Closer to the Edge

by Tara Sivec

  “Please, Cole,” I beg softly, my hands threading through his hair, urging him closer.

  One more long, achingly slow lick of his tongue and I can’t help it. I close my eyes and let my head fall back. He takes his time when I want nothing more than for him to speed up and give me release from this pressure that’s building all through my body. His tongue swirls around my clit, sucking it into his mouth as one of his fingers slowly enters me and I’m lost. I’m not conscious of the moans and words that are flying out of my mouth as he devours me with his lips and tongue and my hips thrust against him.

  He kisses and sucks gently while his finger pumps hard and deep. My whole body is on fire and, as much as I need to come, I never want it to end. The scruff on his face scratches against me, enhancing the experience, and I shout with pleasure when he adds a second finger and sucks on my clit harder. He’s always known exactly how to touch me and I’ve missed the feel of his lips and tongue so much that I want to cry. My clit tingles and throbs as he swirls his tongue around it over and over until there’s no stopping the orgasm that explodes out of me. I’m loud and vocal through my release, clutching roughly to his hair to keep him in place while I ride the wave of pleasure, wishing it would never end. I feel myself pulsing against his tongue while my hips jerk erratically, trying to prolong this feeling rushing through my body.

  Cole moves faster than I thought he could with his bad knee, sliding up my body and pushing his gym shorts down just enough to free his cock. He pushes into me with one hard thrust, both of us moaning at how good it feels.

  I bring his face to mine, running my tongue along his lips, tasting myself on him as he drives himself into me so hard that our bodies move up the mat on the floor. I hook my ankles around him, digging the heels of my feet into his ass, urging him to move faster and harder. I don’t need slow and gentle. I don’t need to be treated like I’m a piece of glass. I need to feel him slamming into me, taking my body so roughly he leaves behind bruises. I need to feel alive and Cole is the only one who can do that for me.

  His tongue darts through my mouth as his hips piston between my legs. My thighs ache as they squeeze around his hips and it’s the best feeling in the world, aside from his cock filling me and claiming me as his. I’ll never get enough of this. I’ll never stop wanting to feel him driving into me, thrusting in and out of me like he can’t get deep enough, can’t push hard enough.

  Our tongues tangle together and I wrap my arms around him, pulling his body as close to mine as I can as he moves even faster and harder between my thighs. My second orgasm flows through me suddenly as his groin slams repeatedly against my clit with each thrust. He pushes himself deep and holds still as he comes inside of me, moaning into my mouth as we continue our kiss and his entire body shakes with the force of his orgasm.

  He collapses on top of me a few seconds later, our bodies dripping with sweat and our hearts beating together erratically.

  “I didn’t want to tell you this,” he pants into my neck. “But my knee hurts like a motherfucker.”

  He laughs before pushing himself off of me, flopping over onto his back.

  I scramble up on my knees, my hands going straight to his leg and my fingers immediately running gently over the scarred tissue that is already starting to swell.

  “Dammit, Cole! You should have said something!” I scold, pulling his leg up and bending his knee slowly to get some circulation going through it.

  “Baby, I don’t care if my head was on fire and my leg was being cut off with a saw. That was definitely worth the pain,” he tells me with a smirk.

  I shake my head my head at him. “What am I going to do with you?”

  He pushes himself up on his hands until his face is right in front of mine.

  “You’re going to love me forever and keep giving it to me, just like that,” he says with a laugh before placing a soft kiss on my lips.

  I shove him away with my own laugh, scolding him as I urge him to lie back down and not move his knee so I can get him some ice.

  This man is going to try my patience with that smug attitude of his, but he’s right. There’s nothing for me to do but love him. It’s the only thing I know how to do right.

  “WELL, HELLO THERE, asshole.”

  I can’t help but smile as Parker opens the door to her and Garrett’s house.

  “It’s good to see you too, Parker.”

  She sighs and pushes the door open wider. “I guess I should let you in. I wouldn’t want the neighbors gossiping about how I made a man on crutches stand on my front porch for hours.”

  Parker steps aside to let me in and I move quickly and efficiently through the door on the crutches, thanks to Olivia. In between talking and having sex on every available surface, she’s been kicking my ass with therapy nonstop for the last two weeks. It’s been a good distraction since I still haven’t been able to talk to my mother. She conveniently manages to return my calls when I’m away from my phone. I’d had enough this morning when she didn’t answer my call yet again and left her an angry voicemail that just said, “I’m back with Olivia. We need to talk. Immediately.”

  Maybe that will light a fire under her ass and she’ll come back home and quit avoiding me.

  “Garrett! Your rat bastard of a friend is here!” Parker yells as she closes the door behind me.

  Just then, a little brown-haired ball of energy comes running into the room, hot on the heels of a very freaked out cat, judging by its wide eyes darting around, searching for a place to hide.

  Parker snatches up the cat and holds the poor, trembling thing out of reach as I stare in shock at the little girl jumping up and down around Parker’s legs trying to grab her “toy.” There’s no way this is Annie. She was a baby when I left, barely crawling. Now she’s running and talking and arguing with her mother.

  “Kitty! I want kitty!” Annie shrieks, stomping her foot to drive her point home.

  “And kitty wants to live a long, healthy life without fear of being strangled or pet to death,” Parker informs her in a sing-song voice. “Uncle Cole’s here. Do you remember Uncle Cole?”

  Parker’s attempt at distraction works. Annie turns away from the cat and zeroes in on me.

  “Hi, Annie. You’ve gotten so big,” I tell her with a smile.

  “You bring present?” she asks, looking behind my back and all around my feet.

  I laugh as I stare at her, a sharp pain working its way into my heart when I think about what Olivia told me that night on her couch. If things hadn’t gone wrong, this could have been our future—protecting our household pet from the hands of a toddler who is easily distracted.

  It doesn’t matter. I don’t need that anymore. I have Olivia and that’s more than enough.

  I push the thought away and bend over to get a closer look at my goddaughter.

  “Sorry, I didn’t bring anything this time. But I promise, next time I come over I’ll bring you a whole truckload full of toys,” I tell her.

  Her face lights up and she throws her little arms around my neck, squeezing me tight. “Maybe if you’re a good girl, I’ll bring you a stuffed kitty that you can hug and squeeze all you like.” I kiss the top of her head before standing back up and catching Parker staring at the two of us.

  “Real smooth there, Vargas. Sucking up to my kid to get to me,” Parker says with a shake of her head.

  “Did it work?” I ask with a smile and a raise of my eyebrows.

  She huffs and switches the cat to her other arm, attempting to remove it’s claws from her skin. “My cold, dead heart where you’re concerned might be thawing a little, but I’m not making any promises.”

  It’s a start. Parker and I became friends on the first mission in the Dominican and I earned a whole new respect for her when we all found out she was an undercover CIA agent and could kick all of our asses if we crossed her. Seeing how happy she made my friend only solidified my feelings for her. I hate it that I let so many people down when I left and I completely u
nderstand her disdain for me considering she’s Olivia’s best friend. I understand it, but that doesn’t make it any easier.

  “Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in.”

  I close my eyes and grit my teeth when I hear Garrett’s voice behind me. Trying to get back in Parker’s good graces was relatively easy compared to what I’ll go through with Garrett. He shared most of the same nightmares I did and he would have been the only one who understood my need to leave, yet I still shut him out.

  I turn on my crutches and see him leaning against the doorframe that leads down the hall to the bedrooms. Looking at him, he seems like the epitome of calm and cool, but I can see a muscle ticking in his jaw and I briefly wonder if I should just let him kick my ass and get it over with. There’s no sense in fighting back. I deserve a good, swift punch to the face and it looks like Garrett’s dying to give it to me.

  “Well, I’ll leave you two boys alone,” Parker states, breaking the silence. “Annie, Mr. Whiskers and I have a very important tea party to attend.”

  Still holding onto Mr. Whiskers, she scoops Annie up into her free arm and walks over to Garrett, leaning up to kiss his cheek. He doesn’t take his eyes off of me as she speaks softly, but loud enough for me to hear. “Please don’t get any blood on the carpet, I just had it cleaned.”

  She disappears down the hall with a chattering Annie. Garrett and I stand on opposite sides of the room, squaring off in silence like two gunslingers in an old Western. I hear a door close down the hall and wait for him to speak first. I’m sure he has quite a lot to say to me.

  “How’s the knee? Austin said he spoke to you a few weeks ago.”

  The irritation in his voice is crystal clear. I’ve pretty much spoken to everyone except him and he’s pissed. He should be. I’m pissed at myself for not coming to him first.

  I look away from him and down at my knee, moving it around and flexing it. “Knee’s doing better. Physical therapy is a bitch, but at least I’ll be off these fuckers soon,” I explain, lifting up the crutches.

  “Shattered kneecaps are pretty rough to come back from,” he says with a nod.

  “If I never see the inside of another hospital room again, it will be too soon,” I add with an uncomfortable laugh.

  Jesus Christ, why don’t we just start talking about the weather and shit?

  The room fills with silence and I try to come up with something to say so we aren’t standing here like assholes chatting about my knee like there isn’t a giant, ugly, pink fucking elephant standing in the corner.

  After a few minutes, I’ve finally had enough.

  “For fuck’s sake, will you just tell me how much of a dick I am and get it over with?” I shout in irritation.

  Garrett pushes himself off the wall and stalks towards me. “Is that what you need, Cole? You need me to tell you how much you fucked up? You need me to explain to you how many ways I picked up the Goddamn pieces of the mess you left behind? Will that make you feel better, make you finally understand the shit storm that happened because you thought you had to be a fucking hero?”

  I throw my crutches away from me angrily and they clatter against the coffee table as I take a step towards Garrett and get up in his face.

  “FUCK YOU! I wasn’t trying to be a hero. I was trying to make things right!” I shout.

  “You couldn’t bring them back! Leaving the best thing that ever happened to you and turning your back on your FAMILY wasn’t going to magically erase the fact that they’re gone!”

  I know when he mentions family that he isn’t talking about my parents or my sister. He’s talking about himself. He’s talking about Parker and Annie and Olivia. They were my real family. They were there when it counted and I let them down.

  “Do you think I don’t know that? Do you think it didn’t kill me to leave? You of all people should understand why I had to do it!” I shout.

  He smacks his palms against my chest, shoving me backwards and I have to hop a few feet on my good leg to stay upright.

  “Of course I fucking understand, asshole! I knew as soon as you got that call from Risner that you were leaving. What I don’t understand is why the hell you couldn’t talk to me about it. Why the fuck you thought you should leave and do it on your own. I would have gone with you.”

  “And that’s exactly why I didn’t tell you!” I argue. “How in the fuck could I bring you into that shit and take you away from Parker and Annie? They were MY friends. It was MY duty to kill the assholes who took them from me!”

  Garrett shakes his head at me with a pissed off laugh. “Jesus Christ, it’s like you’ve forgotten what it means to be a SEAL. We took a fucking oath. Whatever happens to one, happens to ALL. I dragged your ass away from their bodies while you screamed and punched the shit out of me. I was there when we got off that fucking plane in the states and you could barely stand when they pulled those flag-draped coffins out of the belly of the cargo plane. You don’t think I felt every fucking thing you did? I may not have had the history with Dragon and King like you, but they were still members of my team. You were my fucking BROTHER and it killed me. I had every damn right to make those fuckers pay and to help you get the revenge you deserved and you took that from me because you thought you had to do it on your own. FUCK YOU!”

  We stand here toe-to-toe, breathing heavily in anger and I let his words sink in, even though I don’t want to. Garrett was in charge of that mission. Regardless of whether or not Dragon and King were his childhood friends, they still died on his watch. I quickly realize that I don’t have the monopoly on guilt. Garrett has had his own festering inside of him, but I was too focused on my own personal vendetta to see it.

  “I’m sorry,” I finally mutter after a few tense minutes.

  And just like that, it’s over. We are nothing if not real fucking men. A few shouts, a good swift shove, a muttered apology and we can go back to the way things were.

  Garrett takes a step back and runs his hands over his face. “You should be. You fucking asshole.”

  He sighs and shakes his head at me, but I can see a hint of a smile on his face. “God, we’re a bunch of pussies. We’re not hugging it out or any shit like that, so don’t get any ideas.”

  I laugh, limping over to my crutches and picking them up. “I wouldn’t hug you if you begged me. When was the last time you shaved, you ugly bastard? The turn of the century?”

  Garrett rubs his hand over the scruff on his face and smirks. “Parker likes it when I don’t shave. She says it tickles when I put my head between—”

  “STOP! Don’t make me puke. Between you and Austin, I don’t know who’s worse. I don’t need a play-by-play of your fucking sex lives,” I tell him in disgust.

  “Speaking of sex lives, I hear your dick is still in working order even if your knee isn’t.”

  I look at him questioningly.

  “It’s called a phone, dick head. Olivia and Parker have been known to use it to do this thing they like to call communicate,” he says with a laugh.

  “Fuck off. I just didn’t realize Olivia had told her about… that she talked about… fuck!” I mumble.

  I don’t know whether I’m happy or embarrassed that Olivia has been yapping to Parker about what’s going on between us. I’m leaning more towards happy because whatever Olivia told her is obviously the reason Parker didn’t punch me in the face when she opened the door and saw me standing there.

  “The only reason I’m honoring Parker’s request to not get your blood on her newly cleaned carpets is because Olivia seems happy again. She went through a lot while you were gone and she deserves this.”

  I nod my head in agreement, moving over to the couch to give my knee a rest. I sit down and pull my leg up onto the coffee table. Garrett follows and the couch bounces as he flops down next to me.

  “I know. She told me what happened.”

  Garrett looks at me in shock. “She told you? Everything?”

  “About the baby? Yeah, she told me. Jesus,
I really fucked up. I can’t believe I left her alone to deal with that shit.”

  “Honestly, man, I have never felt so damn helpless in my life. The whole situation is fucked up and, on top of that, I’ve had to try and keep my wife in check. I had to hide the key to our gun safe. Do you have any idea what kind of shit she’s given me for that?” Garrett shudders and, even though it’s not funny, I can’t help but laugh. Garrett McCarthy, big, bad Navy SEAL fears his wife.

  “My mother is conveniently out of town and isn’t returning my calls. She’s got a lot of explaining to do and I have a feeling that’s why she’s ignoring me. And my dad? What the fuck? Something’s not right there. Since when does he go out of town to a golf resort? I haven’t even seen Caroline in a few weeks, so I can’t ask her. My entire family seems to have up and left as soon as Olivia came back into my life. That can’t be a coincidence.”

  Garrett shakes his head. “Nothing is ever a coincidence, you of all people should know that. Just promise me one thing. When the shit hits the fan, and it will, don’t you dare leave Olivia’s side. I’m telling you right now, she won’t survive it. She’s lost enough, she’s been through enough, and no matter what happens, it’s not worth it. You two found each other again and there’s a fucking reason for that. For once in your life, just forget about the past and concentrate on moving forward.”

  I know he’s right. Nothing should matter but the fact that I have Olivia, but it’s not that simple. My family did something to hurt her and I can’t forget about that. Even after all the talking we’ve done the last few weeks, she’s still hesitant to tell me what I want to know about their part in what happened. I know we’ll never be able to completely move on until I find out the truth and try to make it right. I won’t let them hurt her ever again, I won’t let them ruin the best thing that has ever happened to me and I will cut all ties with my mother if that’s the way it has to be. If she can’t see how much Olivia means to me, how much she will ALWAYS mean to me, then she doesn’t deserve a place in my life.