Supernatural Dating Agency - The Complete Collection (Books 1-6)

by Andie M. Long

  Pained smiles dragged at their lips. “Great.” My dad said.

  Ebony had left the kitchen to attend to the door. I heard loud voices, then she walked into the room. “I’m just going to finish pouring the sherry. Apparently, it is customary for you to greet the Duke of the Sea yourself and not send one of your servants.” She arched a brow.

  “I’m so sorry, Ebony.” Sighing, I got up and went to the entrance where I re-opened the door.

  “Greetings.” I said, completely over the top, taking the piss out of the whole scenario. ”Please welcome to my own abode Duke Brishon, and Lord Drake.” I curtsied to the elderly portly gentleman at my door, and to his blonde-haired, blue-eyed son who’d let my body know my core wasn’t as asleep after childbirth as I’d first thought.

  “Oh my goodness, dear lady. You don’t curtsy to us. We bow to you.” Brishon dipped in an elegant bow, and his son followed.

  “Please come in. My human adoptive parents are here, as is my human adoptive sister, and my friend who is a Seer. My husband is in bed and we also have a human decorator in. I thought I’d better let you know who everyone is so you can be prepared. Oh also my mother-in-law who’s a ghost sometimes appears.”

  “What a busy household.” Drake laughed. Seriously he even sounded like a Disney Prince. I was waiting for Ariel to call at the door next asking for him back.

  We wandered into the living room and I was about to introduce my guests when I realised one of them was missing. I stuck my head back down the hall to see a ghost standing as solid as ever in front of Drake.

  “Ah, Drake. This is my mother-in-law, Mary. She’s a ghost.” I reminded him.

  Drake scratched at his temple. “But I thought ghosts were wispy things?”

  “She is when she’s burned out her energy.” I turned to her. “Mary. Can you please remember these are our guests?”

  “But his hair is so soft and silky.”

  God help me.

  “Mary. Do you want me to invent a spell that traps you in one of the bedrooms forever more?”

  She stared down at her feet and mumbled something that sounded a lot like ‘spoilsport’. I was going to have to talk to Theo about her behaviour. It was getting worse. We couldn’t have her molesting all the sexy males who came to the house. She needed a date herself and fast.

  “Please, come with me to the living room.” I gestured for Drake to follow me.

  “We’ve tried to introduce ourselves, but the gentleman put his hand up and yelled ‘Silence’.” My dad said, looking like he wanted to punch Brishon square in the jaw.

  I pushed a hand through my hair. Roll on the visits ending so I didn’t have all this drama. Then I rethought my sentence. This was my life now. Someone help me.

  My daughter made a little gurgling noise and everyone fell silent and turned to look at her. She was such a charmer.

  “Okay, introductions.” I announced everyone and then Brishon walked over to the crib.

  “What a beautiful baby. Now, Shelley, we have business matters to attend to. If I may speak freely?” He gestured to the rest of the people.

  “Of course.”

  “We should have held your coronation by now, but seeing as you have now given birth to your daughter who will be the true ruler of Withernsea, I thought we might conduct a smaller ceremony here among those assembled, rather than inconvenience a busy new mother. It’s a simple ceremony.”

  “Okay. Sounds good. So what do we need to do?” Anything that saved me having to spend a day in the sea faffing around with a ‘coronation’ and the pomp and ceremony I’d expect from Brishon after his entrance here, was welcomed.

  “Could we stand outside?”

  “Ah, for a bit of grandeur. Of course. We have a lovely garden with an arbour.”

  Everyone trailed outside although it was bloody freezing with it being the 12th of February. Oh shit! It was almost Valentine’s Day! How come Samara, one of the bloody Cupids of the world, hadn’t thought to mention this when she visited? Probably because she liked to pretend it wasn’t her job, and it was now mine, the lazy sod! Oh God, I needed to phone Kim. I bet we’d had an influx of applications to the agency. People became increasingly desperate on Valentines. I shook my head. Focus on the here and now, Shelley. I really needed to do a course on Mindfulness, so I could not look at all the chaos around me and instead focus on what was around me at that particular moment. In this case my coronation.

  “I just need a few things from my car. Myself and Drake will be back shortly.”

  While they were gone, I tapped my mobile phone until my biological dad’s number appeared.

  “Hello, love. Is everything okay?”

  “Yes, but Dad, I have Brishon and Drake here and they want to perform my coronation right now. Are they trustworthy? Is there anything I need to watch out for?”

  “Just make sure you have your usual protection spells in place and you’ll be fine. Brishon’s a good guy. Full of his own importance but decent all the same, and his son is lovely.”

  “Thanks, Dad.”

  “I thought I’d be there to witness the ceremony; be able to wear my jewelled suit.” Oh good lord, now my dad was giving me grief.

  “Yeah well you got a granddaughter instead so the pay-off is her, instead of a big ceremony. I tell you what, if I get her christened you can wear your suit then.”

  I hung up because Brishon and Drake were walking back over carrying a large trunk between them. They set it down on the ground and opened it up.

  Inside was a crown. If I thought it would be festooned with the jewels of the sea, I was wrong. It was made of a rusted metal and dripped with seaweed.

  “If everyone could gather around.” Brishon gestured with his hands.

  My mum kept hold of Charlie while I stood in front of Brishon. “Please kneel.”

  I lowered myself to the floor, the cold and damp soaking into my jogging bottoms.

  “In front of these witnesses here present, I bestow upon Shelley Landry the rule of Wyvern Sea. I grant her access to the waters, and safe passage to her and anyone she may choose to travel alongside her to visit us in the future. All of the sea bows to thee, our new Queen. Do you accept the position? If so, please state now before our assembled guests.”

  “I accept the position of Queen of Wyvern Sea.”

  “Drake. If you could please place the crown on our Queen.”

  The rusting, dripping heap was placed on my head, seaweed going in my eye. I very demurely moved it to one side.

  “If everyone present could stand in for the people of the seas and please kneel before our Queen and pledge their allegiance.” He pulled me up to standing.

  One by one my family and friends had to lower themselves before me as Brishon bossed them into saying they pledged their allegiance. My mother and father said it so quickly and at the same time that I could barely make out the words. I could see that it would be a long while before they visited again, no matter how cute Charlie was. From now on I was getting invited to theirs, it was written all over their faces. I couldn’t blame them. They’d adopted a child and got far more than they’d bargained for. Polly meanwhile was chatting with Drake; they were talking about swimming strokes. Polly had done her lifeguard training and helped run swimming lessons at a local pool. At least one of my human family was embracing the crazy. I’m sure it had nothing to do with him looking like a Disney Prince. I stared at them both. Polly looked like a Disney Princess. If only she could live underwater they’d have been perfect together. Jesus, I was still matchmaking, even now.

  “Okay, one final thing. This is for you.” Brishon lifted out a golden coloured box that was intricately painted with pictures of fish. Each one had jewels for eyes. Oooh, a present. Now we were talking. The box was about the size of two shoeboxes. God was it filled with jewellery? I was so excited to find out.

  “If you could lower yourself towards me, I will do the rest. It shall be my honour.” Added Brishon. He was so pulling out a proper c
rown and a necklace, and maybe a jeweled staff that folded up to fit in the box. I lowered my head and Brishon opened the box, lifting it and hurtling the contents towards me with force before I had a chance to see and escape. Fish, starfish, shells, seaweed, and dirty sea water coated me from head to foot. I rubbed my eyes.

  “And that concludes the ceremony. Let us applaud Queen Shelley of Wyvern Sea.”

  Everyone slow-clapped while trying not to laugh, I could see it in their eyes; except for Brishon and Drake who applauded with enthusiasm.

  I could only thank God that Kim wasn’t here because there would have been some quip about the Duke having made me wet.

  Walking back to the house Brishon took my arm. “I would like to make a proposal to you, my Queen, if I may?”

  Ah, here it came. The very thing Ebony had told me I must turn down.

  “Yes, Duke Brishon?”

  “I wonder if I may put forward my son Lord Drake as the future intended of Charlene Landry?”

  Drake began to choke on his own saliva. “Dad! She’s a baby.”

  “Thank you so much for your kind offer.” I said to Brishon. “But Charlene will choose her own suitor when she is of age, by which time I am sure such a wonderful son as yours will have been snapped up by an equally wonderful woman.”

  “Humph. It’s quite rude to so overtly turn down your Duke you know?” I swear the man pouted.

  “I am not turning you down. Merely saying Charlene will choose. If your son remains single or you have a grandson in the next year or so, who knows what will happen. But I will not set up my daughter. That is one thing as Queen I will not change my mind on.”

  “Very well. Drake? It’s time for us to leave now. Our business is concluded.”

  Drake looked at Polly, and Polly looked at Drake.

  Brishon was wrong. I didn’t think business was concluded at all.

  I looked across at Ebony who was also watching the two of them. She gave me an enigmatic smile, and I knew there was a possibility Drake would become family after all.

  Chapter Eight

  Shelley

  I rose early and hit the shower. All night I’d been thinking of Valentines and the Dating Agency. I was taking Charlie out. We were off to Jax’s and I was calling a business meeting to discuss the days ahead. A quick call to Jax and she agreed to assemble the Female Entrepreneurs do it with their colleagues gang.

  I caught up with Ebony in the kitchen who looked her usual well maintained gorgeous self. I’d tied my hair up in a ponytail, put a muslin cloth over my shoulder and was dressed in my fave jeans and slouchy t-shirt.

  “Ebony, we’re off out to Jax’s to talk biz. I can’t stay in this house a moment longer.”

  She looked me up and down. “Okay. Pass Charlene to me while you go to get ready.”

  “I am ready.”

  “Yes, I knew you were going to say that. Absolutely not. No way.” She held up a hand. “Stay there.”

  I fixed myself some toast and drank an O-neg while her footsteps padded up and down the stairs. I heard Henry moan that she was in his way and her tell him she was going out so he could have the place to himself to hopefully finish so he could get out of the house forever. If this carried on, I was going to have to call a house meeting as I didn’t want either of them leaving their current roles.

  She stomped back downstairs and returned to the kitchen with clothes draped over her arm.

  “I know your figure is exactly as it was before due to the turning, so you can get these snug fitting designer jeans on, along with this blouse. She held up a pink cotton blouse covered in a blue and white butterfly design. Then I’m going to straighten your hair, put some make-up on you, and you are going to revel in all your yummy mummyness in the coffee shop. You are the leader of Withernsea, not one of the winos who hangs around the sea front when the sun goes down.”

  “Why do I have to get dressed up?”

  She pointed to Charlie who I’d dressed in a pretty dress with, damn, flowers and butterflies on it, plus frilly socks. “Same reason you’ve dressed Charlene up beautifully.”

  “I hate you.” I said taking the clothes from her arm and passing her Charlie.

  Of course, as usual Ebony had a total amazing eye, and I emerged back downstairs looking and feeling fabulous in the clothes. The denim and the cotton were so soft against my skin and the blouse draped enough that you couldn’t see my nursing bra underneath. I put on a decent pair of flat shoes and then let Ebony do my hair and make-up. She was in her element and when she’d finished, I almost didn’t recognise myself.

  “There’s no need to let yourself go, just because you’ve got a husband.”

  “And it’s that snobby attitude which means you don’t have one.” Henry came through the door and flicked on the kettle after checking there was enough water in it. “You’re all presentable and yet no one goes near you. Maybe you should give that some thought before you dish your advice to other people?”

  Ebony swallowed and her eyes went glassy. Henry had hit a nerve. She quickly left the room. I turned to him.

  “We’re having a house meeting later to get to the bottom of this. You were way out of line there and you upset my friend.” He began to speak, and I held up a hand. “I know she says insulting things to you too, and if you want to both carry on like that outside my house, do your worst, but inside my house while you’re being paid to work, you will be respectful to the people here. I will be speaking to Ebony this morning too.”

  He looked at the floor and scuffed one trainer against another. “You’re right. I’m sorry, Shelley. There’s just something about her rubs me up the wrong way.”

  “Well we need to get you two rubbing up together the right way.”

  His eyes went wide, and I realised what I’d said.

  “Oh is that the time? I need to be at Jax’s. Excuse me, Henry.” I dashed from the room before I said anything else embarrassing.

  After spending ten minutes working out getting Charlie in her car seat into the taxi, we were on our way. Ebony had gone quiet.

  “Ignore what Henry said. He’s just being a dick because of you getting at him. I told him he went too far.”

  “He was right though. I’m telling you what to look like and you’re happily married with a baby. I never let my manicure chip and I have no-one. It only hurt because it was the truth.”

  “Well I told him that we’re having a house meeting to clear the air. He can apologise.”

  “He has nothing to apologise for. This time.”

  “Well, you’ve seen your wedding anyway in visions, so what does Henry know, eh?” I tried to jolly things up a bit because I’d been so excited to get out of the house and now it was like I was in a funeral cortege.

  “Well, Kim said that I only actually saw myself at the wedding and indeed in my second vision I was asking where my groom was, so like she said, I could get jilted at the altar.”

  I was going to kill Kim when I saw her.

  “I joined the dating agency yesterday. Figured it wouldn’t hurt to go on some dates. It’s been a while. Kim said I should focus on the right now and if it happened, it happened.”

  Okay, you managed to rescue yourself Mrs Wild.

  As I got out of the taxi, I noticed in the wing mirror that a black car had pulled up a little way down the road. Since having Charlie I’d become more paranoid.

  “Ebony, have you had any visions of danger regarding me and Charlie?”

  She shook her head. “I’d have told you.”

  “Do me a favour. Get back in the taxi.”

  She gave me a weird look but did as asked and I made the taxi set off around the local roads. Sure enough the car started again and followed a way behind.

  “We’re being tailed.” I asked the taxi driver to pull into the Aldi car park. “You take care of Charlie while I go deal.” I told Ebs. The taxi driver didn’t bat an eyelid. He was a friend of Lucy’s and from Angel cabs.

  “Okay.”

&nb
sp; I parked at the top of the car park and watched as the black car pulled into a space at the opposite end. I muttered an invisibility spell and teleported to the side of the suspect vehicle. Becoming visible again, I made all the doors open, and I sent blue webs out to wrap around anyone in the vehicle.

  “Shelley, it’s me. Fuck, get these things off me, they tickle.”

  “Rav, what are you doing following me?” I dropped my webs and looked at Theo’s friend who was wearing a guilty expression.

  “You’re going to be mad, so it’s better I don’t tell you.”

  “With one spell I can make you tell me, Rav, so c’mon… spill.”

  “I’m earning a little extra money from Theo. He hired me to be your bodyguard. With me being a demon he thought I could help if you needed someone while he was asleep.”

  “He did what? I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”

  “I know. I know. And I told him that, but he wants to feel he’s protecting you. You’re so powerful now, Shelley, and the baby will be too. I think it’s threatening his manhood. You need to let him feel you need him. He feels powerless, especially while he has to be asleep all day whereas you are getting to swan around as usual even though you are part vampire.”

  “Swan around?” My eyes narrowed.

  “I just meant you can go out and he cannot. Just let me do my job and then he can feel better and I can afford to move out of my mother’s house. She keeps going on about how I should be married by now and raising little hellions all over the place. I need some space.”

  I sighed. “You follow at a distance and don’t get in my way. Okay?”

  “Yes, yes, absolutely fine. Thank you, Shelley.”

  I walked back to the taxi shaking my head and then returned to the coffee shop. I was going to consume a bucket full of the stuff.

  “A bodyguard. Pahahahahaha.” Kim giggled.

  “Rav will be a great bodyguard. He does a grand job in Hell.” Lucy added.

  “The sooner the bed-and-breakfast opens the better, then Theo will have something to occupy his time and he can leave me alone.”