Lesbian Billionaire

by Olivia Hampshire

  "Well now, that's just wonderful," said Lester. "Why don't you share with me some of what you know?"

  George agreed. "Well, first of all, I know that I was disappeared to the island because the family simply did not want to deal with the public knowing about Jeb Tree having a gay brother. I don't know if they plan to keep me here for life or if they are going to get me out later, and I have no way to know because I can't communicate with anyone anymore, but I know they wanted the gay out of the way."

  Lester nodded. He did not have the heart to tell George that once someone was taken to the prison on Skyros, they stayed there for the rest of their lives. It was just too convenient, and besides, no one, not even family, wanted word about Skyros to ever leak out.

  "I also know something very important, something that Sam told me about. My family has no idea I know anything," George continued. "Sam told me that Jeb Tree and other wealthy Republicans are planning a massive terrorist attack. Something even bigger than 9/11. They are going to bomb a football stadium in Michigan, when Michigan plays Ohio State. There are supposed to be more than 115,000 people in the stands watching the game, and millions all over the world watching from home. They are going to blame the attack on Horus and go to war."

  Lester's mouth fell wide open. So all the conspiracy theories were true! He had always known that Jeb Tree and his lot were not very good people, but he had no idea how deep their evil ran.

  "Thanks for all your help and your honesty, George. I will be in touch soon. For now, I need to go back and talk to my boss and tell him this bad news. Stay strong, try not to be nostalgic. It will get easier. Enjoy the beautiful beaches and work on your tan!" Lester gave George a clap on the back, and then he was off, racing back to Condo #7 to share the information about the bombing with Captain Quick.

  Captain Quick was not pleased with the news. "We can't let something like this happen, boys," he opined. "It is just a massive waste of life for no good reason. It's disgusting! We have to find a way for someone else to win the election."

  Although the boys agreed with their Captain, they could not help but groan. They dealt with enough crazy adventures, and now Captain Quick literally wanted them to rig the American elections?! All from their cozy Condo #7 on Skyros Island? It was more than a little bit crazy, but duty called, and they were up for the challenge.

  "We need to find a way to help Penny Carter, the democratic candidate, win the election," Captain Quick continued. "All politicians are a little shaky, and I am not a big fan of a female president, but at least her heart is in the right place. The democrats are obviously the lesser of two evils."

  Kim Moon let out a laugh. All the boys looked over at him. Captain Quick was visibly irritated. They saw that Moon had not been paying attention to their conversation at all, because he had been too busy watching the Jerry Pringer Show on his work station.

  "Sorry," Kim apologized sheepishly, still giggling. "It's just that, it can be really hard to take Americans seriously. I mean, look at this show. Do you know how many people watch this crazy stuff? People in the United States must be really, really stupid."

  Lester was frowning, but Oliver agreed with Kim.

  "Some of that stuff can be really entertaining though," he said, "I like that show they do with the billionaire guy Donald Frump. The guy with the crazy hair. I can't remember the name of it, but they have like ten people on the show and they are all fighting for the same job, and every week one of them gets fired. It's real addicting stuff, hard to stop watching!"

  Vinny Jefferson, who was also a little ticked off that Kim and Oliver were making fun of Americans like that, told the group, "my sister knows Jerry Pringer and Donald Frump. She said that Donald Frump will do anything for money and fame. He loves attention almost as much as he loves cash. But she also told me that he is really fed up with the American political system, especially with the Republicans. You know what? She also said that Jerry Pringer is actually a really smart guy and a good man. He was also fed up with the government and fed up with how stupid some Americans seem to be. He actually started the show after making a bet with Donald Frump. He wanted to have a show that depicted how incredibly stupid the American public is. Donald Frump said it would never take off, but Jerry Pringer proved him wrong."

  No one had any idea about this. None of the boys had heard that story before.

  "You know what would be a great show?" Eduardo Artes, the hunky Mexican member of the boys, asked. "Like a mash up. The ‘Who Wants to be a President Show?' Ten of Americas sloppiest idiots compete to be the next president."

  Captain Quick raised an eyebrow. "You know what?" he said, "if we got these two guys together, let Donald run for president and let Jerry run the show as his campaign manager. That would be something. We could turn the national election into a three ring circus, a bizarre, wild, stupid TV show that would capture the attention of the American people, making them forget all about the Tree family and their cronies. I bet voter turn out would be at a record high! Let's do it, boys! It will be entertaining for all of us too. We will be saving the lives of tens of thousands of American citizens, all while getting a real good laugh in!"

  Quick asked Vinny how his sister knew Jerry Pringer and Donald Frump, and it turned out that they had all gone to college together and they were very close friends, having many intimate experiences during their college years. Vinny agreed to give his sister a call to see if she could help out with the plan. She thought it was a great idea, and she dialed in Jerry and Donald. Everyone was on board. The decision was made, and the show was about to begin!

  Chapter 5, This is not Serious

  Jeb and Probus, along with some other members of Jeb's staff, were all watching Donald Frump on CNNN. They were in disbelief when they heard him announce that he was going to be running for president on the Republican ticket. Jeb's staff began to laugh loudly, thinking it was the most ridiculous idea that they had ever heard. They weren't alone in thinking that. The media completely wrote the whole thing off as a publicity maneuver, a desperate cry for attention from the diva Donald Frump. The first round of debates were coming up, and it was clear that Frump would never win.

  It was all just a big joke, and the Republicans were laughing along with the media and the rest of the country.

  Chapter 6, The Drunken Truth

  Jeb Tree was at dinner with a number of his advisors and Republican associates. They had rented out one of the finest Cuban restaurants in Florida for the night, and although they were not a large crowd, certainly not what the bustling dining place was used to, they were filling it with enough smoke to choke a horse. Jeb and his friends had been having a contest all night to determine which cigar deserved the title of Florida's best Cuban. As they smoked and sampled the variety of fine cigars, they swilled expensive bourbon. Jeb, who had never been particularly good at handling his liquor in the first place, had become quite intoxicated. Probus was watching him closely, so nervous that his stomach had soured and he had turned a blanched white. He was hoping Jeb would not be stupid enough in his drunken state to reveal any important political secrets.

  For now, though, everything was fine. Jeb and his pals were discussing women, ranking their favorite waitresses and strippers and giving each other tips about which escort service to use when traveling to certain cities. It was all good old boy fun.

  But it couldn't go on forever. Before long, one of Jeb's intoxicated associates had begun doing Frump parodies, riling up the whole group. Probus chewed on his knuckles anxiously trying to steer the conversation in a different direction, but it was to no avail.

  "Oh screw that old washed out mop top Donald Frump!" Jeb exclaimed, "I wouldn't clean my butt crack with his dirty old toupee. He's got nothing on me, fellas. I've got a plan!"

  Probus slapped his face with his palm and groaned. Here it comes. Jeb Tree was about to divulge all their secret plans to a bunch of drunken dudes.

  "I'm going to start World War Three, my men! And it is going to bring me MO
NEY, MONEY, and, what's that you say?" Jeb cupped a hand to his ear as if he couldn't hear.

  All of the drunken louts at the table shouted back, "M-O-N-E-Y!!!!!!"

  Jeb smiled ear to ear. "That's right fellas, we are all going to be swimming in money! You thought the Iraq War was a revenue generator? Wait until you see what I'm going to do! I'm going to blow my brother out of the water."

  High fives were exchanged all around the table and there were hoots and hollars. "Tell us more Jeb!" someone shouted.

  Jeb complied. "You see," he told the men, "we are going to eliminate ALL the terrorism in the Middle East. Yep, that whole area is going to be our personal war zone and we are going to make billions of dollars fighting those pesky terrorists, who always seem to be in hiding and always seem to be one step ahead of us. Once we finally smoke em out of their holes, that is when we will declare victory. And our booty will be all of their oil!" Jeb began laughing like a mad man, and a lot of his Republican croneys couldn't help but join in. All of the men enjoying drink and cigars with Jeb had a lot of money invested in the war machine.

  "What about Penny Carter?" someone ventured to ask. Jeb Tree frowned for a moment, and then he regained his composure and laughed. "Penny Carter?" he said, "what a joke! That old bag can barely stand up, let alone run a country. She has been hiding her poor health from the public for years, but she won't be able to keep it a secret out on the campaign trail. I'm positive, Penny Carter won't beat me! And there is no other competition. Frump is beyond a joke, and all the other Republicans running against me are just going along with the program. It is already determined, I'm going to lead us to victory and to riches beyond any of your wildest dreams."

  Three cheers went up for Jeb Tree. His friends smothered him in hugs and handshakes and congratulations. Probus watched all this with a dark glare on his face, then he took a big swig of his bourbon and closed his eyes.

  Chapter 7, Jerry Pringer

  Back on the island of Skyros in Greece, the boys were just beginning a live satellite meeting with Jerry Pringer, one of America's most beloved (and hated) television talk show hosts. This was their first meeting and they just wanted to get the ball rolling and see what sort of ideas Mr. Pringer had for the campaign. He was a smart guy, and they were going to let him run the show.

  Captain Quick was leading the meeting, and he introduced himself to Mr. Pringer when the connection went through. Jerry was seated in his beautiful mansion in a fancy leather chair, sipping a lightly spiked Arnold Palmer. He was wearing a breezy looking button down shirt and some nice khaki shorts, and the view behind him suggested warm beaches and sunny luxury.

  "What do you have in mind, Mr. Pringer?" Quick asked once he had finished introducing himself and the boys. He was surprised at how laid back and normal Mr. Pringer seemed. Once he was out of the trash circus that was his television show, it seemed like he was actually a pretty decent guy.

  Jerry pushed his glasses up on his nose, and then began divulging his ideas to the boys. "Well, it is simple really," he said matter of factly. "All we have to do is feed Donald some traditional Republican values. But not just typical party values like conservative tax increases and increased military spending. We are going to have him take some major stands on issues and push them to the extreme. Like, all the way."

  The boys nodded, following along.

  "For example," Jerry continued, "immigration. Most Republicans want to restrict immigration, but let's have Donald take it to the extreme. Say what is on everyone's mind. He's going to vocalize all those things that Americans think but would never say out loud, except maybe on my show. The kind of stuff you do not say in polite company and you would not expect a president to say. But Donald is so rich and so powerful, he doesn't give a crap. He will say it. He will say, ‘Screw Mexicans, send them all back to Mexico and build a giant wall and cover it in electrified barbed wire and man it with hundreds of guards with machine guns.' He will say that on national television, and the funniest part is that all the Republicans will act shocked, and all the liberals will be up in arms, but they are all too dumb and racist themselves. We will make a big hoopla in the tabloids about how Frump's wife is an illegal Mexican immigrant! And the dumbasses on both sides will take the bait. How long do you think it will take Penny Carter to realize Mrs. Frump is a European!" Jerry was positively tickled by all of this and was bursting into chortles of laughter. The boys were nodding along, but to be honest they had no idea who Donald Frump's wife was and did not really get the joke.

  "Okay," Captain Quick said, following along, "so we make Frump outrageously un-politically correct, and we let the media go rabid."

  "Uh huh, uh huh," Jerry enthused, "we are going to get a little, well, let's say a little freaky with it." He chuckled. "Send the Mexicans back to Mexico, send the negroes back to Africa, and send all those rag heads back to wherever the hell they came from in the first place. Ban Muslims. And women, oh boy… Frump is really going to let loose on them. But it's going to be all twisted. He isn't just going to call a fat chick and ugly cow, he's going to attack hot women too, calling them pigs and whores and ordering that they all quit their jobs and go around barefoot and pregnant."

  Quick got the idea. "So we put Donald on the road and we keep his big mouth open at all times."

  "Bingo!" Pringer said. "The best part is, he can just talk and talk and talk, and he does not need to show any responsibility for what he says. He can contradict himself in the same sentence and no one is going to care. He can change his agenda day by day. No one will even be able to keep up or remember, all they will focus on is the sound bites. He is going to piss off everyone. One day he is going to announce Sarah Phallen as his running mate. A week later he is going to say she's too stupid for the job and pick someone else. Of course he won't run with a woman in the end, but let's start it off like that. Nice and confusing. He's a woman hater, but he is going to have a woman vice-president. And a younger, hotter VP than Penny Carter. He might even say something like, ‘Once I get elected to office and enact a few major policy changes, I will retire and let her run the country.' So, all those feminist leaning voters who don't like Penny will think they have a shot of a female president voting for Frump. And he is going to parade his hot wife and his hot daughter around and have them spout a lot of democratic, liberal promises that will win over the attractive female democrats, piss off the ugly ones, and make men everywhere drool and pop wood. You know, he might just win this thing!"

  It sounded like a very entertaining plan. Kim Moon, however, had some questions. "Well, Mr. Pringer, my only issue is that with talk like that, there are a lot of people in the United States that really think in that way. This kind of talk could bring out a lot of hate groups in support of Donald Frump and the Republic Party. Things could get violent very easily."

  Jerry brushed this comment off. "What is going to happen, my friend," he replied, "is that Donald is going to win this election and in the end the American people are going to get a good, hard look at themselves. A very, very good look at themselves."

  Kim looked frustrated with this reply, but he let it go.

  "And anyway, we need this to be a show," Jerry continued, talking over any discontent. "I mean, like real fucking entertainment. We need for Donald to have the staff from hell. He needs to have a campaign manager that everyone knows is a crook. His family is worth billions, so they don't care what anyone thinks. They can do all sorts of wild and crazy things. All we have to do is put the pedal to the metal boys. All we have to do is offend everyone in America, and then sit back and watch the show." Jerry leaned back in his chair, looking smug.

  "What can we do to help?" Captain Quick asked.

  "We need some speech writers," Jerry told him. "Donald needs to be on the road all of the time and in front of people. I hear you guys are pretty well connected. We will need some planned demonstrations all over the country."

  Captain Quick told him that this would be no problem.

  Jerry went on
to say, "And we need lots of dirt on the other Republican candidates. Lots."

  Captain Quick told him that it would be no problem for him and the boys.

  "Game on," Jerry Pringer said, smiling. And then he disconnected from the call.

  Chapter 8, Kids in Dayton

  The next day, Jeb Tree was in a meeting with his campaign advisors feeling awfully hung over. His head throbbed. But he knew he had to persevere. Becoming the president was no easy feat, and making money sometimes took effort. The meeting was about the upcoming presidential debate. Jeb needed some fuel to add to his fire, he needed some ammunition to bring to the debate. And that came from fear. So what he really needed was some good fear in the country.

  Probus informed Jeb that he was already on top of it. He had ordered his "people" to have some school children blown up in a park in Dayton, Ohio so that Jeb will have some talking points during the debate. The attack was to be pegged on a Muslim man, who would be arrested as part of the set up. Probus turned on the television and let Jeb watch the results of his handiwork.

  On CNNN breaking news there was a top story, "Muslim man blows up a playground in Dayton, Ohio. Horus claims responsibility for the attack."

  "Good work, Horus my man!" Jeb exclaimed, momentarily forgetting his headache.

  Chapter 9, Getting Ready

  Back at Condo #7, the boys were also in need of some ideas for the debate. "The debate is in two days," Captain Quick informed them, "what do you boys have for Donald? What information do we have about the other candidates? Let's go through the list and see if we have something for each one. Oliver, do we have something for Sarah Phallen?"