Unkown Forces

by Samantha Hicks

  “That’s ridiculous, you know that, don’t you?” Riley avoided looking at her, so Jennifer went to her instead. She turned her on her stool and stood between her spread legs, then cupped her cheeks. “Let me make this clear so you understand.” She tilted her head and softly pressed her lips to Riley’s, pleased when she didn’t pull away. “You, Riley Blake, are the only person I would ever want to be with.” She kissed her again, harder, trying to put all the love she felt into that one action. “Mike is Emily’s father, but that’s it. You are the one I want.”

  Riley surged forward, grasping her waist and pulling her closer, kissing her ferociously. Jennifer responded, and for a few long moments nothing stood between them.

  “God, Jenny. I’m so in love with you.”

  The words hit Jennifer hard. She hadn’t expected her to say that, and it certainly wasn’t where this conversation was supposed to go. She pulled back from Riley, brushing her hand down her cheek. “My sweet Riley. How can you be so brave?”

  “You make me that way.”

  Her face was open and her adoration for Jennifer shone in her eyes. If only Jennifer had the same strength Riley possessed. She kissed her again, gently this time, then moved out of reach. What she was about to say would quite simply crush Riley. “What I said before still stands. I can’t be with you.” She expected tears, anger, something, but Riley just sat there smiling. “Did you hear what I said?”

  “Yes. And I don’t care.”

  “What?”

  “I don’t care. I’m not going anywhere, so you can keep deluding yourself if you want, but I know you love me too and eventually, you’ll come around.” She picked up her fork and began eating in earnest.

  Jennifer had no argument for that. Just a moment ago she had basically admitted to loving Riley. But that didn’t change the fact she had a new baby to look after, and her job. Riley would get tired of waiting for her and eventually move on.

  Jennifer settled next to her at the breakfast bar and they ate in silence for a few minutes until the front door opened and a bleary-eyed Izzy stumbled through to the kitchen.

  “I need coffee. And a gun.”

  “Late night, was it?” Jennifer teased.

  “Urgh. I forgot how much Marcy likes to party.” She poured herself a cup of coffee and sat at the table, where she rested her head on the cool surface. “I’m sorry I didn’t come home, but we got carried away.”

  “That’s okay. You’re old enough and ugly enough to look after yourself.”

  “If I didn’t have a sledgehammer banging through my brain right now, I’d get up and whup your ass.”

  Chapter Twenty-nine

  Three days later Jennifer stood by the front door with Izzy. Izzy was flying back to Australia today, and Jennifer worried she might not be able to cope with Emily on her own. She glanced over her shoulder at Riley, who sat at the kitchen table sipping her coffee. They hadn’t spoken in the last few days, and Jennifer was pleased about that. She needed time to get her head around Riley’s admission of being in love with her. Of course, she had known Riley was, she saw that love every time Riley looked at her, but sometimes love wasn’t enough. Jennifer had told her the truth: she did have a lot going on right now, and trying to fit a relationship into it all was too much. And if she were honest, she feared her own feelings. Riley wasn’t a person she could do casual with, and anything else wouldn’t be enough for either of them. Jennifer loved her too much to lead her on.

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to stay longer? I can phone Jeff. He won’t mind,” Izzy said as she put her jacket on.

  “No, it’s fine. You’ve done plenty. And besides, I’m sure my cousins are missing their mother.”

  “Well, call me if you need anything. And make sure you send me lots of pictures of Emily. I’m going to miss her.”

  “I will.” Jennifer stepped closer and hugged her tight. She was going to miss having Izzy around. She had forgotten how much fun her aunt could be, and it was great having an extra pair of hands for nappy duty. Her stomach rolled as panic coursed through her. What if I can’t do it on my own? She was being crazy. Of course, she could do it. She’d done it with Kelsey when Jennifer was still a kid herself. It would be hard, but she could manage.

  “Good luck with everything. You’re going to be a great mum.”

  “Have a safe flight. Let me know when you land.”

  “Riley, it was good to see you again. Take care of my family.”

  “I promise,” Riley called from the kitchen.

  After one more hug, Izzy hefted her suitcase, pulled the door open, and stepped through. Jennifer watched her walk to the waiting taxi, then closed the door. She went to the kitchen and poured herself another coffee from the carafe.

  “So,” she said into the silence that now surrounded them. Riley stared at her, and Jennifer’s body flushed with heat. Riley always had the ability to turn her on without even trying. Keeping her promise to stay away from Riley was going to be difficult, and right now she wasn’t sure she still wanted to.

  Riley finally looked away. “What are your plans for the day?”

  “I’m going to pop in to the office and show off Emily. I’m hoping to convince my boss not to fire me.”

  “He wouldn’t, would he? You’ve got a new baby. Surely they can class it as maternity leave?”

  “I hope so. Since Kelsey got sick, I’ve done a good job working from home, but my boss isn’t going to want to keep me out of the office indefinitely. It’s not fair to him or the company.” She picked up Emily from her basinet and kissed her cheek, inhaling the smell of talcum powder. She didn’t want to think what would happen if her boss decided to let her go.

  “What about part-time?”

  “It won’t pay enough to keep a roof over my head. Even with Kelsey and I working full-time, we struggled day to day to pay the bills. This house is just too big for me to cope with.” She handed Emily to Riley and set about making her a bottle. “I’ve been looking on the Internet at the price of flats.”

  “You can’t be serious?” The fierce look in Riley’s eyes shocked Jennifer. “Jenny, this house has been your home for over thirty years. You can’t just give that up.”

  “I might not have a choice.” Her parents bought the three-bedroom house when they got married, and only Izzy’s help had allowed her to keep it. It was her last link to her family, and the thought of selling broke her heart. There was no point in sulking about it, though. “I have already decided to stop studying, as I just won’t have the time to work, study, and look after Emily.”

  “You can’t give up your dream,” Riley said as she handed Emily back to Jennifer so she could feed her. “You already did that once to raise Kelsey. You can’t give up again.”

  “Thank you for your concern, but I don’t have a choice. Emily has to come first.” She went into the lounge and sat in the armchair, where she settled Emily against her and placed the bottle in her tiny mouth.

  “Is there anything I can do to help?” Riley asked as she sat on the sofa.

  “No, I don’t think so.”

  “What if I look after Emily on the evenings so you can study? I can even take care of her during some of the days so you could work. I can employ someone to work at the garage. It wouldn’t be a problem.”

  She sounded so desperate to help, but the thought of relying on anyone didn’t feel right to Jennifer, especially not Riley. She needed to prove to herself that she could do this on her own. “No, I’ll be fine.”

  “Why won’t you let me help you?”

  “I do not need anyone’s help,” she snapped. She briefly closed her eyes, tamping down her anger. Why can’t she just let this go? “We’ll be okay.”

  “Kelsey would let me.”

  “Well she isn’t here, is she? I don’t need you playing the knight in shining armour.”

  “I’m not trying to do that. Kelsey wanted me to help you. I want to help you.”

  “No. Just drop it.”


  “I can’t believe you’re being so stubborn about this.”

  She couldn’t hold her anger back any longer. If she had to spell it out for Riley, she would. Looking her directly in the eye, she said, “And what happens to Emily and me when you decide to move on? When you finally get tired of waiting around for me to change my mind? I can’t depend on you being here, and use you, because when you leave I’ll be stuck in the same situation I’m in now. I might as well do it on my own from the beginning.”

  Riley stood and went to her. She gently touched Emily’s head as she suckled the bottle, and with her other hand she cupped Jennifer’s cheek. “I keep telling you, I’m not going anywhere.”

  Jennifer desperately wanted to believe her, to cling to her and never let go. But it wouldn’t be fair, to any of them. “Well, you’ll have to, because I don’t want you here.”

  Riley’s gaze was intense as she focused on Jennifer. “Say what you want, I know how you feel about me and I won’t let you push me away.” She stood and gathered her things, then left by the back door.

  Jennifer finished feeding Emily and changed her nappy. As she set about packing everything she would need for the day, she thought over Riley’s last words. She had looked so fierce as she tried to convince Jennifer of her intentions that Jennifer had almost dropped her guard. It would have been so easy to lean forward and kiss her, to accept the love Riley wanted to give, and right now, with her heart pounding her rib cage and her face flushed with arousal, Jennifer wasn’t sure why she hadn’t.

  †

  Riley knocked on the back door before walking into Jennifer’s home. She hadn’t seen her for a few days, and the anticipation of the rush she got when Jennifer looked at her made her stomach flip-flop. Jennifer was at the breakfast bar with what looked like a mountain of paperwork surrounding her.

  “Hi, Jenny.”

  Jennifer’s eyes were wary as she looked at her, but the rush of adrenalin still happened.

  “What are you doing here, Riley?”

  “I need to talk to you. It’s important.”

  “Come on in, then.”

  Riley’s scanned the kitchen. “Where’s Emily?”

  “She’s upstairs napping. She had a restless night, but I finally got her settled down.”

  Riley sat on a stool next to Jennifer and looked at the paperwork on the countertop. Lots and lots of bills, most of them final demands. Kelsey and Jennifer had struggled over the years, but Riley had had no idea their situation was this bad. Looking at this solidified the choices she had made recently; she hoped Jennifer wouldn’t be mad. “I sold my dad’s house last week. I got more than I was expecting.”

  Jennifer’s brows drew down. “I didn’t know you had decided to sell it.”

  “You’ve had a lot going on and I didn’t want to add to your problems. I’m happy with the place I have, and now I know what my dad was like, and what he did, I don’t want to keep it.” She reached in to her back pocket and pulled out a piece of folded paper. Now or never. “This is the account details for a trust fund I have set up in Emily’s name.” Jennifer opened her mouth to speak, but Riley cut her off. “Before you say anything, just listen.” When she was certain Jennifer would remain silent she continued. “I promised Kelsey I’d take care of you and that’s what I’m doing. She’d do the same for me. The trust will be available when Emily is twenty-one, under the provisory she uses it for something important like university or property, that kind of thing.”

  “You really didn’t need to do this.”

  Jennifer tried to pass the paper back, but Riley closed her fingers around her hand, preventing the action. “Yes, I did. She’s my family too, and I want her to be able to have a good start in life.”

  Tears formed in the corners of Jennifer’s eyes. “Thank you. It’s very generous of you.”

  “I haven’t finished yet.” She reached into her other back pocket and pulled out a cheque. This would be the hardest part. She’d known that Jennifer would accept the trust fund, despite how difficult doing so would be for her. This cheque, though, would be harder for her to take, and Riley braced herself. “This is a banker’s draft for you, to help with your day-to-day living.”

  Jennifer shook her head vigorously. “Oh no, I don’t need your charity.”

  “This isn’t charity. Be logical about this. You accepted Izzy’s help when your parents died; this is the same thing.”

  “Izzy is family. I had to accept her help or I wouldn’t be able to raise Kelsey.”

  “This is the same thing. It’s only a few grand, enough to keep you going for next couple of years. This way you can keep studying and not have to worry about working for a while, until things are settled.”

  Silence stretched between them and Riley prayed Jennifer was weighing the pros and cons in her favour. Jennifer stared at the cheque, probably calculating how far it would go with paying her bills. She was a proud woman, but proud woman or not, Jennifer needed help.

  “I really don’t want to take this, but I don’t have a choice, do I?” Tears rolled softly down her cheeks. “It wouldn’t be fair to Emily. Thank you.” She placed her hand on Riley’s thigh and squeezed.

  “Just to be clear, this isn’t a ploy to get into your pants.” She smirked. “This is purely for Emily, and for Kelsey.”

  “I know. Thank you, Riley.” She withdrew her hand and Riley instantly missed the warmth through her jeans.

  “One more thing.”

  “I’m not sure I can take any more surprises.”

  Riley smiled. “I have bought you a new car through the business. It’s a few years old but it’s a lot safer than that death trap you drive around in now. If you’re going to be driving my goddaughter about, you can do it in a vehicle that isn’t likely to break down every day.”

  “I’m going to pay you back.”

  “If it’ll make you feel better we’ll figure something out, but the trust fund is not up for discussion. Kelsey was my best friend and she helped me survive growing up. This is the least I can do for her, and for you.”

  “You truly are a remarkable woman, Riley Blake.”

  For a second, she thought Jennifer might kiss her, but then she looked away, breaking the spell. Emily’s fussing came through the baby monitor on the kitchen table.

  “Emily is awake.”

  Riley stood, stuffing her hands into her pockets to avoid reaching for Jennifer. “I have to get going anyway. I’m meeting Justin today.”

  “Your brother? That’s amazing.”

  “Yeah. I’m a little nervous about it.”

  “You’ll be fine.” Jennifer stood and walked with her to the back door. “Do you fancy having dinner with us tonight?”

  “I wish I could, but I have some work to finish at the garage. Another time maybe?”

  A flicker of disappointment flashed in Jennifer’s eyes, quickly replaced by nonchalance. “Just let me know,” she said as she opened the door.

  Emily’s fussing turned into cries and Riley knew her time with Jennifer for today was over. She stepped over the threshold and turned back. “Hey, have you thought about a nursery for Emily?”

  “Not really. Until an hour ago I was considering moving. I guess Kelsey’s room would be the logical choice as the box room is stuffed full of Mum and Dad’s things. I’m not sure I have the courage to go through all of Kelsey’s things though.”

  “Well when you do, I’ll help. I have to go, or I’ll be late.”

  “Okay, bye.”

  “Give Emily a kiss from me,” she tossed over her shoulder as she sprinted down toward her truck.

  She had made the right choice. Jennifer had accepted her help a lot easier than she expected, and a kernel of hope flared in her heart that maybe she might reconsider giving them a chance.

  †

  Thirty minutes later Riley pulled up in front of the address her mum had given her. The home was in a quiet neighbourhood, modest homes with trees lining the road. She peered through the windscr
een at her mother’s house. Flowers bloomed in the garden, and an assortment of brightly coloured lawn ornaments were scattered about. A football and a small pair of dirty trainers sat by the front door, probably Justin’s.

  She stepped out of the truck and approached the house, and the door opened before she could knock. Her mother came out and hugged her.

  “Hey, sweetie. How are you?”

  “I’m okay.” Her mother pulled back from Riley, looking her up and down. Riley tried not to squirm under the scrutiny.

  “You look better than the last time I saw you.”

  “I took your advice and spoke to Jennifer.”

  Her mother looped her arm through Riley’s and they walked into the house. The inside was tastefully decorated in neutral tones, and toys littered the floor.

  As if sensing Riley’s thoughts, Angela said, “It doesn’t matter how many times I tell him to tidy up; within five minutes it’s like a tornado has swept through here again.”

  “I guess it runs in the family.” The knowledge she had something in common with her brother suffused her heart with love. All the resentment she felt over her mother leaving her washed away. This was a new start for them all. She just wished Kelsey was here to share it with her. “So where is the little devil?”

  “He’s in the back garden with your dad, I mean Richard.”

  “It’s okay to call him that. He is my father, after all. It might take me a while to adjust to it, but I want to.” And she really did. If she wanted to have a relationship with her mother and brother, she would need to get to know Richard. She found she was looking forward to that also.

  Angela steered them into the kitchen and, through the window, Riley saw her father tossing a ball back and forth with Justin. He looked the same as he had in the picture she had been given. Dark hair, shaggy from playing outside in the breeze, slightly tanned skin, and eyes that matched her own. He looked the same as she did at that age.

  Her mother’s voice drew her attention back into the kitchen. “I thought we could catch up for a moment before we go and say hello.”