Trusting Again

by Lo'Ren A Mayler

  “I missed you.”

  Mia almost laughed, “You saw me at lunch. Or do you not remember what happened after lunch? I could remind you.”

  “Oh, trust me, I could never forget that. After you left, the day moved substantially slower. I feel like it took forever to get here.”

  Mia understood the day had dragged, but she wondered if Nikki was talking about more than just today.

  “It did and I missed you too.”

  Nikki tilted Mia’s chin up and finally kissed her. The lightest of kisses. Nikki didn’t want to overwhelm herself and not be able to get through the night. Even this feather light kiss left her wanting more than she was prepared for and Mia seemed to be tired of waiting. When Nikki tried to step away, Mia pulled her back by her shirt. The kiss took the breath right out of Nikki. She forgot what was happening, why she was waiting and kissed Mia back with all the passion she had been withholding.

  “What took you so long?” Mia asked between kisses.

  Mia pressed her body up against Nikki’s, eliciting a moan.

  “I’m stupid,” Nikki replied as she ran her hands over Mia’s bare back. Mia found that funnier than Nikki intended her to and had to stop kissing to breathe.

  “Okay. It isn’t that funny.”

  Nikki sounded a little upset but Mia couldn’t stop herself.

  “Oh, god, I’m sorry. I was just thinking of all the stupid things that have happened since we met and how much time was wasted because of it. I’m sorry. I’ll stop,” Mia said putting her hands over her mouth. Willing the chuckling to stop.

  Nikki tried to kiss Mia, but she burst out laughing again. The hysterics pulled Nikki’s mind out of the gutter and when she ultimately thought about the last few months, she began laughing as well.

  “You’re right, I’m really stupid.”

  “Oh honey. I’m sorry,” Mia gave her a kiss and the laughter melted away.

  “You’re forgiven.”

  Nikki kissed Mia’s forehead and picked up her glass.

  Never before had Nikki caused a woman to laugh while kissing her. I hope she doesn’t laugh every time I kiss her, Nikki thought as she took a large gulp. Mia followed suit.

  “Why don’t I go check on dinner?”

  Mia swayed back into the house and Nikki knew in that instant, this is what she was missing. Someone to share her life with. The quiet surrounded her, but it felt different than usual. Nikki didn’t feel as if the silence would swallow her whole. The crickets weren’t deafening. The world didn’t keep turning as she stayed in the same place. She wasn’t alone. Mia was just inside those doors. Something clicked into place. Nikki felt a piece of the puzzle shift.

  “Just a couple more minutes.”

  Nikki didn’t move. She stood staring at Mia as she stepped onto the deck. She was so beautiful. Her mind was reeling with images of Mia and she couldn’t remember what she was doing. It was like information overload. Her mind couldn’t keep up with her heart.

  “Come on,” Nikki grabbed Mia’s hand. “I want to show you something.”

  Nikki hurried down the stairs, up the path and stop Mia in front of the bench sitting under her tree.

  “This is a nice bench but I don’t see what the rush,” Mia was stunned to silence when Nikki turned her around and she saw the sun setting behind Nikki’s house. The clouds making the sky light up in a blend of orange, pink and purple. Mia was mesmerized. Nikki guided Mia to sit on the bench, keeping Mia’s hand in hers as they watched the sky change. Nikki knew one day she would find someone that would appreciate this with her. Someone that would love this place the way she did.

  “This is amazing. Why didn’t you tell me you have a private sunset?”

  “I think this is the most amazing one I have ever seen.”

  Nikki wasn’t watching the sunset, she had seen the sky lit up hundreds of times. Her gaze was focused on Mia as she stared off towards the horizon. The light making Mia’s cheek glisten and her eyes shine with wonder. Once the colors had faded from sight, Mia turned to Nikki.

  “Thank you for sharing your view.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  “Come on. It gets dark pretty quick and I don’t want to be to blame for dinner burning,” Nikki said breaking the silence. They both stood up, but Mia didn’t move towards the house. Nikki felt the hand slip from hers and turned to see something she couldn’t distinguish. Mia was no longer looking at her or the sky. She no longer seemed to be in the yard at all.

  “Is everything okay?”

  “It’s perfect,” Mia replied softly, sincerely. The light from the sky fading, dimming as the sun delved below the horizon. Mia’s mood darkened with it. The joy she had been filled with, just moments ago, had left her. Her smile vanished into the night.

  “What is it Mia? What’s wrong?”

  Nikki’s hand moved to Mia’s cheek. Trying to see into her eyes. To see the truth of her words, the meaning behind them.

  “I was thinking of how wonderful it is here, in this spot, in this moment. That I haven’t been this happy, this at peace… not since…”

  Mia began crying and was instantaneously pulled into Nikki’s embrace.

  “Mia it is okay to be happy. It’s alright.”

  It was horrible to feel responsible for Shantel every day. Awful to feel guilty about being happy, if only for a moment. More than that, Mia realized that she had ruined a romantic moment with a wonderful woman. She felt, more than ever, that she wouldn’t, not ever, be allowed to be happy again. Her demons would make sure of that. Now Nikki would see it and she would be gone too. How did it come to this?

   “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin…”

  “Shhh. It’s okay. You didn’t ruin anything.”

  “But the sunset.”

  “Will come again tomorrow. There is nothing lost or ruined.”

  “I just don’t know how I can allow myself to be happy when she is gone.”

  It was the truth, but she had never told anyone. Never allowed another soul to hear of her pain or her fears. It isn’t right. How can I say I’m in pain? It would never compare. I should just suffer in silence. Allow the demons to take my soul. Have permanent residency in my heart and mind. I deserve it. None of it would ever compare, her mind repeated. The questions turned to yelling, damning herself for the role she played. How could you complain when you’re still alive? How dare you cry when she has no tears left! Her light was taken and you helped it come to pass. What kind of monster would do such an injustice to the world?

  “You can’t keep everything bottled up. You know that better than I do. You can’t let the guilt consume you. Even if you feel you played a part in Shantel’s death, you need to place the blame where it belongs. Blame the people involved in the drive by. The Gang that left her in that alley. Her parents that could not see past their own hate to help their children.”

   Nikki withdrew from the embrace to look at Mia. Her words seemed unheard.

  “You are an amazing woman, a caring counselor and I know you would move heaven and earth to fix it. Even with all that, you don’t know that she would have made a different choice if you were there. Grief makes people do things… things they wouldn’t normally consider rational. You can’t stop living because of it.”

  Mia allowed Nikki to lead her towards the house. The torment in her mind seemed to be consuming her every thought. Nikki didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t bare the thought of leaving Mia alone and she didn’t want the fire alarm to go off inside. Nikki had no idea if dinner was done, but she had no intension of letting it get ruined. She figured the food needing to go back in the oven is better than trying to eat charcoal. Thank goodness Mia thought to bring oven mitts. Nikki didn’t think it would go over as well with a towel. Though, she almost did it anyway to get Mia to laugh again.

  “I’m not sure if this is done, but we could eat or we could just sit outside and enjoy the night. Whatever you want.”

  The determination to be supportive was ev
ident, even from Mia’s self-loathing point of view. She debated leaving, but felt safest here with Nikki. If she did stay, she would need to eat since they were drinking and no one could eat if she didn’t check the meat. She walked to the kitchen to stand beside Nikki.

  “Thank you,” Mia said and kissed Nikki on the cheek.

  Mia couldn’t eat but a few bites. Instead watching Nikki as she ate every ounce of food on her plate.

  “I can’t remember the last time I had a home cooked meal. That was delicious. Feel free to leave the leftovers.”

  Mia smiled as she replied, “I am glad you enjoyed it.”

  “I’ll clean up. You just relax.”

  Nikki took the dishes into the kitchen and loaded the dishwasher. She smiled. That’s progress, right? When she stepped back onto the deck Mia was leaning against the railing, looking at the stars. Nikki inwardly sighed. Pinch me because this must be a dream. Positive that she would wake up any second. Nikki finished her wine and sat the glass on the table.

  Mia was lost in thought. She didn’t know Nikki had returned, not until she felt hands slide around her waist. Felt Nikki envelop her. The moment she was near, Mia forgot everything. All her promises to leave, her desire to put space between them, every thought erased. Everything she had been thinking just moments ago.

  “Mmm. What took you so long?” Mia leaned her head back against Nikki.

  “Just wanted to wait long enough that you would miss me. Did it work?”

  “Just a little,” she said knowing it was much more than a little. The instant Nikki stepped away, she had gotten lost in the endless sky. All that tethered her to this place, kept her from drifting away, was Nikki. Her breath warm on Mia’s neck. The whisper, like a promise in her ear. Cologne like a fog that wouldn’t lift, refusing to release her from the spell Nikki had cast.

  “You do know that dress should be a crime.”

  “Why is that?” Mia heard her response, but didn’t know she was going to speak. How can you speak when you have no breath?

  The kiss placed on Mia’s neck was not enough. Nikki needed more. How long could she hold the flood gates closed? How long until everything she felt burst through?

  “You should not be allowed to show this much skin. It isn’t fair to us mere humans to flaunt your perfection.”

  Mia’s giggle fluttered around Nikki’s heart. She felt her hands slide to Mia’s ribs and her lips claim the bare shoulder. Her control was waning. Threatening to drift away with the next breeze.

  “Is that your way of telling me you like my dress?”

  Nikki turned Mia around and looked down at the dress. Okay, maybe she was looking at Mia’s boobs in the dress.

  “If I say no will you take it off?”

  Arms wrapped around Nikki’s neck and pulled her down for a kiss. The feel of Nikki’s lips sent a shock through Mia, causing her mind to completely empty. There was nothing left; no school, no history, no world. She let go of the pain and worry. Enjoying the feel of Nikki upon her lips, the tingles her hands were creating and the hum that radiated through her body. Mia walked Nikki backwards toward the door. Neither stopped at the threshold. Nikki didn’t look to see where she was being led. She hit her leg on the couch and nearly fell backwards. Then banged against the wall.

  “Don’t stop kissing me,” Mia pleaded.

   She tugged at the polo and practically dragged Nikki off the wall, towards the hall. Nikki followed, step for step, to the bedroom. Mia reached behind for the knob. Hearing the door creak open. The sound as provocative as a zipper. Mia waited at the foot of the bed for Nikki, who was still standing in the door jamb.

  She had entered a movie that had no script. She watched Mia standing, waiting, expecting her to know the lines. Nikki was too scared to enter. Terrified of messing up the best thing to happen to her. Every step of the way she had made the wrong decision. She didn’t know how to make this one.

  "Do you want a fire? I could start one up. It will just take a minute," Nikki said as she moved towards the mantel.

  “No, I want you.”

  Mia reached for Nikki’s hand and pulled the strong arms around her. Hands trembled slightly, knees quaking, a bead of sweat forming on the nape of her neck. Why is this so hard?

  The instant Mia’s lips touched her, Nikki forgot about her apprehensions. There was no possible way to think anyway. All her blood was rushing in the opposite direction of her brain. Mia stopped kissing her long enough to remove the straps from her shoulders. Nikki watched, awestruck, as the dress crumple to the floor. Never had she witnessed anything so beautiful in her life. When she didn’t immediately move, Mia took Nikki's hands and pulled them around her. The feel of honeyed skin beneath her palms.

  "Oh my…Goddess,” Nikki whispered, “Are you real?"

  Mia simply whispered, "Yes”.

  The kiss Mia planted on her lips, woke her from the dazed state. It didn’t just reanimate her. It was as if all her senses came alive at the same moment. The feel of Mia’s skin, the touch of her hands on Nikki’s stomach through her shirt, the taste of her lips. She needed more. The gates broke loose and there was no going back. No changing or hiding how she felt. Her hands moved from Mia's back to her stomach and up to feel the full round breast that had teased her all night.

  "Absolutely breathtaking."

  Mia’s nipples stood at attention and Nikki felt the goosebumps that covered her skin.

  The sounds she made as Nikki felt her body, drove to the brink of insanity. Nikki kissed down the nape of Mia's neck to her cleavage. She drew one nipple into her mouth and then the other. Nikki decided that Mia tasted of satin and sunshine. Her hands enjoying the feel of Mia’s silky skin. She felt her pants loosen as the button was undone.

  "I don’t think you will be needing these."

  "God I hope not,” Nikki replied causing a giggle from Mia. Nikki kicked off her pants and underwear. Mia backed up and was guided onto the bed. Small hands slid under Nikki's shirt and pulled it over her head. Wanting to explore Mia's body more, Nikki kissed down to her belly and ran her hands the length of the bronze legs. Her hands were stilled, causing Nikki to look into the emerald eyes.

  "Get back here,” Mia said sternly.

  "What is it?" Nikki asked.

  How could she possibly have messed up already?

  "Woman, if you think I’m letting you keep that bra on."

  Nikki laughed and pulled the offending piece of clothing over her head, tossing it across the room for good measure. Mia immediately covered the small breast with her hands.

  "Much better."

  Lips parted and moved together as Nikki’s thigh moved between Mia's.

  "Better?"

  "Yes," Mia moaned.

  Nikki kissed over Mia’s abdomen. Her fingers lingering over the top of the thong. Mia watched as the last vestige of her clothing was removed, it was like releasing a hungry tiger. Nikki took her fill of the woman before her. Eyes scanning the length of Mia’s body, breasts to mid-thigh and back up. She stopped her exploration at Mia’s pulsing nub. The look in Mia’s eyes was all the encouragement she needed.

  She ran her tongue along Mia’s hips down to her clit. Trying to go slow proved to be impossible, one sample of the nectar and she was hooked. The taste was sweet. The smell, her personal brand of pheromones. Nikki licked and sucked, enjoying the sound of Mia as she cried out. She slid one finger into Mia’s dripping pussy. Hearing the music in Mia’s voice. Following the melody. Feeling when to climb higher or return to the valley. Mia was bucking, but Nikki refused to give up her prize. Nikki added a second finger and quickened her pace. Pumping harder and harder until she felt Mia’s body tighten. Nikki felt the start of Mia’s climax, her song nearing its end. Screaming out as she came. Nikki licked lightly calming and soothing Mia as she came down from her high. Mia’s body shook with the tremors in the aftermath of their love.

              Nikki returned to kiss the woman that had turned her world upside down.
Made her feel powerful and weak with every touch. Every look. Every irreplaceable moment they were together. Of course, in this moment, Nikki was trying to catch her breath. Sweating from the effort to satisfy her goddess. Staring into the dazed eyes of her lover.

  “You’re not tired already are you?”

  Smiling as she replied, “Sweetheart, I’m just getting started.”

  Mia rolled over onto Nikki and took her first real glimpse of the tight body resting beneath her. Nikki’s small breasts gave way to six pack abs. Her torso was long. Mia’s eyes followed the V shape at the base of Nikki’s obliques, down to her clean shaven pussy. Mia smiled at the thought of giving Nikki a workout. Of tightening the muscles that rested beneath her palms. She licked Nikki’s abs and lightly bit her nipples.

  Nikki was so worked up from touching Mia. She was sure the second Mia so much as touched her, she would explode. It must have been obvious, because it felt as if Mia was touching everywhere except the once place Nikki wanted her to. All the licking, nibbling and sucking Mia was doing across her body just made Nikki ache for release.

  Mia went down Nikki’s arms, kissing every muscle. When she bit the crease of Nikki’s elbow, there was a tingling sensation that ran through her body. A burst of sensation so strong it touched her soul. She attempted to pull Mia over to her center. Nikki wanted to get her hands back on Mia’s sensational body, but Mia was on a mission and could not be deterred.

  “Mia, please,” she pleaded.

  The begging only made Mia’s smile widen. A wicked smile, only produced by those that enjoyed torture. She moved down Nikki’s body and stopped at her hips. No! Please go lower. Touch me! Nikki had butterflies in her stomach and every sensation ended between her legs. Mia bit her hip and Nikki felt a jolt causing her hips to jump. Then she bit the other one, she had the same reaction. Every place she touched clouded Nikki’s mind, sent a shock wave through her groin and settled somewhere in her heart. Mia licked down over Nikki’s swollen lips almost low enough to enter her, then stopped and went back up to her clit. Stopping just short, again, of giving Nikki any sort of real pleasure. She kissed the pulsing center. Every contact made Nikki want to cry out. Finally, she felt Mia’s lips close around her, lightly sucking and massaging with her tongue. Nikki was lost in oblivion and actually cried out, something she had never done with anyone before.