Closer to the Edge

by Tara Sivec

  Garrett and I spend the next few hours shooting the shit and he fills me in on what he’s been doing the year that I’ve been gone. I thank him repeatedly for being there for Olivia, but he just brushes it off. He’s a good friend and I’ll never be able to fully express my gratitude for what he did. Parker invites me to stay for dinner and I eat with Annie on my lap while she talks non-stop about cartoons and other little girl nonsense and I daydream about having a life like this with Olivia. Maybe we won’t be able to have kids of our own with Olivia’s gorgeous blue eyes and dimples in both cheeks, but we can still have a good life. Even if it’s just the two of us growing old together, it will still be amazing.

  As I back out of Garrett and Parker’s driveway, I make a last-minute decision and head towards Olivia’s place instead of going back to my parent’s house. The guesthouse nestled across from their enormous house has never once felt like home to me. The only place I want to go, the only place I belong is with Olivia, wherever she is. Getting stuck in rush hour traffic gives me plenty of time to think, about Olivia and my family and how all of them crashed together in a way I never wanted. I know they’re all keeping something from me and I know I’m not going to like it. The family that always seemed so strong on the outside is slowly crumbling on the inside. I think back to the scene I walked in on right after I moved into the guesthouse and I wonder if that was the beginning of the downward spiral or a culmination of everything that happened while I was gone.

  Martha held the front door open for me and I quietly thanked her as I moved through the doorway, managing not to bump into anything on the damn crutches. My armpits were sore from having those fucking things shoved into them and my skin was starting to chafe all around the brace that went from my thigh to my calf. My doctor offered to call in another prescription for painkillers, but I refused him. They not only numbed the pain, they numbed my fucking mind and I couldn’t handle it. The only time it was really a problem was at night when I was trying to sleep. All the movement from the day would hit me all at once and it felt like someone was slicing into my knee with a rusty knife.

  I heard a commotion down the hall and it sounded like it was coming from my father’s office. I turned around to ask Martha what was going on, but she was nowhere to be found. As I hobbled across the marble floor, the closer I got to the office, the louder the voice became.

  “…did this to us! … inside out… don’t even care!”

  I paused, trying to figure out who was yelling and what the hell they were talking about. The door to the office was closed and everything was muffled. Leave it to my father to find the most expensive, thickest door he could buy for his damn office. It made it impossible to properly spy on people.

  “…hate you! … pay for this!”

  I heard the unmistakable sound of a palm connecting with a cheek and then all was silent. A few seconds later, the door flew open and my father was the first one out. He noticed me standing there leaning on my crutches, but didn’t say a word. This was the first time we’d seen each other since I’d been back from the Dominican and I thought maybe a “Welcome home, son” was the least he could do. The scowl on his face never disappeared as he walked right past me without a sound. Stupid me for thinking he might have changed his tune about my life choices. Guess he didn’t care that I almost died. He should at least be happy about the fact that I’m now unemployed and will never be able to go on another mission. It’s the perfect opportunity for him to start pressuring me again about following in his fucking footsteps.

  My mother rushed out of the room next, her face flushed and I wondered for a moment if the smack I heard was my father hitting her. I had the urge to chuck my crutches away and run after him to beat his ass, but I wouldn’t get very far on this fucking knee.

  “Cole! What a surprise! Is everything satisfactory over at the guesthouse?” she asked cheerfully.

  I ignored her question. “What the hell is going on? Is everything okay?

  She smoothed a hand over her hair and smiled. “Oh, it’s nothing. Just some silly issues at the hospital. Are you going to join us for dinner tonight? Martha is making a filet with red skin potatoes. I’ll have her set a place for you.”

  She walked up to me quickly and kissed my cheek before rushing off down the hall.

  Instead of going after her, I made my way into the office and found Caroline sitting on the floor in front of our father’s desk, her legs pulled up to her chest and her head resting on her knees.

  “Hey, are you okay?” I asked softly.

  Her head jerked up and her face lit with a smile, despite the tears on her cheeks.

  “Nothing a good trip to the mall won’t cure.”

  She pushed herself up from the floor and walked over to me. She cocked her head to the side and smiled sadly at me. “You still love me, right Cole?”

  Caroline had always been a little on the needy side. She craved attention and she was always questioning everyone’s love for her. I had no idea what it was like to be adopted, to know that your real parents didn’t want you and gave you away for someone else to raise. My parents were always honest with her about her birth, never wanting her to think they were lying to her or holding something back. They thought it would make her feel more secure knowing that THEY wanted her. That out of all of the children in the world, they picked her and that after all of the miscarriages my mother went through after she had me, they were so happy and excited to be able to bring another child into their lives. I think all of that knowledge had the opposite effect on Caroline. Her feelings were easily hurt and she did everything she could to get my parent’s attention. Whatever is going on with my family right now, I know it’s got to be twice as hard on her.

  As much as I want to spend every waking moment with Olivia, I know I need to make time for Caroline, as well. She’s my sister. She’s the one person in my family who has always stood by me and she deserves to have one family member who isn’t a fucked up mess. She never told me what happened in my father’s office that day, only hinting about problems between our parents and how annoying all of their drama was. I never pressed her for more. I knew she’d tell me when she was ready, but I think it’s time for me to push the issue. I need to know what the hell is going on between my parents and if it has anything to do with what happened to Olivia. I didn’t like the look of rage on my father’s face that day or the fact that both my mother and Olivia seem to be concealing something that I’m sure involves him.

  Now that things are squared away with Garrett, I feel like my life is finally making sense again. I WILL move forward. I WILL forget about what happened because I know it’s what Olivia needs.

  But I will get to the bottom of things first, because it’s what I need.

  “NO, NO, NO! This can’t be happening!”

  Everyone in the room flinches as a glass goes hurdling across the room and crashes into the wall.

  They watch the manic pacing back and forth in front of the couch, holding their breath because one wrong move, one wrong word will make things worse.

  “She can’t be back. She CAN’T! She’s going to ruin everything, why can’t he see that?!”

  Getting out of town for a little while seemed like a good idea at the time. Cole didn’t want anyone’s help and there were things that needed to be taken care of before he discovered the truth on his own. That couldn’t happen. That could NEVER happen. They all made mistakes that could never be undone, and Cole would never forgive them if he knew the truth. All the years of lying and hiding were taking their toll on everyone. They made up stories about vacations to faraway places to excuse their absences in an attempt to rid the house of the evil that lurked inside, but it never worked. They came home and it started all over again. No one would ever believe it, no one would ever suspect what was happening to the perfect Vargas family, they made sure of it.

  Olivia was supposed to stay away. Hadn’t she been through enough? Hadn’t she seen that this family was poison? She paid the ultimate
price for loving one of them. When would it ever end?

  “I have to fix this. I have to make this right. Don’t you see? He needs me to show him the life he’s supposed to lead. He keeps screwing it up, over and over again. WHY THE FUCK WON’T HE JUST LISTEN TO ME?!”

  The delusions had always been there, they just chose to ignore them until it was no longer possible. They realized too late that they’d let things go on for far too long, so long that there was nothing left they could do to save the mind that was hopelessly shattered or protect the people around them from the monster that emerged afterwards.

  One of them finally moves forward in an attempt to calm the fury that has blown through the room.

  “You’ve been doing so well, don’t let this ruin things. It doesn’t have to be this way.”

  A loud, violent yell pierces the quiet room as hands swipe across the top of the desk, papers and folders, paperweights and picture frames smashing to the floor. They watch in horror as a painting is yanked from the wall and thrown across the room. They swallow their tears as furniture is overturned and the sound of chaos around them finally brings others rushing into the room to lend assistance.

  As they watch the person they love, despite everything, being dragged out of the room kicking and shouting curses, they wonder where the hell they went wrong. They blame themselves for the situation they’re in, and rightly so. Sometimes the things you do for the ones you love have consequences. They are ALL going to pay the price for this, but there’s no turning back now.

  The two left behind stand in silence in the now empty mess of a room. The only good thing to come out of all of this is the new strength in their relationship. It’s been a long time since they saw eye-to-eye on something. They both made their share of mistakes in that regard, but at least now they’re on the same side.

  “I know you’re the one who got her the job as Cole’s nurse.”

  A guilty silence fills the room.

  “I know you thought you were doing something good, but do you see now? Do you see why I did what I did?”

  The response is a heavy sigh and a simple nod.

  “I’ll fix this, I promise. We’re going to be okay. Everything is going to be fine.”

  They walk out of the room, each of them thinking about the steps that will need to be taken, each of them dreading the part they are going to have to play.

  Everything they do is to protect the ones they love. In order to save them all, someone has to get hurt in the process.

  It’s the only way.

  They made their deal with the devil a long time ago. Right now, all they can do is pray that this one last action doesn’t cost them everything.

  I WAKE WITH a smile on my face when I feel Cole’s hand travel up the inside of my thigh as he presses his lips to the back of my neck.

  Feigning sleep, I let him continue with his wandering hand until it slides between my legs and his fingers brush against my clit. I let out a sigh and push my ass back against him, finding him hard and ready for me.

  “Wake up, sleepy head,” he whispers, trailing his tongue along the edge of my earlobe.

  “Five more minutes¸” I tease.

  He pushes a finger inside me and slides his thumb back and forth over my clit.

  “Fuck, never mind. Who needs sleep?” I mumble as he slowly works his finger in and out of me.

  “Good answer,” Cole growls.

  He moves his hand from between my legs and before I can protest, he quickly pulls my thigh back over his hip and pushes his cock into me in one strong thrust.

  We groan in unison. He wraps one arm around my waist and I reach behind me, clutching onto his ass, pulling him deeper inside me. We start moving slowly, his hips rocking gently as I push my ass against him with each stroke.

  I feel him push up on one elbow and I turn my head to look up at him.

  “Touch yourself, baby. Make yourself come while I fuck you.”

  His words turn me on and I feel myself getting wetter as he picks up the pace, grabbing onto my hip and pulling me roughly against him. I feel his ass clench under my hand as he slams into me again and again. I quickly let go and move my hand between my legs, spreading my fingers and letting his cock slide between them as he thrusts.

  “Fuck, Liv. FUCK. You feel so damn good,” he mutters, trailing kisses along my cheek.

  I move my hand up and circle my clit with two fingers, whimpering at how good it feels to have him inside me while I touch myself. I did this on my own for far too long and it never satisfied me.

  I circle my fingers around and around, my hips jerking as I push myself closer to release. Everything feels better with Cole, even my own hand. He’s so strong, and solid and warm. I’ve been cold and empty for too long. He makes everything better and I know that no matter what obstacles still lay in front of us, this part of our relationship will always line up perfectly. From the very first time we had sex, I knew there would never be another man I’d want or crave as much as Cole. He knows exactly what to say, exactly where to touch and exactly how to move to bring me more pleasure than I’d ever known.

  My fingers move faster and our bodies collide harder as we both race to the finish. My orgasm starts in my toes and quickly moves its way up my body until it explodes out of me with a shout.

  Cole bites down gently on the skin of my shoulder as I come against my fingers while he thrusts harder and faster inside of me. I want to bottle up this feeling of euphoria and never let it go. The smell of his skin, his breath on my neck, his fingers digging into my hips as he drives into me… it’s like a drug addiction I never want to curb. He chants my name over and over as he finds his release and thrusts into me one last time, holding himself still as he comes. I feel his cock pulsing inside of me and there’s a twinge of sadness in my heart that these amazingly passionate moments between us will never again result in a baby. I hate that I can’t give him this one thing, but I know without a doubt that he was telling the truth when he told me it didn’t matter. As much as it hurts, I know he’s right. Nothing matters but here and now, and I’m not going to ruin it with regrets or sadness.

  We fall back to sleep, wrapped in each other’s arms and it isn’t until we hear someone calling Cole’s name that we jerk awake. For the last few weeks, I’ve been doing Cole’s therapy in the gym at the housing complex and it’s been easier for him to just spend the night in our home.

  Even though I painted over our yellow door and removed every trace of him from that house, it was always ours and there’s no point in calling it just mine anymore. It was never a home without him in it, anyway.

  Last night, he convinced me to give him a break on physical therapy by pulling out the big guns, a collector’s edition of Dirty Dancing. He told me that I had to come to his place if I wanted to watch it. When I got there, he had candles lit on the table next to a bouquet of my favorite pink roses and the smell of tomato and garlic filled the house. He knew his homemade lasagna was my weakness and stuffing me full of noodles and cheese would make me more agreeable to spending a few hours that close to his parent’s home, but I never meant to fall asleep here. Being this close to them, even if they are out of town, makes me feel uneasy, but I couldn’t say no to him. I’m not ready to face anyone in his family just yet, but it looks like I don’t have a choice.

  “Whose car is out front? I tried calling your cell phone but—”

  The bedroom door is pushed open and I burrow down deeper under the covers and try to hide my embarrassment at being caught in his bed.

  Caroline stands in the doorway, a look of shock passing over her face before quickly being replaced with excitement.

  “Olivia! Oh, my God!”

  Pulling my hand out from under the covers, I give her a little wave and a smile. “Hi, Caroline.”

  “Ever hear of knocking, sis?” Cole asks with a laugh, scooting up in bed to lean against the headboard.

  “Ever hear of calling your favorite sister and telling her, oh, I don’t kno
w, that maybe something BIG is going on in your life?” she fires back, crossing her arms over her chest and tapping her foot.

  “First of all, you’re my only sister and second, I did call. Do you ever check your messages?”

  Caroline waves her hand at him and rolls her eyes. “Voicemails are thirty seconds of my life I’ll never get back. I had shoe sales to attend to.”

  I smile at their back and forth banter and try not to be mortified that I’m still naked under the covers with Cole’s sister standing a few feet away. Surprisingly, I don’t feel any anger at seeing her again. The last time I saw her was one of the worst days of my life, but it was wrong of me to lash out at her.

  “It’s good to see you again, Caroline,” I tell her honestly.

  She stares at me for a few moments and I swear I see a flash of anger wash over her face. It’s gone before I can blink, though, and I know I must have imagined it. Caroline was sweet to me even when I was at my worst, screaming at her in a hospital room. I hope to God she isn’t angry about the way I behaved. I know none of it was her fault, but she was the only Vargas there at the time and I needed someone to blame. I don’t want there to be any animosity between us. There’s going to be enough of that between Vivien and I to go around.

  “You and I, we’re going to have lunch and talk ASAP,” Caroline tells me with a bright smile.

  “That would require her putting on clothes and I’m not really okay with that,” Cole teases, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me against his side.

  Caroline’s face takes on a look of disgust and I jab my elbow into Cole’s ribs. “Will you cut it out? You’re going to make your sister puke.”

  “Seriously, Cole. It’s bad enough I have to stand here and look at you two like… that,” she complains, waving her hands in our direction.