The Relic Box Set

by Ben Zackheim

  “They look like Skittles,” I whispered to Rebel who almost shit and giggled.

  The other crowd was decked out in long black robes with white armor underneath, the standard war garb of the vampires these days. Spirit intel said the vampires bought the armor from a down-and-out Croatian politician with the keys to an annexed Russian armory.

  Standing above the vampires, on a stage meant for dignitaries, was Tabitha.

  She regarded us like we were a formality, waiting to be pacified and left for others to entertain. Her eyes drifted past mine as if she didn't recognize me. We hadn’t spent much time together but I knew it was enough to earn a fucking nod.

  I shook my head to get rid of the teen angst like it was a possessing poltergeist.

  “The challenger and his party have arrived,” Freyja said. “The 24 hour cycle has begun. None may leave the afterlife until a god is reborn.” The bright robes chattered to each other filling the room with a sound somewhere between a babbling brook and a teenie-bop concert with no music.

  “Váli, herald of Hela and Odin!”

  A large bald man, even taller than Freyja stepped from the Skittles gang. He stood straight and made a point of glaring at us like a boil that he would lance once the whiskey kicked in.

  “Holding court, Dakari Okar and his wife, Tabitha,” Váli belted out. My heart dropped and slingshotted into my throat.

  No.

  “Emperor and queen of the Undead!”

  Chapter 38

  “Oh shit,” Rebel said before I could recall any English. “That’s a trap with cream on top.”

  The Emperor of Vampires stepped forward and his party fell silent. The room soon followed. He was a large and wide black man with a mohawk of dreads.

  “Fox, we know you’re an idiot,” the emperor said in a low voice that felt like a Schecter bass. Right through the gut. “And we know you have the judgment of a child. But I didn’t take you for a traitor.” His orange irises landed on me and I knew what it felt like to be stared down by the leader of a pack.

  It occurred to me that this might be my opponent. I could take him if I found a really good way to cheat.

  “I only go where messes need cleaning,” Fox said. “You know that well, my emperor.”

  The head honcho just glanced at his wife. Her focus was on the big nothing on the far wall.

  “Our champion,” the emperor said, simply as he raised his hand to a dark corner.

  Bonehead emerged from the darkness and stood straight across from me. He slipped twin blades from his back’s scabbards and dropped them on the stone floor. He pulled two Glock 26s from his hip holsters and spun them on the floor like two tops until they slapped the blades and grounded to a halt. He opened a cannister of some kind on his forearms and dumped a few dozen sharp projectiles on top of the pile.

  Impressive pile.

  Then he took off his long coat and threw it down. It made a heavy metal sound. Who knows what the hell was in that thing?

  Finally, he reached behind him and unsheathed Mjölnir from a shoulder strap.

  He laid the hammer gently on the floor. The whole room shook just enough to tickle our feet.

  “Disarm,” Váli said to me. “Then we shall feast!”

  I looked at Rebel. She waited to see what I wanted to do.

  I wanted to live so I placed my Glocks on the ground gently. I respected my weapons unlike Bonehead. I hoped that would end up being a small plus in the fight to come.

  I closed my eyes and concentrated. The Vault Portal’s slim slash of light danced in front of me. I reached in and pulled out the shield.

  Some robed Valhallans scrambled to Bonehead’s pile of death and gathered it up in armfuls. Váli gripped the hammer and lifted it with some effort.

  Freyja picked up my Glocks, took the shield and nodded.

  “I’ll treat them well,” she said. “They’ll be waiting for you after you’ve finished him in the arena.”

  “When will that be?”

  “Tomorrow morning.”

  “Great!” I yelled, clapping my hands twice. I sat at the end of one of the long tables. “I’m famished! Who are we eating?”

  There was silence in the room but I noticed Tabitha covered her mouth with her fingers. Yeah, that was a smile.

  “It’s a joke,” I said. The Valhallans looked at each other and laughed. The undead looked at me and didn’t.

  My opponent looked in my direction from underneath that creepy skull helmet-mask. I didn’t know what he thought. But I knew he had some business to wrap up with me.

  We sat with the Valhallans, who had perfected eternal bliss with a skillful balance of drink, storytelling and smut. It was like eating your meal at an orgy. They were crawling all over each other in various states of undress, redress and torn dress. Ale poured from the pitchers and the gut in equal measure, which is when I lost my appetite and stopped eating. Holding down a conversation was just as tough. I tried to keep a straight face while the woman I was talking to enjoyed the rotating circle of Valhallans eating dessert under the table. But a guy can only take so many giggles and moans while he’s trying to get the scoop on how exactly he’ll live through the next day’s battle to the death.

  Rebel seemed to be enjoying the show so I let her be. But I needed to walk around. The vampires had mostly moved on from their ‘meal’ which was a collection of jugs and soup bowls. I wove my way through the bumping masses and found a long, tall and, most importantly, quiet hallway. Doors lined both sides, all closed. I walked down the hall and acted casual, which Rebel always said made me look suspicious.

  “What are you doing?” a woman’s voice said from behind me. I didn’t need to turn around to know that it was Tabitha.

  “Just taking a walk,” I said.

  “This way,” she said, softly. “Come.” She slipped through the closest door and left it open. I followed because I was a fucking idiot.

  I didn’t even think about it.

  Chapter 39

  The dark bedroom’s ceiling was twenty feet up. The chandelier was the only source of light and it only had a few candles lit.

  “Tabitha?” I said. I couldn’t see her in the darkness. My muscles tensed.

  “You will not win tomorrow,” she said. She was standing in the corner. My eyes adjusted and I could make out her shape in the darkness.

  “Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

  “Hakkar is the youngest of a line of warriors who have protected the vampires for thousands of years. He’s spent his life practicing for this moment. Ruthless.”

  “So what do you recommend?”

  “Run,” she said. “Leave the shield here and run.”

  “Yeah, no.”

  “You and your friends will die if you don’t.”

  “We’ve made it this far. I’ve been in tougher spots.”

  “You say that, but you know I’m right.”

  “What if I do? It doesn’t matter. I’m not running from a chance to shut your gang down and send you back to your sewers and caves.”

  She was quiet. It was hard to get a read on her. My gut told me I’d hurt her feelings. But who ever heard of a vampire having hurt feelings? Unless…

  “You’re not a vampire, are you?” I asked.

  She didn’t answer. She walked out from the darkness, her face lit under the flickering light was pained and thoughtful. Her hands were clasped together in front of her as she glided to the end of the bed and sat down facing me.

  “I am a vampire,” she said softly. “But I am the Queen of Vampires.”

  “What’s that mean?”

  “It means I am the balance.”

  I waited for more, but she didn’t give it to me. “Balance for what?”

  She pursed her lips. She didn’t want to tell me and she needed to tell me.

  “Balance for what, Tabitha?”

  “I maintain the balance between the living and the undead.”

  I grabbed a stool at the bedside and pulled it u
p to her. I sat down and faced her. “How do you do that?”

  “I find a way,” she said, smiling slightly. But the smile didn’t reach her eyes. I’ve never seen someone look more miserable than the Queen of Vampires looked at that moment. “Politics, power plays, money, sex, whatever it takes.”

  “But why? Are you under some kind of spell?”

  “If you call existence a spell, yes. My role is as fundamental as the sun. Without me…” She stopped. I waited. “Without me there is chaos.”

  “For who? For humanity or vampires?”

  “Both. Without me, one or the other will cease to exist.”

  “I don’t see anything wrong with letting the vampires disappear,” I said.

  “That’s because you don’t understand us,” she said. Her glare told me I’d crossed a line.

  “Fine,” I said. “So can you help me or not?”

  “I’m trying to! You must leave this place.”

  “That’s not an option. Tell me about Hakkar.”

  She stood and started to pace. “He’s the 14th guardian. Ten of them had almost nothing to protect as most vampires slept for 1000 years. When they awakened he was ready. The pent up rage and boredom of a thousand years of ancestors is stored in his bones.”

  “They?” I asked. I was stuck on that word.

  “What do you mean?”

  “You said they were asleep. The vampires. Does that mean that you weren’t asleep?”

  She’d messed up and it showed. She knew it was impossible to put this information back in its safe box.

  “I brought sleep to them,” she said. “The vampires were on the verge of sweeping the world. I could not keep up with the imbalance. I was desperate. I found a way to make them sleep, to give humans a chance to strengthen.”

  “Thanks,” I said.

  “I don’t think you’d say that if you truly understood.”

  “Help me understand then.”

  “Kane, the vampires awoke too soon. You have not strengthened. You’ve weakened.”

  “What are you talking about? We’re all over the place. Science, technology, magic. We’re at the top of the food chain.”

  “Your people are riper now for conquest than they’ve ever been. You are all filled with doubt. The voice of reason is a whisper. You collect in tribes and fight over worldly goods and try to outmaneuver yourselves. You play a game with your lives, with your very existence.”

  “That’s the way we’ve always been,” I said, proud of my cynicism.

  “You’re wrong,” she said, simply. There was something in her voice that made my stomach drop. “You had great potential one thousand years ago. You warred. You conspired. But you also sensed a path forward. You sensed a better way and you worked your way toward it.”

  “We still do.”

  “Like I said, it’s a whisper now.”

  “If you think so little of us then why not let your family feast?”

  “Because I hope!” she yelled. Her eyes flashed with an anger that had magic behind it. The room was charged with something I’d never felt before. It made me feel heavy in my shoes. But it also made me want to fly away.

  She sat back down on the bed to regain her composure. I didn’t know what to say.

  “If I help you survive tomorrow, there will need to be a balance. I cannot help you without hurting you.”

  “What will the vampires do with Mjölnir and the shield if they win it?”

  “They’ll tear the world to pieces.”

  “Then help me.”

  She stood again and walked up to me. She got close. Who knew the undead could smell so good? I lifted my hand to touch her face but she gently brushed it aside.

  I watched her walk to the door. Now it was me she wanted to escape from.

  “You will live,” she said before she left me alone.

  It was my turn to sit on the bed.

  Why did I feel like I’d just fucked up, big time?

  Chapter 40

  I found Rebel fighting off a large Viking who wanted to show her that the afterlife was worth dying for. She didn’t need my help but she looked happy to see me. She abandoned the disappointed horndog and walked quickly to my side, looped her hand through my arm, and led me back down the hallway I’d just come from.

  “Our rooms are this way,” she said. “Where have you been?”

  “With the queen.”

  “With the queen or in the queen?”

  “Nice. We talked.”

  “Did you make a deal with the devil?”

  I stopped. “What makes you say that?”

  “Just messing with you, Kane.” She pulled me along again.

  “She’s going to help me tomorrow,” I said.

  “You did make a deal with the devil. I’m so smart. They’re taking this fight pretty seriously around here. If they get a whiff of cheating it’s as good as a loss. She’s going to help you win the fight?”

  “She said she’d…” Then it hit me. Tabitha didn’t say she’d help me win. “Shit.”

  “She said she’d shit? I didn’t know vampires shit. Oh God, I just pictured it. And now I can’t unpicture it.”

  “She said she’d help me live, not win.”

  “What have you done, Kane?” Fox said. He’d snuck up on us as usual.

  “Oh, hey, Fox, how are you?” I said with my jolly voice.

  “The queen is up to something,” he said. “The emperor just put his guards on watch. He’ll be shadowing her for the rest of our stay here. What the hell did you do?”

  “We just had a talk,” I said.

  “You don’t know the history here,” he whispered. “You’re playing the wrong game. You need to stay low. Fight, win, and get back to the surface as soon as you can.”

  “Working on it,” I said, getting irritated.

  “You’re fighting for the mantle of the God of Thunder,” Fox whispered as Valhallans passed us from the other direction.

  “Back off,” I said.

  “This is your room,” Rebel said to me, stepping in between me and the vampire. “Get some rest.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure I’ll sleep like the dead.”

  Fox pointed at me. “No sneaking around, Arkwright.”

  I ignored him and shut the door behind me. My room was a lot like Tabitha’s.

  The queen.

  The queen and the emperor.

  What a bunch of bullshit.

  Why had I never heard of them? I wondered why Spirit didn’t inform me that the vampires had a power structure in place. I’d take it up with Skyler before I booted his ass to the curb for good. He wasn’t a part of Spirit anymore, but he’d know the answer.

  I missed putting my Glocks to sleep. Yeah, creepy I know. But I had a routine and a key part of it was gearing up in the morning, ready for the day. Dressing down at night and putting the day away was just as critical to my sanity.

  Without my routine, sleep was hard to come by.

  And as expected, I stared at the ceiling for three hours, pondering everything that could go wrong in the next day or so. Hell, if I played it wrong the whole world could end. I wondered if they had sleeping pills in Valhalla. Or maybe Rebel could pull off a Sleep Spell.

  I listened to the sounds of other guests heading to bed. After an hour of silence, I got out of my bed, got dressed, and snuck into the hallway. I don’t know what I was looking for. A distraction. An advantage. I could also go for a midnight snack.

  One end of the hallway led back to the greeting hall where we’d eaten the feast. The other end was covered by a massive curtain. Red velvet, like a theater’s. The arched ceiling had a mural on it that was filled with imagery that looked like Michelangelo’s style. Either they had a really good copycat down here or the maestro had been snagged by the Norse gods somehow. The painting showed Viking warriors killing demons, giants, and other monsters I didn’t recognize. Their armored bodies still somehow showed off massive muscles. Their faces were filled with the excitement of bloods
hed and victory over the weak. Viking ideals as art.

  For some reason, I wondered if Rebel had Viking in her.

  Then I sensed him.

  I turned to find Hakkar on the other end of the hall. He wasn’t in his usual garb but I knew it was him. He wore a cloaked robe, the top part of his face covered in darkness. His mouth was covered in a long mustache with two strands of red beads dangling to his chin. Weird, but whatever.

  I wasn’t about to be the first one to say something. So I stared back. I could feel him assessing me. He was trying to see if I was scared.

  I turned my back on him. He wouldn’t attack. He wanted to best me in combat. Besides, I wanted to check out the curtain. I wanted to see what was on the other side. But most importantly, I wanted to show him I was confident enough to turn my back on him.

  “I’m Hakkar,” he said.

  I stopped and faced him. Twenty yards lay between us. I felt naked without the Glocks. “I know who you are,” I said. “You work for the vampires. You do what they say. Your family has been doing it for hundreds of years. Now you have a huge army to protect instead of a few stragglers. You’re like a pig in shit, embracing the role that your forefathers didn’t get to play. Oh, and you’re a traitor to humanity.”

  “And you are the son of a traitor to humanity.”

  I didn’t see that coming but I’d walked right into it. I needed to settle down. Calm my temper. But, at that moment, I looked forward to the fight. Win or lose, it would feel so good to get some licks in on that smug, covered mug.

  “I chose to break that cycle,” I said, at the tail end of a breath. I didn’t sound as convincing as I wanted to.

  “Is that a choice you’ve earned?” he asked.

  “Spoken like a guy who doesn’t have the guts to be his own man,” I said.

  That got him. The silence between us felt like the first blow of the next day’s battle.

  “That’s a fair point,” he said, surprising me right back.

  “Yeah, great session but your time is up.” I turned to walk to the curtain again.