Changed

by E. M. Leya

  "Thanks." I met my twin's gaze. It was scary how we could communicate with just a look. His gaze told me that I better get this mating done or there was going to be trouble. I had to agree with him. I could smell jealousy on Mark, and that was a scent that shouldn't ever be there between mates. Once the ceremony was completed, Mark would know my feelings and be connected with me enough to understand there would never be a chance of me being with another.

  "So how many songs have you written?" Jackson was by us again, his guitar case in his hand.

  "I'm up to eight, but only three that I think will interest anyone." I shrugged. "We'll see what you think, but most of these are ballads."

  "Romance on your mind?" Jackson teased.

  "You could say my mind's been on other things." I smiled at Mark. "Ballads do well, I'm just not sure we should do a full album of them."

  "I have a few ideas we can toss around. I have the music, but need the words. That's your strong point." Jackson followed us inside and up to the third floor where I had my guitar and all the songs I'd been working on.

  "Beer or something?" I asked.

  "Nah, I'm good. Maybe we can go hunting later if you guys are up to it. I went out to dinner with a non-shifter friend last night and they took me to this vegetarian place. It was horrible. I can't understand why someone wouldn't eat meat."

  Mark laughed. "Up until my change, I actually didn't like meat much. Now, just the thought of it makes me hungry."

  "Right?" Jackson grinned. "I had to stop for a burger on the way home just to keep my wolf from revolting."

  I listened to Jackson and Mark talk, glad they seemed to get along. I'd hoped having Jackson and the others around would help Mark feel more comfortable about being a wolf, and it seemed to be working. I was excited that he was feeling jealous of Jackson and wanted to go with me to record the album. Still, I hated that there was jealousy at all. If he'd just mate with me, he'd see that there would never be a reason to be jealous. I belonged to him, and nothing and no one would ever change that. We just needed to get that ceremony over with.

  "Let me hear what you have." Jackson nudged me, pulling me out of my stupor.

  "Yeah." I reached for my guitar and some papers I'd made notes on. Hoping there was something the band would like, I cast a glance at Mark before I started to play and sing.

  I'd played for millions of people in my life, shared songs, both good and bad with Jackson, but there was something about singing these ballads that was different. They were about my feelings, about my mate, about something I'd never felt before. It seemed almost wrong to share the emotions in the song with anyone because they were so personal. I forced the worries from my mind and focused on the words.

  "Wow," Jackson said softly.

  I glanced over at him, raising a brow, wondering what the single word meant.

  "You've got a bestseller there, Tav."

  I shook my head.

  Mark settled a hand on my thigh. "He's right. It's amazing."

  Jackson smiled. "That song is something most bands dream of having but never find. I'm almost hesitant to add any other music to it. Maybe we should leave it as an acoustic piece without anything but you and your guitar."

  I stared at him in shock. I loved the song, but I was sure that was only because I'd written the words thinking about Mark.

  "Can you do that?" Mark asked Jackson.

  "We can do almost anything we want." Jackson shrugged.

  "It needs backup." I strummed my guitar absently.

  "Maybe we do two versions. Whatever we do, that one is in. It's going to be our hottest release yet. What else do you have?" Jackson asked.

  We spent the next two hours going over everything I'd written. It was great to get back to the music, to sit with Jackson and focus on work. I was aware of Mark beside me the whole time, and I enjoyed watching him as he learned how we did things, and after a few songs, he was even adding in his own thoughts and ideas as Jackson and I talked through things. It energized me and made me long to get back on tour, especially now that I had real hope that Mark was going to join me on the road.

  "Okay, I need a break." Jackson stood and stretched.

  I set my guitar aside and leaned against Mark a bit, drawing energy from just being close. I liked that he accepted my touch and no longer moved away or looked stressed when I was near him. He was slowly accepting our mating. The nature of his wolf was working to change his thinking. Hope surged that maybe we could get this mating ceremony done before we got on the road. I dreaded to think how hard it would be if we didn't. "You hungry?"

  "Starving." Mark slid his hand down my back.

  "Let me grab Justice and we can go hunt." I stood, offering a hand to Mark to help him up. He took it, and once he was standing, I pulled him to me, hugging him tightly. "My wolf is dying to be with yours."

  "Mine too," he admitted.

  Jackson cleared his throat. "I'll grab Justice while you two do whatever it is you're doing." He quickly left the room.

  Mark blushed. "I don't want to make him uncomfortable."

  "He's just jealous. It will happen often. Everyone wants to find their mate and it can be hard seeing others who have. Don't worry about it. They'll all get used to it in time, and hopefully, they will find their mate someday and understand the need to touch and be close to one another." I brushed a kiss over his cheek. "Let's go hunt. It will help us all relax."

  Mark's stomach growled.

  I laughed. "It will help that issue too."

  Mark blushed. "You'll tell me if you want time alone with him?"

  I saw in his eyes how hard it was for him to offer that to me. As my mate, leaving me alone with another wolf wouldn't be easy, at least not until we completed the ceremony. "I promise, but I have no secrets from you so there is no reason for me to spend time away from you. Jackson understands that. If he needs to confide in me for some reason, he'd let me know." I linked our hands and led him outside to find Justice and Jackson sitting on the front steps.

  "Took you long enough," Justice teased.

  "We'd catch up. You didn't have to wait." I narrowed my eyes at my twin.

  "Right, we'd never see you again. You two would take advantage of being alone."

  Mark's cheeks turned red, proving that Justice was right.

  "Jealous?" I raised a brow.

  "Hell yes, I am." Jackson tore off his shirt. "Stop this shit. It's hard enough knowing you're mated. Don't rub in that we aren't."

  I sighed.

  "Sorry." Justice stood and worked off his boots.

  I stripped without a thought of the others around us, but noticed Mark hesitating.

  "It's okay. No one cares if you're naked." I reached over and lifted Mark's shirt over his head.

  "It doesn't make you jealous?" Mark asked.

  "Not at all, but I'm used to this. Are you jealous of others seeing me naked?" It was something I'd never thought about before.

  "A bit." He glanced at the others.

  "You two really need to get that ceremony over with." Justice tossed his pants on the porch as he stood naked in front of us. "You know all this stops as soon as you're fully mated."

  "I know, but I won't rush him. This has to be up to him or it won't work. You know that." I glared at Justice. "He can't lie about wanting this. We won't mate unless his heart is in it."

  "You better figure it out before it becomes an issue," Jackson said a second before he shifted into his wolf.

  Justice shifted as well, leaving me standing beside Mark.

  "I'm sorry." Mark sighed.

  "Don't be. It's not an issue. When you're ready, we'll mate." I nodded to his pants. "Get undressed and let's hunt. You'll feel better after."

  He gave me a slight nod and quickly changed out of his clothes. Once he was naked, he shifted.

  Seeing him in his wolf form, I shifted also. At least as wolves, all this confusion would be gone. We'd have a few hours of peace before we'd be human again and have to face it all. I
refused to worry. Mark would come around. Right now, we would hunt and have fun, forgetting that our worlds were still so different. The sooner Mark accepted what he was, the sooner we could get on with our lives. Giving Mark a soft nip at his shoulder, I took off at a hard run, letting everything but the hunt fade from my mind.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Mark

  It was late before we finally made it to bed. I was comfortable sharing a bed with Tavish now. I longed to be in his arms, held against his warm body. I hated the need I had for him, but it was impossible to resist. There was no denying the pull of our mating bond. It was almost painful to be apart from him, and that fact was what kept me from taking the next step and going through the mating ceremony. If we were this connected now, how much more would it be once we did the ceremony. I wasn't sure I could handle being that close to anyone.

  "What do you think of Jackson?" Tavish asked as we settled into bed.

  "He's great." I didn't want to admit how jealous I was of their friendship and how close they were. Even knowing there was nothing between them other than friendship, it was hard to know that the man I was falling for was so close to another man. It was probably childish and stupid to feel that way, but that's the way it was. "Are you that close to the rest of the band?"

  "Not really. We're close, but Jackson and I have been friends forever. It's impossible not to get attached to the band when we spend so much time together, but I seldom hang out with the others when we're not working. We'll hunt together and stuff, but they don't stay here with us. They stay at the pack house or with family when they're in town."

  "They don't live here?"

  "Most have family in the area, but I'm the only one who has a home here. I probably wouldn't have bothered with a house in Terrin Pass if it wasn't for Justice being here. I just don't spend enough time in Montana."

  "Because you're on the road all of the time."

  Tavish gave a nod.

  I reached over and clicked off the lamp beside the bed before curling into his arms. "I had fun today."

  "So did I." Tavish brushed his lips over my forehead. "Did you mean what you said earlier?"

  "What did I say?" I asked confused.

  "That you would go on tour with me."

  I smiled. "Yeah, I meant it. It was strange. I'd been struggling with it, but the moment I saw Jackson and the thought hit me that you'd be surrounded by other wolves day after day, I couldn't stand the thought of not being with you. I don't have a lot of experience, but I never thought of myself as jealous, yet the thought of you with others, it hit me hard. If I stayed here, I'd never rest. My wolf would be a mess. I'm starting to understand how different wolf thinking is compared to human. It's kind of scary."

  "That will settle in time. You have to know that you have nothing to worry about, right? I could never be with anyone else. You're my mate and that means that you're it for me. Even if you died, it would be hard for me to find another. Our connection is forever. I'm glad you've decided to go with me. I think you'll have fun."

  "When do we leave?"

  "That depends. I thought we'd have to take more time writing new songs, but Jackson seems to think we can go with what we have already. Once the rest of the band gets here and give their input, learn the new songs, and feel we are ready, we'll head to the studio. From there, we'll hit the road and do some smaller shows before the main tour starts. I like the smaller shows. We hit some clubs and bars and it's like old times. They're more personal. The large arena shows are so much work and I never feel like I really connect with the fans."

  It was all so foreign to me. I couldn't imagine what it must be like standing in front of so many people and singing. "Does your wolf hate it?"

  "Sometimes. He hates he can't get out more. He'd rather be here where we're surrounded by pack and can shift often. It helps that the rest of the band is part of the pack so we aren't alone. I'm not sure I'd do this if I had to hide who I was from the rest of the band." Tavish's hand slid down my naked back. "It takes some getting used to, but we all know when we need to take a break and go run for a night. It helps that there are other packs around the country who welcome us and allow us to run and hunt on their land."

  "Do all packs get along?"

  Tavish laughed. "No. There are a lot who don't like outsiders, but there are just as many who are welcoming. We've learned who to trust and who to avoid. Kurt knows most of the other alphas and made connections for us years ago. Now, when we show up to visit another pack, most of them welcome us like family. We sign a few autographs and sometimes play for the pack, but most just include us and ignore the fact that we're famous."

  Being in his arms it was easy to forget who Tavish really was. I seldom thought about him being famous, but if I was going to go on tour with him, it was something I needed to think about and get used to. I'd seen videos of his concerts and some of his fans went nuts when he was on stage. I slid my leg between his thighs, bringing us even closer as his arousal pressed against me. "Will the others accept me?"

  "Of course. Why wouldn't they?"

  "Because I was forced into being a wolf."

  "No one will know. Only those with Kurt's pack know the story and they won't share it with anyone. Now that you've become a wolf, you are equal to the rest of us. Your past is forgotten. There is nothing for you to worry about as long as you obey pack laws and wolf laws. You'll be okay, I promise." His mouth covered mine for a kiss filled with intent and need.

  It was impossible not to react to his touch, to his kiss. I always wanted him. I couldn't seem to get enough. We'd snuck off while hunting and had sex in wolf form, but that hadn't sated my desire for him. I wanted him now. I slid my hands over his skin. It was insane how just the taste of his mouth on mine could turn me on.

  Tavish pulled away. "Roll over."

  I did so without hesitation, moving onto my stomach, then going up on my knees. I was shameless when it came to him. I'd give him whatever he desired.

  "That's it." Tavish ran his hands over my ass. "I love this ass." He bent and nipped at one cheek before rising back up.

  I moaned at the feel of his cock parting me. I was used to the pain, the sudden forced intrusion. Though it hurt, I fed off the pain, or better yet, my wolf fed off it. My wolf wanted the savageness, the aggression, the feeling of belonging to Tavish.

  I howled as he thrust into me, taking me deep with one thrust. During sex, my wolf was always right there, alert, and just on the edge of being released. I shared the pleasure with him, allowed him a bit of control without letting him escape.

  Tavish's hands dug into my hips as he pulled me back against him, driving into me with swift, hard strokes that had my own need pulsing. I reached for my cock, stroking myself in a tight fist as I moved with Tavish, taking as much as he was giving, working together to bring us both the release we desired.

  Our sex was seldom romantic. That wasn't what we desired, or at least it wasn't what I desired. I loved holding him close and making out, but when it came to sex, I wanted it to hurt, wanting it rough and quick. Raw need I could handle. The physical stuff was easy. It was the emotional shit that scared me and had me holding back, refusing to mate with Tavish the way he desired. I didn't want what we had to change. I didn't want to give him even more power over me than he already had. This was enough. This was good.

  My cock swelled in my hand, precum dripping, coating the path of my fist. Behind me, Tavish's heavy breathing filled the room, mixed with the sound of our skin slapping together as he took me hard, pressing deep into me only to retreat and slam back inside me again. Our sex was loud, and I was sure that anyone in the house was aware of what we were doing. I didn't care. It was too good. The feel of his thickness inside me pushed me closer to losing my mind. When Tavish released a loud howl, then bent over me, sinking his teeth into my shoulder as he came, I was lost as well. My orgasm shot through me, sending shuddering waves of pleasure through me as I howled as well, losing my mind to the pleasure and praying that i
t would never end. This was enough. This was perfect.

  Tavish stilled, then licked over the bite wound, cleaning the blood from my skin. He nuzzled the back of my neck. "I love you. You are everything I could desire."

  I closed my eyes, tempted to say the words back, but I didn't. I couldn't give that much of myself to him. Even if the feelings were there, they scared me enough I couldn't say them. I couldn't open myself up to giving someone that much power over me. "I can't get enough of you," I whispered. It was true, and I'd give him that much.

  Tavish pulled from me, moving to my side as he lay down on the soft pillows before pulling me to him. "It will be even better when you quit holding back."

  I rested against his damp chest, feeling the pounding of his heart against my cheek. Closing my eyes, I sighed, wishing this could be enough for him. Wishing I didn't have to give him more of me.

  "One day we'll be officially mated and you'll wonder why you ever held back." Tavish traced circles along my spine.

  "And if I can't ever do that?"

  Tavish didn't answer for a long moment. "Then I guess this will have to be enough. I hope that's not how it is though. I want more with you. I want a connection that only a mating ceremony can bring. I want to share everything with you, give everything to you."

  I didn't understand how a ceremony would change anything. In my mind, it was just words. In time, maybe I'd admit that I loved him, but for now, I hoped I showed him how much I cared through my actions.

  As our breathing eased and we relaxed, I wondered if he'd stick around if I didn't give in. How long would he put up with waiting for me? Sure, he claimed he couldn't love another, even without the ceremony, but I didn't believe that. He'd bore of me sooner or later and move on. I wasn't lovable. I'd learned that from a young age. This was new and exciting to Tavish, but once he found another, he'd let me go. Then hopefully, I'd finally be able to make my own way in the world, without being under anyone's control. I longed for that independence, but at the same time, I dreaded the day when Tavish might not want me as strongly as I wanted him.