Undying Affinity

by Sara Naveed

  ‘How long have you been staring at me like this?’ she said and turned to face him.

  He wrapped his fingers around the steering wheel, rested his head on it and continued looking at her.

  ‘I asked something,’ she said, squinting her eyes.

  He did not reply and remained in the same position.

  ‘Okay. If you’re not going to answer this, then I have another question for you. Why have you been staring at me at all, Ahmar?’ she asked.

  This was the first time that she had addressed him only by his first name. Ahmar blinked with surprise after hearing his name.

  ‘You forgot to add sir before my name,’ he said with a confused expression on his face.

  ‘No, I didn’t,’ she said calmly.

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘I thought we were friends!’ She shrugged casually.

  ‘When did this happen?’ he asked.

  ‘Right now. Will you be my friend?’ she said and held out her hand. Ahmar could see the enthusiasm in her gesture.

  ‘Hmm,’ he said animatedly and held his chin.

  ‘You don’t have to think so much. People die to become my friends,’ she said, rolling her eyes.

  He burst out laughing.

  ‘What makes you think that? What’s so special about you? To be honest, I don’t find you different from any other girl in the university. There has to be a distinctive factor to stand out from the rest; something worth praising. For me, you are not unusual at all. And, in this case, I’m not dying to become your friend, Miss Zarish,’ he said.

  For a second Zarish thought she had not heard right. She looked down at her hands, her cheeks growing hot with embarrassment.

  ‘Feeling bad now?’ he asked, almost teasing her.

  She gave him an awkward look, which made him laugh again. She had never seen him laugh like that before. She did not know whether to feel happy or remorseful.

  ‘You should think about it seriously. I’m sure you’ll get my point,’ he said, smiling.

  ‘If you don’t want to be friends with me, then what, Ahmar?’ she asked, ignoring his comments.

  Her tone and her facial expression turned serious. Ahmar stopped laughing after hearing her question. She looked at him closely, waiting for a response. However, he did not know what to say. He switched his gaze to the other side. The magic was lost.

  ‘Is it 11:30 p.m.?’ she gasped, looking at the clock inside the car.

  Ahmar looked at her, glad that she had changed the topic.

  ‘I’m going to get grounded tonight. It’s really late,’ she said, shaking her head.

  ‘Yes. You should go,’ he whispered.

  ‘You should go home too. Sir Muraad will be worried.’

  ‘He knows I will come late.’

  She bit her lower lip and nodded.

  ‘So . . . see you tomorrow then?’ he asked.

  ‘Yeah . . . sure. Take care,’ she said as she opened the door and got out of the car.

  ‘Best of luck for your results.’

  ‘Goodbye, Sir Ahmar,’ she said and walked away.

  He smiled to himself.

  Ahmar reached home around midnight. He made himself a cup of instant coffee and headed towards his study. He sat at his desk, switched on the laptop and started correcting the exam papers. Only two days were left to declare the results, and he still had a lot of papers to correct.

  But he could not concentrate; his mind kept going back to Zarish. He looked at his finger and remembered how she had held it for a long time. It was as if he could smell her around him; her fragrance was everywhere. He felt happier than ever. This was the first time he had looked at her not as his student, but as a woman. He wondered if it was okay to think about her this way. The thought made him uncomfortable.

  ‘I can’t let myself get too close to her. She is my student and it should stay like that. I shouldn’t think too much about what I felt for her tonight. These feelings might be temporary and she can never know about them. I have to keep a distance from her but how am I going to stop her? I think she has gone too far,’ he thought.

  Zarish lay in bed, lost in thought. Though she held a book in her hands, she had not read a single page. All she could do was think about Ahmar.

  ‘I may not be perfect but there is always room for improvement. Our relationship did not start off on a good note but I know he likes me, but he won’t admit it just yet. If I change, I will only change for him,’ she thought.

  The loud sound of her mobile phone broke her reverie. It was Haroon. She did not feel like talking to him and listening to all his stories, so she decided to ignore his call. She switched of the bedside lamp and went to sleep.

  The next two days passed at a snail’s pace for the students, but not for the teachers. All the faculty members were busy checking papers. Their classes had been cancelled but Zarish and her friends still came to the university to pass time.

  ‘Hey, why didn’t you answer my call last night?’ Haroon asked her. She was sitting alone on the steps with a novel in her hands.

  ‘I was sleeping,’ she answered nonchalantly.

  ‘But you could have called later.’ He sat beside her.

  ‘I forgot.’

  Haroon observed her for a minute.

  ‘Why do you seem so indifferent today? What’s going on?’ He leaned against her arm.

  ‘Sit up straight, Haroon. I don’t want people to get the wrong idea,’ she said, inching away.

  ‘What?’ he cried.

  ‘Yes,’ she said, not looking up.

  ‘Do you hear yourself? I think you’re not in your senses today. So, I’m just going to ignore what you said.’

  ‘Whatever,’ she said, adding, ‘if we’re friends, then we should act like friends. Don’t try to get too cosy with me.’

  Her statement made Haroon laugh.

  ‘Well, you didn’t mind it before,’ he said and crept closer to her. ‘What happened now?’

  She looked at him unbelievingly and shook her head.

  ‘I only want to be close to Ahmar,’ she thought.

  ‘I have to go, Haroon. I have to meet Sir . . .’

  ‘Wait. What? Sir Ahmar? No way . . . not again!’ he cried.

  ‘Sir Wahab,’ she corrected him and stood up.

  He caught hold of her powder blue chiffon dupatta. ‘What are you doing?’ she yelled.

  ‘Actually, I wanted to ask you to the dance,’ he said, smiling sheepishly.

  ‘Is this how you ask someone for a dance?’

  ‘Yes. How else?’

  ‘Fine, I’ll think about it. Now leave my dupatta please. Stop acting like a jerk.’

  He started laughing again. Zarish snatched her dupatta from his hand and walked away shaking her head in disbelief.

  The parent-teacher meeting was scheduled for the next day. It was going to be a friendly interaction between teachers and students. All the parents had been invited to check their children’s progress.

  Haroon did not feel like inviting his parents, as he knew he had not performed well.

  However, both Mr and Mrs Zia had come to attend the meeting. They were keen to know how Zarish had fared. All the teachers praised her for her confidence, intelligence and hard work. She had scored good marks in almost all the subjects.

  She had deliberately kept Ahmar as the last teacher on the list. She wanted her parents to meet him at the end, as he was special.

  ‘Where are we going now, Zarru?’ Zia asked her.

  ‘We’re going to meet Sir Ahmar. He’s my finance teacher,’ she declared.

  ‘Hmm.’ Zia nodded.

  ‘Is he the same teacher you’re always talking about? Didn’t his father have a heart attack? I remember you had made lunch for him,’ Zarina said.

  ‘Yes, Mom!’ Zarish said jubilantly.

  Zarish knocked on Ahmar’s cabin door, but he was busy talking to other students and their parents.

  ‘Uh-oh. I think there’s a long queue,’ Zia said a
fter seeing the situation.

  ‘We can come and meet him some other time.’

  ‘No, Dad. Wait. I’ll go and talk to him,’ Zarish said and barged in.

  ‘Why is she insisting on meeting him today? I’m tired; I want to go home,’ Zia told Zarina.

  ‘Let’s just meet him for Zarish’s sake,’ Zarina said.

  Ahmar continued to talk to the other parents, not paying any attention to Zarish. She felt helpless, but did not leave the room. She knew her parents would not wait for too long.

  ‘Sir!’ she interrupted his conversation.

  He glanced at her.

  ‘Yes, Miss Zarish?’ he asked politely.

  ‘I want you to meet my parents. They’re waiting outside.’

  ‘Yes, sure. I’ll meet them. Give me some time,’ he told her and resumed his conversation.

  Zarish lost her temper.

  ‘I want you to meet them right now,’ she said loudly.

  The two students and their parents turned around to look at her.

  Ahmar felt embarrassed.

  ‘They’re important,’ she said in a low voice.

  ‘I’ll be back in a minute. Please wait,’ Ahmar excused himself and got up from his seat.

  Zarish controlled her heightened emotions and took a deep breath. He looked at her furiously.

  ‘Look. I know what I did right now was totally wrong and unethical, but I had no choice. They are getting impatient and won’t wait any longer. Only I know how I convinced them to come here today. You can get angry later, but please meet them right now,’ she said looking into his eyes.

  ‘You’re not worried about what I might tell them about you?’ he asked.

  ‘No. I am not,’ she said boldly. ‘I trust you.’

  ‘That is not going to help you this time. I’m sorry,’ his voice trailed off. He looked at her parents who were waiting outside the office. ‘And . . . it is really rude to make your parents stand outside my office. You could have called them inside,’ he said and walked towards the door.

  ‘Hello Sir,’ he said and held out his hand.

  Zia unwillingly shook it.

  ‘It is a pleasure to meet you,’ Ahmar said.

  Zia just nodded.

  ‘Hello Ma’am,’ Ahmar greeted Zarina.

  She smiled at him.

  ‘Please come inside,’ Ahmar invited them into his office. They sat down on the two empty chairs kept in the corner. His cabin suddenly looked small and cramped.

  ‘I apologize for making you wait outside for so long,’ Ahmar said.

  ‘That’s not a problem. We’re here because Zarish called us,’ Zia said sarcastically.

  ‘What’s wrong with Dad?’ Zarish thought.

  ‘So, how are her grades?’ Zia asked, changing the subject.

  ‘And how is her performance?’ Zarina asked eagerly.

  Ahmar looked at Zarish and then at them.

  ‘She’s a hard-working student, but there are a few things that need to be improved,’ Ahmar told them.

  Zarish narrowed her eyes.

  ‘Shit. He can’t do this to me,’ she thought bitterly.

  ‘What sort of things?’ Zarina asked in a concerned voice.

  ‘You need not worry about that, Ma’am. We are here to take care of it,’ Ahmar tried to lighten the mood. ‘What I meant is, she sometimes acts a little careless about a few things. She’s intelligent, but sometimes wastes her time on unimportant things. But we’re trying to work on that. Aren’t we, Zarish?’ Ahmar looked at her.

  ‘Uh. Yes,’ Zarish gulped. She had no idea what on earth he was talking about.

  ‘That’s good then. I’m glad to know that our children are in dependable hands,’ Zia said.

  Ahmar nodded at him.

  ‘We should leave now, Zia Sahib,’ Zarina told him. ‘Let’s go Zarish.’

  ‘You both go ahead. I will join you in a minute,’ Zarish told them.

  ‘Okay. It was nice meeting you, young man.’ Zia shook hands with him again. Ahmar took a deep breath as her parents left.

  ‘I need to talk to you,’ Zarish told him.

  ‘Not now. Can’t you see other people are waiting?’

  ‘Fine,’ she exhaled. ‘When will you be free then?’

  ‘Go home, Zarish. There is nothing to discuss now. You should understand that,’ he snapped at her.

  Both of them stared at each other for a few seconds and then he walked away to meet the other parents.

  Zarish left his office feeling dejected.

  She tried hard but could not sleep as an eerie silence enveloped her room. She could hear the ticking of the clock and hum of the traffic from the main road. Whenever she tried to shut her eyes, Ahmar’s face appeared in front of her. In fact, it had become a habit to think about him while going to sleep. It was stupid to deny that she had a crush on him. Maybe it was much more than a mere crush. She finally admitted to herself that she liked him. It could be more than that. She did not want to give the emotion a name though. She was afraid that it would remain unrequited. If it was love, then they both had to feel it. She could not bear the pain of loving him alone. Zarish wanted him to admit his feelings for her; she wanted him to take the initiative. But she had her doubts. She knew that they might never get involved romantically.

  In the dark, she saw a figure near the door. It was her mother. She sat on the edge of the bed and stroked Zarish’s leg.

  Zarish removed the quilt and sat up.

  ‘Mom, you’re here.’

  ‘Yes, I could see that you couldn’t sleep,’ Zarina said, caressing her daughter’s cheek.

  Zarish felt relaxed and suddenly forgot about her problems.

  ‘So how did you find my friends and everyone at the university?’ Zarish asked. Zarina could sense the enthusiasm in her voice.

  ‘Everyone seemed nice and polite. I’m glad you have met such nice people,’ Zarina said, smiling.

  Zarish wanted to tell her mother about Ahmar.

  ‘Do you want hot chocolate or something else?’ Zarina asked.

  ‘No, Mom. I’m fine. Err . . .’ Zarish tried to initiate a conversation regarding him.

  ‘What is it?’

  ‘How did you . . . find Sir Ahmar?’ her cheeks turned red as soon as she brought up his name.

  Zarina gave her a questioning look.

  ‘My finance teacher,’ Zarish gave her a hint.

  ‘Oh yes. He is a fine gentleman,’ Zarina said nonchalantly.

  Zarish observed her mother’s reaction.

  ‘I’m sure he teaches you all really well. That’s one of the reasons you scored well in his subject,’ Zarina said, getting up from the bed.

  As an afterthought, Zarina added, ‘Zarish, it would be better if you focused on your studies.’

  Zarish noticed the sudden change in her mother’s attitude, but she did not say anything. Zarina walked towards the door.

  ‘I know, Mom. I was only saying that he’s a really nice person,’ Zarish murmured, feeling helpless.

  Zarina had a feeling that Zarish had developed feelings for her professor. However, she did not want to talk about it with her daughter.

  Zarish woke up late that morning. It was cool and windy outside. The morning breeze rattled against the glass panes. Zarish pushed open the window to feel the fresh air. She felt happy and calm. She picked up her cell phone to check her messages. There were six new ones: two from Saleha and four from Haroon. She quickly checked Haroon’s first. They were all about the masquerade ball. She did not want to keep him waiting as that would irritate him even more. Besides, she knew asking Ahmar was a ridiculous idea. He would never attend the ball as her date. He would find it absurd.

  She clicked on Saleha’s messages. She wanted to go to the Mall of Lahore to buy accessories and clothes for the ball. She replied to her message and rushed to the washroom to get ready.

  Zarish had already bought a dress for the ball. Saleha wanted Zarish’s help to find something trendy for her, as she wa
s not very good at shopping.

  Saleha noticed that her friend had been quiet during the shopping trip. She decided to talk to her on their way back.

  ‘So, what is the problem. Is it Sir Ahmar? Did he brainwash you?’ Saleha popped an unusual question.

  ‘No. He didn’t do anything like that,’ Zarish said, frowning.

  ‘Then why is he different? Why does he mean so much to you?’

  Zarish leaned back in her seat.

  ‘I don’t know. I actually do not know why I feel like that. Maybe the way he looks at me. There is something unusual about this guy. He never intrigued me before, but when I got to know him, I developed feelings for him and things changed,’ Zarish explained.

  ‘Do you realize the consequences of what you’ve got yourself into?’

  ‘Like?’ Zarish asked, sipping her Coke.

  ‘Like he’s our, I mean your teacher. He would never think of you in any other way. You are just his student like everyone else. He wouldn’t put his job at stake for you,’ Saleha said.

  ‘I don’t even want that!’

  ‘Then?’ Saleha raised her brow.

  Zarish kept quiet.

  ‘What do you want from him?’ Saleha asked.

  Zarish looked away, infuriated.

  ‘See. I’ll tell you what’ll happen. If he doesn’t have feelings for you, he will get angry when you tell him about yours. He might even complain to the dean, who might expel you. If he does have feelings for you, then his job is at stake. Someone from the university could complain about your affair and the poor guy could get expelled. Whatsoever the case might be, he will never jeopardize his career for you. Just forget about him. He is just your teacher,’ Saleha lectured her.

  Zarish cleared her throat and did not say anything. Both girls drove straight to Saleha’s house. Zarish stopped the car in front of her gate.

  ‘See you tomorrow at the ball,’ Saleha said, stepping out of the car.

  ‘I don’t think I will be coming,’ Zarish said.

  ‘Why not?’ Saleha asked her, annoyed.

  Zarish just shrugged.

  ‘Look, I know you felt bad about what I said earlier but that’s the truth. Nobody can deny it. I would be happy if you behaved more maturely,’ Saleha said, stroking her hand.