by J. L. Leslie
I reach down to my pants and get a condom out of my wallet and quickly sheathe myself. She watches me, her eyes full of interest.
Full of lust.
Full of love.
It’s no secret that she loves me. She hasn’t made any qualms about telling me. I haven’t been able to say those words though. I don’t make light of them. I don’t use them as a pickup line or an apology. They mean more than that to me.
“Are you sure?” I ask her.
“I’m sure.”
I cup her ass with one hand and ease her soaked panties to the side with the other positioning my dick at her glistening entrance. We should be in a soft bed with candles and roses, not in the backseat of my car, but at the same time, this is right.
She grips my shoulders, her nails slightly digging into my skin. I look up at her, and her eyes are glued down to where we’re about to join.
“Breathe, baby, just breathe.” I slide in a couple of inches and hear her suck in her breath. “Helene, look at me. It’s going to hurt, but only for a couple of minutes.”
Her lips part and I pull her to me, kissing her as I push my dick inside her, breaking through her virginal barrier. I muffle her cries with my mouth and stay seated to the hilt, unmoving until she can adjust to having me joined with her.
“It hurts,” she whimpers. “I don’t know if I can keep going, Tauren.”
I kiss her cheek, kissing away the tears that have fallen. I promise her the worst part is gone. Promise her it will not hurt anymore. She nods, taking a deep breath.
“I won’t move until you’re ready,” I assure her. “And I’ll go slow.”
“You promise?”
“I promise, baby.”
I hold onto her hips and lift her a bit before lowering her back down. Over the sound of the movie still playing on my phone, I can hear our heavy breaths, panting against each other’s mouths as I repeat the gesture of lifting her and lowering her back down.
“You okay?” I ask her, studying her beautiful face.
“That’s better. I feel full,” she whispers, this time taking the initiative to move slightly. I close my eyes at how incredible she feels. “Complete.”
Helene begins to move on top of me, her rhythm slightly awkward at first, but then she finds it and moves with more confidence. More determination. Like she knows what she wants, what she likes, and she’s desperate for more of it.
I want to say something to her, dirty talk like I normally do, but I’m mesmerized as I watch her. Completely infatuated as she gives herself to me, and I realize I’ve never been more in love with a woman in my entire life. I’ve been different with her for a reason.
She’s the one.
“I love you,” I admit, grasping her sides, my hands roaming over her. “I fucking love you so, much.”
She smiles down at me, slowing down a little. “I love you, too.”
I capture her mouth and then drive my hips upward, anxious to come. Anxious to mark her as mine. Anxious to complete this union.
Helene arches back, screaming out my name and I pour my release into her, solidifying this moment. Making this night one I will never in a million years forget.
She collapses on top of me, breathing heavily. I smile against her neck and slowly start to fix her dress.
“As much as I hate for this moment to end, I need to get you back to the church,” I tell her. “Choir practice will be over soon. I asked my mama to give us at least two and a half hours.”
I zip the back of her dress, and she shifts on my lap, wincing a little when I slip out of her. I watch her with concern as she crawls over to the seat. She blushes at the sight of her blood.
“You okay?” I ask, not caring about the evidence of her innocence while I remove the condom and tie it off. I toss it in the floorboard, telling myself not to forget to throw it out when I get home.
“Yeah, just a little sore. That’s common, right?” she asks, looking down.
“Yes, baby,” I answer her, pulling my underwear and jeans up.
I lean over and give her a kiss, deepening it for a moment, but pulling away when I hear a tap on my window. I frown, easing back from Helene. I see headlights, but not blue lights, so I assume that’s a good sign.
“Get out of the car, boy!”
“Fuck!” I hiss, looking over to Helene who has gone very pale. I slip on my shirt, not bothering to button it. “Stay in the car. It’s only Deputy Moulder.”
I climb over to the front seat, open the door and lock it behind me, ensuring that the windows stay fogged up so he can’t see inside. I dig into the pocket of my jeans and pull out a cigarette, lighting it up before I cross my arms over my bare chest.
“Evening, Deputy,” I greet him and nod toward his police car. “Did you come all the way out here to bust out my other taillight?”
He gives me a once-over, a disgusted look appearing on his face as I blow smoke in his direction. “Is she in there with you?”
“Why? You interested in sloppy seconds?”
He slaps his baton on the top of my car. “You answer me right now, boy! Your windows are fogged up, and you get out with your pants unbuttoned! Is Helene in there with you?”
“Are you jealous? Is that it?” I smirk. “You’ve been trying to get at her this whole time, haven’t you? Being her daddy’s right-hand man and all, but nope, he doesn’t trust you either!”
Apparently, I strike a nerve because he jabs me hard in the ribs with the end of his baton. I drop my cigarette and double over, coughing and wheezing.
“Not so cocky now, are you?” he sneers, and I see another set of headlights pull up on the other side of his car.
“Speaking of cocks,” I sneer, “She definitely knows how to fucking ride one.”
Deputy Moulder growls in anger and hits me right in the jaw with the baton. I hit the ground, spitting blood, and barely staying conscious.
“Is she here?” I hear Pastor Jacobs asking him. “Is Helene here with him?”
“He’s not answering, Chief,” Deputy Moulder replies. “There’s someone in the car, but he’s locked the door.”
Pastor Jacobs marches over to me and grabs me by my hair, jerking me to my feet. “Where is she?”
“I don’t know, sir,” I lie and then laugh, blood dripping down my chin. “Choir practice?”
“Place your hands on the hood and stand with your legs shoulder-length apart,” Pastor Jacobs instructs, pointing to the hood of my car and shoving me toward it.
I stare at him, wiping the blood from my mouth with the back of my hand. “Last time I checked it wasn’t illegal to go parking on private property. However, your deputy there did assault me.”
Deputy Moulder gives me a sadistic grin and approaches me. He gives me a hard shove, pushing me against the side of my car. “Hands on the hood, legs shoulder-length apart!”
“What are you arresting me for?” I ask him, looking directly at Pastor Jacobs. “You’re a preacher for fuck’s sake!”
Pastor Jacobs rams his elbow into my back and effectively slams me face-first onto the hood causing blood to spurt from my nose. He twists my right arm behind my back, and I hear the click of the handcuff when he puts it on my wrist.
“Tauren Holt, I am the Chief of Police,” he advises me. “You are under arrest for indecent exposure and resisting arrest. Plus, it looks like you have a busted taillight. You have the right to remain silent.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I struggle against him, tasting the coppery taste of my own blood. “If you wanted to see my dick, all you had to do was ask!”
Probably not the best remark to make, but it pisses me off that he’s abusing his authority like this. Both of these motherfuckers are corrupt as shit! He’s not even supposed to be in Chapelwood tonight!
“This is fucking bullshit, and you know it!”
He continues to read me my rights while I buck against him, but I stop when my car door opens, and I see Helene get out.
“Do yo
u understand these rights as I have read them to you?” he asks, sneering down at me. He pushes me down again, and I feel blood smearing onto my hood. I’m pretty sure I see him smile at the sight of it.
“Get back in the car!”
Jacobs doesn’t even look in her direction. “As I was saying, you have the right to remain silent.”
“Daddy?”
Helene
My daddy turns his gaze to me, anger written all over his face, and then it quickly turns to shock and shame. He looks from me to Tauren and pushes his weight on him even more, bearing down on him and holding him against the car. Deputy Moulder stands on the other side of Tauren, pressing into him too.
“Daddy, stop!” I plead, seeing the blood pouring from Tauren’s mouth and nose. “You’re hurting him!”
He eases up, but not before he puts the other handcuff on him. Once he does that, he lets Tauren up and gives him a good shove backward, causing him to stumble and lose his footing. I attempt to help him up, but my daddy steps in front of me.
“What were you doing out here with him?” His tone is full of accusation, as though he can see what transpired in that car written all over my face. “You were with him the other day, weren’t you?”
“Can we talk about this at home?” I ask him, taking a step toward him only to have Deputy Moulder step in front of me. “Please, get the handcuffs off Tauren and let’s just go.”
“I am taking him in!” he hisses, pointing over at Tauren. “I have read him his rights and placed him under arrest.”
“For what exactly? He hasn’t done anything wrong!”
“Chief, look at this,” Deputy Moulder says, moving away from me and pulling out the jar of moonshine from Tauren’s car. He whistles, shaking his head. “Illegal substance.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, it’s moonshine, and everyone in this town has a damn jar of it!” Tauren argues.
My daddy turns around to face him. “Is that right? Illegal substance. You sure have been stumbling around out here, and you reek of alcohol. I wonder what a DUI would do to your job, young man. To that racing career you love so much.”
“I’m not drunk, sir, and that’s not alcohol you smell,” Tauren smarts, managing to get to his feet only to have my daddy shove him down again.
“You can’t even stand!”
Tears stream down my face. “Daddy, stop! Stop this!”
Tauren laughs, climbing to his feet a second time and leaning against his car. “Yeah, take me in! I’m sure Chapelwood would love to hear about my DUI and shenanigans, Pastor,” he sneers, and my daddy narrows his eyes at Tauren, but he keeps grinning and running his mouth. “And when you book me in for indecent exposure, I’ll be sure to tell everyone in this damn town it was because you caught me fucking your daughter in the backseat of my car!”
“Tauren!” I exclaim and shriek when my daddy throws a punch, connecting with the left side of Tauren’s face.
With his hands cuffed behind his back, he’s unable to defend himself and slumps down to his knees, coughing and spitting blood.
“Daddy!” I call out in disbelief as I watch him and Deputy Moulder hit Tauren with their batons. Again and again.
I have never seen him hit anyone in my life, although I’m sure with him being Chief of Police it has happened before. But this is different. This is an attack. A brutal and savage attack and I don’t even recognize the man I call my daddy right now.
I scream and plead for them to stop until I lose my voice. I drop to my knees and beg them to stop. Tauren is crouched on the ground, his cuffed hands covering his head to protect their vicious swings.
“I’ll do anything!” I promise my daddy. “I’ll do anything you ask! Please, stop hurting him!”
Daddy grabs Tauren by the hair and holds his head up for me to see his face. Blood oozes from his mouth and pours from his nose, running down his neck and onto his chest.
“You are done with him, Helene,” he states, firmly. “Do I make myself clear?”
“No!” Tauren argues, twisting and trying to get out of his grasp. “Don’t! Don’t promise him a fucking thing, Helene!”
“Yes, sir,” I sob.
“Get in my car right now! Right now!”
Tauren coughs out blood, and my daddy pushes him back against his car. “Uncuff him and make sure he gets home in one piece,” he orders Deputy Moulder.
I glance over my shoulder as I walk and see Deputy Moulder pulling Tauren to his feet. I get into the passenger seat and close the door, holding back my tears so that I don’t give my daddy the satisfaction of seeing me defeated.
“Is he okay?” I ask, quietly.
My question is answered when Tauren spins out, dirt flying up behind his car. It takes my daddy a moment to start his car. He grips the steering while so tightly his knuckles turn white.
“I trusted you,” he states, disappointment clear in his tone. Disappointment and shame. “I trusted you, and you dishonored me, Helene.”
“I didn’t ‒”
“You did. I’m ashamed to call you my daughter,” he spats out at me. “You’re a harlot.”
His words sting, making me flinch, but in this moment, I’m just as ashamed of him. Of what I witnessed him doing.
What started out as the most memorable night of my life has ended in misery. I’ve hurt the man who raised me, and he destroyed the image I held of him.
I used to think he hung the moon and the stars. Now, he may as well have made the sky come crashing down.
Chapter Nine
Tauren
I stumble out of my car and manage to make it onto my parent’s porch. I bang on their door and then slump down, holding my side. I don’t know if I have a cracked rib or not, but it hurts like a motherfucker. I can’t believe I got my ass kicked by Andy Griffith and Barney Fife.
The porch light comes on, and my daddy peeks his head out. I hear him muffle a curse before he pushes the door open all the way. He places his hands under my arms and helps me to my feet, calling for my mama.
“Oh, my Lord,” Mama exclaims, coming into the living room in her nightgown. “Baby, what in the world happened?”
I lie back on their couch. “I fell.”
“Now, you listen here ‒”
“Just go get the first-aid kit, Angie,” Daddy instructs, sitting on the coffee table and inspecting my face.
“I don’t need any stitches. Just need to be cleaned up, and a cigarette would be good too.” That statement earns me a look because although I’m in pain, there’s no way in hell I’ll be smoking in my parent’s house.
“I don’t know. You got a pretty good cut above your eye. You want to fill me in while your mama’s not in here?” he asks me.
“Got in a little trouble,” I answer him. “It won’t happen again.”
“Was this down at Happy’s? I told you about getting rowdy down there.”
“No, sir. I’ve barely had anything to drink tonight. Only that moonshine you gave me.”
He frowns. “Was that Deputy Moulder’s vehicle I saw driving off?”
“Maybe he was making rounds.”
I know my daddy wants an explanation. It wouldn’t surprise me if my mama wasn’t on the phone right now trying to figure out what’s happened, seeing as how she hasn’t returned with the first-aid kit yet.
But I won’t say a word. Not because I’m embarrassed. Fuck, it was two on one, and my hands were cuffed behind my back. I have nothing to be embarrassed about. The two of them should be ashamed of themselves. Sad thing is, this town has no idea the type of men they are, and they won’t find out from me.
I won’t say a word about what happened to me because Abraham Jacobs’ power runs deeper than only being able to control his daughter. He’s on the town council. He runs all the small-town politics of Chapelwood.
In other words, nothing happens in this town without his say-so. If he makes a phone call to have a business inspected, say an auto-mechanic shop whose owner doesn’t do the best in keepi
ng his equipment or accounting books up to date, the inspector will come knocking. If he decides to give my mama trouble for her cake business she doesn’t claim on taxes, he can do so. My whole family can be affected if he so chooses. I don’t know how far he’s willing to go to ruin me.
His threats aren’t idle, and he let me know he would feel no guilt for bringing hellfire down on my family and me if I speak a word of what transpired tonight. I’m to steer clear of Helene. His daughter means everything to him, and I mean nothing. I am nothing.
“I don’t like this one bit,” Mama says, bringing the first-aid kit and wet washcloth. “You need to tell me what’s happened.”
“Angie, he’s fine. He’s a little banged up. Not the first time he’s come home with a black eye, and it won’t be the last.”
“Do you see his chest and sides, Neil?” she questions. “Maybe he should go to the hospital. This is a lot more than a black eye.”
“I’m fine. I’ll take some aspirin and rest.”
And do what I thought I didn’t have in me to do.
Give up.
Helene
I try Tauren’s phone again, but it goes straight to voicemail. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve called him since I got home Friday night. I have no idea if he made it home okay. If he’s okay. I haven’t heard from him.
I haven’t spoken with my daddy at all either. I suppose we don’t know what to say to each other. I did hear him praying and crying last night, begging for forgiveness. He was begging God for my forgiveness, not his own. After what he did, he needs to be forgiven, and he can’t see that.
I sit on my bed and stare at my mama’s picture on my dresser. If she were here, she would know exactly what to do. She would know what advice to give me. What to say to my daddy. How to fix this.
I reluctantly get up and go to my closet, thumbing through my clothes to find something to wear. It’s Easter Sunday, and we’re performing the cantata today. I would do anything to just stay locked in my room, but the only thing keeping me going today is the hope that Tauren will be there and I can somehow manage to talk to him. To tell him that I only promised to stay away from him to protect him. My feelings for him haven’t changed.