Feeling White

by Charlotte E Hart

  Is it what he needs to chase his demons away, someone who will accept him body and soul, without the slightest care to his past or what he’s been up to? Maybe that’s exactly it. Maybe that’s what makes me different for him, my ability to see him for what I believe he is now regardless of what he thinks of himself. Maybe he sees that in me and clutches to it like it’s a chance at redemption or something.

  He asked me never to run, never to leave him, so even if we don’t make it as a couple for the rest of our lives, he will know what real emotions feel like. I will make him realise what it means to love and be loved in return, because to be without that makes life meaningless, doesn’t it? Regardless of how much money he’s got, without love it’s pointless.

  I potter about with the machine as I make my own drink and set it up for his until the lure of the sofa is just too much. I wander over to the black leather shrouded in the darkened room. Kicking my shoes and socks off, I slouch down so I can gaze out at the twinkling lights of Christmas hanging around London’s skyline. It’s beautiful and quickly diminishes all thoughts of sleeping with secretaries and crappy childhoods until I find myself simply daydreaming about holidays on yachts and marriage and children and... Oh for god’s sake, stop it, Beth.

  Although he did ask me to move in with him. Would that make him feel more comfortable about revealing himself in his entirety? He said he’d show me anyway, but would he truly appreciate the depth of my love if I said yes? Do I even want to?

  Yes, is my brain’s immediate response. My inner slut agrees entirely for once but if I’m honest, the thought scares the shit out of me a little. I don’t even know what he’s going to show me and I’m thinking about giving up my home and moving in with him?

  I am, it seems, because I can’t bear the thought of not waking up in his arms every day if I’ve got the chance to do it. What idiot would refuse such temptation? I didn’t push him for it. He asked me.

  The sudden pressure of his hands on my shoulders alerts me to the fact that he’s behind me and I close my eyes and sigh out languidly as his finger runs around the base of my throat.

  “You’re a very nice surprise,” he says as his mouth grazes its way along my neck towards my chin. His hand tangles into my hair as he tips me backwards and climbs over the back of the sofa to land between my legs with clear intent. At some point he’s removed his clothes because I’m greeted with his smiling face and a broad, heavy and very naked body pushing down on me. His other hand pulls my wrist above my head as his eyes sparkle to life with mischief. “Now, Elizabeth, what exactly can I do for you?”

  “Mmm…” I can’t even remember why I came here in the first place all of a sudden as I gaze up and wiggle my hips against him. His very naughty grin reminds me of that small boy and in this moment he just seems like a man in love who’s happy with the woman beneath him. None of the money around us is relevant, none of his preferences, none of his inner demons or oncoming battles, just him and me in a quiet moment of love and happiness. His finger runs along my jaw as he stares down at me with soft eyes, and before I know it, I’m agreeing to a request he hasn’t even mentioned.

  “Yes,” I say softly as I reach my lips towards him. He probably hasn’t got a clue what I’m talking about, but as his mouth moves across mine purposely, his tongue assaults mine seductively. He teases me with soft strokes and gently nipping teeth until he pulls back slowly and looks back down at me.

  “That’s a very dangerous word. You do realise that, don’t you? It could mean all sorts of useful acceptances,” he replies as he moves downwards and begins to undo my jeans. “Yes, string me up, Alex.” Oh! His hands yank them down my legs until he tosses them on the floor and moves back towards me. “Yes, bind me tightly and torture me, Alex.” My pulse is quickening by the second as his mouth descends onto my stomach and he pushes my legs apart. “Yes, use me as long as you’d like, Alex.” His teeth drag along to my core as he pulls the back of my panties across my backside and digs his fingers in harshly. “Yes, fuck my arse and take everything from me, Alex.” Oh god, his tongue licks up the length of my core as he throws the panties and clamps down on my very sensitive clit. I almost come instantly as I moan out my pleasure and arch up into him. “Yes, I’ll take as much as you can give me, Alex.” His fingers push into me slowly and my legs begin trembling with anticipation of what’s coming next. “Do I need to go on, Elizabeth? Would you like to revise your statement at all?”

  I can’t speak. I’m not sure if he expects any answers but he’s not getting them. He pushes my t-shirt up until he can roughly pull my bra put of the way and then draws my nipples up into his mouth with his teeth. His fingers begin slowly pushing in and out of me as he grazes his thumb across my clit with soft strokes. My stomach tries its best to hold in the bliss but I haven’t got a hope, and frankly, at the moment I don’t care. I love the feeling of his weight on me and his expert hands doing exactly what they’re made for. My mind briefly flirts with the thought of what on earth else he’s got in those hands as Pascal’s force hits me and then his calming voice pulls me back to him as his fingers pull out of me.

  “Take your top off and turn over for me.” Okay, my hands work quickly to remove the offensive item and as I roll onto my front, the leather grates against my already sensitive nipples. “I fucking adore you like this, waiting for me and trembling with need,” he says as he hoists me up by my hips so I’m on all fours. “Tell me what you want me to do for you, baby.”

  I’ve never been much of a one for demanding with my voice, but thoughts of honesty and trust are running through my head so fast I can’t stop them. My mouth opens to speak but his hand clamps over it before I can get the words out.

  “Real, baby. You want the real me then I want your exact thoughts, every place you want my hands, my cock, my weight. I need to know how much you can take from me, and I want you to give me every piece of you,” he says as he trails his teeth over my shoulders and moves his hand across my backside again. Memories of stinging smacks and probing fingers fly into my mind. He told me he’d take me there, and then I’d be ready for more. Do I want that? He certainly does and I know that because I can feel him asking me for it with that strange sixth sense thing I’ve got around him. His mouth has moved downward towards the very place we’re both thinking about, and the fact that he knows exactly what he’s doing to me with his kneading fingers and devilish lips is utterly unfair. Frankly, he might as well say, “This is what I’m going to do,” so I can just whimper in agreement as a response.

  Then he’s there, dragging his talented tongue up the length of my sex and straight across that forbidden place. Oh god, my core contracts viciously as if sensing the potential and relishing the thought. I suddenly realise I’m panting as his fingers join in on the persuasive assault, gently teasing around the area and heightening the feeling of emptiness. My body feels coiled and ready to explode the moment he puts something inside me, somewhere, anywhere frankly.

  “Ask me for it, Elizabeth?” Oh Christ, he does know - honesty, trust. I close my eyes to the sensation as his tongue sweeps over me again and his fingers dip inside my wet lips, not enough to give me any satisfaction, just enough to remind me I’m going to have to say what I want. My thighs clamp together in the hope of finishing myself off, but he’s on me in seconds, spreading them wide again and not allowing me the pressure I’m craving.

  “Please, Alex...” I’m begging. It’s dripping out of my mouth like butter. He does this to me, brings me close and then holds me off like I’m some kind of damned ticking time bomb waiting for the command to let rip.

  “Please what, Elizabeth?”

  “Fuck me,” I mumble in reply as coherent thoughts begin to leave me. Small nipping bites travel their way up the inside of my thighs, increasing my need to the point where my core is throbbing with unapologetic desire for the inevitable.

  “Where, baby? Tell me where you want my cock buried.” Bastard. His fingers continue with their soft wandering until the
y land on my arse. “Here?” he says as he drags the finger downwards to my wet folds again. “Or here? Tell me.”

  Oh Christ, my trembling increases to earth quaking as his tongue pushes into that forbidden hole and I moan out around the feeling. It’s incredible, unlike anything I’ve ever felt, and as his fingers move to my clit, I know I’m minutes away from that sweet feeling.

  “Are you ready, Elizabeth? Are you ready to give me that last bit of you?” He breathes over my lower back in that low seductive voice of his that will always have me complying with anything he says.

  “Oh god, yes,” is my instant reply. I’m almost delirious and haven’t fully accepted what I’ve just said yes to until the sudden pressure around my arse is upon me. It’s indescribable, pain, pleasure, heaviness. I can’t find the words but my body immediately freezes as I realise this is actually happening and I hold my breath in expectation of the oncoming sensation. Fingers probe in and out as he smothers my own juices over the area while firmly holding my hip close to him. My gaze becomes transfixed on the fireplace I’m not actually seeing because my mind is far too engaged in the unusual and quite liberating experience behind me as I remain still and tense with anticipation.

  “Easy, baby,” he says as he finally pushes his cock against me and I feel him entering me. “Just relax and let me in. You don’t know how fucking irresistible you look under me right now, that sexy as sin arse in the air for me, begging and moaning for more. You want all of me then give me all of you.”

  My body begins to relax as I let myself listen to his words and breathe again. His fingers find my clit again and gently rub across it in small circles as his length starts to stretch me wide. I can’t stop the clamping of my muscles everywhere as the familiar build of my orgasm approaches faster than usual and he continues to sink inside me. The small bites of pain seem to dissipate or highlight the effect as he licks the length of my spine in a soothing rhythm and quietly murmurs every thought along the way.

  “Fuck,” he eventually grunts quietly as he stills and rests his hips against me. “Put your fingers inside your pussy and feel me inside you. Christ, I’m so damn close already.” His hand grabs mine and pushes it towards my insides. Linking our fingers, he dips them in and runs my fingers against the hardened wall of his cock buried deep inside me.

  I can’t even fathom thoughts. I feel so full I can barely breathe, and shit, he hasn’t even moved yet but the shuddering that’s building only intensifies my heady awareness of him inside me. He leaves my hand there and pulls his back up to my throat as he leans over me and bites at my neck. The slight movement causes my knees to begin their buckling as sensation sweeps over me and I rock backwards into him without any thought. My inner slut is telling my body exactly what I should be doing

  “Is this what you want?” he rasps out over my shoulder as he gently pulls out a little and then pushes back in. My body’s instant response is to push back against him harder as I feel his cock moving deep inside me with my fingers. “That’s it, baby. Show me how to fuck you. Tell me how much you want from me.”

  “Oh fuck yes, more, Alex, please... I need to-” I’m cut off as he pulls out and drives back in. My body crumbles beneath him as my insides tighten around my fingers to igniting proportions. My own thumb swirls around my clit in vigorous circles, only spurring me further into my bliss as he continues to glide in and out of me with punishing strokes. “Oh god, yes, Alex... Faster.”

  My teeth sink into the leather of the sofa as he loses himself in his own animalistic state behind me, grunting and groaning as those lights begin fluttering under my eyelids and I drift towards a new kind of paradise. Rough hands lift and turn me until my stomach is against the back of the sofa looking towards that picture. All thoughts of the young tortured boy disappear as I see his scattered clothes in the corridor and feel the grown man behind me, showing me exactly who he is while he takes exactly what he wants with no remorse and relishes in it. As those relentless, passionate thrusts bring me closer to the edge, his hand joins mine to increase the pressure on my clit, pushing me to a new level of enticement and satisfaction as he drives us forward together.

  Everything begins to shake as my head tilts back toward him to seek out his mouth in a frenzied attack of tongues and as I close my eyes and let my body go, he bites at my jaw, growling out his own euphoria.

  “I’m not him anymore,” he pants against me as he wraps his hand around my ponytail and pulls my hair harshly towards him. I grab the back of the sofa and let his hands do all the work as my body spasms against his fingers and a gut wrenching feeling claims every inch of me while I explode in front of him, shaking and quivering like a newly formed siren in ecstasy. Tears spring to the corners of my eyes at his admission as I realise he’s been thinking the same thoughts as me. I wind my hand into the back of his hair, searching for more contact to pull us together, and dragging his mouth down to mine again, I kiss him with everything I have.

  “No, not him... Someone new,” I pant through our lips as the last hard ripple of orgasm swirls through me and he pulls me back down onto him one last time. He wraps his arms around me, and holding me tightly against him, shouts out my name in rapture as he reaches for my throat again gently. My mind whirls with ecstatic feelings of joy and love as he empties himself into a place no one else has ever been, a place just for him to claim purely as his own.

  “Someone just for you,” he rasps out between heavy breaths as he kisses the side of my face leisurely with that throaty growl of approval. “Only for you. I’ll never give him to anybody but you because you made him. You found me.”

  Tears sting my eyes again as my hand covers his around my throat and I bring it down to my heart. His breathing quietens against my back and that small smattering of hair on his chest brushes occasionally as he continues to twitch inside me, pulsing and reminding me of where he is. What he’s just claimed as his, what I offered freely to him for no other reason than to cement a further connection with him and give him every part of me. My mind wanders back to the very reason I said yes in the first place - to live with him, to be by his side day and night and promise my life to him if he still wants me to.

  “You have it all now, Alex,” I say as I squeeze his hand into my chest and lean back onto him. “Every piece of me belongs to you and I want the same from you. Promise me again that you’ll give me all of you.”

  He slowly lifts me away from him until he withdraws himself from me and then gently manoeuvres me until I’m facing him. My legs wrap around him as if they’re part of his skin, part of him even, and as his hands find their way to my face to brush away a tear, he gazes across at me with his beautiful eyes shining.

  “You’ve had me all my life, Elizabeth. I didn’t know it and I hadn’t expected it, but I’ve always been yours nonetheless. Only you have ever known this part of me and if you want the rest, you can have it. Just promise me you won’t run, whatever happens you stand your ground and fight me if you have to, but never run, okay?”

  “I’ve already told you I won’t. You couldn’t do anything to make me leave.” Actually there is one stipulation that my brain rapidly reminds me of. “Well, apart from fuck someone else behind my back that is.” His eyebrow raises as a smirk graces his face.

  “As opposed to in front of you?” Arsehole. My hand has slapped his chest before I know it. His chuckle of amusement makes me smile at my own stupidity given our rather unusual sex life, but I can’t help slapping him again, repeatedly. “Alright, alright, enough. I will never fuck anything behind your back. In fact, I will never fuck anything but you. Is that an acceptable answer for you?”

  “Yes, and in that case, my answer is still yes,” I reply quietly as I suck in a nervous breath, suddenly worried that I’m overstepping an imaginary line and that he’s changed his mind about me moving in with him. His brow furrows in confusion. It doesn’t help my state of tension.

  “I don’t know the question,” he says as he grabs a throw off the sofa and drape
s it around my shoulders.

  “Well that’s a first. It’s normally me not knowing what the hell’s going on,” I reply with a small giggle, hoping that I’ve got this right and that he’s not about to embarrass the living shit out of me. He still looks baffled. “You told me that you wanted me with you every morning, that you’d be very happy if I was with you all the time and that if I wanted to I could...” My voice trails off to virtually inaudible as I watch his face change back to one of amusement. He’s laughing at me. He knows exactly what I’m talking about and he’s fucking drawing it out. I stiffen a little and pull away from him but he yanks me back to him with a chuckle.

  “Are you asking if you can move in with me, Miss Scott?” Shithead.

  “No, I’m replying to your request for me to move in with you.”

  Because he asked me, not the other way around and I won’t have this turned on me. His hands are suddenly lifting me and dropping me down onto his already hard again cock. I have no idea when that happened but the feeling is so exquisite that I moan out my gratitude as he impales me and pulls me in tighter.

  “Are you my Christmas present? Can I wrap you in an orange bow and tie you to the tree?” he asks with a very gravelly voice as he trails his fingers over my back. My giggle at his statement has him beaming with that glorious panty-dropping smile of his. If I had any on, I would definitely have dropped them by now.