Without a Net

by Kimberly Cooper Griffin

  Meg shook her head. “I couldn’t do it. I love animals. All of them. Well, maybe not arachnids. Spiders creep me out, but don’t tell anyone.” She winked and it gave Fiona a little flutter in her stomach. “When I was a kid, I rescued stray animals. But when I was in junior high, Uncle Samuel, my dad’s brother, married Aunt Claudia, and it changed my life. It shocked the family when he left the family law firm in Seattle to practice law in Okanogan, where my aunt has her clinic. Like you, he defies the lawyer stereotype. He’s super laid back. You remind me of him a little.”

  Fiona liked the comparison. “Most people would describe me as anything but laid back.”

  “Maybe relaxed is more like it.”

  She smiled. “It’s probably the company.”

  Meg shook her head. “Maybe. Anyway, the first time we went to visit my aunt and uncle, I fell in love with the clinic. After the first trip, my mom let me go out to Uncle Samuel’s and Aunt Claudia’s for part of every summer. And now I’m going to be my aunt’s partner.”

  “Where is it again? Oka-something? When do you leave?” Fiona hoped her expression didn’t show her disappointment. She didn’t want her new friend to leave. She’d just found her and Washington was on the other side of the country!

  “Okanogan. It’s a small town in the central part of Washington near the northern border. Way out in the boonies. I’ll probably head back sometime in September.”

  Fiona pushed the last of the food around on her plate. “From New York to the boonies. Quite the contrast.”

  “Yeah. New York is great—Seattle is better—but I like small town life. I’ll get my city fix when I work at the Seattle vet hospital twice a month. I don’t think I can go cold turkey.”

  “I can sort of relate, although it’s the opposite for me. I grew up in a small town. I want to live in the city and visit the country.” Fiona voiced the story she’d believed for years, but the truth was, she wasn’t sure what she wanted now. She was at a crossroads and her feet felt like they were nailed to the middle of the intersection. “I’ve heard Washington’s pretty.”

  Meg’s eyes sparkled. “It’s beyond pretty. It’s beautiful.” They gathered their empty plates and took them into the kitchen. “Back to you. Tell me about your job.”

  “Threadlocke and Guernsey hired me three years ago as a paid intern while I was finishing up law school, which turned into a clerk position. They mentored me until I passed the bar and gave me a job as an attorney. I sort of feel tied to them because they’ve invested so much in me.”

  Meg started rinsing dishes. “Where would you go if you weren’t with them?”

  “I’m not sure. T&G is a great firm. Exceptionally good to their staff. They don’t handle the types of cases I want to handle, though. They’re focused on corporate, which is mostly administration. I want something more high-powered.” Fiona reached around and turned off the water. “Out. I’ll do dishes later.”

  “Yes, ma’am!” Meg smiled and dried her hands on the hem of Fiona’s T-shirt as Fiona dragged her out of the kitchen and made her sit down.

  She settled back into her seat laughing, pulling on the edge of her now damp shirt. “You got me all wet.”

  Meg cocked an eyebrow. “I do have that effect on women.”

  She blushed. “You know what I mean!”

  Meg shook her head. “Sorry. It just came out. So, you want to go to court and badger the witnesses and trick the defendant into confessing?”

  “Well, when you say it like that, it sounds kind of dorky, like I want to be a superhero or something.” She winked. “Which I do.”

  “Don’t we all, in our own ways?” Meg leaned forward and rested her chin on her hands.

  Fiona thought about it. She’d been joking, but Meg had a point. “True. So, yes, it’s exactly what I want to do. I want to strategize, build cases, and provide powerful representation for my clients, whether it’s working for the defense or the prosecution. I didn’t go to law school to file incorporation paperwork and initiate legal name changes.”

  Meg’s eyebrows rose. “Ah, so you desire the excitement and drama. Do you like criminal law?”

  Fiona considered it. “Not criminal law exclusively, but some. I want to work at a firm representing high-profile cases. T&G represents wealthy corporate clients who want high-quality legal services, but they don’t get many high-profile cases.”

  “So, in the meantime you’re filing name changes and filling out incorporation paperwork waiting for the sexier work?”

  “Yep. I do anything they give me. I take all the cases the other lawyers don’t want to take. I figure it’s how I’ll hone my skills and ingratiate myself to the partners.”

  Fiona moved over to the sofa where it was a little more comfortable. Meg followed. They each took a side, sat down, and pulled their legs up so they faced each other with their backs against the overstuffed arms. Fiona hugged her knees to her chest and put her chin on her knees while Meg sat cross-legged, with one arm lying across the back of the couch. Fiona imagined they looked like long-time best friends settling in for a good talk.

  Meg pushed her hair behind her ear. “It sounds like you have a solid plan laid out. How does the baby factor in?”

  Fiona blew out a loud breath and dropped her forehead to her knees. Her mood went from relaxed to anxious in a heartbeat. She wondered if Meg knew how close to the bone her question was. She was scared, especially since she didn’t have all the answers yet. But everything she knew about Meg was safe, and Fiona was so tired of keeping everything inside. Having Meg near was a comfort, but she didn’t want to scare her away with her issues.

  “Hey.” Meg touched her leg. “You don’t have to get into all this if you don’t want to. We can switch channels if you want.”

  “I’m that obvious, huh?” Fiona peeked up with a nervous laugh. “I haven’t talked to anyone about it yet. I’m not sure if I’m ready.”

  Meg rubbed Fiona’s leg once and removed her hand. “I’m a good listener when you’re ready.”

  Fiona lifted her head to see only acceptance in Meg’s amazing blue eyes. It gave her the confidence she needed. “I did some of the thinking we talked about this morning.” She hugged her legs more tightly to her chest. “Am I coming off as much of an emotional wreck to you as I do to myself?”

  Meg tilted her head. “You’re fine. It just seems like you have a lot going on.”

  “You’re probably thinking about running for the hills.” Fiona joked but she had a hard time meeting Meg’s eyes.

  “I’m not planning on running anywhere, Fiona. Would it help if I promise to tell you if you make me uncomfortable?” Meg rested her hand on Fiona’s knee.

  Fiona took a bit of courage from the hand on her knee. She put her hand over it so Meg wouldn’t take it away. “Sure. Sounds like a plan.”

  “How about you tell me why you chose to be a lawyer.”

  Fiona laughed. “It’s kind of a funny story.”

  “I like funny stories.”

  “Well, believe it or not, I wanted to be a high-priced hooker before I decided to become a lawyer.” Fiona watched Meg’s face.

  “A what?” Meg sputtered, shaking her head, looking like she was unsure of what she had heard.

  “I know, I know.” Fiona laughed.

  “You certainly know how to start a story.” Meg shook her head.

  “Books are to blame.”

  “You’ll have to explain.”

  Fiona smiled. She’d never told anyone this story before. Not even Aunt Corny. “I was twelve years old. I grew up in Pottstown, Pennsylvania and we lived out in the country, close to the mine where my dad worked as foreman. I was an only child and there weren’t any kids nearby, so I read a lot. And when I say a lot, I mean a lot. By the time I was twelve, I had read all the books the librarian would let me check out. I read so much, I had started t
o reread some of my favorites. So, you can imagine my delight when I found three storage boxes full of books in the attic of our house one day. I think they were left there by a previous owner. They weren’t the kind of books my parents read, but when I asked my mom if I could read them, she shuffled through them and gave her approval. I’m not sure what she was thinking, though. Some of them were definitely a little too adult for a twelve year old. All summer I gorged myself on books by Stephen King, Jackie Collins, Michael Crichton, and many other authors who don’t skimp on adult-themed detail. Besides acquiring a lifelong terror of vampires and possessed animals, I found myself drawn to life as a call girl after reading a book called Sharkey’s Machine. I hardly remember what the book was about, but there was one character in it—”

  “Let me guess. A high-priced hooker?” Meg suggested.

  Fiona tapped the tip of her nose and laughed. “Bingo! She lived what, to my countrified mind, was ‘The Life’. She was rich, glamorous, had a great high-rise apartment in the city. There was some mobster guy in the picture, but it seemed like she called the shots. Sure, she was a hooker, but she wasn’t sleazy. She wasn’t out on a street corner trading sex for drugs. She got to choose the guys she slept with. To my twelve-year-old, hormone-addled mind, sex was awesome. Everyone talked about it. Everyone wanted to do it. Why not do it for a living? So it became my plan, until—”

  “Wait.” Meg sounded incredulous. “Let me get this straight, you read a book and you decided to become a hooker? At twelve years old?”

  “A high-priced hooker,” Fiona corrected her. “But, then, I met Tammy and she opened my eyes. She took my nose out of a book and showed me what real life could feel like.”

  “She must have been some kid.”

  “She was.” Fiona returned to a distant memory. “It was the beginning of summer vacation and my mom dropped me off at the library one day while she ran her errands. Usually I was the only kid there, but that day, sitting in the chair I normally sat in, was this tiny wisp of a girl I had never seen before. She knocked my socks off. She was so wonderfully cool and different. She didn’t dress like the kids in my town. She had this long, wild blond hair and the greenest eyes I’d ever seen. Not boring like mine. A beautiful, brilliant green. The color of tree frogs. And they sparkled when she talked.”

  “Your eyes are anything but boring,” Meg said.

  Fiona smiled, pleased by the compliment. “Thank you. Anyway, I was captivated. When she asked me what I was staring at, I realized I had been standing there with my mouth literally hanging open. I almost died from embarrassment. I stammered something and then went to hide between the closest bookshelves. She followed me, though, and introduced herself. Somehow, I found my voice. She turned out to be nice and I found out she had moved there at the beginning of the summer. We discovered her dad worked with my dad and she was going to go to my school in the fall. Since she was new, I filled her in on the town, the school, who was cool as far as teachers and kids went, and who to avoid. We talked so much, the librarian told us to be quiet or leave. So, we left and walked around the block.

  “The second time around the building, Tammy grabbed my hand and pulled me behind the library sign. The bushes hid us, and we sat on the cement foundation of the brick sign and talked. It didn’t occur to me to wonder why we were there. I was just happy to be there with her. Who knows now what we talked about, but when Tammy asked if I had ever kissed anyone, my stomach fluttered. I considered lying. But the question was too important, so I told her the truth.”

  “And?” Meg sat up, rapt.

  “I hadn’t.” Fiona shook her head. “But I told her I was sure I would be good when I did. I’d read lots of books about it.”

  “What did she say?”

  “She asked me to prove it.”

  Meg licked her lips. “Did you?”

  Fiona nodded. “Not a quick peck, either. I went all out on it. Open mouth. Tongue. Everything. And she kissed me back. Her arms slipped around me, and one of her hands even inched under the bottom of my shirt. It was incredible. It was like I had learned to fly. When she pushed me away, calling me a pervert, and ran away, I was in a daze. It had all happened so fast.”

  Meg slapped her own knee. “What? But she started it!”

  “Yeah. I know. I didn’t know how to feel.”

  “Pissed off. It’s how I would have felt.”

  “I think I was more embarrassed than anything. Eventually, the hurt and anger set in. But that first kiss made me feel like nothing else ever had.” Her skin tingled thinking about it.

  Meg sighed. “Wow.”

  For a second or two Fiona was there, in the hidden spot behind the sign. “Later that summer, lying low while I figured out what my new feelings were about, I read The Firm. That’s when I tossed the hooker dream and started thinking about becoming a high-powered lawyer.”

  “I’m glad you didn’t read Scarface,” Meg teased.

  Fiona laughed. “I was so impressionable. At least the ethics of The Firm didn’t rub off on me, right? I know now the new dream was a way to keep my confused mind off of things. I dove right in by charting out a career plan, complete with a spreadsheet pinned to my bedroom wall charting potential schools, curriculum, extracurricular activity, community service, etcetera. My mom got into it, too. She helped me find out more about law school.”

  “What happened with Tammy?” The look on Meg’s face made Fiona laugh.

  “I begged my mom to take me to the library almost every day the rest of the summer, but Tammy never came back. I did see her at school in the fall, though. I caught her looking at me sometimes, but otherwise she avoided me like the plague.”

  “Harsh.”

  Fiona shrugged. “It could have been worse. As far as I know, she never told anyone. I crushed on her hard all the way through middle school and high school, but nothing else happened—with her or any other girl—until the end of my senior year. Besides a lot of bad poetry.” Fiona laughed self-consciously. Meg nodded her head, like she knew the feeling well, too. “I even dated a few guys, but never seriously. I was totally in the closet. Pennsylvania rural communities are pretty conservative today, so imagine a few years back.”

  “I was lucky to live in Seattle. It’s hyper-liberal. It wasn’t a cake walk, but I never needed to hide who I was,” Meg said.

  “I didn’t know anyone like me, so I was afraid.”

  “What about Tammy?”

  “She wasn’t out. She always had boyfriends. For all I knew our kiss was her only experience with a girl.”

  “You never talked to her again?”

  “Not until a few days before graduation. Tammy and I were both on the graduation dance committee and somehow we ended up outside the gym, hanging streamers. I figured we’d continue to ignore each other. It was a habit by then. But she surprised me and started making small talk. It was surreal after all those years. She asked me about my scholarship to Columbia, which had been announced at the senior awards assembly earlier in the day. Every time she looked at me, her green eyes would stop me cold. I could barely keep track of our conversation. Then, I looked up from whatever I was doing and she was staring at me. I got scared. She asked if I remembered the kiss. I shrugged. Even though I had relived our kiss just about every night since it happened, I didn’t admit it to her. She asked if I was going up to the lake after graduation. Every year, the graduating class rented all of the cabins at the lake to celebrate. I told her I was planning to meet my friends up there, and she said she was, too. Then she asked if I wanted to drive up with her. I didn’t know what to think. I actually thought about Carrie. Like she was planning something mean. I think I told her I already had a ride or something, but when we were putting away the ladders in the custodian’s closet she kissed me again. I was shocked.”

  “I’ll bet.” Meg looked enthralled by the story. “What happened next?”

  “
Graduation was the next evening, and I couldn’t wait for it to be over. Tammy’s kiss had started a fire and I couldn’t wait to be alone with her. I was terrified it was a trick, but deep down, I knew it wasn’t. We talked on the phone all night, until early in the morning. I finally told her I would ride up with her. During the ceremony the next night, Tammy, who was two rows in front of me, kept turning around to look at me, which drew some attention, but I didn’t care. My folks left the ceremony ahead of me and I told them I would get a ride and see them at home after the dance before I went up to the lake. After the dance, walking through the student parking lot with Tammy, I was as nervous as hell. We had talked so easily over the phone the night before and had been mostly friendly at the dance in front of all the other students, but when we were alone and I was getting into her car, I couldn’t form a coherent sentence.”

  Meg pulled her knees to her chest. “Were you planning on sleeping with her?”

  “I’m not sure what I was planning, actually. I was meeting my friends and she was meeting hers. We were all sharing the cabins. But I was hoping something would happen. The road to the lake ran by my house and we were going to stop and pick up my stuff on the way. She had her bag in the trunk. I remember her reaching over to hold my hand and being so aware of the heat between our palms. We were almost to my house when traffic stopped. It was dark outside, so she and I made out a little as we waited for traffic to break up. It was just as tingly as I remembered. At some point, when traffic hadn’t moved and someone had set up some emergency floodlights ahead, I opened the door to see if I could see what was happening. A car was upside down in the river. I had no idea it was my parents’. Cars look different upside down and it was dark. We went over to watch what was happening. They had already pulled two people out and they were on the rocks by the river covered with blankets. I knew they weren’t alive. It wasn’t until they started winching the car out of the water and I saw the bumper stickers on the back bumper. One was an honor student sticker from my middle school and the other was a Phillies sticker. My dad was a huge Philly’s fan. He didn’t miss listening to a game.” A lump lodged in her throat. It had been years but she hadn’t told the story to many people.