Through Your Eyes

by Ali Merci

  “Tell me.”

  “I’ve had a great time so far but can I ask you for something now?”

  “Anything.” He traced the apple of her cheek with his thumb, registering for the first time the velvety texture her skin was blessed with.

  “Take me away from here,” she breathed, gazing up at him with a burning intensity in her eyes. “I just want to spend the rest of tonight with you before I need to go home.”

  Asa leaned down and pressed his forehead to hers. “I thought you’d never ask,” he mumbled, releasing a relieved breath. “Come on. I want to get out of this place, too.”

  •••

  “So,” Asa exhaled loudly, once the two of them stepped out of the house and the cold November air rushed at their faces in full force. “Where do you want to go?”

  Carmen rubbed her hands over her face, running her fingers down her hair and shaking it, causing the dark strands to fall around her in gentle waves. “Honestly? Anywhere,” she told him, lifting one corner of her mouth into a slanting smile. “I just want to spend the time with you.”

  Asa’s breath hitched, and he prayed it didn’t show in his expression how much her words impacted him. “You keep saying things like that to me, and I’m going to lose my mind.”

  “Sanity is overrated, anyway.” She shrugged, biting down on a smile.

  God, he didn’t want this night to end. Asa didn’t think he could ever get enough of Carmen when she was like this.

  “All right, smartass.” He rolled his eyes. “But I’m coming up empty here too. I’ve got no idea what to do.”

  “Let’s just go for a walk then.”

  Asa shook his head in disbelief. “You always find a way to come back to that, don’t you?” Despite his words though, he began walking across the front lawn of the house they’d just left, beckoning Carmen to follow. “You and your walks.”

  “Fresh air,” she told him as she fell into step beside him. “I hear it’s healthy.”

  “Really?” His voice dripped with sarcasm. “I never knew.”

  “Which is precisely why I just told you.”

  Asa huffed, shooting her an unimpressed look from the corner of his eyes. “Always got to have the last word, don’t you?”

  “Don’t blame me for being able to pull one over on you.”

  “Please.” Asa scoffed, the mischief seeping back into his tone. “There are other ways I can shut you up, and they don’t involve words at all.”

  That seemed to shut Carmen up, and Asa couldn’t help but shake with silent laughter as they walked down the quiet streets, the pale glow of the lampposts casting soft shadows on their skins.

  “Asa? How are we going back?”

  “Dad dropped me off on his way out somewhere, but my place is still pretty close by,” he replied, rubbing his palms together for warmth. “We can get my truck from there and I’ll drop you home.”

  “All right,” she hummed, and stepped closer to him, their arms brushing together deliberately, but neither of them feeling uncomfortable about it.

  They walked further down the streets, and even though Asa knew Carmen wasn’t familiar with these surroundings the way he was because she lived on the other side of town, he also knew she trusted him to walk her through this neighbourhood.

  That meant a lot to him more than he could ever say. He didn’t know why it mattered exactly, but it was the little things when Carmen trusted him that always warmed his insides.

  “Hey, what’s that?” Carmen asked after some time, pointing towards an area in the distance where tiny glowing lights were visible.

  “A park?”

  Carmen shot Asa a flat look, making him raise his hands in surrender. “I know that’s a park, Asa,” she said. “I meant why are there fairy lights strung along the branches?”

  “They normally do that around here,” Asa told her. “The lights go up around the time school holidays for Thanksgiving starts, and they remain there ’till the New Year.”

  “Do you like parks, Asa?”

  “Not really? I mean, I’m not a nature person.”

  “Well, pretend to like them for tonight because we’re going in,” she said, grinning.

  Asa laughed and nudged her shoulder with his. “I don’t have to pretend, Carmen. I may not be a nature person, but I’m definitely your person which means I’m going to love every moment I get with you, okay?”

  He saw her lips twitch before they curved upwards into a soft smile, and she turned her face to meet his eyes. “Okay, Asa,” she murmured.

  They entered the gates of the park, heading down the winding cobblestone path that began right at the entrance itself.

  Asa let his eyes sweep over the thick branches, well-maintained grass, and the soft yellow fairy lights that were wrapped around alternative branches, providing an almost celestial-like vibe to the place.

  As they kept moving forward, he felt Carmen’s palm brush against his gently before she laced her fingers through his, and giving his hand a light squeeze. Asa felt her tug at his hand, motioning him to sit down with her as she lowered herself onto the grass.

  “That’s the third time you’ve done it tonight, you know,” he told her softly, holding onto her hand tighter as he crossed his legs on the ground.

  Carmen’s confused gaze landed on him. “Done what?”

  “Made the first move,” he mumbled, feeling kind of embarrassed that he was paying attention to the miniscule details. When Carmen continued to stare at him in perplexity, he sighed and scratched the back of his neck with his free hand. “At the party, just before we left it, you hugged me. And then when we were walking down the streets, you stepped closer to me and now, this.” He lifted their joined hands, warmth flooding his cheeks. “You initiated the handholding.”

  “Um...” Carmen looked conflicted. “Are you saying you don’t like it? Because I thought—”

  Asa shook his head, stopping her from saying anything else. “I love it when you make the first move,” he explained, smiling contently at her. “It’s just that it’s usually me initiating the physical gestures, whether it’s hugging you, or kissing your palm, or touching your face. And this is nice. You making the first move is nice.”

  She continued to stare at him, but this time, no traces of her previous confusion was evident. Her expression was almost tender, a myriad of emotions flickering in those thundercloud eyes of hers. Her ivory skin was now dusted with a golden glow due to the fairy lights strung all around them and it made Asa rethink this world’s definition of beautiful.

  “Asa,” Carmen finally said, her tone cautious and slow. “Do you remember what I told you at school?”

  Asa’s heart was pounding in his chest. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. It was so loud, almost deafening, that he didn’t understand how the rest of this city couldn’t hear it.

  “Yes.” He let the word out of his mouth in an exhale. “I do.”

  “Good,” Carmen whispered, the conflict in her eyes slowly fading away as she looked into his eyes like she was peeking at his soul instead. “Because I want you to tell me you love me now.”

  “One of these days you’re going to tell me you love me again.”

  “And I’m going to say it back.”

  Her words floated through Asa’s head, causing his stomach to coil into an unbearably tight knot. He shifted his position on the grass so that he was leaning his back against one of the tree trunks, Carmen sitting just a few inches away, the sole object of his sight and attention. “All right, Carmen,” he smiled, his voice as gentle as the rustle of the tree leaves.

  And then, he reached forward and circled an arm around her waist, hoisting her up without any warning and dragging her on to the top of his lap so that she was sitting sideways on his legs.

  A gasp left her unsuspecting mouth and her eyes widened just the slightest bit as she clutched his arm for support to steady herself.

  “Asa! What—”

  “I love you,” he said roughly, his calloused thumb
grazing the curve of her bottom lip. “I told you so the first time in the art room, then that time in my car, and I’ll keep saying it for as long as you let me.” His eyes kept looking between her eyes, at her lips, memorising every inch of her face like he wasn’t ever going to see her again. “God, I love you.”

  “Every time you say it, I need to catch my breath.” Carmen laughed weakly, but Asa could hear her breath faltering and then quickening as she leaned into him.

  She brought up her hand to his face, dragging her fingers down his cheek and along his jawline, and Asa wondered if she was pouring the galaxies that ran through her veins into his skin with every single touch.

  “I love you too, you know,” she breathed, her voice trembling as the words came tumbling out her mouth and floated to Asa’s ears. “I don’t know exactly when I fell in love with you, but I only remember that I did. And I’m here, Asa. I’m here—with you—and I’m telling you that my heart is yours for the taking.”

  For a while, Asa couldn’t really say anything. There was no way he could formulate the jumbled mess of emotions crashing through him into words, be it in English or Spanish.

  “You do that. And I’m going to kiss you ’till you forget how to breathe.”

  “And you...” He trailed off, clearing his throat as he clung to what was left of his voice. “You remember what I also told you?”

  Carmen nodded slowly, her grip on Asa’s collar tightening.

  His voice dropped a few octaves, turning raw and husky in a matter of seconds. “Turn around.” He tugged at one of her legs, and she obliged, turning fully on his lap to face him until both her legs were on either side of him and her chest was just a breath away from his.

  His arms found her waist again, and he couldn’t help but fall in love with the way his palms fitted so perfectly around the curve of her hips. He pulled her forward until she was completely pressed against him, and then leaned forward. “I’m going to kiss you now,” he said.

  He felt one of her arms go around his neck and the other grab a fistful of the front of his button-down. “I want you to,” she told him, her breath fanning across his face.

  Now that he’d got permission, there was nothing holding him back.

  Asa closed that gap between them, angling his face as he inched closer, and brushed his lips against hers in the faintest of kisses. He pulled away the tiniest bit, before leaning in again and repeating the gesture, his lips caressing hers in a barely-there manner.

  “Asa,” Carmen muttered, breathing heavily. “Stop treating me like a porcelain doll, and kiss me right.”

  A laugh was making its way up Asa’s throat, but it never spilled out of his mouth. He tightened his hold on her body and then crashed his lips against hers in a full, all-consuming kiss.

  He was kissing her for the first time and so was she, but to anyone watching, they might as well have been kissing each other for the last time. Their hold on each other was ironclad, almost like they were afraid that if they loosened their grip, something was going to pull them apart.

  “Te amo,” Asa gasped as he pulled away to catch his breath. “Te amo, te amo, te amo.” The words kept tumbling past his lips without control, as he peppered kisses all over her face, from the skin between her brows to the bridge of her nose to the corner of her mouth.

  Carmen smiled, her eyes shining as she pressed her forehead against his, her chest heaving as hard as his. “I love you too,” she sighed against his lips.

  Asa might be the embodiment of the sun in Carmen’s eyes because of all the warmth he brought her, and Asa might compare Carmen’s presence to that of the moon for all the times she’d been a beacon of light for him in the dark.

  Bur right then, right there, in a heart-stopping moment that’d become one of their many infinites—as their bodies melted into one another’s, and their lips found their way home to each other—they might as well have created an eclipse of their own.

  47.

  Binary Pairs

  The funny thing about kissing Asa was that while the act of kissing someone was meant to make you short of breath, the intimacy of the moment reminded Carmen this was the same person who reminded her to live.

  The same person whose name on her tongue was enough to fill her lungs with air and allowed her to just breathe.

  Breathe because the storm didn’t last forever, the nightmares would be gone by the time the night had passed and the sun had risen. And Asa. Oh, Asa was proof that morning came and always would.

  And Carmen loved him for it—with her heart and soul.

  Asa’s hands seemed to be glued to her waist, as if that had become the favourite resting place of his palms now. But Carmen wasn’t complaining; she was used to being regarded as some fragile piece of ceramic because her gentle heart was seen as a form of innocence and gullibility. But the way Asa’s fingers dug into her hips through the material of her turtleneck, the way his lips kept claiming hers in rough, hard kisses, told her that he didn’t think of her as fragile or weak.

  It was exhilarating, knowing that Asa was a perfect gentleman during school, but was purely driven by passion alone when it came to this. And knowing that it was her who was bringing out this more unrestrained, raw side of him made her nerves buzz with an electric charge that brought every single atom of her being to life with even the faintest touch from this boy with coffee eyes and golden skin.

  “You were right,” Carmen breathed out when they pulled apart again after losing all sense of time somewhere between kisses.

  “About?” His chest heaved against hers, and Carmen could feel his heart thumping along with her own.

  “Gentle being overrated.” She chuckled under her breath, letting her eyelids flutter shut and just enjoying being in his arms.

  “Mm-hmm.” He was obviously distracted, his fingers busy entangling her hair and pulling her head back and her collar down as he dragged his mouth down her throat. “God, I should’ve done this ages ago,” he groaned into her neck. “Should’ve just kissed you senseless in the parking lot that day.”

  Carmen tried to find her voice, to force her brain to form words and coherent sentences amidst the explosions in her head. “Don’t be silly,” she said and gasped as he tugged at her hair harder and placed open-mouthed kisses at the base of her throat. “We couldn’t have ever done this at school.”

  Asa snapped his head back, pulling away from Carmen and staring at her with a wounded look on his face.

  “What are you talking about?” he asked, eyes wide and lips swollen, causing Carmen’s gut to clench painfully. “I want to be able to kiss you any time I want.”

  She raised her brow, not hiding the obvious amusement on her face. “And you can,” she told him. “But we’re not going to have intense make out sessions in front of people.”

  “So I do still get to kiss you then?”

  Carmen shrugged, suppressing the smile tugging at her lips. “Sure. You know, those quick pecks on the mouth. A chaste brush of the lips. We can totally do that.”

  Asa’s jaw dropped open, shooting her an incredulous look as if someone had just told him the Earth was flat. “There’s only one way I know to kiss my girl.” His eyes dropped to her lips for emphasis before he dragged them back up to meet her eyes, “And it’s anything but chaste.”

  “And what way is that?” she murmured, drawing lazy patterns on his left cheekbone with her index finger.

  “The knee-buckling, make-your-world-spin kind of way.” He grinned wickedly. “The only way I’m going to kiss you is by pretending each time is the last time I’ll ever get to do so.”

  Carmen shook her head with a ghost of a smile, feeling her hair swish against her back as she did so, before she sighed in contentment and tucked her head under his chin. She smiled to herself and relished the feeling of melting into his body, the way her small frame fit cosily against his broad one. As if nothing could get to her past him.

  They sat there for a while, no words being exchanged. The only sound tha
t filled the air around them was each other’s breathing, which was no longer ragged and heavy, but slowly calming down and regaining its natural rhythm.

  Carmen’s eyes flickered upwards, finding a gap between the thick branches and leaves that allowed her to catch a glimpse of the dark sky stretching out endlessly above her and Asa. There weren’t as many stars as she’d have liked to see, but they were enough to make the sky look like someone had strung fairy lights on it.

  “Do you know about binary pairs?” she asked softly, listening to the sound of his steady breathing.

  She felt his hand shift and start stroking her hair, running his fingers from the roots right down to the tips. “As in, the one to do with computers?” he asked, and she could hear the confusion in his voice. “The ones and zeros?”

  Laughter fell past her lips, light and breezy. “No.” She traced her finger along his collarbone, hearing his breath hitch at the contact. “I mean the stars.”

  She felt Asa shake his head as his chin moved against her temple due to the gesture. “I haven’t.” He pressed his lips to the top of her head. “But I’d like to hear about them from you.”

  Carmen snuggled further into his chest, shifting her gaze back to the tiny bit of sky she could see. “So the stars have a system, and the binary pairing is a pretty common one where only two stars belong in one system.”

  “System?”

  She nodded against his chest. “Yeah,” she murmured. “They orbit around the same centre. In their own little world, belonging only to their system.”

  “That seems nice,” Asa commented. He stopped his kneading of her hair and started massaging the back of her head.

  “It is,” she said. “There’s the primary star which shines the brightest. And the secondary star which is the dimmer one. You wouldn’t be able to tell by just looking at the sky from here, though. Any of those stars above could actually be a binary pair, instead of a single star. When we look at them from here, it appears as one star because the primary star’s brightness allows the secondary one to seem just as bright to our eyes. Kind of like it’s lending its light to the dimmer one.” She tore her gaze away from the sky, looking down at the grass, her smile fading.