave us. They're completely different.

  “Do we have a deal, gentlemen?” Mr. Smyth beams from his seat.

  Owen begins to reach out to him, but I stop him.

  “Mr. Scott, may I have a word with you before you make any decisions?”

  “Ms. Johnson, can't this wait?” He’s barely able to contain his anger with me interrupting his meeting.

  “No.” I state simply. Annoyance washes over his features before he voids his face of emotions.

  “Please excuse us. We’ll be back in a moment to sign.”

  Parker grasps my elbow, pulling me to the back of the restaurant, away from the table and any noise.

  “What the fuck was that, Logan? I didn’t bring you along so you could ruin my meeting.”

  “Oh my gosh! Shut up for a damn minute and listen to me!”

  I sort through the papers still clutched in my hands, find the correct one and thrust it in his face.

  “Right here...” I point to an area I highlighted.

  “Yes, they’re good numbers for a company like Smyth’s. Which is why I'm buying it!” He hisses.

  “But wait! Last night I was researching his company and I found different information.”

  I scroll through the documents I saved on my iPad before showing him my findings.

  “These are public record... his numbers don’t match with what I found.”

  He scans the paper, then my screen. His eyes narrow, brows furrow and lips purse into a straight line.

  “What a fucking piece of shit! He knew I wouldn’t buy his company if I’d seen the real numbers. I wouldn’t even be having this meeting if I saw these... How did you get these? I looked and couldn’t find them.”

  “They were hard to uncover, but I knew they had to be there. It took me a few hours to find them.” I shrug like it’s not a big deal.

  “You did this after hours? At home?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know. I wanted to make sure you had all the information you could possibly need.”

  His gaze stays locked on mine for several seconds before he sucks in a deep breath and lets it out slowly.

  “Let’s go bury this asshole.”

  9

  Parker

  “MEETINGS OVER, BOYS,” I growl when I get back to our table.

  “What are you talking about? We still need to sign the contract.” Lucas gives me a what the fuck look.

  “We won't be buying Mr. Smyth’s company.”

  “Why not!” Mr. Smyth shoots out of his chair, his features filled with rage.

  I slap the pages he gave us down on the table, addressing only my brothers in heart.

  “This fucker doctored his numbers; Logan found the real financials. This company is shit and we’re not attaching our names to it.”

  Lucas and Owen rise from the table, they don’t question our discovery. If one of us doesn’t like something, we all walk away, it’s what we do.

  “Wait! You agreed to this! You can’t just walk away!”

  “You’re done, Gerald. I’ll make sure no one offers you a penny after you tried to fuck with us,” I yell, not even bothering to glance back at him. I’m causing a scene but I don’t care, I hope everyone pays attention. Hell, I hope someone caught this on camera and posts it online so millions of people can watch it for years to come.

  I walk with Logan at my side, Lucas and Owen behind us, out to the car. Feeling better and better with each step I take. Thank God I didn’t fire her yesterday. She just saved us millions of dollars.

  “LET ME SEE.” OWEN BARKS the second we’re in the car.

  Logan slides in next to him, handing over her iPad and the packet Smyth gave us.

  “How’d you know?” Owen asks in awe.

  “I researched the company last night. When Gerald was talking in the meeting, things weren’t adding up in my head. I pulled up what I found and compared it. It’s not that big of a deal.”


  “Sweetheart, this is a huge deal. If you hadn’t spoken up, we would’ve lost millions.” Owen turns his attention away from Logan and focuses on me. “If you’re ever stupid enough to fire her, I’m taking her and not giving her back.”

  “I’m sure she’d rather work for me, I’m much nicer.” Lucas smirks.

  “Nope, I called dibs first. Can’t break dibs.”

  “No one is taking Logan. She’s mine.” I end the argument. Logan’s eyes widen, she looks uncomfortable being the center of attention. “Thank you. You did a great job... I still can’t believe you worked on this for hours after work.” She shrugs her shoulders again.

  “It’s my job.”

  “No, no it isn’t. Your job is to answer the phones and be the gatekeeper to Parker and his schedule. None of this was your job, darling.” Owen’s eyes soften slightly, making anger pulse through my blood.

  He better not fucking touch her, she’s mine... my employee... my assistant... nothing else.

  10

  Parker

  “HEY, GUYS.” LOGAN’S sexy voice floats through my door. She only talks like that to Lucas and Owen, I guess it’s lunchtime.

  “Hey, sweetheart,” Owen says softly.

  Since the ride back from the meeting yesterday, Owen has been all smiles towards Logan and sweet talking her. It drives me up a wall, but she loves it and Lucas finds it hilarious. In Owen’s head, she proved herself, she’s worthy of his attention as more than a piece of ass.

  “How are you today, Logan?”

  “I'm good! You boys going to lunch?”

  “Yeah. You gonna come with us?” Owen asks her with hope flooding his voice. I don’t think he’s got a thing for her, but he definitely likes her as a person.

  “No, I packed a lunch, thank you though.”

  “I swear if what you consider lunch is another damn protein bar, I'm gonna lose my shit,” I growl, walking out of my office.