Something Honorable (Dirty Southern Secrets Book 2)

by J. L. Leslie

  Deputy Moulder flashes me a cocky grin. “Doesn’t look like you’ve been taking care of her to me.”

  I don’t know how I manage to get out of the small hallway when the fists start flying because the two of them are going at it, neither of them caring about the destruction they are leaving in their wake. The magazine rack hanging on the wall crashes down, and Deputy Moulder goes down with it. Tauren quickly straddles him, throwing punch after punch.

  Kipton and Parker notice the fight and rush across the room to break it up. It takes both of them to pull Tauren off, and he struggles against them even as they drag him away from Deputy Moulder.

  “I think you need to head on home, darlin’. Call it a night,” Happy says, nodding toward the door. “Go check on that husband of yours.”

  I get the tips out of my apron and go hang it up, grabbing my purse. I step outside, and Tauren is arguing with Kipton, practically desperate to go back inside for more. When he sees me, he stops pushing at his brother, pacing while he runs a hand through his hair.

  “Can we go, please?” I ask him, going directly to the passenger side of his car and opening the door. “We’ll get my car later.”

  He and Kipton exchange a few more words before he gets in. He apologizes for his behavior, and I simply nod. We ride home in silence, which has become our usual.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Tauren

  I’m getting the fucking silent treatment. Again. I found that prick motherfucker with his hands on my wife, and I’m the one getting the silent treatment!

  We arrive at our house, and Helene gets out first, no doubt to rush inside so she can lock herself in our room. Not tonight. I hurry across the yard and catch up with her, the front door nearly getting slammed in my face.

  “What the fuck was that?” I demand, and she turns to face me.

  “I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”

  “Holy shit! You can speak more than two words to me!” I say, being a total smart ass. “I want to know why that asshole was touching you like that!”

  “I am not doing this with you.”

  Helene attempts to go to our bedroom, but I cut her off, blocking the door. Her emerald eyes narrow at me, and she shoves me. Shoves me! I grab her by the arms and jerk her to me.

  “You can’t hide in there forever!”

  “Move out of my way!” she screams, doing her damnedest to snatch her arms from my grip. “I hate this! I hate everything!”

  Her words stun me enough to loosen my hold. I close my arms around her, and for a few brief seconds, she allows me to hold her. It doesn’t last long though before she pulls away.

  “I hate being here and seeing how you aren’t affected by what happened,” she confesses. “It takes everything in me to get out of bed, but you, you go on as if it never happened!”

  “That’s not true!” I argue. “You have no fucking idea what I’m going through!”

  “And you have no idea what I’m going through! I lost my baby!”

  “It was our baby, Helene! Ours! I lost her too!” I cry, still keeping her from barging past me. “You keep shutting me out, and that’s what I fucking hate!”

  I throw that word out there, exactly the way she did. If she can hate this, hate everything, then I can hate the way she’s treating me.

  “Do you want me to leave?” she asks me, and I growl in frustration, running a hand through my hair.

  “No! I want you to be my fucking wife!”

  “I can’t do that!” she screams right in my face.

  “Why the fuck not?” I scream right back.

  “Because I’m broken!” she replies, tears falling down her cheeks.

  I reach for her, desperate to wipe her tears away, but she steps back. “I can fix you.”

  “How can you fix me when it was you who broke me?”

  Her response is like a slap to my face, and I lean against the doorframe, defeated. Helene pushes past me, back into her sanctuary. Shutting me out yet again. I hear the lock click into place and her sobbing in anguish. I punch the door in anger.

  “You are not the only one who lost a child!”

  With that, I leave our house, spinning out of the driveway. How can she think I’m not in pain? That I’m the one who broke her? We both lost our baby! We are both suffering!

  There’s no way in hell Helene could know the way I feel because she won’t talk to me. She doesn’t see the way I bury my face into the couch cushions each night so that she won’t hear me crying. She doesn’t see the holes in the wall in the garage where my race car is, evidence of my anger at what’s happened to us. She isn’t being my wife and won’t allow me to be her husband.

  Frustrated and hurt, I park my car outside Happy’s and go inside. Deputy Moulder is gone, but Happy makes it clear to me when I sit down at the bar that he isn’t in the mood for any of my bullshit.

  “No more bullshit, only shots,” I promise him, and he keeps them coming until my pain is somewhat numbed.

  The last time I was this drunk, I asked Helene to marry me, and I told everyone in here she was pregnant. I won’t be making a scene tonight. Well, not another one.

  I get up, stumbling a little, and stay close to the wall as I head back to the bathroom to take a piss. I take care of business, not caring when I hear the door open. It is the men’s room, and I’m at a urinal after all. I give my dick a couple of shakes and tuck it back into my pants, jumping when a hand closes around my junk.

  “What the fu –”

  “Let’s not pretend like you don’t recognize that feeling,” Abby interrupts. “You didn’t win tonight, disappointing, but maybe that’s because you didn’t have your good luck charm.”

  She takes my dick back out, rubbing and stroking it, and as much as I hate myself for it, I don’t stop her. She puts one hand on my chest and walks me back to the wall. My head falls back against it, eyes closing.

  “Your wife told me I would never taste you again,” Abby purrs, dropping to her knees. “I knew she was wrong.”

  Wife.

  My eyes snap open, and I put my hands on Abby’s shoulders, keeping her from progressing things. She drops her hands, a pout on her face.

  “I love my wife,” I tell her, buckling up my pants.

  She gets up, obviously pissed, and stomps out of the bathroom. The weight of what almost happened crashes down on me and I drop down to the floor.

  I love my wife, more than anything, but I don’t know how we can move past the devastation that’s wreaking havoc on our marriage.

  Helene

  Last night, I told Tauren it takes everything in me to get out of bed. That’s the God’s honest truth. I lie there for the longest time telling myself I have to move. Willing myself to get up. This morning is no different.

  When I finally do get out of the bed, I go take a shower. There isn’t much to my showers though. I sit on the floor of the bathtub and let the water wash over me, rinsing my tears down the drain.

  I don’t put on any makeup and don’t bother fixing my hair. I really don’t care about what I wear either. Today I decide on a loose-fitting t-shirt dress, not even bothering with a bra.

  I consider eating breakfast, even nibble on some toast, but my appetite is pretty much non-existent. Even today, while Tauren sleeps on the couch, I force a few bites down before throwing the rest into the garbage can.

  It’s Saturday, so I don’t have class, but I know if I didn’t force myself out of bed then I would stay there all day long. I’m debating on crawling back into bed though when I hear a knock on the door. I glance to the couch, but Tauren doesn’t stir.

  I walk over and answer before they can knock again, surprised to see Brynn on the porch. She looks at my attire but offers no criticism.

  “Do you have any plans today?” she asks me.

  “Um, I was going to, um…” my voice trails as I attempt to think of some made up plans, so she’ll go away and leave me be.

  “I didn’t think so,” she cu
ts in. “Put some shoes on. You’re coming with me.” I look back at Tauren, and she says, “Don’t worry. I’ll text him.”

  I slide on a pair of flip-flops and join her on the porch, closing the door behind me. I recognize the vehicle parked in the yard as Kipton’s but don’t question her about it. She does offer a short answer.

  “I borrowed it,” Brynn explains. “My car is in the shop.”

  “You don’t have to give me an explanation.” I climb into the truck and ask her where we’re going.

  “You’ll see,” she answers cryptically. “How’s married life treating you?”

  I give her a bored look. “If this is what we’re going to talk about, let’s turn around now.”

  She laughs. “I remember when Kaler and I first got married. We argued all the damn time. We were so young and honestly, so stupid to have gotten married. Neither of us were ready. We had no clue what we were doing. Didn’t know how to budget money, so that was always an issue. Then we found out we were pregnant and thought it would solve all of our problems.”

  “Your issues aren’t the same as mine,” I tell her, but she continues as though I haven’t spoken.

  “I remember being so excited to have a baby. Kaler was too. Our baby was going to make us happy again, help us to reconnect. Only, Willow was born, and our problems weren’t solved. I would look at our daughter and be overwhelmed with sadness. I didn’t understand why. I had no desire to hold her or touch her. I would cry all the time and could barely sleep. If I saw myself in the mirror, I hated the way I looked. I wasn’t being a good mother to my child nor a good wife to my husband, and I couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to change that. I simply did not care.”

  “What did you do?” I ask, although I know she left town. I want to hear her side of this story.

  “I left them,” she admits. “I left Kaler and Willow. Got a divorce and walked away from my only child. I thought it was best at the time.”

  “Was it?”

  “As selfish as it sounds, I still think I made the right decision at the time. I was sick, and staying was only making things worse. I had postpartum depression, and it was not something I was going to snap out of. I got help, and I was fortunately able to repair the relationship with my daughter.”

  “Why are you telling me this?”

  “I know you are in pain, so much pain, Helene. You and Tauren lost a child, and although I don’t know what that feels like in the way that you do, I can relate. I lost my child for five years, and it was of my own doing. Starting my life without her wasn’t easy. Getting her back in my life wasn’t easy either. You have a husband that loves you, and you are shutting him out, much the same way that I did. Although I know now that Kaler and I were never meant to be together, I should have talked to him. Should have told him what I was going through so that he could help me. I left him to suffer alone, and though it’s possible you don’t see it, Tauren is suffering too.”

  While we were talking, I didn’t pay attention to how long she was driving or where we were going until she stops at the cabin where Tauren and I stayed. She turns the truck off and reaches across the seat, taking my hand.

  “I know this will be difficult, horrible even, but it’s okay to say goodbye to your baby in your own way.”

  Tears fill my eyes as I stare at the place I see in my nightmares. I nod my head and slowly get out of the truck. I am in no way ready to face this place, to go inside, but I put one foot in front of the other.

  Everything still looks the same as it did that weekend. I touch the worn material of the couch as I walk past, remembering straddling Tauren’s lap after supper.

  I make my way into the bedroom, taking a deep breath before I open the door. I spot the vanity first, memories of Tauren making love to me while I watched flooding my mind. Then I look to the bed where we made love before falling asleep.

  The sheets are clean, no evidence of what occurred. No stain. I touch the sheets and then sit down on the bed, letting my tears fall. I kick off my flip-flops and lie down, curling into a ball and cry until the tears no longer come.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Tauren

  Seeing Helene lying there, knowing she’s in pain and I can’t help her, is devastating to me. When I woke up and saw Brynn’s text, I was pissed. Why would she bring her back here? Why make her relive our nightmare?

  But as I drove, it started making sense to me. Helene hasn’t accepted the miscarriage. Maybe neither of us have. Facing this place, where it all happened, might give her some closure. Might help her move on.

  I toe my shoes off and then cross the room, slipping into bed behind her. She doesn’t tense up or shy away from me, and that makes my heart soar. I place my arm around her waist and pull her snug against me. God, how I’ve missed her touch.

  I’m not certain how long we stay like this, but eventually Helene turns over and faces me. She brings her hand up and touches my face. I press a kiss into her palm.

  “I’m so sorry, Tauren,” she apologizes. “I’m sorry I couldn’t see through my pain to be able to see yours.”

  “I hate that this happened to us, but it doesn’t define us. We can’t allow it to. There’s so much more to our story.”

  “You said you could fix me,” she says, quietly.

  “I wish I could,” I confess. “But I’m not sure how.”

  Helene leans forward and touches her lips to mine. “Just love me, Tauren.”

  I search her eyes, making sure we’re on the same page. That she’s asking me what I think she is. When she sits up and takes her dress off, I know I’m not imagining her unspoken request.

  I sit up beside her, kissing her back and shoulders. Running my fingers over her arms, over her stomach and up to her nipples. I trace her areola and then pinch the peak, causing her to gasp.

  I stand up from the bed long enough to undress, and Helene lays back, shimmying out of her panties. She opens her legs, my invitation, and I get on my knees. She gazes up at me, desire in her eyes for the first time since our wedding night.

  I part her legs further and kiss the inside of her thighs as I make way down to her pussy. I’m anxious to be inside her, desperate to fuck her, but I take my time instead. She needs this. We need this.

  Parting her folds with my fingers, I spread her open and then lick her clit before pushing my tongue inside her heat. Her thighs squeeze, and I can’t help but to smile. I continue to flick my tongue over her, nibbling on her clit and tasting her as though I’m a starved man. I push two fingers inside her, stroking her.

  “I need..oh..oh God!” Helene cries, bucking and rising herself up to my mouth.

  I grip her hips, holding her in place so that I can lap up her juices while she comes. When her legs relax, I kiss my way up her stomach, stopping to suck each nipple into my mouth. I reach down between us and position my cock at her opening, gliding in a little to make sure she’s ready for me before seating myself to the hilt.

  Tears roll from Helene’s eyes, and I kiss them away. “I missed you, Wife,” I tell her, and she grinds her pelvis.

  “I miss you too, Husband.”

  I fuck my wife slow and tenderly, savoring every damn second. She clings to me, I hold her tightly. Her nails dig into my flesh, my teeth nip at hers.

  She is forever mine.

  I am forever hers.

  Husband and wife.

  Helene

  I trace my fingertips over Tauren’s tattoo. I’ve always been fascinated by the one on his shoulder and chest. I ask him if it hurt, and he chuckles.

  “It was a pain that I enjoyed,” he admits. “Much like the pain you enjoy when I bite you, Wife.”

  I blush at his words and even more so at his nickname because I know the way he means it. It’s his own dirty endearment for me.

  And I like it.

  Brynn was right for bringing me here. I held such hatred for this place, essentially blaming it and everything that took place here for my miscarriage. I was even blaming
Tauren and the love we made, when it had nothing to do with it.

  Fact is, I wanted something or someone to blame. I didn’t want to accept that it happened for no reason or that our baby had an abnormality. Issuing blame was a much easier route, even if it made my marriage suffer.

  I was running away from Tauren, my husband, when I should have been holding onto him. We needed each other. He needed me as much as I needed him, and I couldn’t see that.

  After we made love, we cried together. Cried over the loss of our child. Over the damage done to our marriage. Cried because we deserved to be able to cry.

  He confessed that Abby made a move on him and expressed how guilty he felt knowing she had touched what belonged to me. That although brief, he had allowed it.

  I confessed that I feared we would divorce now that the baby was no longer in the picture. That we rushed into getting married for the wrong reason, and we had no reason to stay married.

  We have both made mistakes during our relationship. Both hurt each other. Our tears gave us forgiveness. Gave us redemption.

  “I think I want a tattoo,” I admit. “Would that be okay?”

  “Baby, if you want a tattoo, I’ll take you to my guy and you can get a tattoo.”

  I nod, still tracing his tattoo but then moving my fingers down his abs and not stopping until I take his length in my hands. “There’s something else I think I want to do.”

  “I’m up for that,” he teases. “Again.”

  “I want to taste you.”

  I shock myself by saying it out loud. Truth is, I don’t want any other woman to have done things to my husband that I’m not willing to do. That I haven’t experienced with him myself. I want everything with him.

  “I would much rather taste you again,” he tells me. “Sit on my face.”

  “Wait, what?”

  Sitting on his face is not what I had in mind. I’m not even certain how that would work. I might smother him or something.

  “Trust me, Wife,” he smirks. “Put your knees on either side of my face and your pussy right here.” He points to his mouth, licking his lips.