Locked Out of Heaven

by Shirley Benton

  “Is this really it, Holly? Is there no way back?”

  I shook my head when he finally looked up at me. Despite everything that had happened, I felt a flash of pity for him – for how incapable he was of facing up to what he’d done, even if he was saying he understood why I reported him. If he had the ability to admit to himself how he’d destroyed my family’s life, he wouldn’t even be asking me the question. But maybe the day would come when the impact of his actions would hit him and if it did, he’d surely face some very dark days.

  I walked out, congratulating myself on not having clawed the skin from his face. A part of me had wanted to. That part was still healing. But the bigger part that knew I needed to get a handle on my life again had won, had kept me in control.

  I thought of my children waiting for me in our new home and drove home. For the first time in weeks, there was a smile on my face.

  Chapter 63

  Six months later . . .

  I couldn’t believe it was time for the revisited show to be aired already. I’d been so busy setting up my counselling business that the months had flown by. For the last time, I was back in the Wake Up Ireland studio to promote the programme with Stephanie, Eve . . . and Luke.

  Seeing him in person was nerve-wracking. Since the day on the beach he’d rung me every few weeks and we’d talked for at least an hour each time, but he never suggested meeting up. Neither did I. Old-fashioned as it was, I was waiting to see what he’d do. Or maybe it was just self-preservation, I don’t know. When he’d rung a few nights ago, he hadn’t suggested going for a coffee after the interview as I’d thought he might.

  The show’s regular presenter had left since we’d last been on and Kelvin Cassidy was filling in for a few weeks until someone was hired for the position. Business as usual for us, then.

  “Just when I thought I’d seen the last of you lot,” Kelvin said seconds before the interview commenced, but he was smiling for once.

  He started with Eve.

  “Well, Little Miss Innocent, you’re a sly one. I don’t remember you mentioning Jamie from NorthStar when you were last on here.”

  “You didn’t ask, Kelvin,” Eve said.

  She was a lot less nervous than she used to be, but she’d had plenty of opportunities to get used to being in the spotlight recently.

  “Well, go on, then, and tell us about him. It’s all on again, according to the papers. Is that true?”

  “If it’s in the papers, it must be true,” Eve said with a grin.

  “That’s a yes. And tell me, where are you at with Holly’s pledge that you’d all be sorted by the time the revisited show was aired?”

  “Well, I’m not living at home any more. I’ve moved to the UK.”

  “Oh, yes, you’ve moved back in with Jamie.”

  “I . . . can’t say, Kelvin.”

  “Hmm. There’s been rumours you’ve earned a tidy little packet from interviews with magazines in the UK about your relationship with Jamie. Can you confirm that?”

  “I’m afraid I won’t be commenting on that.”

  “That’s another yes. Right, let’s move on. Stephanie, I can’t help noticing you look a little different today.”

  “God bless your eyesight, Kelvin. You miss nothing.”

  When Stephanie didn’t elaborate, Kelvin was forced to say, “You’ve had your implants removed, it seems?”

  “Yes, Kelvin.”

  “And may I ask why?”

  “Because my back was about to snap in two from the weight of them. I made plenty of money from showing them off in lads’ magazines over the last few months, more than I needed to get back on my feet, so I used the extra to get a reduction. Who’d have guessed, eh?”

  Stephanie had confided to me that all her talk about going up to Lola Ferrari’s size was just a ploy to get her as much publicity as possible.

  “So you’re back on your feet, too, then? No more boomeranging?”

  “No more boomeranging. I’m living in a lovely apartment in the city centre.”

  “No more excess spending then either, Stephanie! We don’t want to see you back here, okay? And now, Holly. You’ve been shrinking too, by the looks of it.”

  “Yes, I lost three stone.”

  “And did you find it easy?”

  “God, no. It was absolute hell. But I think that’s a good thing, because I’ll be extra careful not to put it back on now.”

  “And what else have you been up to?”

  “I’ve set up my own counselling business, so I’ve been really busy with that. And outside work, I’m very busy with my four children. My mother has been receiving cancer treatment, so I spend a lot of time with her.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that, Holly. How’s she doing?”

  “She’s been responding well to treatment, so we’re hopeful. Thank you for asking, Kelvin.”

  “Send her our best wishes. And now, the million-dollar question, Holly. Are you still a boomeranger?”

  “No, but only because a close family member helped me out. And if I had come back here today as a boomeranger, that would have been okay, too. We’re living in very hard times and sometimes things take time, but you have to believe you’ll get there in the end. I just got lucky this time.”

  “And tell me, ladies, have you enjoyed your time in the spotlight? Eve?”

  “Yes – and more than I thought I would,” Eve said.

  “Good job, because I don’t think you’re getting away from it any time soon while you’re knocking around with that young lad. Stephanie?”

  “Yeah, it was a great opportunity to make money. It’s almost ridiculous what a pair of fake tits can do for you. I’m ready to move on, though.”

  “Holly?”

  “It was . . . an experience, but this is my swansong. I don’t think I’ll be in the public eye again.”

  “Never say never,” Kelvin said.

  Someone walked on set with a gigantic bunch of flowers and handed them to me. Another person brought an enormous basket of fruit. Someone else came out with a teddy. Yet another came with gold, frankincense and myrrh (no, not really, but at that moment I wouldn’t have been surprised if they had). It seemed like every member of staff other than the cameramen had temporarily left their posts to shower gifts on me.

  “What’s going on?”

  “They’re from an . . . admirer,” Kelvin said. He wore his usual unimpressed expression, but I couldn’t help noticing a glint in his eye. “What next? First they get me to fill in on this, next thing they’ll be making me into the next Cilla Black! What do you think of all this, Luke?”

  “I think she deserves every bit of it,” Luke said.

  I turned my head slowly towards Luke, realisation dawning. He smiled tentatively at me.

  “Right, well, we’ll leave it there – people are eating breakfast, after all.”

  Then we were backstage and everyone except Luke seemed to have disappeared.

  “What, no worn boxer shorts?” I said over the head of my new teddy bear.

  Luke laughed.

  “I’d have done something before, but you clearly needed time after Terry.”

  I couldn’t think of anything else to say.

  “Look, I know what you’re thinking. You’re wondering if you can ever trust anyone again. All I can say is that I tried to show you throughout the show that I have your back.”

  “And?”

  “You’re thinking being with me might bring you back into the public eye again. But trust me, Holly, nobody’s all that interested in me. I don’t put myself out there. It’ll be fine.”

  “Anything else?”

  “Most importantly, you’re wondering where the kids fit into this. Well, Holly, that’s entirely up to you. We can take this as slowly as you like. I know I can never be your top priority – I just want a chance to be in your life. It could go nowhere, or somewhere.”

  “And if it does go somewhere, what about the kids then?”

  “Again, th
at’s up to you. I want them in my life if you want them to be there.”

  I said nothing.

  “I really think we could make this work, Holly.”

  “You’re wrong.”

  “Really? I thought . . .”

  “No, about what I was thinking. I’m asking myself if it’d be rude to ask you to lose the Mariah Carey CD if we were to go on a date.”

  Luke blinked. “Funnily enough, it broke last week.”

  “Now that’s what I call a sign.”

  The End.