A rose should be red: Part 1 - Secrets

by Akaku Red

  She pulled me away from the couch I was sitting on and told me to get some clothes.

  As I asked why I needed to do that, she only muttered that we had to run. Run away.

  I didn’t know what had happened.

  Her green eyes were darker and red, she cried out loud while telling me to run.

  I only did what I was told to do.

  Everything was rushed, and her reaction made me hectic, her tone was determined, no place for questioning, and also, as I finished packing some clothes, she grabbed me hard and shoved me out of the house.

  We crashed into a car which was waiting outside the front gate.

  And while the driver drove us to an airport, my mother told me that Rick was dead, and we needed to get away.

  That was the only information I had.

  Until today … I still didn't know what had happened … I was afraid to ask because the last time I did that she got angry and shouted at me.

  She suffered a lot from the loss, me, too …

  But to tell you the truth, since I didn’t know how he had lost his life … since we hadn’t held a funeral … I couldn’t really believe that he was dead.

  He wasn’t with us, yeah … but it felt like he was still alive, just somewhere else.

  I couldn’t grieve for him, I only felt deeply hurt and sad that he wasn’t with us.

  And even though it kills me to not know, I just couldn’t ask Elise again.

  It was an unfortunate situation, and I didn't want to make her remember the sad time again.

  Before that scary day, we lived in Florida, and now we are in London.

  Florida was big and beautiful and also warm, very warm.

  It had wonderful beaches, beautiful cities, and quiet places for me to hide out.

  In London … today was warm, but tomorrow it would be raining again… like every day.

  I didn’t like the weather here.

  The sky was always grey and … my heart felt heavy when I remembered the old times that were connected to this country.

  Since that scary and sad day, two months had already passed. I was slowly starting to get used to the environment.

  Thankfully, I didn’t need to go to school because my mother thought it would be the best to acclimate myself here first without the stress.

  I needed to say that London was not bad and besides that, I had lived in the United Kingdom before.

  Canterbury it had been…

  That’s why I had no serious problems with the change, and I quickly got used to everything.

  Well, which meant everything at home and the climate since I rarely got out….

  The only thing that left me confused was the suddenness.

  I wasn't prepared to leave Florida.

  Yeah … I didn’t have any friends there, nor did I have a big family that I left behind, but still, it was my home … I guess.

  I took a deep breath, whilst looking at myself.

  My eyes were amber, my deep black hair had grown longer; it reached down to my waist.

  Elise told me that I looked pretty, but I wouldn't say that.

  I was just an average girl.

  With an average look, average body type … but not so average life.

  My gaze narrowed to my dry lips, which definitely needed some hydration, but … I couldn't care less.

  They were full and thick, but I hated them.

  In fact, I hated everything about me!

  My body, my voice, my eyes, my hair. I hated everything … I hated myself.

  Because … I … sighing again, I looked up to the ceiling.

  I just turned eighteen…

  My life wasn't normal at all.

  I didn’t like to remember it, but …

  My real mother lost her husband due an illness.

  I never met him, so I can’t tell if he was a good person.

  But my mother was like every other mother, caring, beautiful, and lovely, until a new man came into her life.

  She met him when I was three years old.

  From the very first time …. when I saw him, I had a feeling that something was off. He was scary!

  My feelings alarmed me, and they turned out to be right.

  The one she met made me go through hell. Real hell!

  The monster …

  His name was Thomas.

  He brought in drugs, which my mother took with him, she started drinking and injecting every day.

  I didn’t know how she could let such a guy in, because he was high and drunk all the time.

  Also, how the people around us couldn’t notice the drastic changes … was unbelievable.

  This man Thomas and his best friend, who died a long time ago, were the devil himself. They were obsessed with me, but not in a good way. They did things to me I will never forget. Things that I can never forget!

  My whole upper body was carrying the scars; a lot of little scars and three big, deep scars on my chest, my stomach, and my back. The one on my back still bled sometimes, because it often got infected after they had tried to sow it up. It was still healing slowly…

  Ugly scars.

  Scars that will always remind me of my past.

  Also, the scars in my soul would never heal.

  Thomas was cruel … like a demon who easily got violent.

  I just needed to breathe, and he would be all over me, like a big dark shadow that swallowed me and kept me in the darkness.

  I was afraid to talk, and because he loved to hear me scream in fear, I started to hate my voice.

  Until … I lost my voice because of this man.

  I started to hate my hair, as this man would grab it hard to hurt me.

  Hated my body as he would touch me everywhere with his filthy hands.

  Hated my lips as this nasty monster violated me.

  My whole self, my whole body and soul were ravished.

  I felt dirty and ugly, even if I cleaned myself … I would still feel his hands on me.

  Until today I was suffering from paranoia and … from anxiety attacks, and I feared being around men.

  The hell I had to go through lasted for five whole years.

  In those years, I lost everything.

  And my mother … she watched everything through glassy eyes, helped the man to beat me up, and she even tried to kill me.

  I was little, had no rights … stamped on by the world.

  To me, it was the world because the police and the people who were around didn’t do anything.

  Allegedly, they didn’t notice anything … that was their excuse.

  The person who saved me, was a little girl … named Alice.

  It was a rainy and cold day… a very cold day. These monsters had an appointment with the principal of the elementary school.

  The parents conference day.

  Most of the time, I missed school, and nobody cared about it. And if I actually showed up, the students would make fun of me, because I wore menswear and the same clothes every time.

  They would laugh about my blemished body and call me a monster…

  Nobody asked me how I felt, even the teachers didn’t care because I didn’t speak up.

  I didn’t matter to them … I was only one of many students.

  One who was sitting silently in class, not understanding a thing.

  The teachers had given up on me.

  Well, my mother and Thomas where good actors. When they needed to act they could do it.

  So, when they needed to show up at school, nobody would have noticed their evil side….

  And I? I didn’t need to act, they just got me clothes that could cover up my marks, and they would tell the people that I was shy.

  To make it clear … they didn’t beat me with their hands, they beat me with belts, with shoes, with broken bottles.

  They did everything just for fun.

  I was their entertainment.

  If my wounds were really bad, they would lock me in my room and make excuses, like … having
a cold and such.

  But on this day, my injuries where good enough to be covered.

  And because I couldn’t talk, they weren't afraid of anything.

  So… they took me with them.

  The principal who was scolding me in front of my parents wasn't interested in my wellbeing at all. She just looked at my ‘parents’, she never tried to look at me.

  She even told me to go outside and wait in the hallway after she had said the standard things about me not doing homework, not socialising and being silent all the time.

  I remember Thomas’s glaring face, clearly reminding me of the consequences if I tried to run away.

  He would have killed me if I had done that.

  And of course, the principal didn't see the face he was giving me.

  I was tired, small, and afraid to make them angrier than they already were.

  The last time I tried to get help, I was taken back to those monsters, and they did beat me up until I was unconscious … until blood was splashing everywhere.

  It was so damn scary and painful that I never wanted to experience that again.

  But on that day … a girl was passing by the hallway.

  She noticed me, and she didn't ignore me.

  She came to my side and tried to talk to me.

  I wanted to chat with her, too, but my voice was gone.

  That is why I tried to look away.

  Also… I didn’t want her to get into trouble because I was afraid that Thomas would hear that girl talking to me.

  I could imagine that he would have hurt her, too.

  But this girl didn't want to go, she sat down next to me and smiled.

  This was the first time that someone wanted to talk to me that badly.

  She was very affectionate and persistent.

  And she noticed that something was wrong.

  She pulled me close as she analysed me.

  Then suddenly … she screamed.

  She screamed out loud, until a lot of people gathered together, even the principal and the monsters rushed over to us.

  “THIS KID IS ABUSED! THIS KID IS ABUSED!”

  Thomas got angry, he tried to make excuses, telling the people that the girl was crazy and that she was lying.

  But this girl didn't stop screaming, even as he called her a stupid brat.

  She just got more worked up because of his words.

  I didn't know why, but a police officer was there that day.

  He was the one who took me with him.

  This man took me to a doctor and then everything went on.

  This girl, whose name I still didn't know, the police officer Bob Morgan, and the doctor Jeffrey Dimond… they made me show them what had been done to me.

  And finally, I was taken away from this horrible family.

  Of course, Thomas did everything to get me back, but not out of love.

  He tried to get me back to get his revenge.

  His toy had been taken away from him, so he was angry, really angry …

  After I was hospitalised and in psychological treatment for a whole year, I was taken to an orphanage.

  And as it happened, I needed to share a room with this little girl.

  Like the first time I saw her, she looked at me with a smiling face.

  “Hey! My name is Alice, do you want to be my friend?”

  It turned out that Alice was an orphan child.

  On that day, she had only gone into my school because a girl stole her teddy bear.

  The police officer was helping her find it.

  A big coincidence, she got bullied by a mean girl, and while searching for her belongings, she found me …

  Not just that, she helped me out of my misery.

  She approached me even though it took me a long time to open up to her.

  And with time and with a lot of patience, I did it.

  She taught me how to write, so we could communicate.

  I had lost the feelings of being loved and being cared of.

  I had forgotten how good it was to be noticed by someone.

  It was really hard for me, but she helped me out! She helped me build back some of the feelings that I had lost or never even had before.

  Alice was my angel, my guardian angel.

  She tried to teach me to love myself, even though it seemed impossible for me.

  On this said day, when I was freed from the fangs of these monsters, there is where my life began.

  It was a beautiful day, even though I cried a lot.

  I was just relieved because finally someone had noticed my pain.

  We did spend four beautiful years together. And then …

  When I turned thirteen, I was adopted, but this time I got a beautiful family, Elise and Rick.

  At first, I was afraid, and I didn't want to leave Alice … but even though I refused to accept it… I couldn't do anything. We couldn't say no when someone wanted to adopt us.

  That’s why I needed to part ways with her.

  It was a sad, yet also a good day.

  The family was nice, I could really call them proudly my parents.

  They helped me find back my voice and taught me how to talk.

  Also, Florida was a big help, we had a house next to the beach, and I was always swimming or fishing with my dad.

  He did spend a lot of time with me.

  Elise also showered me with love.

  But now … Rick was gone.

  My eyes started to burn up, tears ran down my face.

  I didn’t want to cry.

  But it was hard for me … so hard.

  A person that I loved was not here anymore.

  I didn't know what had happened to him, I didn’t understand why we went back here!

  It’s so crazy and … I took a deep breath.

  I needed to control my feelings for the sake of Elise.

  She already had enough on her mind, she shouldn't worry about me, too.

  I wanted her to be happy.

  With new strength, I wiped away my tears.

  It was time to clear my mind.

  That’s why I took a long bath and thought about everything again.

  I wasn’t nervous to go back to school tomorrow, but it would be hard for me as the >>new kid<<.

  Maybe I could find friends? Maybe… but I would not look for them.

  I always got bullied by the people in school or they distanced themselves from me when they heard rumours about my situation somehow.

  I just hoped that this time, nobody would know me.

  And also …

  Since I was back in London, I needed to find Alice.

  The orphanage where I used to be wasn’t in Canterbury, it was located near that city, in London.

  Back in Florida, I tried to get in touch with her, I wrote letters every day and sent them to the orphanage, but I never received a reply.

  Also, when I secretly called the orphanage, there was no sign of her. They would fob me off and say that she wasn’t in the house at the moment.

  I never had luck.

  Sadly, I needed to do everything secretly… My mother didn’t want me to contact Alice or the orphanage.

  Once I asked her for help, she got mad. She grounded me and even took away my cell phone!

  I didn’t understand her reaction, but even though I never disobeyed her, this time … It was about Alice. And she was my one and only friend.

  For me, one of the most important things was to find her!

  That’s why it was good when we went back to London. Now I could search for her, even if I needed to do it behind my mother’s back!

  And maybe … one day I would have the courage to ask Elise how my father died.

  The new school I was going to attend was a famous one. This is what Elise had told me.

  Well, I didn't care which school I was going to attend.

  The most important thing for me was that my school life would be normal and that I could have time to search for Alice without any complica
tions.

  I took a deep breath before I let my head sink into the water.

  The warmth surrounded me, it made me close my eyes, just to enjoy the feeling.

  Since we got back, Tyler helped us out a lot. He was the child of some my mother’s friends … I slowly got used to him being around, but I also kept a distance because he was … trouble for my heart.

  I just couldn’t get used to the new emotions because … he had this charisma … he cared and treated me nice. He was handsome and smart.

  Sometimes he had a cold, mysterious side on, but he still acted gentle in front of me.

  I exhaled under water and raised my head, just enough so my nose was above the water, and I could breathe the air through it.

  Also … since last month … I had a feeling of being watched.

  I had been sitting outside in my rocking chair, which was under a piazza, when I felt a creepy gaze on me.

  A gaze full of hate … more like a glare … a toxic one, but as I looked around, I couldn’t see anybody.

  It had happened a few times now, but I blamed my paranoia for this feeling. Even though sometimes … it felt real … more as just a delusion.

  Yet, I didn’t talk to anybody about it.

  As I finished my bath, I dried myself and went into my bedroom where I changed into comfy clothes and blow-dried my hair.

  I decided to stay in my room since I was afraid that Tyler was still here.

  Even though I knew that hiding wouldn’t make the awkward situation and feelings any better.

  But at least I could feel a bit at ease…

  I took a fresh piece of paper and started to write a letter to Alice.

  Dear Alice,

  I still haven’t really gotten used to the new situation.

  And I still don’t know the reason, why we suddenly moved back here or why my father died.

  I started to keep more distance from Tyler … He is nice and really gentle, but I just can’t understand my emotions …

  Maybe someday … I will find out?

  Today the sun was shining, so I worked in the garden.

  My mother scolded me since I got dirty, but I felt really great after I finished up.

  I wish we could meet soon.

  I miss you.

  I hope you are fine.

  Please be fine …

  I love you.

  With love,

  Jenny~

  After I finished writing the letter, I took it and stored it with the other letters I had written every day.

  In a secret drawer under my desk!