Fresh Start: A Small Town Gay Romance (Cedarwood Beach Book 1)

by Rhys Everly

  Once he recovered from the sting and I was back off the edge, we worked into a rhythm. A rhythm that was pure bliss. Just like the old times. As if we’d never been apart. Like there had been a glitch in the system and we'd actually spent the past seventeen years together, in an embrace, staring into each other's eyes, letting our bodies and souls do the talking.

  Being inside Dawson felt right. So right I couldn't even comprehend why we had let it fall through. That last year at drama school had been the best year of my life. What would have happened if betrayal hadn't marred our relationship? We’d probably still be together. Maybe we’d be married. And maybe we would even have had a family of our own.

  "I've missed this, baby," Dawson panted.

  Those words were my undoing. My cum shot out while still inside him, and I let out a growl that Dawson drowned with his kisses.

  "I want you to come for me, baby," I said when I managed to catch my breath.

  "Anything for you," Dawson said and grabbed his own cock, mine still inside him, and palmed it fast and hard.

  With my hands, I massaged his butt and thighs, my eyes going from his dick to his eyes. I didn’t want to miss a moment of this. If this wasn’t going to last, the least I could do was take it all in, take all I could, before Dawson ran off with my heart again.

  His body convulsed and he scrunched his eyes, but he didn’t make a sound as his hot seed spilled over my chest and stomach, marking me with part of him.

  I pulled him down toward me and took him in my arms. I wish this could last. I wish we could erase everything that pulled us apart and remake our history.

  But we couldn’t, could we?

  It was okay. This was enough for now. It would have to be.

  Eleven

  Dawson

  I opened my eyes, and to my surprise, I found Leo watching me. It was dark. We had spent the entire day in Leo's room other than to have some food at the restaurant across the street from Melody’s. I was sure the room must smell of sweat and sex.

  We hadn’t stopped since this morning, and I was plain exhausted. I could barely keep my eyes open. I had no idea how Leo hadn't passed out yet.

  "What are you doing?" I asked him.

  "I'm waiting," Leo replied.

  "Waiting for what?"

  "For you to regret this, get up, and leave me," Leo said, the melancholy clear in his voice. At least it wasn’t accusatory. I’d count that as a win.

  I didn't know what to say. Leo was justified in his thinking. After all, I had abandoned Leo him all those years ago, but we were both men now. We weren’t the kids we’d been back then.

  "I haven't regretted this. And I'm not leaving you," I said.

  Leo leaned toward the bedside table and turned the lamp on.

  "Not yet, anyway," he said.

  "What does that mean?" I asked him.

  Leo sat back on the bed and straightened out the sheet on his lap that we’d used to cover ourselves with as he collected his thoughts. If there ever was a time I wished I could read minds like Detective Strong, that would be now.

  "I mean, how long is this going to last? Realistically? I'm just preparing myself for a rerun of what we went through before. And I know I must sound pathetic. Two people are allowed to have sex without it meaning anything more, but—"

  It hurt me that Leo still thought of me as the person who had abandoned and betrayed him. It hurt me more because it was true. I didn't know how to explain to him what had happened. There was no excuse.

  "Leo,” I said. “Please. I was young and stupid. Being an actor was my lifelong dream, as it was yours. I made mistakes. I'm not proud of them, but I had to learn to live with them, otherwise, life would be unbearable. Do you know how long I spent thinking about you and what I’d done to you?" I started, but the emotions tickled my skin, and my throat tightened.

  "I'm sure you were really sad making all those films and cashing in on all those millions," Leo said, but this time I could detect the sadness in his tone.

  I looked away from him and asked myself if I was prepared for what I was about to do. I was still unsure when I opened my mouth.

  "Let me tell you a story," I said and also sat up in bed. "You know when you went to that audition?"

  "You mean the audition that I got as a second chance for fucking up my showcase night? The audition that was supposed to get me an agent and start my career as an actor? Yeah, I remember that audition," Leo said, this time a bit more flustered.

  Leo had a right to be angry. I just hoped he would understand what I was about to reveal.

  "That audition changed my life."

  Leo scoffed, but I placed my hand on Leo's thigh, and he didn't say anything further.

  “I was only there to support you and apologize for what I did at the showcase, but then when you were done, he asked to see me. And I was young and stupid, and I wanted to follow my dreams more than anything. I kept thinking 'Leo would do the same thing. He would make the same decisions. '"

  From the corner of my eyes, I saw Leo was about to say something, but I kept going before he could interrupt me.

  "It might not be true, but that's what I thought then. So, when I went into his office and he promised me all these things, I succumbed to it. I took a leap of faith. I loved you back then. I hope you know that—"

  "But you loved your career more."

  I nodded.

  “I didn’t realize he wasn’t even going to represent you. I thought he wanted both of us. And then, of course, when I told you, you stormed off, and I didn’t even get to say goodbye. I didn’t even have time to get all my stuff. Before I knew it, I was flying off to LA and auditioning for Hollywood films from the get-go. He hired image makers, publicists, stylists, all for me. He wanted to make me a star, and I wanted to be one. And he did. A star in Hollywood, and a star in his bed. Because if I didn't sleep with him, all the stardom would be snuffled out."

  Leo turned his head and watched me. I didn't have the courage to look at him, so instead, I continued with my story.

  "First, he started with little things. Little touch here, a little touch there. He never asked, but it just happened. And I used to think it didnoesn't mean anything. That's what people do. They touch each other. Especially in our profession. We connect with people in different ways. We kiss other actors like we love them and they're our soulmates. He's trying to help. That's what I used to think. And then one small touch became a grope. And again, I didn't think much of it. It was all during make-up and auditions, and I thought he was just making sure I looked perfect. And then, once my first job was booked and I was getting paid thousands of dollars, he came to me and said it was time to pay him back.

  "I didn't know what he meant, but he…” I took a deep breath. “He made sure he told me. He wasn't afraid, either. He said I wasn't gonna see a penny of my money unless I slept with him. Unless I let him fuck me. And I did. I had to. I was on my own, miles away from home, with no money and no friends, because he made sure I didn’t have any and was struggling to make it from week to week. I needed to get paid to pay back the debt I owed him. If I hadn't slept with him, I'd have been homeless. And my parents, I couldn't do that to them. How could I possibly have told them all the money I was making was held hostage by my agent and that I had surmounted so much debt in such little time?

  "So, I slept with him, and he got me other jobs, and the same thing kept happening. Of course, by that point, he didn't threaten me with keeping my money, but with going out to the press. I was a little slut, he said. I liked sucking cock and that's how I got where I did. And maybe that's true. Those first six years of my life, living the big dream, were the worst of my life. I lost hope in humanity, in my dreams, in myself…"

  "Oh my God, Dawson, that's horrible," Leo mumbled.

  I turned and finally looked at him. Tears were running down Leo's face. I’d never told anyone, not a soul, about any of this. I didn't know why I’d felt the need to let Leo be the first.

  "And that's
why I live in the moment. In the present. I just can't keep thinking about the past and what happened to me. It took me a long time to get here, a lot of tears, a lot of anger and soul searching, but I did. I guess what I'm trying to say is, you might be mad at me for doing what I did, for making a mistake, but it wasn't all rainbows and roses for me, either. It might have looked that way, from afar, but it was anything but. I hope you can forgive me," I said.

  His tears caught the glint of the dim light, and I just wanted to forget all of this, to stop talking and ask him to hold me. To hold me like I had never been held.

  “You know what I just realized? I'm not actually upset with you. I was always more upset with myself, but I think…I think I didn’t want to admit it. I was the one who screwed up the showcase. Yes, I did feel betrayed, how couldn’t I be? You left without even a note. Not a message. Nothing. I know it may not look that way, but I'm not mad at you about what you did, especially after what you’ve just admitted to, but with the fact that you left me behind. And, I don't know why, but when I saw you again after all these years, all those feelings came rushing back, and I didn't know what to do with them. I guess, in a way, I never got over you," Leo said.

  “I never got over you," I said and grabbed a tissue to blow my nose.

  "What happened after those six years? How did you escape him?" Leo asked.

  I put the tissue on the bedside table and turned to look into Leo's eyes. They were the same eyes that haunted me on lonely nights when I couldn’t talk to anyone. The same eyes that I’d let down and paid the price for it. I laid back on the bed, and Leo followed suit so we ended up face-to-face on our pillows.

  "I met this guy," I started, and the fond memories of Bryan came rushing back. "He was a make-up artist in this production, and we started seeing each other. And just being with him, my mind clicked. It clicked that what my agent was making me do was wrong. He was taking advantage of me, and I know it sounds stupid, but I didn't see it until then. Up until that point, I felt like that's what I had to do to get to where I wanted to be. But being with Bryan opened my eyes."

  "Did he know? Did you tell him?" Leo asked.

  "No. And I think that's why we never really went that far. I've never told anyone," I admitted and waited for the impact to reflect on Leo.

  "Wait a minute., Aare you telling me I am the first person you have told this story to? Ever?” Leo's face drained of all color.

  "I know, I'm sorry. I know it's heavy stuff. I'm—"

  Leo placed his fingers on my lips and made me stop.

  "If you say you're sorry one more time, I'm going to punch you. You have nothing to be sorry for. And I feel nothing but honored to be the first you confided in. I can't imagine what it must have been like, but thank you for trusting me with this," he said.

  My heart was literally breaking, seeing Leo being so passionate and so empathetic. It made me want to cuddle him again, kiss him, fuck him until we took our last breath. Anything to show him how much that meant to me.

  "I mean, I don't get it, because up until five minutes ago, we were at each other's throats, but I'm glad you told me. Your secret is safe with me until you're ready for it to come out." Leo smiled and leaned in for a kiss.

  His lips were like a drug I’d been denied for too long.

  "I wish I had your strength," I said when Leo lay back.

  "What do you mean?"

  "I wish I had the strength to come out to the entire world like you did."

  He chuckled. I wasn't sure what I’d said that was so funny, so when the chuckle turned into laughter, I kept asking Leo to shut up and explain what had gotten into him.

  "You think I came out because I'm brave?" he asked, and I nodded in response.

  "Well, my friend, let me tell you my story now. When you left, I got a modelling agent. It was so completely different to from what I wanted to do, but I thought it would bring me a step closer to my endgame if I had a recognizable face. And it was an easy life. I'm not gonna lie. I did a lot of photo shoots, a lot of catwalks and fashion shows, and I met my fair share of men. A lot of them were out and proud, but I wasn't ready for it at all. I thought it would ruin my chances of getting into Hollywood. You know, the world was so different back then.

  "I have been witness to some shady things, and like you, I didn't want to say anything, partly because they didn't involve me directly, but also because I thought if I did stand up, I would never get another job. So I kept my mouth shut, my head down, and I did what I was asked. And I did that for nearly five years before everyone forgot about me. They thought and told me I was getting too old, and no one would cast me anymore.

  "From then on, I tried to pursue my original dream, but it wasn't happening. It was's so hard to get an agent to notice me because I was a model, and they thought models couldn't act. No one took me seriously. EEven though I'd started in drama school,. I just wasn't what they were looking for. It took me a couple of years to bring myself up, and when I did, I auditioned for Show Me What You Got."

  "Yes, I remember. I used to watch you on it." I smiled.

  It was exciting to hear about Leo's life while we’d been apart. I’d tried to keep track of all that was happening with Leo’s life over the years, but it had been hard to tell the lies from the truth as was often the case with the media.

  "You did? That's so embarrassing."

  "Embarrassing? Why? You have an amazing voice," I said.

  It was true. I’d be lying to myself if I didn't admit I’d had a few of Leo's tunes stuck in my head at one time or another.

  "Thanks," Leo replied. "So you must know what came next. They put me together with these guys that had grown up together, and we went through to the finals, and then—"

  "And then you won. I was so happy for you," I said.

  It had happened during the time I was with Bryan, and I always taped the live shows on satellite to watch it after work.

  Leo smiled. "I can't believe you used to watch me on the telly,” he said. When I grimaced, he chuckled. “Sorry, I lived in London for so long, I have picked a few new words. Well, I'd be lying if I said I didn't keep tabs on you."

  "You did?"

  "Of course. How could I not? Your face was everywhere. I think I watched all your films out of spite and jealousy. But you're so fucking talented, I couldn’t even be mad at you. You deserved each and every role you got. Regardless of what that bastard put you through," Leo said, and it meant so much. "When you got cast as Detective Strong? I was so angry. He's one of my favorite superheroes. I used to watch all the animated stuff first thing every morning."

  "Are you still angry?"

  Leo's eyes shone in the dark, and when his lips drew up to a smile, relief washed over me.

  "How could I stay angry? You're the perfect Detective Strong."

  My heart skipped a beat and the hairs on my arms tickled my skin. How had I abandoned this man? Why had I been so stupid?

  "You were telling me about the time after you won the show?" I whispered to get the attention back to Leo, because I didn't know what to say.

  "It was fun. For a while. We were on top of the world. Everyone loved us. Everyone wanted us. But it became apparent very quickly that these guys didn't like me very much. I mean, I thought it was because they'd grown up together and I was the stranger. But it went deeper than that. There wasn't much we could do about it. We were stuck together. It just meant I had an independent life offstage, while they all spent their every waking moment living and breathing their music and the money they were making.

  "We had everything we wanted, but they wanted more. Their true colors started showing, and I didn't like the shade of men they were, let's just leave it at that. Things became unbearable, and I wanted out. I wanted to pursue my acting career. But our agent at the time wouldn't hear it. I was the one who had made us. It was my voice that had given us all this success, and as much as they disliked me, they put up with me to get their chunky paychecks.

  "I put up with their sh
it for six years before I gave up. It had helped that during that time, I got an agent for myself while I was trying to kickstart my acting career. I did a few films, mostly indie, and it gave me the confidence I needed to go through with it. When I did, you’d have thought the world was ending. I told them I was happy for them to continue without me. They wouldn't be the first or the last band to do it."

  "Yeah, but most bands broke up shortly after losing a member, right?" I added.

  Leo tilted his face to the side and seemed to think about it.

  "You know what? I never thought about it this way. I guess I was too fed up to see clearly." He paused for a second, but another second later, he shook his head and continued. "Anyway, that's when the threats started. Instead of being happy they were finally free of the ‘"stranger,’" as it was always meant to be, and as they repeatedly pointed out over the years, they started bashing me. Everything that had happened to me during my time with them was fair game. My drinking problem, which they were the catalyst for. All my trips to rehab. They were raging homophobes, and it took me a long time to realize, but it didn't help my self-esteem. So of course, when everything was out in the open, what else was left?"

  "Your sexuality," I finished for him. There had never been any doubt in my mind that Leo had chosen to come out. Even in my wildest dreams, I wouldn’t have imagined he’d been forced out of the closet.

  Leo pointed at me and winked. "Bingo. When my agent told me they were about to do it, because at that point my agent was also my publicist, and he still is, I decided I couldn't give them the pleasure of putting their own spin to my sexuality. They'd done it with everything else, but who I was, was something I had to own. And do it in a way that was the least harmful to my career and myself."

  I couldn't believe it. If someone tried to do that with me, I don’t know what I would do. Thankfully, the few men I’d slept with had been people that also had something to lose if they came out. Of course, nowadays, I kept my secret a secret by not sleeping with anyone. I wondered if Leo was able to tell by how tight I was. I hadn't been fucked in a long time. And my only relief had been my hand for longer than I dared to admit.