A rose should be red: Part 1 - Secrets

by Akaku Red

  Then he handed me a paper and a pencil.

  “So, Jenny, where does it hurt?”

  I didn’t know how… but I started to write down something.

  Not the answer to his question.

  He took the paper and read the words out loud.

  “Who are you? And who was this girl?”

  His crystal blue eyes widened in surprise.

  “You don’t know who I am?”

  I shook my head.

  “But you know who you are?”

  I nodded cautiously, remembering the faces of my mother Cindy, Thomas, and Daniel.

  “Okay. This is good. We can work with this!”

  He took my hand and smiled.

  “You will get better soon.”

  Jeffrey, Bob, Alice, and Rex tried their best to get my memory back, while also creating new beautiful moments in my life.

  Alice sometimes mentioned a guy named Dean, but I couldn’t remember him at all.

  He also didn’t come by, which was why Alice gave up on telling about him.

  The darkness slowly faded. Even though it seemed like I had forgotten important things.

  I was happy. My life felt complete.

  But… then the day happened that we all feared.

  A married couple took an interest in me and wanted to adopt me.

  They seemed nice, nothing like my real mother.

  They were loving and approached me with care.

  Sadly, they could only get me alone since they wanted to start a new life in America.

  And some rule prevented them from taking Alice, too. So, we needed to part ways.

  The last few moments, which I had with Alice went by in no time.

  I was standing in front of the building with my suitcase and with a bouquet of flowers in my hand which I had gotten from the orphanage as a goodbye.

  Well, they didn’t really care about me leaving. Most of them couldn’t stand me, anyway.

  I had bid my goodbyes to them already, but it wasn’t as difficult as it had been for me yesterday when I needed to part my ways with Bob, Jeffrey, and Rex.

  I cried all night…

  But now, I didn’t even know how to handle my feelings.

  Alice was trembling besides me. She looked pale.

  We both hadn’t been able to sleep last night.

  We talked so much about our times together, our plans, which couldn’t come true …

  I felt my eyes burning up once more.

  ´I can’t believe it.’ I wrote on a paper and passed it over to Alice.

  “No! You should, they seem nice. You are safer with parents. They can help you out,” Alice said.

  ´But I don’t want to leave you!’

  Alice sighed.

  “I don’t want to leave you, either.”

  Her eyes got teary.

  “Why is this world so cruel?”

  She pushed my arm.

  “Don’t think like that! America is beautiful, too, and there you can start a new life! You can finally let go of the past.”

  Her smile was sad, her brown eyes looked at me affectionately.

  “I am sure that we will see each other again! You could spend your vacation here, and maybe I am able to travel, too. Then I can visit you!”

  I nodded with tears sliding down my cheeks.

  “Please don’t cry.”

  It made me cry even more. We hugged each other tightly.

  “You are the best thing that has happened in my life. You are like my little sister.”

  I sobbed when I heard her words.

  “Promise me that we will see each other again.”

  I nodded firmly.

  Then I took my paper and pen again.

  ‘I love you so much! Because of you, I was able to live. You helped me out of my misery. Please, stay safe.’

  Alice was smiling brightly when she read my message.

  “I love you, too! You know what? We should write letters to each other!”

  Her idea made me smile through my tears.

  I nodded again.

  ‘I love you. One day we will be together again, and then we can make our dreams come true.’

  Now, she was the one sobbing.

  “Yeah, we should do that. I love you, too.”

  A car drove by the gateway. Alice’s eyes widened in surprise.

  “Already here…” she muttered when my adoptive father came out.

  Alice hugged me again.

  “I really don’t want to let you go, but I need to. Jenny, it’s time for you to become stronger than ever. Don’t let anybody bully you, don’t let the past hunt you, and then, when you come back. Let me hear your beautiful voice again. I can’t wait to chitchat with you.”

  She placed a kiss on my cheek.

  “Please, look after my best friend,” she said to Rick.

  I wrote, ‘I will! I promise, I will write you a letter every day. I won’t forget you. I will always think about you, and when we see each other again, I will show you a side of me which you can be proud of. I can’t tell you how much I love you. I can’t wait to see you again!’

  Alice took the letter, but she didn’t read it.

  She let me go and turned her back to me.

  “So, now it’s time! I think it’s better to part our ways now, because if I stay longer, the harder this goodbye will get.”

  Her voice was shaking.

  My adoptive father looked at me with a sad smile.

  “I will protect her with my life, you can rest assured. Thank you for taking care of my daughter,” he said.

  “That’s good!”

  She laughed slightly as she wiped away her tears.

  I tried to reach out to her, but she had already taken the steps inside.

  “You should go already,” her faint voice said.

  My adoptive father took my suitcase and guided me over to his car.

  I struggled at first, but then I pulled myself together, because Alice was already giving her best to make it easier for us.

  “We will meet again, Alice,” Rick called out.

  Alice lifted her hand to wave her goodbye.

  I got in the car while my tears fell like a waterfall.

  “I promise, I will take good care of you. And I promise, you will see her again,” Rick said as he took the seat on the driver’s side.

  He started the engine which made me sob loudly.

  Now, there was no turning back.

  We heard a loud yelling voice.

  “WAIT! PLEASE WAIT!”

  Rick stopped the car.

  Alice was running over to my side.

  “WAIT A MOMENT!”

  I opened the car door and touched Alice’s shoulder.

  “I just read your message! And I just wanted to tell you that I am proud of you. You are as perfect as you are! And you shouldn’t cry! Because we will see each other again, this is a promise that we will keep!”

  **

  I felt my tears running down my face as I remembered everything.

  The promise which we had never been able to keep, after all.

  A broken promise.

  I remembered everything that had happened, but I was afraid to open my eyes.

  I didn’t want to get back to the sad reality…

  I heard the machines, smelled the scent of disinfectant— the scent of a hospital.

  I was alive.

  I slowly started to feel the pain again.

  My whole body was aching. Everything burned.

  A moment passed, then I heard something moving.

  Someone was wiping away my tears, gently and carefully.

  This was when I opened my eyes.

  First, I couldn’t see anything, everything was black, but after I blinked a few moments, I saw blue eyes in front of me.

  It made me remember the moment when I had met this person for the first time. Except that this time, his eyes looked deeply sad. He hadn’t noticed that I was awake.

  After a while,
his eyes met mine, and he gave a little start.

  He stumbled backwards as his eyes got bigger. He ran out of the room, but only a few moments later, I heard footsteps rushing back.

  Jeffrey was breathing heavily as he approached me slowly.

  Tyler was behind him.

  “Jenny, can you hear me?”

  I nodded.

  “Do you recall what happened?”

  I nodded again.

  “Do you feel pain?” Jeffrey asked carefully— at this question, I felt more tears again.

  I nodded my head hard. I was hurting badly.

  “I will get you a stronger infusion,” he said, although I knew that the pain in my heart wouldn’t disappear from any medication.

  “JENNY!” a male voice yelled which made me flinch.

  It was Dean.

  He rushed into the room, even though Jeffrey was telling him to stay outside, but he didn’t care. He came to my side.

  His eyes were red, his head was bandaged.

  “I am so glad you woke up.”

  He held my hand.

  “I told you we are going to make it. I told you!”

  But then he stopped, noticing my tears.

  “Oh… Jenny! Please don’t blame yourself! Everything that happened, it isn’t your fault. Even Alice … Even Alice.”

  He seemed to have a lump in his throat.

  His voice cracked as his tears rolled down his cheeks.

  I heaved myself up.

  “No, Jenny! You shouldn’t do that.”

  But I didn’t care.

  I wrapped my arms around Dean, even though I felt my new stitches burst open.

  It did hurt a lot, but the pain in my heart was hurting even more.

  Dean was sobbing loudly, my hug made him let it all out.

  He apologised over and over again while I cried silently my eyes out— until I fell asleep again.

  This time, no memories came back to me. This time, I didn’t dream anything.

  Everything was just pitch black.

  Chapter 24

  This life isn’t always worth it.

  No, this life isn’t always easy.

  I always ask myself, When will the rain stop?

  Can’t it just stop falling down on me?

  I always felt eyes on me, I was never welcomed here in this world.

  It felt like a headache that makes me want to die in a hole.

  Without any answer to my questions…

  I am down now, yet I always get pushed a bit deeper … a bit deeper.

  When does the pain stop?

  I was still in the hospital.

  The stitches were renewed since I had made them tear.

  My aching pain was hurting badly. There was no position to lie on which didn’t hurt my body.

  It did hurt a lot.

  I didn’t talk, nor did I move.

  My focus was on the ceiling.

  Everything that had happened, it was just so … ugly.

  I felt disgusting, I hated myself.

  Dean had been taken out of my room after our emotional hug.

  He wasn’t in a good condition either, and he needed to rest. Also Tyler, who was silently sitting next to me, didn’t look good at all.

  All this time he watched over me quietly. His deep blue eyes were dark and red. It looked like he hadn’t slept in days.

  The dark circles underneath his eyes were big, his hair was messed up.

  He had a gauze on his forehead, and his wounded shoulder was bandaged. They had put a sling around it to support it.

  I heard some nurses asking him to get on a bed, since he needed to rest, but he didn’t move away.

  He stayed by my side to watch over me. Neither one of us had said a word.

  What should we talk about, anyway?

  We had nothing to say right now.

  I wasn’t feeling good at all…

  A day passed.

  It was really difficult to fake a smile or listen to the people around me, so I didn’t even bother to try, even when Elise came back. She had immediately left Australia after the news about me and rushed back to London.

  To tell you that she was having a breakdown was really understated.

  She was crying the whole time, telling me that everything was going to be okay, but I wasn’t sure.

  Daniel Wilson was still out there.

  They hadn’t caught him.

  And when Bob visited me, he didn’t even know about Daniel.

  Both Dean and I had spent three days in a deep sleep, and in all that time, Daniel could have gone anywhere!

  The police thought that Olivia and Walter had planned this all alone and killed themselves afterwards.

  They even wanted to close the case. But thank god, as soon as Dean woke up, he told them about the monster.

  Now the police needed to find a person who was supposed to be dead.

  “I can’t believe it,” Elise said after Bob had left the room.

  “It was quite a shock,” Dean agreed. Both were sitting on my bed and held my hand.

  Tyler was still here, but he only watched us from the back.

  Elise already tried to talk to him, but she wasn’t able to convince him to get some rest.

  “Bob will definitely find this asshole, and the guy will get punished for everything! I won’t let anything slide!”

  “Oh well, count me in. I will make this asshole suffer!”

  Dean balled his hands into fists, which made my mother smile. She patted his head and laughed softly.

  “Don’t get upset! Now, all you need is a relaxed and calm atmosphere, so you both can heal in no time.”

  Her positive energy didn’t really get through to me, but it seemed like it helped Dean.

  He also smiled, as he unclenched his fists and touched my hand again.

  “Yeah, you are right! We should rest well, so we can show the world that nothing can bring us down.”

  Nothing could bring us down… ha…

  Well, I didn’t want to think anymore.

  More days passed during which I only listened to the talk of the people around me.

  Jeffrey, Bob, Dean, Elise, Charlotte, and Amy – they had all tried to make me talk again.

  Linette didn’t visit me. Charlotte told me that Linette was suffering a lot from what had happened, and that she would try her best to get her back so we could talk it out.

  But not now… I still wasn’t in a state to talk to anyone.

  Even though I really needed to talk to her…

  They tried to distract me with positivity and by acting as if nothing had happened.

  But even so, I saw their deep concern in their eyes.

  After Charlotte’s and Amy’s visit, Dean left my room to get some rest.

  Bob followed him.

  My mother managed to talk to Tyler. She made him get up to get some fresh air and to freshen up.

  Only Jeffrey and I were left in the room.

  It was the first time that we were completely alone.

  “Jenny, I would like to tell you something.”

  He took the seat which Tyler usually sat in.

  “I am like you, and you are like me. There are only a handful people like us.”

  His crystal blue eyes sparkled.

  The serious look on his face made him look older.

  “You are a human being who has suffered a lot. But your life isn’t over, it has only just started.”

  Jeffrey was obviously concerned about my mental health since I wasn’t talking. He paused, then started to speak again.

  “In the morning, there is a new day. Believe me when I say everything is going to be fine.”

  I looked down at myself.

  Not really sure if I would ever be fine.

  “Fall, lift your head, and just look ahead. Your friends, your family are standing here, but this is now something you need to do for yourself. Don’t let them pull you down, don’t let them get you down! Even when it’s hard, even if it�
�s for one day and you fall again, try it. If you think you will never get up again, show them, prove it to yourself that you want to live your life. Because you are a human being, you can decide it.”

  He stood up. My eyes followed his tall frame.

  “I think you are worth it to continue living. I think you are more than worth it, and I am sure someday you will live a good life.”

  He checked the drip as he spoke, and then he sighed.

  “And I am sure that Alice would want you to live a good life, too.”

  As soon as he said her name, my tears started to flow again.

  “She was a lovely girl, and I am very sorry for your loss.”

  He sat down again.

  “A lovely girl… You need to live on, for her sake too.”

  I said nothing.

  “Think about it,” he added.

  I didn’t really see an ending to my suffering, but everyone was trying their best to help me.

  They all were suffering, too.

  “It is okay to be depressed and sad now. Let it all out, but always remember that even after a bad day, a new day will begin.”

  Everything he said was true and sounded good, but it was hard for me to accept all of that now.

  Everything that had happened, it was too much.

  Confusing.

  Terrifying.

  Scary.

  Painful and sad…

  “You should slowly-”

  “M-May I take a shower?”

  The words came out quietly, but Jeffrey heard me loud and clear.

  His eyes lit up, and a small smile was on his face as he heard me speak for the first time in days.

  “Of course you can! I will call a nurse to help you.”

  I nodded briefly.

  With each passing day, I hated myself more and more.

  It was not only that I hated myself because of my body…

  The reason why I hated myself was also because all the people around me tried hard to make me feel better. I felt guilty that I couldn’t be happy at this moment.

  I just couldn’t.

  I wanted to feel good, I wanted to laugh with my friends and have fun with my mother, but why couldn’t I be like this?

  I really hated myself, and the worst part in this was that Daniel was still out of prison.

  He hadn’t been caught.

  The nurse, her name was Sandra, came in talking non-stop.

  “So, Jenny! Jeffrey told me that you want to take a shower now, but you need to be careful with your wounds, they still haven’t healed. I brought you a soap which won’t harm your skin.”