Lost Soul

by Cindy Pike

  “I’m glad that mother fucker attacked you in the alley.” Well, I asked for it. “Not that you got attacked, but that it brought you into my life. In a weird way, I owe that prick this moment, because without his fucked-up actions, I wouldn’t be holding something so precious next to me right now.” Wow, Silas can be deep. When he looks at it like that, I guess it brought me to the guys too. So how can I not feel the same way?

  “Me too, Si, me too.” I snuggle closer to him and he holds me a bit tighter.

  “Your turn, Doll.” See this is the thing about asking questions, they get asked back! Damn it! All the guys know my deepest darkest parts. I rack my brain trying to think of something that is meaningful he doesn’t already know.

  “Probably, how much you guys all scare me.” His body goes rigid under mine so I quickly elaborate, “Before you five came into my life, it was lonely, by my own design. I didn’t have friends, not even Kyle, not really. Now with you guys in my life I can’t go back to my lonely life from before. You all bring me so much, and before you say anything, I know I give back just as much. But my point is, losing any of you scares the absolute shit out me, it terrifies me more than ever having to face… Jason ever again. It’s not that I couldn’t live without you all, I know I could, because I have. But my life wouldn’t be as rich or fulfilling as it is with you in it.” I take a breath and hold it in, bracing for whatever his reaction might be.

  “Nora.” Silas croaks out. He moves so he’s above me, his body covering mine. I’m so full of him and no one else in this moment, that any flashbacks his new position could trigger don’t stand a chance against all that is Silas fucking King. “I’ll do everything in my power, I’ll break my fucking back, bleed myself dry, work my hands down to the bone, to make sure that you never go back to that kind of life again. You’re mine, and I take care of what’s mine.” His voice is so thick with emotion that it vibrates straight through to my heart.

  “You, maybe, but Kyle…” I trail off not knowing if I should be talking about this with him. I don’t want to be mistook as talking behind any ones back.

  “Kyle will work out his own shit. If he doesn’t, I’ll help move him in the right direction, because no matter what he fucking thinks, you’re worth it. You are more than enough for all of us. I’ll knock some sense into him if I have to. Don’t fucking worry about his shit, it will work out, Doll.” Silas hits me with more brutal honesty.

  “Okay, Si.” I whisper to help hold back the tears that threaten to spill out. Damn it, why does he have to be so amazing?

  “I’m gonna kiss you, nothing else, but I need to taste you right fucking no-” I cut his last word off by rising up onto my elbows and fitting my lips to his. With an urgency that steals my breath, Silas takes over and devours me until I can’t tell where I begin and he ends. Holy hot kisses! His hands never roam and he’s got his body under tight control, if the way he’s holding himself is anything to go by.

  It takes a while but eventually Silas pulls back and settles us down in our previous positions, for actual sleeping. I didn’t think it’d be possible for me to drift off any time soon, but his heartbeat lulls me into a deep sleep. My last thought is how this is my favorite part to every day, falling asleep in the arms of my men…

  Barking the next morning filters through my heavy slumber, my bed moves and I end up being rolled to my back as Silas gets up from the bed to let the dogs in. I can hear Silas open and close the sliding door to the back yard where he keeps the dogs at night (they have a run back there with a big house and a misting system to help keep them cool). Listening to Silas milling around in his kitchen, I pull the blankets up and snuggle into them, inhaling the scent left on Silas’ pillow. The front door opens and closes, then opens again but this time I don’t hear it close. Wondering what’s going on, I get out of bed and go to the closet to rifle through my clothes for a pair of sweats to throw on. Hopping on one leg, I try to make my way down the hall and get my foot out the hole in the bottom, my braid tail whips me in the face a couple times until I end up having to lean against the hall wall to accomplish getting my pants on (I’m a grown woman and can’t get my own damn pants on without injuring myself?). I pull the draw string taut and exit the hall into the living room. Gretta and Cain are busy with their breakfast Silas gave them after letting them in, like usual. A big bouquet of red roses catches my attention as I make my way over to the bar countertop. Silas is on the phone and he’s angry.

  “The bitch sent me a bunch of fucking red roses.” Silas’ voice feels like a blade made from ice running down my spine. Oh fuck, his crazy ex-girlfriend sent these to him?! Shit, damn, and fuck. “I don’t give a flying fuck! He needs to make time; I won’t have Nora staying here without having my security system beefed up. I won’t put her though this on top of everything else!” Silas shouts the last part, making me jump. I cautiously sit on one of the bar stools and wait for him to hang up. “Good, text me the info.” He hangs up, tossing his phone on the countertop, and braces his hands on the counter, head hung low, opposite me. I wait a few beats not knowing if I should leave him be or say something.

  Before I can decide Silas lifts his head with one arm beckoning me to him, “Get over here, you’ve got nothing to be afraid of, Doll.” I stand up and round the bar, rushing him and we hold each other in a secure embrace. Eventually he releases me and I move back to my seat on the barstool. Silas takes the roses and throws them in the trash.

  “Well she’s got good taste in flowers, even if they are a bit much.” I try to lighten the tension with a joke, Silas just glares at me with his iced eyes. “What did the note say?” I’m curious as to what she might have tried to communicate to him in it.

  “There was no note, just the flowers.” Silas moves to the fridge and starts to pull out eggs and vegetables for our breakfast. Owen must have told them all my preferred breakfast and taught all the guys how to make omelets the way I like, because when there’s time, this is what they all make for me.

  “She didn’t write a note?” That’s perplexing, if she’s as obsessed as he says, I would’ve bet my new job at King’s, she’d have tried everything to gain his attention, and left a note.

  “Nope.” Silas gets busy making our breakfast. Weird, but I shrug it off since I don’t know the first thing about her.

  “Alright, I’m going to get a quick shower in before we eat.” I stand and make my way back to the master bath, getting a grunt of acknowledgement in return from Silas.

  I finish in the bathroom and dress in a casual t-shirt from one of my favorite authors, a pair of boot cut jeans, and black flip flops for just around the house. Silas is just plating our food as I make my way to the countertop bar.

  “Thanks Si. What’s on your agenda for today?” Saturdays are usually busy at the garage and I have a rare Saturday off on this one. I take a hefty drink from the coffee cup sitting in front of my plate, and close my eyes as the sweet, sweet nectar slips down my throat, bringing me to life.

  Silas is cutting into his omelet with the side of his fork while answering, “Got a new build, with a tight schedule. It’s gonna be a long day, I’ll send a group text and see whose free tonight to watch you.” I know he didn’t mean it, but the way he said that makes me feel like I’m an inconvenience for them sometimes. I keep that thought to myself and plow through my omelet.

  Silas finishes before me and drops his dishes into the sink along with the ones from last night. As he rounds the bar island and passes me, he gives me a kiss on the top of my head.

  “Gotta shower then I’ll drop you at Flex.” I give a weak smile as he does, then watch him saunter down the hallway, admiring the dimples on his lower back. I wonder what deal he made with the devil to be blessed with so many drool worthy dimples.

  Finished with my food, and downing the vestiges of my coffee, I go over to the sink and rinse all the dishes then load them into the dishwasher and run it. I get a travel mug from the cupboard above the coffee pot and make Silas and myself a to
go cup. A sharp whistle rings out as Silas comes back down the hall, heading toward the back door. His attire rarely varies from black, be it jeans and t-shirt or dress pants and a nicer dress shirt. With him going into Kings today he’s got on black jeans, a badly faded black t-shirt that hugs his upper chest and arms, and black steel-toed work boots that have seen better days.

  “Come on Gretta, Cain, sit. Stay.” Silas glides the back door open and lets Gretta out, following her to check her water and then he comes back in, “Cain, load up.” Ordering him that it’s time to go, I grab my purse and the to-go mugs, handing one to him before I take my proffered phone from Silas. “Let’s go, Doll.” His hand on the small of my back is warm and helps to ease some of the hurt from his words earlier. Out in the garage, Silas hits the door opener on the side of the wall next to the door leading into the house and the garage door starts rolling up silently. Cain dances next to the driver’s side door at Silas’ Tundra until he opens the door and then Cain leaps in. I open my door on the passenger side and climb up; once I’ve settled in, I secure my seatbelt and snag my shades from the dash, putting them on. Silas has his sunglasses on and starts the truck, not bothering with his seatbelt.

  “Why do I have to wear my seatbelt, but you don’t?” He’s always on me about wearing the damn thing, yet doesn’t bother to do so for himself.

  “Woman, are you giving me, a grown ass man, shit about my safety habits?” He questions me.

  “I’m just noting that your safety is just as important as mine.” I quip back. He just shakes his head, but he buckles up and I get a small smirk on my face at my win.

  Silas pulls into the parking lot at Flex and parks right in front of the main entrance to let Cain and I out. As I get ready to go out, Silas’ hand on my elbow stops me.

  “Are you forgetting something?” The look on his face is pissed and I rack my brain to try and find what I could’ve done in the past few seconds to put it there. I draw a blank and shrug my shoulders in bafflement.

  “Anytime you leave me, you give me a fucking kiss, Nora. No exceptions, get me?” I’m shocked into a stupor that he’s demanding this from me. When in the past it hasn’t really been an issue, so why it is now I don’t get.

  My face must’ve conveyed my confusion because he lays more truth on me, “This is part of me not letting you go back to your lonely life, Doll. Now kiss me, I’ve got shit to do.” My heart melts and I lean into him as he meets me half-way over the middle console. I intended for it to be just a quick touch of lips, until his hand finds the back of my head and holds me there for a few beats longer, only then does he release me. I fall into his ice blue eyes for the umpteenth time since meeting him, then shake my daze away and grab my purse, Cain’s leash and my workout bag I keep in each guys’ vehicle for my trips to Flex.

  I hop out then turn and let Cain jump down and out, before I slam my door I say to Silas, “Thank you for that, my sweet Si.” His eyes get as soft as ice can without melting and I run into Flex before he can respond.

  3 Difficult Positions

  Breathing Oxygen by Zayde Wolf

  Today is my first private class with Heath. He is in charge of my self-defense training. I’m nervous about it, even though my therapist and I have gone over what I can expect. It is going to be difficult and I’ll probably have to endure at least a little panic initially. I think having Heath as my instructor will help and I suspect that is his goal, in being my instructor. I head into the woman’s locker room, waving to Jaz as I pass by the front desk, and pull my workout clothes from my bag, stowing my purse and other personal items in my locker then I click the lock and spin the dial, giving it a firm tug to make sure the lock is engaged. Satisfied, I take my clothes and Cain’s leash, heading to one of the enclosed stalls to change.

  Cain follows me in and sits in front of the door inside the stall with me, so that it can’t open without knocking him out of the way. “Good Boy.” I praise him and pet his head. I quickly change my regular clothes to my dark purple sports bra with a dark hunter green racer back tank, black yoga pants with see through mesh along the sides, and quickly put my socks on before slipping my white tennis shoes on. Cain and I move out, and as I put my street clothes into my locker, I grab a hair tie from my workout bag then close the door and slip the lock into place, checking it is secured again. I stop before one of the mirrors above a sink and gather my loose locks up into a high messy bun before I go out to find Heath in the hall, leaning against the wall opposite the entrance to the women’s locker room. He’s got on a baggy white Flex t-shirt, the sleeves have been ripped off, displaying his massive biceps. The Flex logo on the back of it and his name on the front above his left pec. It’s one of a few options in shirts for the staff along with the polo shirts. A pair of loose maroon sweats and black tennis shoes complete his outfit today. His long red hair is in a French braid along the top of his head, ending in a tightly wound bun in the top back. He has amazing hair and I want to play with it and see it down more (he’s always got it up or pulled back).

  Cain gets excited to see Heath and wiggles, doing some quick circles, until he gets some pets from the big red headed giant. I get a soft grin on my face as Heath shows his dog some love (needed on both sides). After Cain settles down Heath lifts his face to look at me.

  “Ready for this, Sweetheart?” He watches me closely, his gray eyes going soft, as he’s searching my face.

  “That’s what my therapist says, that I am.” My joke falls flat and I try again, “I’m nervous but I trust you to take care of me, G Man.” My smile is tight, but it’s there. Heath’s eyes roam my face for another second. He gives Cain a pat on his side then stands straight and turns down the hall, leading us deeper into Flex.

  “Cain will have to go in the dog run out back. I don’t want him with us for this. You’re going to be in some upsetting positions, making it so he’s not going to be able to do his job, so it’s best for him.” Heath explains as we reach a back external exit door without any alarms; I’ve noticed this is where the employees enter and exit, but I’ve never come in or out this way. We go out to the dog run just outside and to the right of the back door, Heath opens the gated chain-link fencing and I unclip the leash from Cain’s collar before I give him a kiss on his snout and send him in. Heath takes the leash from me to clip to the fence and a lock from its spot hanging from one of the links. He clicks the lock on the gate and then rests his hands on my shoulders turning us toward the back door. There’s a big canopy covering the run with a good fifteen feet of overhang out shading some tables for Flex employees to take a break when the weathers nice, and a misting system along the top rail of the canopy. We head back inside.

  “Don’t be nervous, Sweetheart. We are going to take this as slowly as you need. The goal isn’t to torture you with flashbacks or to send you into a constant state of panic. It’s to help you be able to deal with those things in positions that trigger those responses in you and be able to get yourself out of them so you can get to help or away from the situation.” The entire time Heath is massaging the knots out of my shoulders as we head to one of the private training rooms. His explanation helps with some of my nerves and I feel better as we enter the private training room. It’s not anything my therapist hasn’t already told me, but hearing it from Heath just solidifies the knowledge.

  “Come on and sit in the middle of the mat, we’re going to stretch. While we do, I’m going to go over some things with you, okay?” Heath heads to the edge of the mat taking his shoes off before he steps on it and stuffing his socks in each shoe. “Shoes off before you step on the mat.” Just like that he’s in instructor mode. Good, I don’t want to be treated any differently because of our relationship… situation. This room is a decent size with what looks like a twenty by twenty-foot mat centered and a four feet radius of regular flooring around it. There’s a heavy bag in the far-right corner and a water cooler by the door on the left side. The right side also has a bench type of seat that stores any equipment that m
ight be needed to help with private lessons. I slip my shoes off and put my socks in them mimicking what Heath did, and then I make my way over to him and sit down facing him. Heath tucks one leg close to his body with his foot as close to his groin as he can get it, so he’s making a half butterfly. His other leg he’s got straight out to his side with his foot flexed and he leans over and wraps his hand from the same side as his outstretched leg around the bottom of his foot. His leg doesn’t bend and his torso is flat against his leg. Ummm…. Say it with me now, damn he’s flexible! Did it just get hot in here?

  Heath gets a satisfied smirk on his face and his shoulders bounce with his silent laughter.

  “Shit, I just said that out loud, didn’t I?” My face flames with my embarrassment.

  “You did, but it’s nothing to be embarrassed about, Nora. It’s actually a good thing for me. I’m glad you like my body and what it can do. I’ve worked hard to get it where it is, it’s nice to know you appreciate it.” Heath gives me a wink and I blush for a different reason then move my body so it’s a mirror to his.

  “Okay, let’s go over some things I’ll need to know before we can get started. I’m going to ask you questions about both of your attacks and I need you to be honest in your answers or things won’t go so well, for either of us, okay?” He’s back into instructor mode and I know I’m not going to like the questions, but I have to do this if I want to get back to any semblance of normal.

  “Okay, shoot.” I try and play off my unease with a sassy retort.

  “First I need to know the positions that Jason had you in.” I flinch at the name.

  “I also need to know any words, like his name or phrases that might trigger you as well.” Yep, I knew I wasn’t going to like this part. Heath switches legs and I follow suit.