Feeling White

by Charlotte E Hart

  “You were so different, Elizabeth. You began to strip me down and find a way through the layers. You encouraged me to take time off and to relax, you asked me to question everything I had become, you said you didn’t want my money and you never asked for anything but my time. Don’t you see how I could see that as manipulation? That’s so new to me. Every time I was with you, I took my eye off my business and in doing that, I could have been giving power to Henry.”

  Oh… Stupid Beth, how did you not see that?

  “Oh, I see what you mean now.” I slump in my chair, finally understanding exactly what has been going on in his brain. No matter how stupid, I can see precisely why he reacted the way he did.

  “Yes, quite,” he replies over his coffee.

  “Well, I still don’t see how you could trust that stupid instinct over me. I told you I loved you. I meant it,” I say almost sulkily as I swing my legs. I feel like a child the moment I’ve said it and stop myself from going further.

  “I have done very well out of trusting my instincts and I still will. I only hope that my lapse in judgement hasn’t ruined what you felt for me,” he replies as he searches my eyes for warmth. There still isn’t much, regardless of how I’m feeling inside. I need to know more.

  “When did you realise you were wrong?” He shifts in his seat a little and I struggle to hold back the smile that’s forming at his discomfort. I’m in control here and I can’t help but feel a bit proud of myself.

  “Conner talked some sense into me a couple of days later. He found out from Belle about Henry and made me listen to him,” he replies with another small shrug.

  “What? That was two weeks ago. Why have you waited so long?” I am suddenly exasperated at him. He notices my raised voice and leans back away from me.

  “I had something to deal with, and I honestly didn’t know what to do to make it right again. Then when I finally decide to sort it out between us, I find that you’re out with Pascal.” His brow furrows as he glares at me. “What the fuck did you think you were doing with him?”

  “Having a nice time. I think I deserved it given what you did to me for no reason whatsoever,” I reply with a casual stare, daring him to continue with this heated line of questioning and his irritated tone.

  “Do you want him?” he asks abruptly with a frown of anger looming. Jealous? Good.

  After pulling the moment out as long as I can and watching every emotion cross his face, I smile at my own amusement at his behaviour. Given that I left with him last night, does he honestly believe that I would choose Pascal over him?

  “Apparently not as much as I want you for some unknown reason.” He breathes in deeply and softens the glare that has developed.

  “Good, that’s good.” The words are soft. “I didn’t know. Pascal can be... persuasive.”

  “Mmm... Yes, he can.” It’s all I’m willing to give him at the moment. It really won’t do him any harm to keep being a little nervous about it, and I can mentally feel Belle slapping my shoulder with a triumphant clap. You go, girl! His eyes and lip curl instantly, telling me he’s not happy with my response, so I change the subject quickly.

  “What are you going to do about Henry? And do you know why he’s doing this or what it is that he’s doing?”

  “Annihilate him, and I’m working on that,” he sneers with a bark of disgust at the mention of his name. He’s clearly really pissed him off somehow and I make a mental note to try and find out why.

  “Why? He’s not achieved anything yet and I’m sure that you’re now preventing him going forward with whatever plan he has.”

  “He threatened me, and nearly ruined everything I’ve worked for. Why the fuck would I let him get away with that?” He looks so confused at my question that he opens his mouth to continue and then shuts it again with a perplexed face.

  “I don’t know. It’s just that he’s a dear friend and I don’t like the thought of him being left with nothing. Sarah is like family to me, and-”

  He cuts me off quickly as if sensing my compassion over the issue and trying to dismiss it.

  “Sarah’s the one who told me and she’ll be fine. She’s a very clever woman.”

  I bite back the immediate feeling of jealously that randomly pops into my head at his acknowledgement of another woman. I frown at myself and take my cup over to the sink, trying to dispel the image of Alex and Sarah together. Perhaps that’s why she looked at me oddly at the ball. Have they slept together?

  “Look, can we talk about something else or go somewhere for the day? I assume you don’t have to work today as you’re still here, and I would very much like to spend some time with you,” he says as I suddenly feel him standing behind me. I turn to look at him and wonder what to do next. Do I want to spend the day with him or do I want to go home and think about all this?

  “Alex, I need some time. I don’t know how I feel about any of this.” He reaches his hand around me and gently pulls my ponytail forward across my shoulder. His small, almost sad smile has me melting. This wasn’t his fault. Well, it sort of was, but we just got caught in a crappy situation. Regardless, I’m still hurting and I feel like I have to process that feeling first.

  “You’re still the most perfect thing I’ve ever seen, Elizabeth. I’m sorry I hurt you but can you please just trust me when I tell you that I do love you. You have no idea how much you mean to me and I want to show you... Just let me show you,” he says as he brushes his fingers along my jaw and tilts my chin up to him. Suddenly my knees are doing that trembling thing again, and as I look into his soft eyes, I know I’m giving in. My heart is leaping so rapidly at the thought of happily ever afters that I can’t stop my arms from reaching up to his neck and running my fingers through his hair. I love him and he’s saying he wants me. What idiot would turn their back on such a feeling? Not me, that’s for sure, and if I just try to forget, I know we’ll get through this.

  “Okay,” I say quietly as I look up at him and smile. “Where shall we go?” The one thing I do know is that I need to avoid the bedroom or any other available surface. I need to be with him as a person before I can truly allow myself to believe anything else. I want to feel his emotions and go from there. Maybe a day together in a relaxed atmosphere is just what we need to try and rediscover ourselves.

  “Where would you like to go?” he asks with a raised brow. “We can do whatever you want to.”

  “I don’t know. I need to call Belle, though, and let her know what’s going on.”

  “She knows. I saw her last night.” He did?

  “Oh, well I bet that was fun for you.”

  “Fun is probably not the first word that springs to mind,” he replies on a smirk as he continues to rub my cheek with his thumb. “Now, can I suggest a shower and then lunch somewhere?”

  “A shower sounds great.”

  “Good, go on up. I just need to do something first and I’ll come and join you,” he says as he releases me from his grasp and wanders off.

  As I leave the kitchen, I swipe my phone from my bag and send a text to tell Belle I will be staying here for the day. Her response is instant and makes me laugh out loud.

  - I hope you’re making the bastard suffer! How was Pascal?

  - Pascal was different, and I’m not being easy if that’s what you’re referring to.

  - Be careful, honey. Call me if you need me. Love you.

  - Okay, love you, too.

  Having giggled my way past the study and noticing Alex on the phone, I climb the stairs with a lighter feeling than I’ve had in weeks and head to the shower.

  Twenty minutes later, I’m sitting wrapped in a towel having finished my hair and make-up, in the wardrobe looking at the clothes and trying to decide what to wear. Where are we going? And do I want to wear any of these clothes anyway?

  The shower in the background stops and he wanders into the room, drying his hair with a towel, completely naked. My eyes run over his astounding physique as I scan the length of his frame and pra
ctically drool at him with lust. Close your mouth, Beth. He’s doing this to wind you up.

  He meanders his fingers across his clothes, twisting and turning as he does so while I stare at the tattoo undulating across his shoulders, remembering it’s meaning - to wage war. Am I about to witness him going to war with Henry? Probably. Then I notice those numbers again and gasp. It’s the date I served at the White Buildings for the business luncheon. He put me on his back? Wow. Shit, that’s... I have no idea what that is. He marked himself with my dates, our first meeting.

  “You put me on your back?” I question incredulously.

  “I did,” he says nonchalantly as he pulls out a dark brown suit and white shirt, seemingly dismissing the fact that he marked his skin for me, or maybe it’s for him.

  “You’re not going to explain further?”

  “Some other time maybe, when you’re ready to hear it.”

  Oh, right… I’m pretty sure I’m ready to hear it now if I’m honest. Having said that, knowing Alex it might be a little too deep for the light and breezy atmosphere I’m hoping to achieve this afternoon.

  “Where are we going?”

  “Out for lunch.”

  “You need a suit for lunch?”

  “Yes.” Okay, where the hell is he taking me? I thought we were doing chilled out.

  “What do I need to wear for whatever you’ve planned?”

  He wanders across to my side of the wardrobe and grazes his fingers across a blue dress, shakes his head and moves on. I watch on in amusement at him choosing my clothes for me. He finally stops his hands at a deep purple, wraparound, knee length dress and takes it out. His eyes move to the set of shelves and he reaches for a pair of matching shoes and a Chloe bag that I love. He turns around and deposits them on the floor next to me. I can’t help but giggle at him as he kisses me lightly on the lips and turns back to his own side of the wardrobe.

  “I trust you can manage your own underwear?” he says as he reaches for his own shoes.

  “I think I’ll find a way somehow,” I reply sarcastically.

  “I’d be more than happy to help.” His eyes meet mine over his shoulder with a devilish glint and I smirk back at him.

  “I’m sure you would, Mr. White,” I reply as I drop my towel in the wash basket and move past him to the drawers in the bedroom to find suitable underwear. The dress is tight and needs something smooth to go underneath it. Mind you, I’ve lost a few pounds since he bought it so perhaps I could get away with some lace, and since I know how much he likes me in lace, it won’t do any harm to tease him with it. Leafing through, I find the lavender set I am after and quickly slip into them. They feel amazing. Annoying as it is, expensive things always seem to sit better against my skin and I muse the thought as I return back for my clothes and hear the low growl come at me as I sashay past him.

  “If you’re doing it on purpose, it’s working,” he says as he buttons up his shirt and shrugs into his jacket. God, he looks amazing. He’s got that don’t mess with me glare going on that always disables any defence I’ve got, and his eyes seem to have deepened in colour a bit. Trying my hardest for casual, I continue with getting dressed.

  “I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about, Mr. White,” I reply as I slip my feet into the very high shoes and reach for the dress. He is on me in an instant and he means it. It is the first time he’s been so forceful in his touch of me and I sense every nerve ending standing to attention at his aggression as he holds me flush against the wall. I was beginning to wonder if he would ever return to normal. While his softness is beautiful in its own right, it isn’t the Alex I know. Apparently I am now being reminded of the man I do remember.

  “I think you know exactly what you’re doing, Miss Scott. It won’t take much for me to scrap my plans for romance and give you a different version of myself for the day,” he says as he pushes his knee between my legs and grabs at my wrists. “We both know how much you want it.”

  My body is a quivering wreck as he kisses my neck roughly and drags his tongue along my collarbone. I can’t believe I’m actually entertaining the idea of him doing this again, but for some reason I don’t want to stop him in the slightest. No, Beth… Trust. Romance!

  “Alex I... I want you to stop,” I find a way to stutter out as he bites at my jaw playfully and I tip my head back and moan.

  “No you don’t,” he growls instantly. He’s right but I have to get myself out of here. I know we can do this. Sex isn’t the problem, and dropping straight back into it isn’t going to help me at all.

  “Alex, stop,” I mumble half-heartedly as I fight his grasp on my wrist. He must sense something is different because he lifts his head and gazes at me while softening his grip a little. After looking at me for a moment, he lets go of me and takes a step backwards as he blows out a breath.

  “You’re not ready.” My eyes drop to the floor and I pull in a long breath as I try to stop the torrent of desire swirling around inside.

  “You know I am. I just... I just need something more than this at the moment,” I reply quietly as I look back up at him slowly. I don’t think either of us knows what I need but he nods and reaches for my face.

  “Okay, we’ll do it your way for now,” he says as he ghosts a kiss across my mouth and holds my chin. “But, Elizabeth, do not push me if you don’t want the reaction you’re for asking for. I might not stop next time.”

  Oh Mr. White is definitely returning to true form and I smile softly at the image of him as he lets me go, picks up my dress and helps me into it. His hands pull the material around my waist and fix the three black metal buckles into place at my side, smiling wickedly at himself as he more than likely thinks about cuffs and restraints. I giggle. He raises a brow and growls at me.

  “Stop it, Elizabeth.”

  “Sorry,” I reply as I try to contain my giggling fit.

  “Why the hell did I pick this dress?” he says as he huffs and extends his hand to me.

  “Because you like buckles, Mr. White,” I respond, continuing to giggle as he drags me from the room.

  “Because I like seeing you in them, Miss Scott,” he replies as he pulls the last one very tightly against my skin and cinches in my waist. “And really, if you knew what was going through my mind at the moment, you would not be feeling very giggly about it at all.”

  Oh!

  Chapter 6

  Alexander

  S he said she needed funding. He could remember the moment clearly in his mind as she’d gazed her quite extraordinary face out of the window and rambled on about banks and bigger kitchens. He was pretty sure she hadn’t really even realised what she was saying at the time, but he’d heard it and moved it into a box in the corner of his mind for future use. The trouble was, now he didn’t know what to do about it. He was entirely sure that her sister would probably be on board with his plan to invest. Well, she should be, given her business head. Mind you, he clearly wasn’t her favourite person at the moment so maybe she wouldn’t be enthused. But more importantly, the likelihood was that Elizabeth absolutely wouldn’t be, regardless. The thought in itself would probably send her into a hissy fit, let alone him actually doing something with that thought. He supposed he could do it silently behind her back, but that would mean her sister lying to her, which definitely wasn’t going to happen.

  He could equally set up a company of some sort and procure a dull manager to do the job for him. The thought suddenly struck him that maybe he should just buy premises for them and let them do the rest. What did he own in that area already? He didn’t know. It had been so long since he took any interest in that side of the business that he couldn’t in all honestly remember. And did they even want to stay in that area?

  Unfortunately, he realised that he knew very little about her business and cursed himself at his own lack of previous interest. Did he even ask her about it on a daily basis? Probably not. He was normally so self-obsessed with his own dramatics that he wouldn’t think of asking her
about hers. Presumably she was doing well with it? They owned a good apartment on the right side of town and the business premises they were currently renting would be extortionate. He knew because he owned a similar one about two streets off. He smiled at the memory of one of his first London investments. He could remember that building well because the bloody wreck had almost had him running to a loan shark.

  Fuck, he really needed to get a handle on this relationship stuff. He wanted to know about her, all about her. He flicked at a pen on his desk and watched it roll to the floor. He smirked at it and then laughed at his own childish behaviour. She’d done that to him.

  The moment at lunch when she’d flicked his lettuce at him had been one of the most endearing moments of his life. He’d tried for a moment of disgustingly erotic whispering and she’d just reached over and flicked his lettuce at him. He’d been so shocked by the movement that he’d burst out laughing at her audacity in the middle of The Ivy. That she cared so little about everyone’s opinion was testament to how far she’d come, and he’d loved her more in that moment than he could remember feeling before. She’d been so free and happy as she giggled her way through the five courses and he’d relaxed happily for the first time in two weeks and just listened to her. Her voice was the most glorious sound he could wish for and he’d spent the entire time inwardly thanking everything and anything that she’d agreed to let him back in. It was on her terms and he sort of understood that, but at least she was willing to listen and give him a chance to redeem himself. The rest would come later, when she trusted him again. If she ever fucking did.

  He stood from his desk and walked out of the door without even closing his laptop.

  “Louisa, who runs my London property?” he asked casually as he wandered to the elevator.

  “Tom Brindley, Sir. Anything I can help with?”

  “No, thank you. He’s on four, isn’t he?”

  “Yes, Sir.” With that, he said the word four aloud and put his hands in his pockets.