Healing Mr Darcy’s Heart

by Kay Mares

  Chapter 19

  The last day of travel unfolded similar to the others, the exception being tonight would be their first night as a married couple in their own home. Once Pemberley came into view, Elizabeth’s breath is taken away not just by the beauty and majesty of the manor, but in the delightful knowledge, this is now her home. Darcy escorts her from the carriage where Mrs. Reynolds and the steward, Mr. Scovell are waiting. Introductions and greetings follow. Darcy’s smile cannot be contained as his wish to bring his Lizzy home is fulfilled. Servants gather their outerwear while others unload the trunks. Ada and Barnabas quickly and competently have their Master and Mistress’ belongings unpacked and assisted both to freshen up before supper.

  Darcy finishes faster than Elizabeth who is being introduced to her new rooms, and she does not note Darcy is leaning against the doorframe of the joint private sitting room. He watches her with a bemused smile on his face as she walks about her suite and runs her fingers over the furnishings. He follows her movements to the large windows where she takes in the panoramic view. Elizabeth turns from the window and jumps a bit when she notes him. With a simple wave of his hand, he dismisses Ada then saunters to Elizabeth. She watches his sensuous approach while admiring his form. He is simply gorgeous. He stops before her and reaches out his hands to her. Elizabeth lets out a small gasp as he pulls her tightly to him and brings his mouth down to hers. In an instant the familiar longing he elicits in her leaps to life, and she eagerly accompanies him to her bed. Afterward, they softly speak.

  “I will have to acquaint myself with fastening ladies’ garments as opposed to the removal of them. I have released Ada and Barnabas for the evening. I did not wish to share you with anyone. So you have me as a poor substitute to help you ready for our meal.” Elizabeth can hear as well as see the smile he sports.

  “It seems I too will need to become proficient with your clothing. Please do not think me funny but I rather enjoy putting you back together. Having you fly to pieces is much easier Fitzwilliam,” she giggles.

  He chuckles along with her. “I have relished every moment learning more about you, not just the obvious but just like you, I find it fascinating to attend to you.” As he fumbles with some of the clasps on her gown he mumbles, “How in the world do you ladies manage all these buttons and clasps? They are never-ending. Furthermore, your corset impedes what I desire, and it is a hindrance to completing your dressing.”

  “I cannot fathom all the knots and folds to your cravat. Really, who would have thought it so complex?”

  “The answer is simple then. We simply stay in our quarters and never dress again,” Darcy declares.

  “I cannot comprehend the joy I would find in that solution, but you are aware it is impossible?” Elizabeth teases him then laughs at the adorable little pout he sports.

  “I suppose you have the right of it and I admit to some egotistical satisfaction to your words,” Darcy completes fastening her gown. He turns her about and leads her to the mirror in her dressing room where he pronounces her perfect. Elizabeth watches the deftness with which he ties his cravat. “Not so difficult now is it?” Darcy’s mouth pulls up at the corner, “More importantly, we have now tested your bed, and later we will test mine then we may decide which better suits our purpose.” He snickers as Lizzy blushes and ducks her head. Darcy hugs her, “Never be embarrassed my Lizzy about what we have shared. It is beautiful and special. You stir me to my soul.” Elizabeth lays her head on his shoulder and listens to his breathing and heartbeat.

  “I believe we should go below to the dining room for our supper. The servants must wonder what has kept us.” He gives her a sly wink and offers his arm to her to escort her from the room. They take the grand staircase down to the dining room. As they dine, Elizabeth is aware of how relaxed Darcy is. His blue eyes dance with merriment, and his smile is quick and full. Elizabeth is gratified to see him so calm and at peace. She recalls him acting the same way when she Georgiana played and sang together last summer.

  It was during this visit after Elizabeth finished her song that she looked at Darcy. His head was slightly turned, and his eyes were not focused on anything in particular rather he was absorbed in her performance and allowed it to carry him away. He felt her eyes upon him, started a bit as he met her stare and returned it, their connection obvious. As Georgiana started her piece, Caroline shattered the moment with her ignorant inquiry about the -----shire. Darcy uncrossed his legs with alacrity and put his hand on the armrest of the settee ready to launch himself to attend his sister. Georgiana’s playing faltered for a second then resumed as Elizabeth redirected Caroline’s misguided attack. After Elizabeth’s collected response, Darcy sank back into the cushions, and his eyes met Elizabeth’s again. This time a small, gentle and trusting smile came to Darcy’s face along with such a glow of warmth in his eyes that Elizabeth could do nothing but return his smile with one of her own. They understood each other.

  The emotions which played across his face were deep and raw leaving no doubt in her mind of his regard for her and his undying devotion. Had they been in a different setting, Elizabeth imagined he might have renewed his address. Elizabeth chuckled a bit when she remembered another time she and the Colonel were talking in the Hunsford cottage. The Colonel and Elizabeth had an animated conversation, and Darcy was again on a sofa. This time, however, Darcy appeared a bit distracted and was fiddling with his signet ring and looking off to the side. Elizabeth questioned the Colonel as to why Mr. Darcy stared so at her in times past. As they both fixed their gazes on Darcy during the Colonel’s response, Darcy swung his eyes to them while giving a bit of a start and opened his mouth a little in shock. His eyes had the look of a frightened fawn for a brief moment before his usual haughty mask descended on his mien.

  Now knowing him so intimately, Elizabeth wishes she had not judged him so harshly. He was powerless to stop the attraction he felt for her, but he was also unsure of what to do to court her properly. His shyness would not allow him to engage in the same easy manner as Henry did. The poor man was flustered. Elizabeth noted he often twisted and turned his ring when anxious or agitated. It is one of the few indications of his nervousness. She remembered him worrying it during his visits to Hunsford cottage. Most notably to Elizabeth was how he twisted it and pulled it on and off during her visit to Pemberley. Elizabeth did not realize she sighed out loud.

  “What is it My Love,” Darcy asks her with his focused stare upon her.

  “Nothing to fret over, Fitzwilliam, I was just musing over some of our interactions. Looking over them now, I realize how many times I misjudged you. I was wondering if I had acted differently, maybe we would have come to this place sooner.”

  Darcy sips his wine with his eyes fixed on Elizabeth’s face. He sets the glass down, never removing his view from her, and an earnest look comes on his face. “I am glad you acted as you did. It allowed me to evaluate my life and my own behavior truly. I too regret the time we lost, but perhaps it is better to think what happened had to transpire the way it did. We both learned and grew from the experience. I do not care to go through parts of the past again as some were agony. I am not the same man I was, and that is, indeed, a good thing.”

  “Do you reflect upon some of our interactions and look at them in a different light because you now know me better?” Elizabeth asks him.

  “I do. I can chronicle my missteps and poor behavior and know for certain why you rightly reacted as you did. Those times I take the blame for,” he hesitates, and his eyes lose some of their focus as he draws on his memories. “I recall one particular time, and it came to me again overnight, while I held you in my arms as you slept. I was back at Pemberley after my insulting proposal. The Gardiners and you had not visited yet, and I reflected upon all I had in my life, your reproaches to me, and the thought of another year alone. I was gazing out over the lake, and I spied a pair of Mute Swans. They are monogamous and the male, called a cob, is very protective of his territory and his mate. These two
were never far apart and devoted, if one may use the term, to each other. I felt a profound sadness when I observed them over the next few months. They both worked to build the nest, and soon I saw cygnets, the little ones, reveal themselves. I despaired of having what these simple creatures had managed to build. A partnership and a family. It was a reminder of what I destroyed.” Elizabeth could not tear her eyes away from him. It was a poignant tale which highlighted the depths of her husband’s emotions. “Then I looked down at you and the tale no longer held any sorrow for me, for like the cob, I too have found my mate and soon we will know the joy of our own family.” His gaze on Elizabeth is one of steady devotion and loyalty. He smiles. “Come, I believe it is time to retire for the evening.”

  As he leads her to his chambers, Elizabeth considers the story he told. Again she mulls over how most would never comprehend the depth of her husband. His outward appearance is opposite to the real man beneath the layers. Soon they are in his bedchamber. A massive four-poster bed dominates the room with emerald green and maroon bed curtains. These match the heavy drapes on the windows which span floor to ceiling. There are two wing back chairs positioned before his fireplace with a table in between. A few smaller bookcases hold favorite books and some statues, mostly of horses. Lizzy smiles once again; there is a water glass and book on his bedside table along with a pair of glasses.

  A merry crackling fire glows in the fireplace, and a mantel clock strikes the hour. The fireplace mantel houses candle holders placed on either side and a few larger horse statues grace the mantelpiece. One of these is an impressive rendering of rearing stallions fighting for dominance. Her eyes sweep to the doors which lead to his dressing room, her chambers and the joint sitting room. She views the desk where he writes his letters to friends and family, and finally she pivots to him. “Well?” he asks with one brow raised.

  “I love it. You and I seem to have the same tastes. But really Fitzwilliam, are you sure you want me always in your sanctuary?” Elizabeth slips her arms around his waist as she waits for his answer.

  “Just like the swans, Lizzy, who worked together to build their nest and are never far from one another, I would like us to be the same if you are agreeable. I do not want to force you or make you uneasy but just know I welcome you into every part of my life.”

  “I feel as you do and want you to know you are welcome into every aspect of my life as well.” Elizabeth embraces him, and they fall to the bed together and commence with a slow, intimate encounter. They decide this chamber will be where they sleep together for their long lives. No words are necessary to convey the decision.

  Chapter 20

  The following morning, Elizabeth stretches and snuggles back down into the covers. She cannot remember a more restful sleep. Waking up with the man one loves is a marvelous feeling. She wonders if Jane is as blissful. Darcy comments to her that she seems to have slept well and she tells him it is due to his stalwart presence and his love. Darcy chuckles letting Elizabeth know he too seems more rested with her by his side. As she twirls circles around the hairs on his chest, Elizabeth questions him about where the swans are now.

  “I had Henry come one day, and we blasted them from the water. Tasted good too.” Darcy keeps his eyes fixed on the ceiling.

  “That is awful, how could you?” Elizabeth cries then she feels him shaking with laughter. “You are rotten, Mr. Darcy.”

  “I would have thought you would know now, Dearest, I love to laugh almost as much as you!” Just as before at the inn, Darcy springs from the bed to retrieve his robe. He also brings back one of his other robes so Elizabeth will be covered as she goes to her own dressing room. She kisses him good morning, thanks him for the robe and promises to see him soon in their sitting room.

  When she returns to the sitting room, Darcy is arranging breakfast trays for them both. He brightly smiles as Lizzy enters the room. Lizzy cannot believe how he continues to jest with her and welcomes her taunts in return. “I have been thinking about how we might begin to organize our lives together. I believe…and to my unending delight you are more than comfortable in my bedchamber?” he smirks as Lizzy reddens but agrees.

  “It is so odd for the servants to have to carry food all the way up here. Whatever will they think? I cannot imagine the gossip that will occur below.”

  “Leave that worry to me, besides, the staff is most loyal, and Mrs. Reynolds will see an end to any type of talk which may start. You will also find Mr. Scovell frowns upon such chatter. I would like to introduce you to some more of the key staff and show you some of the estate business which I would like you to familiarize yourself with. I am confident after all this is accomplished we will be able to come up with some alternative activities.” Darcy states smugly.

  After their meal, Darcy thinks it might be interesting to start with the top floors of the manor. Most rooms on the uppermost floor, while furnished are largely unused. Each room is spacious, and as with everywhere else, the decorations are masterfully done. Mrs. Reynolds and her housekeeping staff still tend to the rooms, keeping them neat and orderly so that should a need arise for their use, they could be readied in a short amount of time. Elizabeth is impressed by Mrs. Reynold’s ability in the smooth running of the massive home.

  Returning to the third floor, Elizabeth viewed Georgiana’s rooms which are very tastefully outfitted but in a similar vein to her brother, Georgiana’s décor is elegant but lacking any form of pretension. Lizzy smiles when she views a miniature of Georgiana’s parents with another miniature of Fitzwilliam nearby. The siblings are devoted to each other especially after losing their parents. Lizzy’s mind briefly contemplates how difficult life would have been for her, and her sisters had their parents passed on. Elizabeth sees that Georgiana’s chamber reflects her refined tastes but still possesses a little touch of schoolgirl charm which makes the chamber have a certain sweetness about it.

  Another chamber is reserved for Colonel Fitzwilliam and still another for Bingley. Elizabeth can see some personal touches from each man still present in the chambers. For the Colonel, it is an array of books which he must have picked out with the intention of rereading them at his leisure. A writing desk stands open with some foolscap stacked neatly in one corner and a few quills ready to be mended and used. In Bingley’s room, there is an odd assortment of papers along with a few favorite books. He also has a writing desk at his disposal, but Darcy jests that it rarely sees any serious use.

  Other chambers which are unoccupied but had been used by the Matlocks, as well as Lady Catherine and Anne, are viewed at this time. There are more chambers should family members from farther away decide to visit, or if any of Darcy’s closest friends need to stay, then they too would be housed in these chambers. More importantly, there are bedchambers which will be utilized for any children Elizabeth and Darcy are blessed with.

  The second floor contains a few more bedchambers which were used for people whom Darcy did not consider to be in his innermost circle or for guests who were previously unknown to Darcy. Caroline Bingley has a room on this floor, and while it is grand in itself, it lacks some of the refinement of the upper chambers. Elizabeth wonders if Caroline has any inkling as to why she is housed on the second floor. Darcy interrupts her musing.

  “When I assigned Caroline a room on this level, it never occurred to me that she would be able to monitor my comings and goings while exiting her room. She always seemed to be in the hall right before any of the meals or if we were to depart so I would feel obligated to escort her. Thank you, Elizabeth for sparing me that agony.” Darcy bows to Elizabeth with a flourish as Elizabeth returns a proper curtsey. “At times I utilized the servants’ passageways to avoid her.”

  “Glad to be of service, Mr. Darcy. I am heartened I have alleviated your agony,” comes her mirthful reply.

  The tour continues with an examination of the game room, a separate billiards room, ballroom, portrait gallery and more sitting rooms. Darcy has a study on this level and a massive library. Massiv
e is simply the most apropos word to describe it. Wall to wall and floor to ceiling bookcases are filled with books. Some are rare copies and first editions, some signed by the authors. All catalogued and arranged for ease of retrieval. “My father may come in here and never be seen again. Mr. Bingley was not at all exaggerating when he spoke of your family’s library. I recount your saying it is the work of many generations as I can well see, not that I doubted you before.”

  “Indeed it has been the work of my family. I spend many hours in here, often rereading favorite passages or to brush up on some science or other such information which is all here right at one’s fingertips. You may feel free to take any books with you to our private chambers, just put a notation here in this logbook, so others will know where the books are. In a place this large, it helps to keep track of them, and none become lost.”

  “Brush up? Mr. Darcy, I have never heard that saying before.” Elizabeth looks at her grinning spouse with his upturned mouth.