Guests and Guilt

by Diana Xarissa

  “No. Like I said, it was too full of negative energy. I went back to California and reconnected with some old friends. I stayed there until recently, actually, working when I needed to and enjoying the company of friends.”

  “I thought you said you’d had four husbands?” Courtney said.

  “Oh, I always forget about Chuck. He wanted to be an actor, but he didn’t have any talent. He came out to LA to try his luck and ended up staying with one of my friends. Don’t get me wrong, he was gorgeous, but he didn’t want to be a model, he wanted to be a star.”

  Stephanie stopped and took a drink of wine before topping up her glass. Fenella looked around the table. Annie looked almost too drunk to move. Maureen appeared to be half-asleep and Courtney looked bored. No one asked Stephanie to continue as the silence dragged on.

  “Oh, sorry, I left you hanging, didn’t I?” she said after a few minutes. “Chuck and I started going out and having fun together, and one night we were both really drunk, and he decided we should get married. It sounded like fun, really, so we did. Three weeks later, he moved back to Milwaukee or Minnesota or wherever he was from and that was the end of that.”

  After another short pause, she spoke again. “Ever since I left the island, I’ve been trying to better myself. I tried to do it with surgery, with men, and with special diets, but none of those things made me happy. Now I’m working on improving my mind. I started taking classes and it’s changed my life.”

  “What sort of classes?” Maureen asked.

  “I took one on quilt making and another on creative writing. Those were just community education courses. Then I decided to get more serious and I took a class at the college near my apartment. It was on great American literature, and one of the books that we read was the one that James wrote. I fell in love with him as I read his incredible prose.”

  “He could have been a ninety-year-old woman or gay,” Courtney said. “You can’t possibly fall in love with someone based on a book they wrote.”

  “You should read James’s book,” Stephanie countered. “You’d fall in love with him, too. He’s just such an amazing author.”

  “I doubt that very much,” Courtney replied.

  “Just in case, maybe I won’t read it,” Maureen said with a giggle. “I mean, I never could compete with you when it came to men.”

  Stephanie laughed. “None of you could compete with me when it came to men,” she said. “I was always the most popular of the CAMS.”

  “We all did okay, though, back in the day,” Annie said.

  “Yeah, that’s true,” Stephanie replied. “But I was always the most popular.”

  “Did you want an award for that or something?” Courtney snapped.

  “Oh, no, not at all,” Stephanie said with a light laugh, “and I don’t mean to sound as if I’m bragging. It’s just that seeing you all again has brought back so many memories. I don’t believe in having regrets, but I have truly missed you all.”

  “No regrets?” Annie repeated. “None at all?” she asked.

  “No, none at all. Life is too short to waste time with regrets,” Stephanie replied.

  “I have a few, well, one, really,” Maureen said, “but we don’t need to talk about that.”

  “No regrets, no lies, and no secrets,” Stephanie said. “That’s how I live my life now.”

  “No secrets?” Maureen asked.

  “None. Not from the people that matter to me. I’ve told James every single thing there is to know about me,” Stephanie replied.

  “Everything?” Courtney asked, raising an eyebrow.

  “Everything,” Stephanie replied. Then she laughed. “Well, everything I can remember, anyway. I’m sure I’ve forgotten one or two things after all these years. Having said that, do you remember the time we broke into the school with a bottle of wine and a bunch of plastic cups?”

  “We thought we were so cool,” Maureen laughed, “right up until the police came.”

  “We got away with it, though, thanks to Courtney,” Annie said.

  Courtney nodded. “It was a good thing I knew about the back staircase to the back exit from the building. I still can’t believe that we all managed to get out before the police found us.”

  Half an hour later, Fenella yawned for the tenth time in five minutes. The four women were busy reminiscing about their childhood and Fenella was tired of the stories.

  James leaned over and whispered in her ear. “Do you think they’d notice if we left?”

  Fenella sighed. “Probably, but I want to leave anyway,” she whispered back.

  “Yeah, this is dumb. I’ve heard enough of these stories from Stephanie already to know how they all end.” He cleared his throat loudly. When everyone at the table was looking at him, he gave Stephanie a sheepish grin. “I’m sorry, darling, but jet lag is getting the better of me. I really need to get back to the house and get some sleep.”

  “I guess that’s the end of the party, then,” Stephanie said.

  “It doesn’t have to be. You can stay and have fun with your friends until the pub closes, if you want,” James told her. “I’m just falling asleep sitting here.”

  “Fenella, you’ll stay with us, won’t you?” Stephanie asked.

  “I wish I could,” Fenella lied politely, “but I have a cat who needs her last meal of the day. I should have left hours ago.” Fenella knew that Shelly would have taken care of both Katie and Smokey, but there was no way that Stephanie knew that.

  “I’ll leave the key under the doormat,” James said as he stood up. “You can let yourself in when you get back.”

  “I’m not sure I remember where the house is,” Stephanie laughed. “I may have had a few drinks too many.”

  Fenella found a scrap of paper in her handbag and wrote the house’s address on it. “Here you are. Have a taxi take you there.”

  Stephanie nodded and slipped the paper in her pocket. “I didn’t bring any money, though,” she said. “How much will a taxi cost?”

  “You can ride in ours,” Courtney told her. “The driver can drop each of us at our own homes. I’ll pay for it.”

  “And my car,” Annie said.

  “Yes, and we’ll get your car driven home for you,” Courtney agreed.

  “Oh, James, are you sure you have to go?” Stephanie asked. “I mean, I’ll miss you so much.”

  “But you’ve missed your friends for years. This is your time together. Enjoy it,” James replied.

  Stephanie looked uncertain for a minute, and then Annie lifted her glass. “To Annie’s gang, the CAMS,” she said. “Life was so much simpler twenty years ago.”

  “It wasn’t so simple that time you and Harry Henderson decided to climb up Tynwald Hill stark naked,” Maureen laughed.

  Fenella stood up and grabbed her handbag. She really didn’t want to hear any more of the CAMS’s stories. She and James made their way out of the pub and into the crisp autumn evening.

  “I’m sorry about that,” James said as they began the short walk back to the house. “Stephanie is great, but when she starts drinking, she loves to talk about the past. I don’t drink too much anymore, mostly, but sometimes, when I’m with her, I try to keep up.”

  Fenella swallowed a dozen replies. The man didn’t need a lecture from her tonight. He was jet lagged and a little bit drunk. He probably wouldn’t remember anything she said, anyway.

  “Are you sure you’re okay to drive?” he asked her when they’d reached the house.

  “I didn’t actually drink anything other than soda,” Fenella replied.

  “Really? I didn’t notice. You’re smarter than I am, then.”

  “I always was.”

  James laughed. “I’m sure you think I’m only here to ask you for money, but I’m really glad to see you, you know.”

  “I’m glad to see you, too,” Fenella told him. “It’s been too long.”

  “It has. And once I’m recovered from my jet lag, we’ll get properly caught up.”

&n
bsp; Fenella got into the car and pulled out of the driveway slowly. James stood on the steps and waved at her as she went. When she opened her apartment door a short while later, she was startled to see lights on in the living room.

  “Did you forget I was staying here?” Shelly asked with a laugh.

  Fenella nodded. “I did, but I’m glad you are,” she replied. She gave Shelly a hug, and then they sat down together while Fenella told her friend all about her evening.

  “I’m almost sorry I missed it,” Shelly said when Fenella was done. “But not really.”

  “I wish I’d missed it,” Fenella yawned.

  After making sure that Katie and Smokey were happy, the women headed for bed. Fenella fell asleep wondering what Mona was doing. The loud ringing noise made both cats shout loudly. Fenella sat up in bed and looked at the clock. It was five in the morning and far too early for anyone to be calling.

  “Hello?”

  “Fen? It’s James. Stephanie never came home last night.”

  5

  Fenella sat up in bed and rubbed her eyes. “Maybe she went home with one of her friends,” she suggested.

  “Yeah, maybe, but she never called me, either. She would have called or texted me if she wasn’t come back here.”

  “Give me a few minutes to wake up and I’ll come over,” Fenella said. “She’ll probably turn up before I get there, though.”

  “Yeah, I sure hope so,” James replied.

  Fenella got out of bed and then shook her head at Katie. “That’s it, you just keep on sleeping.”

  Katie opened one eye and then squeezed it shut again. Fenella headed for the shower. It was only five o’clock and it had already been a long day. A quick but very hot shower helped a little bit, but the coffee she made as soon as she was out of the shower helped more. Not wanting to wake Shelly, Fenella left her a note.

  Had to go to see James. Hopefully I’ll be back soon, but don’t worry if I’m not. I filled both cat bowls with breakfast and gave them fresh water. Don’t let them try to tell you otherwise. Call me if you need me.

  She was in her car and on the way to the house on the outskirts of town not much more than half an hour after James had rung.

  “Oh, it’s you,” James said when he answered her knock. His face fell and he shuffled back into the house looking old and tired.

  “I take it she isn’t back yet, then,” Fenella said.

  “No, and she isn’t answering her phone, either. I’ve sent her a dozen text messages, but she hasn’t responded.”

  “Maybe she forgot to charge it.”

  James frowned and then nodded. “You could be right about that. She always forgets to charge it, actually. Maybe she decided to stay with one of the others and then couldn’t call me because her phone was dead.”

  “That’s certainly one possibility. Is the key still under the mat?”

  James frowned. “I didn’t check.”

  Fenella swallowed a sigh as she turned back around and opened the front door. She’d helped James tuck the key underneath the mat last night before she’d left. As far as she could tell, it hadn’t been touched. She picked it up and then shut the door.

  “You should have left it there. How will Stephanie get in now?”

  “She can knock and we’ll let her in,” Fenella suggested.

  “Oh, yeah,” James flushed. “I’m not thinking very clearly, really. I didn’t sleep very well when I first got back here last night and then I fell into a really deep sleep for a few hours. When I woke up, I didn’t know where I was or what time it was or anything. It took me a while to remember where I am and why I’m here. And then I remembered that Stephanie was with me, but she wasn’t here.”

  “Do you have any way to contact her friends from last night?”

  “No. I mean, I don’t have their numbers. They might be in the phone book, though, I suppose.”

  A quick search of the house didn’t turn up a phone book, however. “We could call directory assistance, couldn’t we?” James asked.

  “What’s the number?”

  “How should I know? Assuming it isn’t the same as the one in the US, it could be anything.”

  “Exactly. I can go home and get my phone book or we can wait a few hours until my friend Shelly will be awake and ask her to check for us,” Fenella suggested. “We wouldn’t want to start calling Stephanie’s friends this early in the morning, anyway. No doubt they’re all quite hung over.”

  “They aren’t the only ones,” James groaned.

  “I have painkillers.”

  “You’re my favorite sister.”

  “I’m your only sister,” Fenella pointed out as she shook a couple of pills into her hand. She handed them to James, who swallowed them immediately.

  “They’ll work better if you drink some water with them,” she told him.

  He shrugged. “Too much like work,” he said.

  Fenella wanted to argue, but she settled for sighing deeply instead.

  “She’s probably with another man,” James said gloomily.

  “Stephanie? What makes you think that?”

  “She’s too young for me, for a start. And she’s, well, she’s a flirt. And once she starts flirting, well, she behaves badly.”

  “Do you really think she would have gone off with another man while she’s here on vacation with you?”

  “She’s been staying with me at my cottage and that hasn’t stopped her.”

  Fenella stared at him for a minute. “She’s been cheating on you, and you still let her stay with you and brought her on vacation with you?”

  “She’ll tell you it isn’t cheating,” James sighed. “She’s just so full of life and energy that she can’t stop herself from wanting to share her love with everyone.”

  “Everyone?”

  “Not everyone,” James said hastily, “but sometimes, especially when she’s drinking, she forgets how much she cares about me, that’s all. I can’t keep up with her, you know. We’ll go out, and then after a few drinks, I need to go home to bed. She won’t be tired, so she’ll stay and have a few more drinks. Sometimes she comes home to me and sometimes she doesn’t.”

  “And you dragged me over here to get stuck in the middle of all of this, why exactly?”

  “I don’t know. When I first realized she wasn’t here, I was worried. That’s why I called you. Now that I’m waking up, though, well, it seems likely that she simply went home with another man. No doubt she’ll turn up here in a day or two.”

  “In a day or two?” Fenella demanded.

  “Or maybe later today. She’ll turn up when she’s ready to return.”

  “And she’ll have a lot of explaining to do to me.”

  “You won’t understand, though. You’re a different type of person.”

  “Yeah, that’s true. I’m the type of person who stays faithful when I’m in a relationship. I’m the type of person who quit drinking to excess when I grew up a little bit. I’m the type of person who worries about my big brother when I think someone is taking advantage of him.” She would have continued, but James held up a hand.

  “Maybe that’s why I called you,” he said. “Maybe, subconsciously, I was hoping that you’d be able to convince me to break up with her.”

  “I don’t even know what you see in her in the first place.”

  James shrugged. “Can we talk over coffee?” he asked.

  “Sure,” Fenella replied. “Did you make any?”

  “I couldn’t work out the coffee maker works. It isn’t like my one at home.”

  Fenella swallowed a sigh as she walked into the kitchen. At least there were signs that the man had tried, she thought as she filled the coffee maker and switched it on.

  “Toast?” she asked.

  “Sure.”

  Feeling as if she should tell him to make it himself, she slid slices of bread into the toaster on the counter. When they popped, she put them on a plate and handed it to James. “There’s butter in the refrigera
tor and jam in the cupboard,” she told him as she put more bread into the toaster. Shelly had suggested that they do some basic grocery shopping for James, and Fenella had gone along somewhat reluctantly. Now she was grateful for everything they’d bought as she buttered her own toast and then poured cups of coffee for both of them.

  “That’s better,” James said after he’d finished his toast and his first cup of coffee. He refilled his cup and then sat back in his seat and smiled at Fenella. “You wanted to know what I see in Stephanie. That isn’t an easy question, really. I’m not sure I’m ready to tell my baby sister some cold and hard truths about my life.”

  Fenella shrugged. “You don’t have to tell me anything. I just want you to be happy, and it doesn’t sound as if Stephanie is making you happy.”

  “It isn’t that simple. I don’t know if I’ve ever been happy. Maybe it just isn’t possible for me to be happy. Maybe happiness is overrated, anyway.”

  Fenella sipped her coffee and tried to work out an appropriate reply. In some ways she could understand what James meant. There had been more than a few years in her life where happiness had seemed impossible. She hadn’t been unhappy, exactly, more like she’d just been keeping her head down and surviving. It was only now that she’d made such a dramatic change to her life that she’d started to find happiness.

  “I hated college,” James said, “and I hated feeling as if whatever I did I was never going to be as successful as our older brothers. They all went to college, did really well, started careers, made our parents proud. I went to college and it was really hard work. I did try, you know, even though I pretended that I didn’t. I studied and I wrote long boring papers about subjects I didn’t understand and I tried to do calculus and learn Spanish, and I couldn’t do any of it, not well. So I quit.”

  “Do you want more toast?” Fenella asked, feeling uncomfortable with the way the conversation was going.

  “No, not really. I’m not much of a breakfast person. Maybe college would have been easier if I hadn’t had all of these voices in my head. I would sit in class and these ideas would start flowing and the imaginary people in my head would start talking to one another. I simply couldn’t focus on what the professors were saying. I thought I was either crazy or that I was meant to be a writer, but I wasn’t sure which.”