Changed

by E. M. Leya

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  Tavish

  I hated flying. My wolf hated it even more. There was something about being trapped inside a plane that made me tense and moody. Beside me, Mark seemed to be struggling as well. Even though we had a private jet, it didn't make it easier. "We'll be landing in a few minutes." I gave Mark's hand a squeeze. "We can shift in the hotel room if your wolf needs to escape for a bit. Flying is always hard."

  Mark nodded, but from the set of his jaw, I worried he was struggling with his control. I didn't sense his wolf close to the surface, but that didn't mean that couldn't change in an instant. While everyone in the band was wolf, the pilot and crew weren't.

  We'd spent weeks talking about everything that would happen once we came to California. We'd planned to stay at my home near the beach, but decided at the last minute to grab hotel rooms instead, since the hotel was closer to the studio where we'd be recording. It made sense since my home was an hour's drive away. We'd head to the house once we finished recording.

  I was pleased with how well Mark seemed to be getting along with the band. He was obviously uncomfortable with everyone when it came to them being around me, but that was a given since we were mates who had yet to complete the ceremony. Other than his jealousy, he seemed to have made friends with Jackson, Theo, and Mitch. We'd been together for over a week rehearsing and working on last-minute things. We'd spent almost as much time in wolf form, hunting and running the forest as we had working on music. Things were looking good. None of the guys seemed to have a problem with Mark going on tour with us.

  As we readied ourselves for landing, Mark glanced over at me. "How do you get used to this?"

  "Flying?"

  He nodded.

  "We do as little of it as we can. It's unavoidable, but none of us like it. Once we are on tour, we'll be on the bus. It's easier there. We try to keep flying to short trips. When it sucks is when we have to go overseas and are stuck in a plane for hours and hours. That won't be happening this tour, so don't worry." I kissed his cheek. "Once we land, we'll check-in at the hotel, hit the studio for a few hours, then I'll take you out for a thick steak. Tonight, we can shift in the hotel room and sleep in wolf form. It will help us both relax."

  From beside us, Mitch gave us a sympathetic look. "We all hate flying." He ran a hand over his beard.

  Mitch and I had been friends for a long time. Not as long as Jackson and me, but it sometimes felt that way. We'd been a band for so long it was almost hard to recall a time when we weren't traveling together and performing. Mitch had lost both his parents young and spent most of his teenage years at the pack house. We'd all gathered there, hanging out, trying to stay out of trouble. "Only one thing worse than flying," I said.

  "Boats," Jackson and Theo said in unison.

  "Really?" Mark glanced at them.

  "Yep. While we all can swim, we aren't comfortable when we are too far away from land." I glanced up as the woman who was our flight attendant walked into the main section of the jet. That cut off any more conversation since she was human.

  "Will is meeting us at the studio." Theo clicked his seatbelt into place. "He wants to go over a few contract things, talk about some promotion shit he wants us to do this week, and then go over a couple of the songs he's not sure about."

  I sighed, dreading the next few hours. I was fine dealing with the music, but I hated contract talks, and even more, I hated promotional appearances. If I was lucky, the other guys would step up and do what they could since I had Mark with me, but I doubted luck would come my way. They hated it as much as I did.

  "Don't even think it." Jackson glared at me. "I covered for you already."

  I sighed. He had done several interviews while I'd been dealing with finding my mate. He was right, I couldn't ask him to cover. At least if I was stuck doing interviews, I'd have Mark with me to get through it all. "I won't ask."

  It took us almost an hour to get to the studio once we landed. I hated Los Angeles. It was crowded and far from the forest. While I loved the ocean, I missed the trees and seclusion of Montana. I longed-for two-lane highways that weaved through the trees instead of bumper to bumper traffic and the smell of exhaust in the air.

  "Have you ever been here?" I asked Mark as we walked into the studio.

  "No, Dad never took me when he traveled. He'd hire someone to watch me."

  "Did he travel a lot?"

  Mark nodded. "All the time, but never for long periods. I think he was scared to leave me alone with people for too long, afraid I'd talk or they'd see signs of his abuse. As I got older and the abuse got worse, he'd sometimes just leave without telling me and be gone for two or three days. I never knew where he was or when he'd be home."

  I frowned. I hated Mark's father without ever having met him. The thought of anyone hurting my mate was enough to send my wolf into a killing rage.

  Mark's fingers linked with mine. "I'm okay."

  I nodded. "I know, but I still hate the way he treated you."

  The conversation came to an end as we walked into the studio and I introduced him to Will. Our manager was nearly forty years older than most of us, but being a wolf, he didn't look it. I liked Will, but he was pushy and took his job seriously, which was good for a manager, but sucked for us. He was good at drawing the band attention. He did all the stuff I hated to do. He was good at the business side of things, allowing for me to focus on what I loved, the music.

  I liked having Mark with me. As we worked through contract talks, discussed promotional schedules, and then finally sat down in the studio to give the songs a go, I found myself more relaxed than I'd ever been. All I had to do was glance up and see Mark looking back at me and a feeling of peace flowed through me. It seemed right to have him by my side through all this. He didn't look bored, but interested in everything, listening intently, and watching everything going on around him.

  By the time we'd finished at the studio, it was nearly five in the afternoon. I was tired and wanted a shower, but I was also starving. Deciding it was better to eat first, then head back to the hotel where we could hide for the night, I turned to the rest of the guys. "Anyone up for dinner?"

  "I'm meeting Kira." Mitch smiled at the mention of a girl he dated when in town. She was a wolf from a local pack who we'd all met when we'd hunted on their land several years before.

  "I've got meetings." Will waved as he headed out the door.

  "And we're going to hit the club." Jackson threw his arm around Theo's shoulder. "We'll catch you two in the morning."

  "Guess that just leaves us." I smiled at Mark. "You hungry?"

  "Starving." He smiled as we walked outside to one of the limos that the studio had for us. "Do you always use a limo?" Mark asked as we slid into the backseat.

  "Pretty much. I have a couple of cars here, but I hate dealing with traffic. If I can let someone else deal with the driving, I'm happy. Besides…" I leaned closer, brushing my mouth over his. "I like that we can be alone like this." I kissed him softly.

  He kissed me back, his scent coming alive with arousal. When he pulled back to look at me, I saw the glint of his wolf behind his eyes.

  "This is a lot to get used to." His hand sat against my chest.

  "Too much?"

  He shook his head. "Just different. At home, it's easy to forget how famous you are. Here, this always reminds me that half the world idolizes you."

  "I think that's a bit of an exaggeration." I laughed. "I'm the same person here as I am at home. I just have people to drive me around." I hoped it wouldn't be too much for him. Once we were on tour the band really was treated like royalty and it could get to be a bit overwhelming at times. "No matter where we are or what we are doing, I'm simply your mate. All of this…" I waved my hand around the backseat of the limo. "… Is show. It's not the real me. It's not who I am. While it's nice to have others drive, nice to have money to buy what I want, the real me is the guy you've gotten to know. I'm the guy who loves to kick back, drink a beer
, enjoy the forest, and keep it simple. Even after all these years with the band, I'm not comfortable with crowds and all the fans. I realize I have to put up with the fans to make money doing this, but it's not something I enjoy. If I could do this from home in Montana, I would. It's one of the reasons we're building a studio there. The less we have to travel away from home, the better life will be."

  "You don't like seeing the world?"

  "Some places, but I've seen most of it. Maybe having you with me will make it more exciting. I can take you out and show you the world now. You have no idea how much easier this is having you with me. I was going out of my mind at the thought of leaving you home."

  Mark smiled. "I'm glad I came."

  "Are you? I worried it would be too much for your wolf."

  "He's not happy, but he's curious. More than anything, he wants to be with you, so he'll do whatever he needs to keep you close. I think if it was just me, I'd have been too scared to come, but there was no way I'd survive being away from you. He would have gone nuts."

  "You're still not ready for the ceremony?" I asked, hopeful he'd changed his mind.

  He shook his head. "I know how much it means to you, but I just got away from Justice's control. I don't want to hand it right over to you now. I know it's different, but I need to get used to being a wolf on my own. Try to make my own life. I care about you, maybe I'm even falling in love with you, but my whole life has been about others telling me what to do. For once, I just want to be able to make my own choices and decisions."

  I brushed his dark hair back from his face. "I wish I could convince you it wouldn't be like that at all. If anything, you'd have more control once we are officially mated. You wouldn't feel so trapped, so insecure about everything."

  "I just don't see how that can be. I'm tying myself to you. It's more than marriage, it's some weird paranormal link that can't be broken."

  "We already share that link. If you died today, I'd be lost forever. We're already connected as deeply as we can be. The ceremony just opens up even more between us. You'll be able to feel the love I have for you even stronger, you'll be able to feel my emotions, know my moods, understand my thinking. We'll become linked in a way that most people could only dream about becoming. It's not about controlling each other, it's about being open to each other." I sighed. "We've been over this, and I don't want to ruin our night going through it again. You'll know when you're ready. I can't force this. I could give you the words to say, go through the motions with you, do everything we need to do to make it work, but unless you feel it in your soul, it wouldn't work. You'll know when the time is right." I kissed him softly. "I'm just glad you're with me now. I don't want to think about doing this without you by my side. I want to share this all with you."

  "I'm glad I'm here too, and sorry I can't be what you need me to be."

  "You're everything to me, Mark. Don't think for a moment you aren't. I want what the ceremony will give us, but even without it, you're my mate. I love you." I kissed him again as the car rolled to a stop. When I pulled back, I took his hand. "Let's eat, then we can go back to the hotel and give our wolves time together."

  As we walked into the restaurant, I ignored the stares and the few screams when people saw us. I was thankful I'd picked a high-end restaurant so there was security. This was going to be a new way of living for Mark, and I could tell by the way his eyes widened, he wasn't sure how to take the attention.

  Once we were seated, Mark looked around, taking in the people watching us. "Is it like this everywhere you go?"

  "Pretty much everywhere, but Montana, and even then, there are times people will be traveling through and stop me for an autograph. Back home, most people know me. I grew up with them. Here, it's different. I have to play the role, be the performer. It's an act. Only those close to me see the real me. Here, in front of strangers, with the fans, I'm nothing more than an actor."

  "That has to be hard."

  "It can be. During the first part of the tour I'm full of energy and don't mind it so much, but after a few months, I want nothing more than to get home and just forget this side of my life." The older I got, the more I wanted to leave this life behind. I wanted to stay home in the serenity of the forest and forget that the big cities existed. I wanted to be a nobody, able to live my life without people recognizing me. The feeling was even stronger now that Mark was in my life. I wanted to enjoy the future with him. I didn't want him dragged into the craziness that came with my music and touring, but here we were, smack dab in the middle of L.A., forced to face the insanity. At least we were together. He was with me.

  "Do you think that will ever happen?"

  "What?" I asked, confused about what he was inquiring.

  "Will you ever be able to stay home and not tour?"

  "Sure, probably sooner than most think. I think most of us in the band are burning out. When we started, we were excited, high on the music and the lifestyle that was handed to us. It was easy to get caught up in the parties and the money. Now, we've been there, done that. It's lost a lot of its power over us. We have enough money to survive, we've seen the world, we've lived the life. When it's time to quit, I think we'll all be able to do it without any regrets." I paused as we gave our order to the waiter. Once alone again, I stared at Mark. "I promise that no matter what happens with the band, you are always going to be my first priority. I'll make time for us. Everything I knew in life seems so insignificant now that I've found you."

  "I have a question." Mark bit his lip as if he was nervous to ask.

  "You can ask me anything."

  "Well, I was wondering, if Kurt hadn't forced me into all this, if none of this had happened and I'd remained human, would you have ever known I was your mate?" His voice was low, making sure no one heard our conversation.

  "No, I'd have had no clue. We could have sat beside each other at the bar and I wouldn't have known. It wasn't until Justice bit you and brought out the wolf inside you that the scent was even possible to recognize. If you'd remained human, I would have gone on looking for my mate and probably never found him or her. This is why it's hard to believe that things don't happen for a reason. If Justice hadn't bitten you, if you'd never come to Montana, there is a good chance we wouldn't be together right now and we'd both miss out on the most fantastic thing in our lives." I hated to think how easily things could've been different.

  "I hate people died to bring us together."

  "So do I, but I believe with or without you by Justin's side, he would have attacked and killed the others. We can't do anything about the past, but we can focus on making the future better. We can focus on us and what makes us happy." I just wished it was me that made Mark happy. I didn't have a clue how to show him how good things could be if he'd just take the final step with me.

  "Are you ashamed of me for being part of what Justin did?" Mark asked softly.

  "No, not at all. You didn't attack or kill them. You were just there with him. You didn't know what he was going to do. I wasn't here for all that, but from everything I know, you're innocent. Kurt wouldn't have let you live if you weren't. He forced you to choose death or being bitten only because you knew our secrets. Had you not known that, if there had been a way to leave you human, he would have. Thank God, that didn't happen. I believe in my heart we are meant to be together. Everything happened as it was supposed to." The thought that we wouldn't meet gave me a physical ache.

  Mark nodded as our soup was set down in front of us.

  We ate in silence, hardly speaking a word until we'd both finished dessert. Once the dishes were taken away, I reached across the table for Mark's hand. "You ready to head to the hotel room and let our wolves have some time together?"

  Mark nodded. "I think that would be good. I'm restless."

  "It's probably because of the city. My wolf hates it here. If he can't see a huge forest to run in, he gets nervous. We'll give them some time tonight and that will help." After paying the bill, I took his hand in mine as we
walked out to the waiting limo.

  Word must have gotten out that I was here because the moment we stepped out the door, cameras flashed, nearly blinding us.

  "Ignore them. Just keep your head down and head to the car."

  "Tavish, who's the new boyfriend?"

  "You're gay?"

  "Can you tell us anything about the new album?"

  I ignored all of the questions. I didn't want to force Mark into all the chaos. He had enough going on without the paparazzi getting in his face. There would be time to answer all their questions soon enough. I was sure that there were already interviews and press releases in the works. Will would have known there would be questions, and while the band members were all wolves and accepted Mark as my mate easily, the human fans would demand more information and ask more questions. The thought reminded me that I would need to make sure to handle things from a human point of view which would mean getting Mark an engagement ring and possibly even going through a human wedding to make everything look normal.

  There were times I wished we didn't have to hide we were wolves. It would make life so much easier. But since that wasn't going to happen, I needed to make sure I covered every possible way people would question us. I'd take Mark ring shopping tomorrow, and hopefully once our engagement was announced it would calm things down as far as the paparazzi went until the tour officially started. The less I had to expose Mark to the vultures, the better.

  With a gentle touch, I got him into the limo before following him in. It was going to take time, but he'd get used to all this, and if he didn't, well, maybe it would be time to look into quitting. One thing was for sure, the only thing that mattered to me was him, and I'd do whatever it took to protect him and keep him happy by my side.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  Mark

  I had no idea how Tavish put up with all of this. There were people everywhere. While the crowds were stressful enough by themselves, now that I was a wolf, the scents and sounds were stronger, and my senses were overwhelmed, adding to my distress.