Alix & Valerie

by Ingrid Diaz

  “I guess I can’t ask you to pretend I didn’t say anything, huh?” Valerie asked sadly.

  “If you’re not who I think you are,” I started, ignoring her question, “then who are you?”

  She stared at me, shaking her head. “I can’t tell you.”

  “Why not?” I demanded.

  “Because I can’t,” she said, sternly this time.

  I frowned at her tone. All I wanted was for her to make everything okay again. Why wasn’t she? “Call me when you can,” I said, my voice breaking from emotion. Then I walked away from her, hoping she would stop me. Hoping she would run after me. Hoping . . .

  But she didn’t stop me. And she didn’t run after me. She just stood there and watched me walk away.

  Part II

  Valerie

  Prologue

  This is the story of my life. My very fucked up, made-for-TV, be-glad-it-wasn’t-you life. Sit back for a while and grab a shot of hard liquor to aid you through this tale. Better yet, make it a double. Or not. Whatever . . .

  Let’s start at the very beginning . . .

  Once upon a time (twenty-four years ago, to be exact), in a mansion by the sea, there lived a couple. Man and woman, by the way. And they had been trying for ages to conceive a child, much to their unfortunate failure. They couldn’t adopt, you see, because such an action would disgrace the family name. And nothing else seemed to work.

  So the one day came when the couple met another couple. A teenage couple. A very poor and desperate teenage couple who had just become pregnant and had no idea what to do. So our first couple, being that they were so kind and generous, offered the second couple a whopping twenty million dollars cash in exchange for the baby once it was born. It was a very hush-hush, top secret operation that managed to occur undetected by the media by the grace of God, or perhaps . . . lots and lots of money.

  Nine months later, a baby girl was born. Twenty million dollars were passed to the second couple. A newborn baby was passed to the first, and voila, there is a new heiress to the fortune.

  So, the second couple took the twenty million dollars and went on to lose the entire thing on some stupid gambling bet. Twenty million dollars, can you believe it?

  You’re probably wondering what any of that has to do with me. Well, I’m getting to that. You see, the teenage couple had two more children. A girl and a boy. Guess which one I am?

  My name is Valerie Michaels. I have a younger brother named Aaron and an older sister named Jessica, only she doesn’t know that I exist. Or, at least not in that context. It was never my intention to get involved in her life. Far from it, in fact, but I was put into a situation where I had no other choice.

  You see, Aaron started stealing from the wrong people (I’m not sure there’re right people to steal from, but if there are, these people weren’t it). He managed to embezzle seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars before getting caught. I managed to get them to spare his life by promising to double the amount. Lucky for me, and most importantly him, their leader owed me a favor. So she granted me the chance.

  I came up with a plan. It was a very good plan and would have worked wonders if I hadn’t ended up falling in love . . .

  Chapter 1

  The way I look at things, we’re bound by decisions. Good choices built upon bad choices built upon good choices. Except that in my case, unfortunately, I had bad choices stacked atop an endless line of more bad choices that were in the process of collapsing all around me. How very ironic my life had turned out to be.

  She walked away from me and I couldn’t do a thing to stop her. So I watched her, from the middle of the sidewalk through the lenses of Hell, until she was gone, swallowed whole by the cloak of darkness and distance, leaving me all alone to battle demons she didn’t even know I had.

  I tightened the white robe around my naked body and sighed loud enough for nobody but myself to hear. There was no way to fix the tangled web my life had become. So I turned on my heel, my back to the street, my face to the building and walked forward, wishing nothing more than to go back. Back in time . . . to somehow keep everything from going wrong . . .

  The door was wide open when I reached my apartment, and I slammed it shut upon stepping inside, taking out my anger and frustration upon the object as though it was to blame.

  The smell of fries and burgers assaulted my nostrils and my eyes narrowed. My suspicions were confirmed a moment later as I crossed the short distance between the door and the kitchen.

  “Did you thank your girlfriend for bringing us food?” Chris asked through a mouthful of fries.

  Somehow I managed to find my last remaining ounce of self-control. I wanted nothing more than to rip the hamburger from her hands and throw it across the room. “What are you still doing here?” I asked instead, keeping my voice even and controlled. Never let them show you hurt . . . And I was hurting. I was hurting so much I was amazed that I could still walk let alone speak.

  Christina Walker put the burger down, fixing her dark brown eyes on mine with a look of utter annoyance. Her brown curls bounced as she shook her head at me. “Don’t start with your pissy attitude, Val. You know very well what I’m still doing here.” With her chin, she motioned to the seat across the table from her. “Sit.”

  I complied, if only because I needed to sit down. Rubbing my temples with both hands, I looked down at the light blue surface of my kitchen table, then closed my eyes, wishing for silence and getting nothing but the irritating sounds of Chris chewing and swallowing as background music.

  “You look like shit,” Chris commented, between bites.

  I said nothing.

  “So what’d you tell her?” Chris asked.

  Silence.

  Chris studied me, her eyes burning into me. “What did you tell her?”

  “Nothing,” I snapped, my patience bordering on non-existent. Then I sighed, looking away. “I started to . . .”

  Chris was on her feet in a second. “Have you lost your mind?” she howled, and I closed my eyes wishing somehow to shut out sound along with sight. “If that bitch—”

  She didn’t get a chance to finish the sentence. I had her pinned by the throat against the kitchen wall so fast she didn’t know what hit her. I glared into her eyes, daring her with my gaze to attempt breaking free. “Don’t ever call her that,” I hissed, suddenly feeling the crash of a massive headache split my head in two. I let her crumble to the ground in a heap of desperate breaths, as I stumbled toward the cabinets in search of aspirin.

  By the time I found it, Chris was on her feet again, attempting to pull herself together. “Do that again and I won’t wait for the goddamn money.”

  Her threat echoed through my brain as an angry voice in my head asked what I’d been thinking. I couldn’t let my anger take control. Not with Chris. There was too much at stake . . .

  “You weren’t supposed to fall for her, Val. You getting all emotional for that girl was not part of the plan.”

  “Screw the plan,” I muttered, wishing I could mean the words, knowing I couldn’t. I downed two Advil.

  My comment drew a long laugh from Chris. “Right,” she responded, lowering herself down onto the chair. “No woman is worth that much. Your brother’s life is on the line here.”

  Her words stung me, and I did everything in my power to avoid her gaze. I swallowed hard, wishing I was somehow strong enough to cry. Human enough, even.

  “Have I told you that you look good as a blonde?” Chris said, following the comment with a sip of Passoa. “Makes you look almost angelic.” She had a good laugh at that.

  I caught my reflection on the microwave door; distorted and unclear. How perfect. I noticed the blonde hair that framed my face. Angelic. Is that what Alix thought of me? Is that how she saw me? Is that how she wanted me to be? What would she think . . . if she knew the truth?

  “I still say you should’ve left it dark though,” Chris continued, smirking. “She seems to go for the black-haired, blue-eyed type,
no?”

  My gazed darted to Chris’s face, and I wondered what was stopping me from putting my fist through it. Too many things, unfortunately.

  Chris let out a long, over dramatic sigh as she stood. “You’re talking to what’s-her-face tomorrow.” It wasn’t a question. “She can get Alix to forgive you like last time.” At the door, she paused. “And quit fucking up. You’re running out of chances and excuses . . . and time.” The door slamming shut announced her departure.

  “Satan has left the building,” I muttered on my way out of the kitchen. Loki made her appearance down the hallway and met me half-way. “You were hiding, huh? Smart girl.” I picked the puppy up and carried her back to the bedroom, kicking the door closed with my foot. I put her down on the bed and walked to the closet so I could change into something a little less comfortable. Black and red flannel boxers and a white tee shirt replaced the robe. I padded across the black carpet to the bed in three long strides and buried my face under a pillow. Somewhere within my head my brain screamed to be let out. I believed it was actually attempting to pound its way through my skull.

  After all of the oxygen had escaped the tiny space between my nose and the mattress, I decided to roll over. Loki was staring at me curiously, her little head cocked to the side as though attempting to comprehend my sadness. “This is so messed up, girl,” I told the dog, believing that she understood me somehow.

  In response, she jumped onto my stomach and lay down there, staring up at me expectantly.

  I scratched under her ears and sighed. “How will I get out of this one?”

  Loki seemed to shrug.

  I closed my eyes, wishing for rest I knew would never come. It would be more peace than I could ever deserve. The only time I managed to sleep at all these days was when Alix was beside me. How long until that happened again? Never if she was lucky. But of course, it wasn’t as easy as me just letting her go. I would’ve done it in a heartbeat if at all possible. But she was part of the plan.

  No woman is worth that much. Chris’s voice echoed through my head.

  No woman.

  Chapter 2

  Tuesday afternoon I waited at Whispers for my scheduled lunch date, something I was not looking forward to. I suspected that she would bring only the confirmation that I had indeed fucked everything up in a completely irreversible way. What would I do then? Fall to my knees and beg for forgiveness I didn’t deserve. How much longer until I could stop hurting her?

  I shifted uncomfortably in the booth I’d selected. I hated waiting. It was a nerve-wracking and upsetting waste of time. I glanced at my watch. She was twenty minutes late. Tapping my fingers impatiently on the tabletop, I stared at the bottle of Corona in front of me. It was open. Why wasn’t I drinking it? Probably for the same reason I seemed to have quit smoking.

  My head fell against the wall behind me, and my gaze traveled around the club. There were a few people dancing and a few people at the bar. It was a large crowd size for such an early time. La Rissa’s “I Do Both Jay and Jane” sifted through the speakers and I rolled my eyes at the music selection, thankful that it was my day off.

  “Sorry I’m late. I know what a sod you are about punctuality and the lot.”

  I looked at Jade as she slipped into the seat across from me. I’d known her for a year almost. I’d found her outside once, getting hassled by some idiot guy whose ass I proceeded to kick. We sort of became friends after that. Not best friends or anything, but friends. I’d confided in her about my brother and she’d agreed to help. I’m not entirely sure why she would go through all the trouble of helping me get money from Jessica. I never did ask her why she helped me. We shared that same sort of privacy issue that I think helped to make our friendship work, and I didn’t want to break that silent agreement between us.

  Nevertheless, whatever her reasons, I appreciated them. She told me the only person besides Jessica and maybe Mathew who had access to any of the safes at the Heart mansion was Alix. And if there was any document I needed to find, then Alix would probably know where to find it. The problem was, I couldn’t tell Alix the truth. It was risky enough getting Jade involved. I couldn’t risk putting Alix’s life in danger. I cleared my throat before responding. “Did you talk to her?”

  The fuzz covered head shook side to side. “What the hell did you do to her? She won’t even talk to me. I sat in her room all day today and she ignored everything I said; spent the entire time writing.”

  My eyebrows rose in question. “Writing what?”

  “Hell’s if I know,” Jade responded, motioning for the waitress. Then she paused and stared straight at me, her hazel eyes narrowing suspiciously. “You didn’t tell her did you?”

  “No.” As Julie approached to take Jade’s order, I let my head rest back against the wall. Holding it up was requiring an unbelievable amount of effort that I was unable to expend at that particular moment. “I started to tell her,” I said, once Julie had walked away.

  She stared at me in disbelief for a second, then shook her head again. “Why didn’t you?”

  I sucked in a deep breath and shook my head. “I couldn’t risk it.”

  “I told you from the beginning that she would understand.”

  Silence.

  Jade sat back and studied me for a long moment. “You’re totally crazy about her, aren’t you?” My silence was all the encouragement she needed. “It’s not too late, you know? You could tell her.”

  Didn’t I wish it were that simple. “You don’t understand . . .”

  “You’re right, I don’t,” she said, her voice taking on a sharp edge as she looked at me. “You promised me that no one would get hurt.”

  I met her gaze. “No one has gotten hurt.”

  “I believe there’s a heartbroken twenty-year-old who would kindly disagree.” She paused to grab the proffered blue Curaçao from Julie. She drank some before placing the glass on the table and returning to the conversation. “Look, I just think you’d get better mileage out of this entire thing if you just went up to Jessica and told her the truth.”

  I almost laughed at the absurdity of her suggestion. “Yeah, right.”

  “You don’t know Jessica very well. She’d give you the money.”

  “It’s more complicated than that.”

  Jade whipped out a pack of cigarettes and pointed the box in my direction.

  I shook my head.

  Jade rolled her eyes as she lit one up. “She’s been trying to get me to quit since high school.” She blew a ring of smoke. “So, what are you going to do about Alix? The typical arrangement of flowers and box of chocolates will get you absolutely nowhere with that one, I’m afraid. Just a warning.”

  “What’s your suggestion then?”

  Jade fell silent as she contemplated my question. Meanwhile, I backtracked to her comment about my telling Jessica the truth. Which truth? There were so many to choose from, so many choices . . . and all of them were marked for disaster. Between death, chaos, and broken hearts . . . how could I decide? How could I not?

  “I’d wait a while,” Jade finally answered, nodding thoughtfully. “Give her a couple of weeks to sort everything out. If you show up now she’ll just slam the door in your face.”

  “I don’t have two weeks.”

  “You asked for my suggestion, and I gave it to you. Take it or leave it, that’s up to you. But for the love of Metallica, quit fucking with her heart. I’m begging you, from the very bottom of my being, give the girl a break.”

  My gaze lowered. “I never meant to hurt her in the first place. You told me she wouldn’t fall for me.”

  “I didn’t think she would. I figured she’d give you a date, max. She’s been gaga for Jessica since forever, who would’ve thought you would be the one to break the spell.” She took a long sip from her drink. “Whatever you did, I commend you. I bow to you. I’m just depressed as hell that you aren’t the real thing.”

  Her words caused me to frown. I wasn’t the real thing? I’d ne
ver been more real than when I was with Alix. I’d had to adlib a few details about my past, granted, but I’d meant everything I’d said to her. Being with her, I almost forgot who I was and what I was supposed to be doing. What was that she had said once? Something about fate. Yes. Evil, twisted fate. Indeed. “I never meant to hurt her,” I said again, as though the words served to absolve me of all responsibility in the matter.

  “Yeah, well it’s very nice that you seem to have fallen for her and all but what are you going to do when this is all over? Tell her the truth? Tell her more lies? You’ll lose her eventually either way if you go through with it and don’t tell her. Why did you sleep with her if you didn’t want to hurt her, anyway? I still don’t understand your reasoning there. I was so pissed at you for that. Do you have any idea how much it took for her to do that?”

  That marked the end of that conversation. I rose to my feet and glared down at Jade. “Two weeks,” I said and walked away, wondering if the shattering of my heart was audible over the music.

  Ò

  Chris was already in my apartment by the time I got back and all I could do as I closed the door behind me was wonder what on Earth I’d done in my past lives to deserve this kind of torment.

  She put out the cigarette she’d been holding and sat back leisurely on my couch, staring up at me expectantly as I entered. On this occasion, she’d opted for the silky look, and was clad accordingly in a black button-down silk shirt and maroon silk skirt. Dangling jewelry hung from various limbs on her body and I suspected she’d either come from or was headed to some important meeting.

  “How sweet of you to dress up for me,” I commented dryly, throwing my keys down on the table beside the door.