Healing Mr Darcy’s Heart

by Kay Mares

  There he begins to slowly undress her and himself while telling her of his love for her and how without her he does not live. He assures her of the special place in his soul only she can fill and to never doubt his devotion to her. He eases her upset regarding the past and silences her protests about her being unworthy of him. After sharing intimacies, as they lay entwined with each other, Darcy begins to tell her of what had transpired over that dark summer. He does so only after Elizabeth beseeches him, promising him it will be cathartic for both of them so they can put the past to rest permanently.

  “You remember well Hunsford and my letter so I will begin with what transpired after I returned to Rosings. I studiously avoided Aunt Catherine and directed the servants to tell Henry we would depart in a couple of hours and to make ready to leave. I admit to being angry, and for a while, I clung to the one thing I had left-pride. In my agitation, I told myself you were foolish for not accepting what in my misguided and ignorant mind was a superior proposal. I reviewed all the objections I had to our match and tried to convince myself I was fortunate to have escaped. Foolish. As my anger ebbed away over time, I started to recall how I had behaved with you, your family and the Meryton residents and your friends.” Darcy gives a wane smile and strokes Elizabeth’s cheek as she watches his eyes.

  “Once my vexation over your refusal began to give way, I was able to see the merits in your reproofs. I was mortified and ashamed deeply by my actions. That is when the pain began. I have spoken to you before of my bitterness and loneliness. Now I saw the cruelty of my manner and how I doomed myself to solitude for if I could not have you, I would not marry. I managed to run Pemberley, throwing myself into the work during the day but at night the misery would intrude fully.” He turns his gaze upwards to the ceiling as he continues with his memories of this painful time. Elizabeth snugs closer to his side as he runs his hand absentmindedly along her back.

  “I pathetically turned to a brandy here and there, telling myself I needed one drink to sleep or to settle my thoughts, only the brandy never erased you or what you justly told me. It only held the memories at bay for a short amount of time. I found I had no appetite and sleep did not come easy. I ran myself ragged during the day in the hopes exhaustion would claim me at night, but it never did. Our conversations replayed themselves in my mind, and I saw the justification in your words. I can repeat my ill-conceived proposal and your responses word for word because it seared itself on my heart.” Elizabeth is stone still. Just as when she was with him at his parents’ gravesite, she senses he needs to finish what he is saying.

  “Finally it became too much to bear. I already made up my mind I would not marry, that I was no use to anyone; that maybe the only way I could salvage some dignity would be to assist Georgiana’s children in taking over Pemberley. The thought drove me into dark despair, and I imbibed heavily for a few days. I already refused invitations and visitors all summer so no one would know or care if I locked myself away in my study. Only Georgiana knew the full extent of what I had degraded to. She wrote to Henry who came soon after. He barged into my study. Naturally, my arrogance rose to the fore, and I demanded of him to explain his behavior. He fired right back that I should justify my own. He prodded then insisted then interrogated me until I admitted to being hopelessly in love with you. He asked me why I did not pursue you, so I told him of my ill-fated proposal. He jested with me that only I with my silly compulsion to tell the truth, would offend the woman I loved.”

  Darcy allows a small, embarrassed smile to flit across his face. “I came at him, ready to pop him for his remarks but the brandy slowed me, and he easily slammed me back in the chair and held me there until I became reasonable. Many coffees later, I told him the whole sordid mess, and he whistled lowly and expressed his shock. He apologized for his joking, and I apologized for my wrath. He tried to encourage me to make amends to you, but I felt I blasted any goodwill you might have had for me. My reprieve finally came when Aunt Catherine reported her exchange with you, and I hastened back to Hertfordshire to see if hope still rested with you.”

  He twists in the bed to face her, grasps her face in his hands while locking her gaze with his fiery blue eyes. He begins earnestly to speak to her; his eyes are clear and intense. “You will not allow what I have confessed to distress you. You, Elizabeth have saved me. I told you that you allowed me to come out from a prideful existence and you did. Without you, I do not live.”

  As he hugs her tight to his side, Darcy continues. “We are going to have our moments of doubt just as I did the other day when viewing my parents’ graves. You came to me then, and I have the comfort of knowing no matter what sorrow may come my way, as long as you are by my side, I will be able to confront anything. Only together are we complete. I am understood and accepted only by you. It is a mighty relief to be assured of your love and devotion.”

  Elizabeth strokes Darcy’s cheek while tears pool in the corners of her eyes. “I am glad you told me of your struggles. I cannot convey to you the anguish I felt when you became ill with the fever. I worried anew you would be lost to me. My hope resided with you, and you saved me just as I saved you.” Elizabeth curls herself around him.

  The following day, Darcy again is sorting his mail. The staff delivers his mail to him first along with any addressed to Elizabeth. He owns agitation at this time because one of the letters indicates his presence is required in London for a meeting of the solicitors regarding the rail line. Jonesy has been summoned too, and he wrote to Darcy of his own irritation at leaving Miss Kitty’s side. The recently unveiled courtship is clipping along beautifully, and Jonesy with his easy manners has ingratiated himself with the Bennets.

  Further vexation on Darcy’s part is the cold and wind which whips swirls of snow from the manor’s roof sometimes enough so to temporarily obscure the view from the windows. In spite of the weather, Darcy checks on his tenants to make sure they take precautions for the winter weather. These visits allow Darcy to stop an issue from deteriorating into a serious problem when the elements are at their most unforgiving. He sits mulling over the ride he needs to take today as well as when he will depart for London. Winter travel is not taken lightly so the need for this meeting must be of some import.

  Elizabeth comes into the study to see her beloved husband with his brow furrowed and a glower of anger on his face. He is brooding. She does not hesitate to go to him, gently kneading his shoulders as she waits for him to speak.

  “I must take a ride on Tempest today along with Mr. Scovell to make sure our tenants are not in need of anything during this unpleasant weather.” He closes his eyes as Elizabeth continues her ministrations. Some of the tension leaves his body, but then he shudders a small bit thinking of being away from her side.

  Elizabeth looks outside as another burst of snow curls down from the roof, and she hears the sharp ticks of icy pellets strike the glass panes. “Must you go today? The wind is brutal, and I hate to think of you out in the elements.”

  “I must,” he states flatly. His tone leaves no room for discussion. Darcy knows Elizabeth will truly worry when he informs her of the unavoidable London trip. “If I see the tenants, I can often prevent a small inconvenience from becoming a major problem. Fortunately, I made rounds on the majority of them at other times, so I do not have a large amount to visit.” Elizabeth senses there is more to his dark mood then just a cold horseback ride, so she waits for him to speak again. “There is another more pressing concern though. I am afraid there is nothing for it, but I must ride to London. I will be leaving in a day or two. I am sorry Elizabeth, but I cannot avoid this. Jonesy has been requested to attend also. It is this blasted railroad proposal! We would be fools to overlook the opportunity.”

  Elizabeth does not wish to add to his distress, so she remains quiet while continuing with her massage of Darcy’s shoulders. Once he settles his disorder, they will speak more at length about the London trip. Darcy indicates a cut-out from a newspaper article on his desk. It is the clipping
of the speculation over Darcy’s behavior after Elizabeth’s rejection of him at Hunsford. At times, he asks himself why he kept it. Darcy and Elizabeth share everything, so he wants her to see what was wrote especially after their confessions last night. As Elizabeth reads the clipping, Darcy stares out of the window with his lips pursed.

  Talk of the town is what is ailing Fitzwilliam Darcy. Sources have noted the Master of Pemberley (in the rare occasions he is seen in society) is gaunt and haggard-looking. Speculation is rife that perhaps the gentleman has a yet undisclosed illness. This idea could have merit as reports claim Mr. Darcy is more irritable and brooding than before. Illness can make the best of men become out of sorts. Another theory bandied about has been that mayhap the man has developed a taste for the spirits though he has not been seen inebriated. For anyone who may think his intellect has suffered, it has not; he still has a cunning business sense. More updates as they become available.

  “How can they do this? It is not right. They know nothing of you, yet they print stories and advance rumors as if they are facts. Is there no way to stop this?” Elizabeth asks as she waves the paper about. In spite of his dark mood, Darcy snickers a bit at Elizabeth’s animation and her own protectiveness of him. Her rant resumes as she scans the clipping once more, “more irritable and brooding? Who do these people think they are to disparage a fine man like you? How do you bear the indignity? I would enjoy confronting them and letting them know what I think of their ludicrous musings.” Elizabeth huffs her indignation. A smile begins to cross his countenance.

  “I appreciate your vigor in my defense, Lizzy, but as we have discussed, it is the way of my world. This clipping highlights why I need to go to London. There have already been articles written about the railway coming, but I am sure Jonesy and I are the first to have a proposal. I have not read of anyone else being further along in the negotiations, and as you have read, for some reason, these wags like to point out that my business acumen is still sharp. If they were to write otherwise, the wolves at the door would pounce, so to speak. Any weakness on my part would be exploited rapidly.” Darcy reclines back in his chair while running a hand through his hair.

  “This is part of the reason why you are so careful, why you feel the need to protect those in your care. No wonder you never exposed Wickham for the scoundrel he is. How easy it would have been for someone to report that to the paper. Poor Georgiana! It is why you hushed the attack Wickham perpetrated on your person too. What fodder that would have been.” Elizabeth is saddened but also looks at Darcy with awe. He can outmaneuver the best, or maybe the right word is the worst of them and still maintain his dignity.

  “I am not making excuses for my behavior at Meryton, but you see the merit in keeping many at bay. My myriad of charms would be my downfall.” Darcy declares pompously but with a wink to Elizabeth.

  “Oh yes indeed. We would not want anyone to know what a kitten you really are.” Elizabeth teases him while he affects an affronted manner.

  “Kitten indeed! You have cut me to the quick.” Darcy raises his chin. “On a lighter note, here’s another clipping about our nuptials.” Darcy hands the next one to her.

  Many pillows will be punched and handkerchiefs filled with tears when we announce who has joined the ranks of married men. None other than one of the most eligible bachelors, if not the most eligible bachelor, the sought after and elusive Mr. Darcy of Pemberley! In a surprise move, he found his perfect mate outside of the ton. No joining of the de Bourgh and Darcy families which some guessed. What must Miss Bingley be thinking? Many speculated due to the friendship between Mr. Charles Bingley and Mr. Darcy that Miss Bingley would soon claim the man. Nay! It was not to be! Instead, we found out both Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy each were united in marriage to sisters, in a double ceremony none the less! The eldest Bennet sisters of Hertfordshire - Jane Bennet married Mr. Bingley while Elizabeth Bennet joined with Mr. Darcy. The new Mrs. Darcy is rumored to not only be beautiful but also to have a fine mind. Our sources will continue to monitor the newlyweds.

  Elizabeth frowns after she read the clip. “How did they find out so much?”

  “In reality, Lizzy, there is nothing new in the article. My character has been well known amongst the ton. My friendship with Bingley put Caroline in closer contact than I would have preferred. Lady Catherine told anyone who would listen that Anne and I would wed. Regarding your identity and Jane’s, it is easily explained by the calling of the banns. The idea is to make the whole affair sound like more than it is while giving the appearance of a close connection, so readers will assume the writer has inside information. It is deceptive, but there is little I can do about it. So I chose to be forbidding and cold which for the most part has made these gossips cautious when writing about me or my business.”

  Darcy lurches to his feet and grasps Elizabeth’s hands in his. He gazes deeply into her eyes then bends his head to kiss her. After, he just holds her, swaying gently as he talks to her. “I will make ready to see the tenants now. Do not wait lunch for me. I will return before supper. Do not fret for me, Lizzy. Mr. Scovell and I have conducted these visits for years. As to London, I will take Tempest and a couple of the footman in case of any trouble along the way. Will you walk with me to the door?” Elizabeth does as he asks, watching him shrug into heavy overcoat and gloves. He smiles a small smile at her and grazes her cheek with his fingertips then he turns and is out the door where Tempest awaits.

  Lizzy falls asleep in front of the roaring fire late in the evening, wrapped up in Darcy’s robe. She had curled up in one of the chairs before the hearth, watching the flames leap about and was lulled into a doze despite her worry. She is unaware Darcy has returned, peeked in at her then decided not to disturb her because he needed a bath due to the emergency. He is soaking in the tub, allowing the hot water to drive away the chill from his skin. A tray will be brought up after his bath, and he plans to eat in the sitting room so he can be informal with Lizzy. In fact, he figures he will not need to worry about full dress instead opting for another of his robes when he notes Lizzy confiscated his.

  Lizzy awakes with a start. Her eyes fly to the window noting the darkness outside. A lump comes to her throat as she realizes her husband has still not returned. Dabbing away at tears forming in her eyes, she hears a noise coming from his bathing area. She cautiously edges to the door, not wanting to make a scene if the noise is from one of the servants. As the door opens to reveal his tub, she sees the familiar dark locks. With a squeal of delight, she bounds into the room. Darcy jumps while sliding up farther into the tub, sloshing water all about. He swings a glower at the offending person who dares to enter his sanctuary unannounced.

  “You’ve returned! I missed you and worried for you. The weather is ugly, and the wind is relentless.” Then she laughs. Some of the water spray is hanging in a drip off of his nose, and other drops pepper his hair. The glower has dissipated into a bemused smile all the more beguiling because of the ridiculousness of the water splashed about and the personal setting. He watches her intently as she perches on the side of the tub and reaches out to brush the water drop off of his nose. “I apologize for startling you so. I hope you are not angry with me for coming in here uninvited and unannounced.” Elizabeth says contritely.

  “You are always welcomed wherever I am. No need to apologize. As we have established, I relish the openness of our relationship. You should never fear to approach me.” His words take on a husky quality as he peels the robe off of her shoulders. Then he begins a detailed exploration of her shoulder and down her chest. Suddenly he rises to his knees and gives her a soggy hug with a consuming kiss. Elizabeth responds rapidly as her anxiety from earlier in the day transfers to hungry energy for her husband. After a stimulating and highly erotic session of lovemaking, they return to the sitting room. Darcy tells Lizzy of the problem which caused his delay. The supper tray arrives with some extra treats in case Lizzy wishes to share with him. “One of the farmers has a cow who was having a difficult birt
h. Normally we want the calving to start later in the year, but it is hard to ascertain when the cows have been bred.” Darcy pauses to cut his meat and swallow a piece. “This cow must have gotten with the bull unbeknownst to anyone. The birth was hampered by the fact the calf was a large one with one of the legs bent backward. One of us pushed the head back to allow for more room while another reached in and hooked the leg with a small rope to pull the leg forward. Once the leg was positioned properly, the calf made her entrance into the world.” Darcy stops his story and cocks his head to one side, intently studying his wife.

  Elizabeth listens attentively, picturing in her mind the scene Darcy lays out. He begins again, “Lizzy, you are amazing.”

  “I beg your pardon?”

  “Most if not all women of my acquaintance would be pale and trembling at the least; some would be given over to vapors at the notion of such raw nature. But you not only listen, but you are also interested, waiting to hear what happens next. You are unlike any women I have ever known, and I am grateful for that.” Darcy grins then resumes, “it took a bit for the little one to stand after we cleaned her up but by the time Mr. Scovell and I departed, she was nursing. Good thing too because sometimes a cow will reject a calf after a difficult birth.”

  “Did you assist directly with the birth then?” Lizzy wants to know.

  “Yes, while Mr. Scovell held the mother steady, I applied pressure to the calf’s head, and the farmer worked the rope to bring the foot round. This is not the first animal birth I have assisted in, nor, I suspect it will be the last. I enjoy being more than a landowner. I like to be involved.” His mouth upturns alerting Lizzy he will deliver some sort of jest. “As you may well imagine, there is a great deal of fluids involved, so I needed to have a bath post haste. Being my clever Lizzy, I would venture a guess you surmised…” he pauses dramatically, “that I ruined another shirt.”