Full House

by Janet Evanovich

  Joel poked at the malodorous mound with his fork. "Yuck. It looks like dog food."

  Billie looked up and blinked. "What?"

  "You gave me dog food for lunch."

  "That's ridiculous. Why would I do a thing like that?" She bit her lip when she saw the bowl sitting in front of Joel. "What happened to your peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich?"

  Joel turned in his seat and looked at Buffy finishing off a crust of bread.

  "Oh, great," Billie muttered through clenched teeth, putting the dog food back into the refrigerator and getting out the peanut butter and jelly again. She was turning into a basket case. She couldn't eat or sleep, and she was feeding dog food to her children. And it was all Nicholas Kaharchek's fault. "Nick and his damn thumbs."

  Joel took the sandwich Billie handed him. "What's wrong with Nick's thumbs?"

  "Nothing's wrong with Nick's thumbs. I didn't mean to say that. I was thinking out loud."

  "Boy, Mom, you sure have gotten weird."

  "I have a lot on my mind."

  "Oh, yeah," Joel said between bites, "Deedee called this morning while you were out in the garden, and she said you guys were going shopping today. She said you needed to get a wedding dress."

  Billie felt her fingertips go numb. She was hyperventilating again. She grabbed a brown paper lunch bag from the pantry so she could breathe into it, but paused when she found the set of keys she'd been searching for. Relief flooded her, although she couldn't imagine why the keys were in her pantry to begin with, but in her house anything was possible. She wasn't going to hyperventilate after all, she told herself as she returned the keys to the rack. She was going to be okay.

  Besides, she wasn't the nervous type. She was good, solid Billie Pearce. She was the person who stayed calm in emergencies. She was the rock in her family. She didn't go all to pieces over every little thing.

  "Oh, and Grandma called. Dad told her you were getting married to a man you'd only known two weeks, and she sounded pretty upset."

  Billie had to literally choke back the anger. How dare her ex-husband call her parents about her wedding! "How did your dad find out?"

  "Christie must've told him. Anyway, Grandma said you either call her or she's catching the next flight here."

  To hell with being the rock, Billie thought. She put the bag to her mouth and began to breathe into it.

  Deedee opened the front door and went directly to the kitchen. If she thought it strange to find Billie with a bag over her face, she was courteous enough not to mention it. "Are you ready to go shopping?"

  "No!" came her muffled reply. Billie removed the bag and took a moment to compose herself. "I can't go shopping."

  Deedee poured herself a cup of coffee. "What about a wedding dress? I thought you needed to buy a wedding dress."

  "Well, I thought I'd just wear something from my closet. No sense spending all that money on a dress you'll only wear once."

  Deedee looked at her as if she were deranged. "Honey, you're getting married. You can't walk down the aisle in running shorts."

  "I guess that's true, but I can't go today because ... I don't have a baby-sitter. I can't leave the children home alone."

  "Max can watch us," Joel said. "I like Max."

  As if on cue, the doorbell rang. Joel raced toward it and let Max in. The teenager carried a box of metal objects and copper tubing. "How's it going?"

  Billie reached behind her for another brown paper bag.

  "Billie needs a baby-sitter today," Deedee announced to her brother, "and we thought you'd be perfect for the job."

  Max shrugged. "Sure. I can fix the ice maker in my spare time." He glanced at Joel. "You want to play some chess? Want to learn the quadratic formula or discuss quantum theory?" He was smiling.

  Joel looked at Max. "I know how to play checkers."

  "We can start there and work our way toward bigger and better things."

  Deedee put her arm around Billie and nudged her toward the front door. "Let's go."

  "I have some unpleasant business to attend to first," she said. "I have to call my parents."

  Deedee shook her head sadly. "It was bound to happen sooner or later."

  Billie went into her bedroom, picked up the telephone and dialed. She spent most of the next hour on the telephone with her mother discussing Nick and their wedding plans. As for her dad, she just told him the truth. She loved Nick. By the time she got off, she had convinced her parents she wasn't crazy, only impulsive.

  Deedee frowned when Billie came downstairs. "You don't look so good. In fact, your face is kind of green. Are your parents upset?"

  "Actually, they're taking it better than I thought."

  "Then what's the problem?"

  "They plan to attend the wedding."

  "Well, of course they do."

  "You don't understand, Deedee. I have a very large family. Brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, and about a million cousins. My mother plans to have them all chip in and charter a bus."

  "A bus? Gee, how many people are coming?"

  Billie sighed. "Probably somewhere between sixty and seventy-five."

  "Ohmigod!"

  "I need to lie down for a moment," Billie said. "I'll shop later." Billie started for the stairs, just as the doorbell rang, only to be followed by a loud pounding. "What in the world?"

  She hurried to the front door with Deedee right behind her and found Nick on the other side, a menacing look on his face. "Where is he? Where's Max?"

  "He just went upstairs with Joel to play checkers. What's going on?"

  Nick started for the stairs. "I'm going to kill him with my bare hands. Then I'm going to press charges and have him locked up until he's an old man."

  "I think he means it," Deedee said.

  Billie grabbed his sleeve. "Hold on, what happened?"

  "Someone from the newspaper office called early this morning. A new guy, supposedly. I didn't recognize his voice. Said there was an emergency. I got there and discovered everything was fine, but I hung around and looked over today's paper. It was a setup, Billie. When I got home, I found three fire trucks, a rescue squad, and two ambulances in my driveway. Max blew up my car!"

  Chapter Thirteen

  "Wait!" Billie said as Nick started for the stairs once more. "Stop right there."

  "You should let him kill Max," Deedee said. "At least for what the little creep did to all my makeup."

  Nick came to a halt. "Don't try to stop me, Billie," he said, gritting his teeth. "I've put up with as much from that kid as I plan to. He's dangerous. He needs to be behind bars."

  "Do you know that Max did it? Were there any witnesses?"

  "None of the stable hands saw anything and nobody was at the house, but it happened shortly after Max caught a ride over here with Mrs. Duffy, who was on her way to the grocery store."

  "Just calm down. I'll get Max. Deedee, you pour Nick a cup of coffee and try to talk some sense into him." She realized, even as she said it, how ludicrous that sounded.

  "Come on, Nick," Deedee said. "Together we'll figure out where to bury the body."

  Billie shot Deedee a dark look as she started up the stairs. "That's not funny."

  Billie heard loud music coming from the other side of Joey's door. She had to knock twice before her son called out to her to come in. She found Max and Joey sitting cross-legged on the floor, already intent on a game of checkers. She wondered how someone like Max could feel challenged with a kid's game, then wondered if Max had ever really been a kid.

  "Max, could you come downstairs a moment?" she said, trying to make herself heard over the music. "Nick needs to speak with you."

  He looked up. "What'd I do this time?"

  "I'd rather you talk to him about that." Joey started to get up as well. "And you need to stay in your room until I call you," she said to her son. "This is private business." Joey opened his mouth as if to argue, but the look on her face obviously told him it was best to do as she said.

  Max
followed Billie downstairs and into the kitchen. Nick bolted from the stool and grabbed the boy by his collar. "By the time I finish with you, you're going to wish you'd never been born." Max's eyes widened.

  "Hold it!" Billie ordered. "Take your hands off him right this minute. I'll not have any violence in this house."

  "What's going on?" Max demanded, jerking away from Nick.

  "Don't act like you don't know what this is about," Nick almost spat. "My Mercedes has been blown to hell and back. The explosion shattered half the windows in the house."

  "Oh, man!" Max blinked several times behind his glasses. "Was anybody hurt?"

  "Why should you care? According to the bomb squad, that bomb was timed to go off an hour after it was activated. You were long gone by then."

  Billie had never seen Nick so upset. The veins stood out in his forehead, his jaw was hard as concrete. "Nick, please," she cried. She saw that her children had come to the top of the stairs and were listening to the entire exchange. There was little she could do. If she walked away from Nick in his rage, he might hurt Max.

  "Why are you trying to protect him?" Nick demanded.

  Billie looked at Max. "Did you blow up Nick's car? Tell me the truth."

  "Hell, no, I didn't blow it up."

  Nick almost snarled a response. "You expect me to believe that?"

  Deedee stepped in. "Max has done some pretty dumb things, but he's never blown up a car." She looked at her brother. "Have you?"

  "Of course not." He looked at Nick. "All I did was take a few things from under the hood to try and get your attention. I'm not stupid enough to blow up a brand-new Mercedes. Jeez."

  Nick didn't believe him. "If you didn't do it, who did?"

  "How should I know? Maybe somebody who doesn't like what you put in the newspaper. Maybe it was Sheridan. She hangs around all the time anyway. Didn't she buy you that car as an engagement present? Maybe she decided she no longer wanted you to have it."

  Nick wondered how Max knew so much about his personal life. "It's over between Sheridan and me."

  "So why is she still leaving you gifts?" Deedee said.

  Nick flashed her a look of impatience. "Max is the one leaving those gifts," he said. "Your brother leaves me a gift and a cryptic note right before he sticks it to me. Why is that, Max?"

  The boy blushed. "Because I feel guilty. I don't like causing you problems, but I don't know how else to get your attention."

  "Well, you got it this time, kiddo, only I didn't get a gift beforehand. How come? Didn't you feel guilty sticking a time bomb beneath the hood of a sixty-thousand-dollar car? Or were you trying to get even with me for threatening to send you home?"

  "Oh, man," Joel said. "Sixty thousand dollars for a car. Awesome."

  Billie frowned. "I asked you to stay in your room," she said, much louder than she'd meant. She wanted to know why Sheridan was spending so much time at Nick's when he claimed it was over between them. Billie was wearing his engagement ring, they were talking about getting married in a matter of days. Her parents had probably already put a deposit on the tour bus. What the hell was going on?

  Christie and Joel, obviously suspecting their mother meant business, hurried to their bedrooms and closed the doors.

  Max sank into the nearest chair and wiped his brow. "Look, Nick, I know you don't have any reason to believe me, but I swear I didn't touch your car."

  Nick realized there was no way he was going to get Max to own up to it, and the longer he stood there the angrier he got. He needed to cool off. He headed for the back door, stepped out, and closed it behind him.

  Billie saw the color had drained from Max's face. The kid looked as though he would be ill. "Stay put," she said. "I'm going to see if I can talk to Nick."

  She stepped outside and found Nick sitting on her back step. She sat down beside him. "Are you okay?"

  He shrugged. "I will be."

  "I believe Max."

  Nick looked at her. "He suckered you in, didn't he?"

  "No. Max isn't a violent person, Nick. The bombs he set off were made from flour and other household ingredients. Kid stuff, really, just to get your attention.

  The bomb you described was obviously put there by a professional."

  "Do you really think Max couldn't put together a real bomb if he wanted?"

  "Of course he could, but that's not his MO, so to speak."

  "What?"

  "Modus operandi. I watch a few cop shows now and then. After Joel and Christie go to bed, that is," she added quickly. "Max is an environmentalist, and an animal rights activist, among other things. He believes in protecting life. Why would he do something that might end up killing someone?"

  Nick pondered it. "Back to my original question. If Max didn't do it, who did?"

  "Probably the person who called and said there was an emergency at the newspaper office. Did you recognize his voice?"

  "No, but it's easy for someone to disguise their voice." He shrugged. "It doesn't matter if I believe Max or not. The police are going to question the Duffys, the security guards, and the stable hands." Nick paused. "Shit."

  "What?"

  "Arnie Bates. The stable hand I fired. He was pretty pissed."

  "Would he do something like this?"

  "I don't know. He's spent time in prison. I hired him because nobody else would."

  "Oh, jeez."

  Nick looked at her. "Everybody deserves a second chance, Billie."

  "Where is he now?"

  Nick shrugged. "Nobody knows. The police are looking for him for parole violation."

  "Oh, jeez."

  "Why do you keep saying that?"

  "Because you keep insisting on surrounding yourself with strange people."

  Nick sighed. "I completely forgot about Arnie. I was so sure Max was behind this, I didn't think."

  "Why was Arnie Bates in prison?"

  "Arson."

  They looked at one another. "Oh, jeez," Billie said.

  Nick raked his hands through his hair. "I don't know what to do."

  Billie sighed. "Okay, here's the deal. We need to keep Max out of sight until the investigation is over. He can stay here."

  "Are you out of your mind? We don't know that he didn't do it."

  "Max is innocent. If I didn't believe that with all my heart I would never allow him in the same house with my children."

  Nick shook his head emphatically. "I can't do that to you. I'm not going to risk it."

  Billie hitched her chin a fraction. "I'm not asking your permission."

  His jaw dropped. Finally, he closed his mouth and tried to think. "Damned if I know what to do."

  "You need to go home and help with the investigation. If the police ask, tell them that, as far as you know, Max could be anywhere. In the meantime, all we can do is hope they find Arnie Bates before—"

  She paused. "Before anything else happens."

  A sudden chill crept up Billie's spine. "You could be in big danger, Nick. Did Arnie Bates know your car wasn't drivable?" When he merely shrugged, she went on. "If he didn't know the car was out of commission, then he intentionally made the call, knowing you'd jump into your car and head straight for the newspaper office. That changes everything. We're not dealing with simple destruction of property, we're talking attempted murder."

  "Oh, jeez," he said.

  "You have to stay here, too."

  Once again, Nick shook his head. "No way. If I'm the target, I'm not moving in under the same roof with you and the kids."

  "But—"

  "I'll hire more security." He stood. "I have to go home and change. I've got a meeting I can't cancel. I'm telling you right now I don't like the idea of Max staying here."

  Billie covered her ears. She couldn't deal with more at the moment. "It's settled. I don't have time to argue because I have to go out and buy a damn wedding dress."

  He looked amazed. "You still want to go through with it after all this?"

  "My parents are renting a d
amn bus so that all my damn relatives can attend my damn wedding," she said, her voice rising as a wave of panic suddenly rushed over her. "I have a lot of kinfolk. They're expecting a wedding, dammit!"

  She was near the brink. "Okay, okay," Nick said, taking her hand in his. "Just calm down. Everything is going to be okay. Trust me."

  "I'm having a real problem with that right now."

  "Because of Sheridan," he stated flatly. "I can't tell her to stay away when she boards her horse on my property."

  "Can't or won't?"

  He looked at Billie long and hard. "I have to go, okay?" He left without another word.

  * * * * *

  "Okay, listen up," Billie said, once she re-entered the kitchen. "Max will be staying here for a couple of days."

  "You're kidding, right?" Deedee replied.

  "He's not a suspect. I can't go into it right now because I have to run out and buy a wedding dress. Deedee, I want you and Max to baby-sit."

  "You're kidding, right?" Deedee repeated.

  "I don't mind baby-sitting," Max said. "Do you have cable TV? There's a sci-fi movie coming on in an hour. That'll give me time to repair the ice maker. I think I have everything I need."

  "Yes, I have cable," Billie said. "By the way, you can sleep on the twin bed in Joel's room. We'll need Nick to bring you a few things."

  "What if Max blows us to kingdom come?" Christie said.

  "Max is not responsible for blowing up Nick's car," Billie said. "That was the work of a professional. I would not have insisted he stay if I didn't believe he was one hundred percent innocent."

  Max looked touched. "You're the only one who believes me," he said.

  "I believe you," Joel said.

  Max looked at Deedee.

  "I suppose I do, too," she said. "You've done some weird things, but I can't imagine you blowing up an automobile."

  Everyone looked at Christie. Finally, she shrugged. "If Mom believes him, I believe him."

  "Nick believes you, too," Billie told Max. "He's just upset right now. You just need to lay low while the police investigate."

  "Do they suspect me?"

  "Among others."

  Christie's eyes grew wide. "Does this mean we're harboring a fugitive?"