Feeling White

by Charlotte E Hart

  We’re just finishing up our coffees when a familiar face strides towards me from the street, looking every bit the Lord in his immaculate business suit and I have no idea how the hell to cope with him at all.

  “Well, well, little Beth Scott, what are you doing around here?” Think quick, Beth.

  “Henry,” I squeal in mock delight because I’m sure I should be playing some game of I’m really not aware that you’re trying to destroy my boyfriend and I’m completely thrilled to see you. The shame of it is that I sort of am. He’s like my big brother and good friend all rolled into one so I stand up and give him our usual hug come squeeze in the hope that he won’t realise my discomfort.

  “And who’s this? Have you dumped Mr. White or are you being a naughty little girl?” he asks as he turns towards James.

  “Henry, stop it. This is James our new chef if you must know and no, I haven’t dumped Alex. We’re doing just fine, thank you,” I reply, as James stands and shakes hands with him.

  “Really? Well that’s surprising. I thought you might have seen the light by now and moved on,” he says as he stares at me oddly. It’s slightly cold and distant, not something I can ever remember seeing from him before. And given that he’s being the arsehole in this whole deceitful little game of theirs, he’s got no moral high ground over Alex whatsoever.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” My hackles are up instantly as my hands land on my hips. James coughs a bit beside me and interjects our little staring contest, reminding me that I, too, am unfortunately a part of their little game simply because I know about it.

  “Beth, listen, if it’s alright with you I’ll be off. I’ve got some things to organise so I’ll pop in to see you next week to sign contracts.” I smile over at him as I regain myself and lean in for a cheek kiss.

  “Okay, give me a call. Take care.” He nods at Henry and wanders off into the crowd. I miss him immediately so I gaze after him before turning back to Henry, who has now sat down. Shit. The last thing I want to be doing is lying my way through a conversation with someone I considered a good friend. Alex might have this crap rolling off his tongue but it’s not that easy for me.

  “So what is it that the man has that keeps you interested? Apart from his money that is?”

  What an arsehole. I can’t believe he said that to me. Of all people he should know I’m not interested in that. He’s seen me enough surrounded by wealth to know differently.

  “What a ridiculous thing to say, Henry. What the hell has gotten into you? I thought you said you were his friend and I assume you’re still mine so why are you being such a prat?”

  “Calm down, Beth, for God’s sake .It was only a joke. You’re very touchy about him, aren’t you?”

  Yes, because you’re being a bastard and trying to ruin him. I pull in a breath and try to act nonchalant and ditsy. Perhaps that will make him piss off. Oh god, this is so much harder than I thought. I just want to scream at him and ask him why. Playing games with people I don’t know is easy enough, but add real feelings into the mix and it’s damn near impossible. I have no idea what the hell to say next so I just look over at him expectantly while he sits there looking all big brotherly and actually quite handsome in his blue suit.

  “Look, I’m sorry. I just worry about you with him. I don’t know who he’s pretending to be for you but I can assure you it’s not real. He’s not who you think he is and I know because I’ve been dealing with him for years. He’s extremely good at what he does and I would never belittle him for it, but when it comes to relationships... Well, I just wouldn’t like to see you get hurt, that’s all.”

  The statement “he’s not who you think he is,” hits me like a battering ram and I try desperately to keep a straight face. Was it Henry who sent me that text? No, surely not. It must be a coincidence. It’s not possible that he could be involved in this, is it? Why would he anyway? He doesn’t know about me knowing his plan so he has no reason to involve me unless he’s trying to get me away from Alex for some reason. I know he cares about me but if he’s got something to say, shouldn’t he just say it so that I’m aware?

  “Henry, I appreciate your concern but I’m a big girl now and I am capable of making my own decisions. Alex is wonderful to me and I couldn’t be happier, so unless you’ve got something real to persuade me otherwise, can we just move this conversation away from Alex and I?”

  That should do it. If he’s got anything else to add then he’ll do it. If not, we’ll just get away from this whole discomfort and talk about something else, like him and Sarah.

  “All right, Beth, I’ll leave it at that. As you say, I’m sure you think you know him better than I do so let’s just move on. Why have you hired another chef? Are you expanding?”

  Okay, I’m more comfortable with this even though it still has Alex all over it but he doesn’t need to know that.

  “Yes, business is being really good to us so we’ve taken on a bigger building to cope with it.”

  “Well that’s good. Where is it?”

  “Defoe Point.”

  “Jesus, how did you get funding for that? I’m surprised Belle didn’t come to me for that much money.” Shit, good one. How to balls up staying comfortable.

  “We have our sources and we’re a good bet in this economy, so it wasn’t too hard.”

  His eyes burn mine just like they always did. He can tell I’m lying a mile off and clearly I haven’t got any better at being deceitful with him at all. He runs a hand through his blond hair and chuckles as he picks up a sugar cube and pops it in his mouth with a smug grin.

  “You’re lying, Beth Scott. Where did you get the money?”

  “It’s none of your business really, is it?”

  “Defensive, too... What are you hiding?” he replies as he crosses his legs and leans back with that tell-tale business glint hardening his eyes. It’s no wonder he runs a multi billion pound bank. I snigger at the thought of him and Alex working together. Another formidable team I’m sure. Well, it was. The game they’re now playing will more than likely be fatal for one of them. I sigh and look down at my hands as I suddenly remember how big this actually is for both of them. Someone’s going to be decimated by the end of it and I doubt it will be Alex.

  “Like I said, we’re a good bet. Funding was reasonably easy to come by.”

  I seriously can’t do this anymore. The underlying pain of what I know is just too much so I stand up and grab my bag. Henry looks over at me quizzically. “Look, I have to go so why don’t we arrange to meet up again soon for dinner or something?”

  “Mmm, right,” he says as he stares at me without budging from his chair. It’s that odd look again. I still don’t like it. “I think I’ll stay and have a coffee.”

  “Okay, well, bye then,” I say as I manoeuvre my way around the tables awkwardly, elegant as always but just trying to get away from this bloody charade. Damn Alex and his twilight zones of nastiness, and damn Henry for playing in them with him and forcing his hand in the matter. What a pair of idiots.

  “Beth?”

  “Yes,” I reply as I swing my eyes back to him, hoping to hell he’s not going to put me on the spot because I know I’ll fold if he uses those big kind eyes on me. I always have.

  “Just look after yourself, and stay out of things that don’t concern you, okay?”

  Shit, how the hell did I give that away? I plaster on my brightest smile and pull my bag strap over my head in the hope that I seem completely nonplussed about his comment.

  “What are you going on about now?” I reply as I try for clear confusion. His eyes narrow a little but his face does soften slightly.

  “Nothing, don’t worry about it. Just take care.” My hand almost literally slaps me on the back. I think I may have just rescued that little catastrophe, thank god. His sudden frown and cold stare return to tell me that maybe I didn’t. Shit... again.

  “Oh, okay, bye then... again,” I reply as I shake my head at him, still trying to act the ditz
y blonde and wave possibly a little too madly. My feet couldn’t walk me away faster if I tried.

  I have to call Alex. I have to let him know that I may have just fucked up and given the game away. God knows what Henry might do next if he thinks Alex is aware of what’s going on. I’m sure he’s probably got all his ducks well and truly in a row, ready to launch his attack, but if I’ve just inadvertently shown that Alex is onto him, he could speed up his little plan to take out White industries. I still can’t say I’m comfortable with the thought. Henry still seems the kind soul he always has been to me, but there’s no denying that cold look on his face, the one he probably uses every day in business. To be honest, the only reason I really noticed it is because it’s the exact same one Alex has when he’s pretending to be happy but is actually thinking of something else entirely.

  It makes me wonder how many of them in this high-powered world of theirs are ever themselves to everyone. I mean, is it even possible to make that sort of money by just being yourself and enjoying life or is it always double crossing and manipulating all the way? I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with that shit every moment of my day. It must be exhausting to constantly worry that someone is hiding something or doing something just to be dastardly and ruin you.

  I dig around in my bag for my phone so I can at least give him a heads up on the situation. If nothing else, I don’t want him to find out I’ve been with Henry from someone else. Lord knows what tantrums would emerge if that was the case. He left me last time because of his insecurities and I’m not having that happen again, certainly not after we’ve just had the rather bizarre Pascal thing to deal with. I flick his name and wait for him to answer. It goes to voicemail. Shit, is he in the air? He did say he was flying up to Scotland so maybe he’s on his way back now. I look down at my phone and realise its three-thirty. Wow, where’s that day gone? He said he’d be back in London by three today so maybe he’s at the office. I swipe around for the ever-efficient Miss Trembell’s number that Alex gave me for emergencies and call. She’ll know where he is, not that I can tell her about Henry because I don’t know if Alex has told anyone, but at least she’ll tell me where he is.

  “Miss Scott,” she replies after one ring, very efficient. Her voice is actually quite scary.

  “Oh, hi. Umm, is Alex around?” I don’t even know how she knew it was me, but given her efficiency, she may well be psychic or something.

  “Yes, Miss Scott, he’s on a conference call. Unfortunately, he’ll be at least another half an hour. Would you like me to interrupt him or ask him to call you back?” I look down at my watch again and ponder how quick I can get over there.

  “No, no, don’t take him off his call. I’m sure it’s important. I’ll come to him instead. I should be able to get there in twenty minutes or so. Could you make sure he knows I’m coming please,” I reply as I quicken my pace and head for the taxi rank on the corner.

  “Of course, Miss Scott.”

  “Okay, thanks then. Bye.” I have no clue as to whether I should be calling her Louisa or Miss Trembell. It’s all far too formal for my liking.

  “You’re very welcome, Miss Scott. Good bye.” My eyes roll back as I switch her off. How many times can the woman say Miss Scott? Well hopefully I’ll meet her in twenty minutes so I can ask yet another one of Alex’s employees to call me Elizabeth or Beth.

  The journey is, thankfully, swift but gives me just enough time to sort my face out and text Belle to let her know I won’t be back in today. Luckily enough, I don’t need to be and I haven’t got to be back in until mid-morning to prepare lunch for a small party so I think I deserve an afternoon off.

  So here I am striding across the chequered floor into the White Building, feeling ever so slightly more confident than the last time I was here. It’s still intimidating, but given that I’m now actually sleeping with and in love with the man who owns it, I’m trying my best for in control. Sadly, my skinny blue jeans and red t-shirt aren’t helping me blend in, but that can’t be helped so I pull my leather jacket around me and tuck in my cream scarf, hoping I don’t look too out of place.

  Pascal flits through my mind as if sensing my hesitation and slapping me for it. Then Alex’s fierce eyes overpower him as they banish the man from my mind with his order to lift my head. I can’t help but smile at the pair of them and their dominant ways. Unfortunately, I do suddenly realise I have no clue as to where I’m going. Alex took me to his apartment in the private lift and I haven’t ever been to his office so I’m at a bit of as loss as to what to do next. I approach the main reception desk in the hope that they’ll point me in the right direction.

  Just as I get there, a tall and very beautiful woman in a dark grey skirt suit approaches me while peering over her glasses. She’s probably going to kick out the scruffy girl in jeans, and I can’t help fidgeting as I watch her in awe. She stunning. She’d give Belle a run for her money with her business appearance and it really doesn’t help that the sway of her hips even makes me think inappropriately.

  “Miss Scott, I’m Louisa Trembell. It’s very nice to finally meet you,” she says, startling me with the most amazing smile I’ve ever seen. Of course, it would be her, wouldn’t it? The woman that Alex spends most of his day with, the one who’s perfect at everything she does and the one who apparently is a goddess to look at.

  “Oh hi, yes, nice to meet you, too but you didn’t have to come and get me,” I reply as she extends a hand towards the private elevator we used before and passes me a card. I take it with a frown and look back at her.

  “Mr. White has asked that you meet him in the penthouse. That card will get you into the lift, the parking lot below and his private office should you ever need it. It will also get you into the building from the parking lot as long as you enter the correct alarm code. He said you’d know what your code word is,” she says with a lift of her perfectly plucked dark brow. She really is far too beautiful for this world but I smile at her as I think of my safeword and assume that’s it.

  “Okay, thank you. Will he be long?”

  “No, I should think about fifteen minutes or so. Can I get you anything at all?”

  “No thank you, I’m fine. Please go. I’m sure you’re very busy and I can find my way. Well, I hope I can anyway.” She giggles a little and leans in with a wink. It’s the most seductive vision of a woman I’ve ever seen and I’m sure I’m practically drooling. Having never been attracted to a woman in my life, I’m surprised to say the least.

  “Just swipe everything. He’s given you access to every doorway in the building so you’ll be fine.”

  Oh, he has? Wow that’s... shit... quite a lot really.

  “Wow,” is all I’ve got to reply with. Not only am I utterly drawn to this woman for some unknown reason, I’ve also been given carte blanche to the entirety of the White Building?

  “If you do need me at all, Miss Scott, you can press the hash key on the intercom upstairs. It will come straight through to me at my desk,” she says with a soft grin. It almost makes me swoon into her and the sudden thought hits me that Alex has more than likely slept with her. If I can’t resist her, no man would ever dare to try. I cough my instant repulsion of the thought away and smile back as graciously as I can, given that I’ve just met another one of his ex sex partners.

  “Okay, thank you,” I reply as I turn for the elevator and try not to get wound up about it. He’s got a past, and anyone would sleep with him given the chance, wouldn’t they? I have absolutely no right to feel irritated about anything but it’s safe to say that’s exactly how I am now feeling.

  She doesn’t say anything more as I swipe the card over the pad and the door opens so I step in and give her another small smile as the door swings back across in front of me.

  “Six,” I mumble out as I look around the space and remember the last time I was in here, him making me feel completely inferior as he amused himself with my nerves and intimidation. Well, I’m not that girl anymore and I refuse to feel upse
t about this. It’s ridiculous of me. He’s just given me complete access to his offices for God’s sake. And I’m about to walk into his penthouse to meet him because I’ve got very important information to give him regarding things that no one else knows about. He loves me. I really need to get a sodding grip of myself and accept the fact that he’s slept with other women, probably a lot of them.

  The door slides open, revealing the white foyer and corridor leading to the kitchen area. I smile to myself at the instant reminder of him standing there pulling at his cufflinks and looking like the devil he is as he watched me leave. I was in so much trouble with him in that moment but I’m so glad I gave it a chance. My life would be so much less fulfilling and full of life now if it wasn’t for him. I would have missed so much if I’d never gone to his house and let him convince me to try something different. I giggle at the thought as I wander along the marble floor and head for the work surface where I can see the coffee machine calling to me. I flick it on and turn to look around the space. Nothing’s changed. It’s still devoid of all character and lacks any real sense of him, apart from the painting that’s staring at me. I shrug my coat off and throw it on the counter.

  Sitting on one of the white breakfast bar stools, I swivel around so that I can look at it while the coffee machine works its magic. It’s so sad and lonely that I feel myself being drawn into that little boy’s eyes almost instantly. Fiddling with my bracelet, I can’t stop my mind wondering why he chooses to keep it here? It’s clearly an illustration of how he felt as a child. Does keeping it here help him be the bastard he’s known to be? Does it remind him and keep him angry enough to do the same sort of crap that Henry’s currently doing to him?

  Oh god, it really is depressing, just the way that his poor miserable eyes are pleading with me for help or love in all that grey and dark blue. That shadowy figure in the background looking menacing as he looms over the child with malicious intent must be representative of his bastard of a father. I feel the tears prickling my eyes as the machine starts hissing behind me so I sniff them straight back up and tip off the stool to make our drinks. If he wants to discuss this then I’m sure he will. Until then, my job is to support him and make him understand what true love really is. Pascal’s words ring in my ear. “Maintain your dominance over him. He will need it to be honest with you.” Is that what he needs all the time? Does it make him feel wanted or loved somehow? Or is it just a thing I need to do to keep his respect and let him know I’m not scared of him, even though I am, sometimes anyway?