Where She Was Loved

by Sarah Tomlinson

  I turned to look her directly in the eyes. "Please don't say you're sorry. This is amazing. I never let myself dream someone could care so much. It's just a lot to take in."

  "So, you're not upset?"

  "Heavens, no. I'm just overwhelmed. I don't know how to thank you for your kindness, Ava. I mean, where do I start?"

  "You start by living with us and building the life you deserve. All we want is for you to be happy. That is payment enough, sweetheart."

  I hugged her tightly, promising to make the most of my new opportunity.

  After settling in and changing into a new pair of boot-cut jeans and a flowing, yellow cheesecloth shirt from my new wardrobe, I returned to the B&B kitchen with Ava and began a new batch of pancakes for the extra guests that would soon arrive. Within half an hour, my day had gotten even better.

  Meg was the first to appear, thrusting the door open with gusto. Her belly was round, being several months pregnant. "Ashley!" she yelled. "I'm so relieved!" she started crying, waddling her way over to her returned friend.

  "Oh my God. You're pregnant!" I was shocked, not expecting my friend's life to have advanced to almost motherhood.

  "Yes," she placed a hand to her stomach, "and married, to boot." She smiled with flair and happiness.

  "It's so good to see you. When is the baby due?"

  "Oh, in a few weeks. I feel like I'm about to pop, though." It was as if a day hadn't passed, as we giggled together and then stood in silence for a moment looking at one another.

  "We were so worried about you," Meg whispered. "Why didn't you call?" She looked at me with such a sadness, I had never seen from her before. I felt ashamed.

  "I figured you would be angry I left without saying goodbye," I shrugged. "Plus, my father didn't want me to be in contact." I wasn't in the right frame of mind to tell the God's honest truth about how my father threatened to hurt everyone I loved if I contacted any of them.

  "We would never be angry with you," Meg looked me in the eye. "Not for that at least."

  The door swung open again, admitting a much older version of Aiden, dressed in blue cover-alls with the name of the local mechanic's shop, Colin's, embroidered on the front with dark blotches of oil and grease stains all over him. I pried my eyes away from Meg to stare at the boy who was no longer a boy. While I had been away, Aiden had grown from the gangly, awkward teenager I had known into a good-looking man. He had definite tone from the work he did and the red scruff of his neatly trimmed beard accentuated his sharp jawline. It was hard for me to get my head around.

  "Ash! We thought you were dead!" he exclaimed, going to hug me but stopping a foot away and raising his hands. "Oh, I'm gross."

  "Oh, come here!" I demanded, holding out my arms and not caring a bit about his mucked-up ensemble.

  Taking the extra step, Aiden enveloped me in his arms and swung me around. I squealed in delight from the ensuing head rush.

  Placing me safely back on the ground, he was hesitant to release me from his grasp until a voice from behind interrupted him.

  "I think the young lady owes me a long, overdue hug, young Aiden."

  It was Graham, smiling and waiting patiently as I extracted myself from Aiden's hold and rushed to embrace the aging man whose face had more lines and was more careworn than when we last saw one another.

  He beamed brightly as he squeezed me tightly. "I'm glad you're safe," he said sincerely. "Eric will be so pleased to hear you have returned here."

  I couldn't explain why but all of a sudden, I wasn't ready to see Eric. Out of all of them, he was the one I felt I had hurt the most with my quick disappearance; after all, I had promised to see him later that day. The fact I never tried to contact him or anyone else, leaving them all to worry about me, would have pained him to his core.

  "Where is he?"

  "In Peru. He will be home again in about two months," Graham replied. "He's working as a social worker these days, and decided to volunteer his time at an orphanage. He's been living with me for the past four years, though. He finished school and has made a name for himself selling sculptures all over the world. Smart boy, but we knew that, didn't we my sweet girl?" He winked.

  I always knew he would make something of himself, even though I thought he was amazing before. "Did he make that wire sculpture in town?" my question burst free.

  "Ah, you saw that? Yes, he made it last year. I wonder why he did that..." Graham winked at me again.

  A sudden fear gripped me; I wasn't quite ready for Eric to see me until after I decided what to do with my life. I needed time to transform into a better version of myself for the next time we met. I was nothing, and had nothing to offer someone like him.

  "Could you... maybe... not tell him just yet? That I'm back?"

  Graham seemed taken back. "Why, Ashley?" his voice sounded heavy-hearted.

  "Trust me, Pastor. I just need a little time to adjust and get myself on my feet."

  He nodded his head, though his brow furrowed with confusion.

  "Is he seeing anyone? Married?" I asked, unsure of whether I wanted to hear the answer.

  Graham smiled. "No, he isn't, to both of your questions."

  Just then, Ava entered with a large tray of pancakes and Sharon right behind her carrying a smaller tray of butter, syrup, and cutlery.

  "All right, everyone," Ava asserted, "pull up a seat."

  We all sat down as she placed a plate of pancakes before each person, including herself as well. Meg ducked into the kitchen, bringing out a pot of coffee and a jug of freshly squeezed orange juice. Finally, after so many years apart, we were all gathered together again.

  Ava held up her mug of coffee. "To Ashley's return," she toasted.

  "To Ashley," everyone replied, clinking his or her glass or mug together.

  I looked around at each beloved person, my heart full. "It's good to be home," I stated happily.

  "It's good to have you back," Aiden announced, "for keeps this time."

  We all laughed until Ava announced, "Okay, dig in everybody before it gets cold!"

  The food was, of course, amazing and we talked for hours, until the tourists began gathering for the dinner rush. After clearing away our plates, Ava began prepping the dinner for the evening as I stood out on the porch with the twins.

  "Well, the husband will be getting home soon," Meg said, a hand on her belly.

  "Yeah, I have to get back to the shop to get some things done," Aiden stated, combing his hair with one of his large hands.

  "You'll have to meet John," Meg declared. "Dinner at my house this week?"

  "Absolutely."

  "I'm going to assume I'm invited," Aiden declared.

  "Then you invited yourself," Meg shot back as she started to walk towards the stairs.

  I chuckled at the twins' easy manner of bickering. Aiden stood beside me for a moment longer, his hands in his pockets; he seemed to want to say something. I waited in silence, letting him find the right time.

  "Well," he began, "I'm glad you're back."

  "I'm glad to be back."

  He reached and placed a hand on my shoulder, still seeming to make up his mind about something, but deciding against it, He dropped his hand down to his side and gave me a shy smile of goodbye before walking away.

  As the day came to an end, I realized it was the first time I had felt true peace and belonging in a really long time; an unearned acceptance. I felt like the luckiest woman alive in that moment. This was just the beginning, the first day of the next chapter of my life.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Ashley

  I showed up on Meg's doorstep a few days later, my hair having been expertly braided by Sharon. I had to admit, she was quite a talent. Her tiny fingers deftly weaved my hair into a neat, tight, elegant style.

  I brought a bottle of wine with me, even though I didn't drink, but I knew it was something one brought to an "adult" dinner party. I would have to get used to the fact that Meg, Aiden, and I were no longer the kids we
once were.

  I knocked on the door one time and Meg immediately opened it, as if she sensed I had already arrived. "You're here!" she squealed, giving me a one-armed hug as she ushered me inside.

  "I brought you some wine," I announced, holding it out.

  "Aww, thank you," she replied. Gesturing toward her stomach, she stated, "I can't drink, but... everyone else can."

  "I don't drink, either," I said, realizing my faux pas a little too late.

  Meg laughed. "For the guys, then. We ladies can have spritzers." She led me down the hall toward the kitchen where she immediately got to work pouring Sprite and cranberry juice into two tall glasses.

  "Your house is lovely," I complimented, as I took the drink from her outstretched hand.

  "Thank you. It's small and cozy. Just means I don't have a whole lot of cleaning to do" she replied politely before yelling out into the other room where the television could be heard. "John! Aiden! Ashley's here."

  No more than ten seconds later, Aiden rounded the corner with a beer in hand. I wasn't surprised to see him there, as he invited himself to dinner the other day. He had also visited me every day since my return.

  I found myself enjoying the time we spent together; Aiden filled me in on what he and Meg had been doing the last few years. I opened up about my travels since the last time I had been in Ligonier with my father. I left out the beatings and death threats. He didn't need to know the darkest parts of my past.

  "Hey, Ash," he said, hugging me as he entered the kitchen.

  Following Aiden in was a man in round, wire-framed glasses, wearing a green and blue plaid shirt and khakis. I assumed this was John, Meg’s husband. He appeared to be a few years older than Meg, but only a smidge. He smiled at me warmly, holding out a hand for me to shake.

  "It's wonderful to finally meet you. I've heard so much about you from these two." He pointed at the twins.

  "Ah," I shyly said, looking at my two friends. "Only good things, I hope."

  "Only good things," John assured me.

  "Dinner smells amazing,” Aiden stated. "What are we having?"

  "Roasted chicken," Meg replied. "Should be done any minute."

  "So, what do you do for work?" John asked me as he leaned against the kitchen counter.

  "I was working at a small grocery store before I left Nevada. I was going to start looking for something here in Ligonier soon."

  "Well, I could actually help you there, I own the local bookstore. Any interest in books, by chance?” he queried.

  "Oh, I love them, like really love them," I smiled widely, taking a sip of my drink and hoping I didn't sound too over eager.

  "I was thinking of hiring a kid for the summer, but I could take you on permanently, if you'd like." He intelligently adjusted his glasses with one hand.

  "That would be… oh my goodness, that would be… I don’t know what to say,” I replied elated. "Thank you so much."

  "You can start whenever you'd like. I mean, once you've settled in."

  "Is tomorrow too soon? I want to pay Ava for room and board."

  "Tomorrow sounds great. I open at ten."

  I held out a hand to him and he took it. We shook as I stated, "I won't let you down."

  Dinner was positively delicious; there was nothing nicer than a home cooked meal and actual conversation. The twins and I easily slipped back into our usual patois and John fit in with the group effortlessly. It felt as if I hadn't been gone a day since the last summer I had been here.

  After I finished helping Meg with the dishes, I said goodnight and Aiden and I left their house together.

  "I'll walk you back to Ava's," he offered as he shut the front door behind us.

  "Oh, you don't have to," I murmured, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. "It's so close and I'm quite safe."

  "I know, but I want to," he assured me.

  "Okay," I smiled up at him and took his kind offer.

  We walked in silence for several minutes. I didn't know whether to talk and ask some random question or enjoy the casual stroll we had going. It just seemed kind of… awkward. Aiden had his hands deep in his pockets while I crossed my arms over my chest. We had known each other for so long, yet all of a sudden, we were at a loss for words.

  "I'm glad you're back," he finally spoke, breaking the eerie quiet between us.

  "You've said that… several times," I laughed and he joined in.

  "Yeah, I know," he answered, scratching at his chin.

  As we reached the B&B steps, Aiden stopped walking, turned to me, and kissed me awkwardly on the cheek before I even knew it was coming. Then he took a step back, watching to see if I would react with shock or surprise by his boldness.

  He really was all kinds of sweet, and my heart was so fond of him. Taking a step forward, I reached up and placed a hand on his cheek and just held it there as I searched his eyes, illuminated by the porch light. He was nervous and that surprised me. What I did next, surprised me even more.

  I found myself pulling his face down and then… my lips were on his. It was a spur of the moment decision, one that only lasted mere seconds, and yet I knew it had just shifted our friendship into an unknown territory.

  I don't know why I did it, but having someone kiss me, having my childhood friend kissing me for that matter, made me feel something I hadn't felt in a really long time—adored.

  I was the first to pull away the moment commonsense caught up with my actions. I just kissed one of my best friends! The thought screamed at me loud and clear in my mind. I felt awash in emotions–shame, elation, guilt, and giddiness. All those years, it had always been Eric who held my heart. Why on earth did I just do? And why did my stomach feel fluttery and warm? My emotions were awash and I needed to get away from him before I did anything else remotely idiotic.

  Aiden noticed the look of confusion on my face, but said nothing about what I had just instigated. He simply smiled down at me and said, "Goodnight, Ash."

  "Night," I managed to mutter as I turned and ran from the front of the B&B around to the house. A huge part of me prayed that by some miracle he would forget about what I just did. I had a feeling it wouldn't be that easy, but still, a girl could hope.

  I changed into a pair of sweatpants and a tank and settled into bed. I couldn't help but think about what I just initiated with Aiden. Was it wrong? Yes, I had feelings for Eric, but we hadn't seen each other for six years. Was it just the thought of what could have been between us that kept me wanting him? Did he even think about me?

  My mind was bursting with unanswered questions, but I knew one thing–being back in town again meant there was no room for a relationship. I needed to find out who I was without relying on someone to love me. Then again I had spent my entire life feeling alone, invisible and less than nothing. I knew a big piece of me longed to be loved. Was that so bad?

  Chapter Nineteen

  Ashley

  The next day I got up early, excited about starting my new job. There was no way I wanted to run late and disappoint John and ruin the opportunity he had given me.

  Ava found me a nice pair of black slacks she had in her closet and a blue oxford blouse to borrow. I put them on and walked down the hall to Ava's room and knocked.

  When she opened the door, she smiled and commented on how professional I looked. I wasn't sure what the dress code for the bookstore required so I went with the whole librarian look.

  "I have something for you to finish the outfit," Ava said, walking to her bedside table. She opened the draw and pulled out a delicate gold watch with tiny diamonds set where the numbers should be. Holding it out to me, I took a step forward and she placed it in my hand. It was beautiful and almost too pretty for me to wear.

  "Your mother and I were close. She left this for you, so that—"

  "I didn't know you knew my mother," I interrupted, my head snapping up to look at her with shock and surprise. My brow furrowed in confusion as I stared at her, millions of questions now swimming around in my h
ead.

  "Yes, I knew her well. Now that you're grown up, I should really tell you about her."

  "Why didn't you say anything before?" I asked. This was a big revelation to me and I was struggling to sort through how I felt about it.

  "Your father…"

  "Didn't want me to know," I finished glumly. Of course, my father didn't want me to know. Seems as if he didn't just threaten and control me for years, but those around me also.

  Ava motioned for me to put the watch on my wrist. She helped me with the clasp and once it was on, she stepped back and smiled at me. "You look gorgeous," she complimented.

  Sharon walked in and, upon seeing me, smiled broadly. Walking over, she touched a finger to the watch secured around my wrist. "Pretty."

  "Thank you," I replied. I looked at my new watch and noticed the time. "I better be off. Wish me luck, ladies."

  "Luck!" the two sisters chimed happily. As I reached the bedroom door, I turned and looked back at Ava.

  "When I get home, I really need you to tell me more about my mother. Please," I pleaded.

  "Of course, sweetie, we have all the time in the world," she said with an upturned smile that didn't meet her eyes.

  I walked down the street, more like skipped from the excitement of starting a new job. I crossed over onto Main where John's bookstore, Books on Main, was located. It really was only a five minute trip and the store didn't open for half an hour, but I figured it was better to be early. I just hoped he was there already. I turned the shop's doorknob and to my relief it was unlocked. I opened the glass-paneled front door and found myself walking into a homey, paper-scented atmosphere. Looking around, I marveled at all the paperbacks that surrounded me. I couldn't believe my luck; my first week back in town and I had a place to live and a job!

  John walked out from the back, carrying a gray cat under one arm and a cup of coffee in the other. "Morning, Ashley!" he smiled, awkwardly, trying to push his glasses back up his nose with the hand that held the cat.