Uschi

by Lesley Finch

He wanted release so badly, but at the same time he knew that if he could make it through the evening he would later enjoy the solo hands-free bedtime eruption that he had been denied for several nights now.

  Sarah stretched a tight black boob tube over her torso and turned to face the room again. The strapless bra gave the artificial impression of a naturally high and tight-cleavaged bosom that Roger knew wasn’t too far from the truth.

  ‘Are you sure you want to wear zat boob tube, Sarah, after what happened with ze last one?’

  Sarah winced. ‘Oh yeah, when my boobs popped out in the office. That was so embarrassing! But this is a brand new bra, so no fear of that happening. The other one must have shrunk in the wash or something.’ She paused to reflect on this. ‘But I can’t have washed it, because I spilled toothpaste all over it and that would have come right out in the wash.’

  Toothpaste! That infernal minx Uschi had claimed it was semen! And he had believed her. All that effort and expense and all they had to do was splatter toothpaste over the bra cups! Roger would be having words.

  Uschi and Selina emerged at last from the meeting room, Uschi looking remarkable in a loose wraparound violet dress beneath which her exquisite, ample breasts jounced with unfettered elasticity, the gentle mounds of her smooth areolae just about visible to the trained breastwatcher’s eye. Selina wore a fitted linen jacket over a striped crop-top that showed a good amount of solid, freckled cleavage. Roger wondered whether she had decided for or against the bra. If the overheard talk of her bosom’s taut density was to be believed, either could be the case. He noted the plastic-hooked clasp of a bra band spilling out of her large handbag, but of course, like Sarah, she may have brought a going-out bra.

  Kathrin finally emerged from the bathroom, looking stunning in her make-up, and made a beeline for the meeting room to get changed, grabbing her bag of clothes as she went. ‘Sorry I took so long,’ she said. ‘Vanessa, you coming to get changed?’

  Vanessa bridled. ‘I am going like zis,’ she said. ‘What, you think I don’t look good enough to go out?’

  ‘Sorry, sorry, meant no offence,’ cringed Kathrin as she shut the meeting room door behind her. Susan and Alice emerged from the bathroom shortly thereafter and joined Kathrin.

  Uschi gave Roger a twirl, her dress, hair, and bust twirling after her in various stages of delay. ‘What do you think, Roger?’

  ‘They’re gorgeous,’ said Roger.

  ’“They”? I meant the skirt.’

  ‘Yes, sorry, that’s what I meant,’ gabbled Roger.

  A roar of excitement from inside the meeting room told everyone that Susan and Alice had seen enough of Kathrin’s chest to get an impression of its true, unminimized dimensions.

  ‘Hurry up in there, we want to go!’ Selina called.

  Some minutes of giggling and shuffling later, the trio re-emerged, dressed for a night out. Not to be outdone by the busty competition, the statuesque Susan had gone for the corset. Vast hillocks of tender breast teetered enticingly over the edges of the corset’s ribbed cups, wobbling with each step she took in her high heels. To Roger’s relief, she covered her bare shoulders with a red jacket that complemented her garish dyed hair in such a way as to divert some attention away from her outrageous cleavage.

  Alice was as cleavagy and bubbly as usual, her party outfit not too far removed from her usual office attire in terms of how much boob was on show. Kathrin, demure and sophisticated by nature, was dressing down, and one might have been forgiven for considering her boyishly flat-chested beneath the dark, tailored jacket and top.

  Roger stood, with some difficulty considering his priapic state, and followed the girls out of the office and down the road.

  The last thing Roger needed was a further supply of big bosoms, but this was precisely what greeted him in the German theme pub. Amidst the racket of accordion music and raucous singing, the group was greeted by a beaming blonde pigtailed girl of about twenty, two huge glasses of foaming Pilsner in each hand. She was wearing an approximation of a traditional Bavarian dirndl dress out of whose frilly bounds a luscious pale bust heaved. ‘Welcome to Bierhof! I am Silvia!’ she shouted over the din in what sounded to Roger like a fake German accent. A resting actress, no doubt, but with her blue eyes and healthy farmer’s daughter proportions she seemed very much more at home in this setting than she might do treading the boards at Stratford.

  The waitress escorted them to their table, whereupon the drinks list was studied.

  ‘Fuck zis,’ said Vanessa, and smooched off. The team was used to her haughty Parisian disdain for tacky English nightlife, and given that she hadn’t made the effort to dress up, she probably hadn’t intended on staying anyway.

  ‘Hey, fuck her,’ said Uschi. ‘Cocktails for the birthday girl?’

  ‘I do love a cocktail,’ smiled Susan.

  ‘Short drink or long?’ said Selina, attempting a straight face.

  Here we go again, thought Roger in despair.

  ‘A nice long drink,’ said Susan, making fleeting eye contact with Roger. ‘With a straw. I like to suck on it slowly and gulp it all down.’

  Much sniggering ensued.

  ‘And we need sausages,’ Uschi insisted. ‘You’ve not lived until you’ve had a proper big sausage.’ She consulted the menu. ‘Sausage in cider,’ she read aloud. ‘Who would like a sausage in cider?’

  ‘Who wouldn’t want a sausage inside her?’ cackled Alice to a roar of dirty laughter from everyone except Roger and Kathrin, neither of whom shared the team’s new-found penchant for filthy humour.

  And the arrival and imbibing of round after round of drinks didn’t help matters. Soon the euphemisms had given way to frank discussion of the girls’ sex lives. Kathrin politely excused herself, as she had a long journey home ahead of her, but it was clear that despite having been happy to go nude in a sauna (and to such spectacular, cock-hardening effect), she didn’t consider sex a suitable topic of conversation.

  ‘Now she’s gone,’ said Susan, now quite drunk and loud, ‘Let’s address the elephant in the room.’

  ‘Roger’s cock?’ slurred Alice wickedly, on her umpteenth glass of white wine. Roger choked and spluttered on his fourth, or was it fifth, litre of German-style beer.

  ‘No! Kathrin’s tits!’ Susan laughed eventually. ‘We’ll come to codger’s rock... I mean Roger’s cock... Roger’s cock will come a bit later.’

  ‘Will it indeed?’ purred Selina, sipping her lime and soda.

  ‘We saw Kathrin change her bra earlier,’ said Alice. ‘Those things are epic.’

  ‘Yeah, right?’ enthused Uschi. ‘Didn’t I tell you? They must weigh a ton each. That poor girl’s back!’

  ‘You get used to it,’ bragged Susan, laying down the big-bosom gauntlet, to a response of “oooh“s from the girls. ‘Hey, I’m just saying. Alice, you saw both our pairs of tits next to one another, would you say I was bigger, or Kathrin?’ She shed her red jacket, baring shoulders and the vast upper slopes of her own bust.

  ‘Kathrin,’ Alice slammed a drunk hand on the table. ‘No contest.’

  Susan gave Alice a playful reprimanding slap. ‘Okay, she’s slimmer than I am, and her boobs are a lot firmer, but mine are the same kind of size and shape, even if they’re a bit more jiggly, aren’t they?’

  Alice shrugged. ‘I guess so.’ She downed her wine. ‘I better go. I’m pissed.’

  Roger stood to let Alice past, and felt a surge of orgasmic pleasure as her plump little buttocks massaged his groin as she squeezed through. She yelped a little, and he could tell she’d felt his erection, perhaps even gauged its size and girth in that moment.

  ‘Lucky Roger, though, eh?’ said Selina. ‘Getting to see Kathrin and Uschi starkers!’

  Roger sat down again. He could feel sweat beading on his brow and his heart rate pumping blood through his erection. ‘Um, yes, well...’

  ‘I saw Uschi’s goods myself,’ continued Selina with a smug smile. ‘She’s something else.’


  ‘Oh shut up!’ said Uschi.

  ‘No seriously! I could hardly control myself, goodness knows how you managed to, Roger.’

  Roger just wanted the attention to go away from him. He was barely used to being noticed, let alone spoken to. ‘Well, I wasn’t really... I wasn’t really looking...’

  Uschi cackled. ‘You had a very good look,’ she said with a knowing wink.

  Please please don’t tell the others what was really happening, prayed Roger.

  ‘And I saw him treating himself to a lingering stare at Kathrin’s tits, too, when she had her eyes closed in the sauna.’

  ‘Now really, Uschi, I...’

  ‘I think Roger’s a bit of a boob man,’ said Uschi, giving her own braless pair a suggestive shimmy under her violet dress. ‘A big boob man. The bigger the better.’

  ‘Is that so?’ said Susan, her chest wobbling seemingly of its own volition. ‘I guess that explains that big boner we’ve all heard about!’

  ‘Sssshh!’ hissed Selina. ‘You promised not to mention it!’

  ‘I’m a cock girl,’ Susan continued. ‘And the better the bigger... I mean the bigger the better...’

  ‘With your administrative skills, Susan,’ said Uschi, ‘You should start a spreadsheet documenting the penis lengths of everyone you know.’

  ‘I should go,’ Roger blurted out, standing up too quickly and bashing the tent in his trousers painfully against the edge of the table as he did so.

  It was raining when he got out into the street. Not feeling like a prolonged journey home via public transport, he was trying and failing to hail a cab when a hand grabbed his arm. He looked around. It was Susan.

  ‘Don’t waste your money on a cab,’ she said, tottering unsteadily in her heels. ‘I live round the corner, you can crash at mine.’

  ‘No, thanks, but I don’t think...’

  There was no arguing. Especially in her heels, Susan was a formidable presence, and as she dragged him along by the arm, all he could think of was getting out of the rain.

  Susan lived in a small ex-council flat. Fairy lights and plush toys were everywhere. ‘Drink?’

  Roger sat at the kitchenette table. ‘A tea, please.’

  ‘First, let’s get you out of those wet clothes,’ she slurred. ‘Come on, hurry up, you’ll catch a cold.’

  Though suspicious of Susan’s intentions, Roger felt that failure to comply would result in consequences, and soon he was down to his boxer shorts, within which his half-engorged penis coiled claustrophobically.

  Susan disappeared to the bedroom with his clothes while Roger boiled the kettle. He was a bit drunk but not as much as Susan. All he wanted was for them both to fall asleep to avoid things going too far between them. After a few minutes, Susan called for Roger. He poked his head warily round the door into the bedroom, where more fairy lights and cuddly toys dominated the decor. Sarah had made her way out of her trousers and was standing in knickers and corset. Her legs were a mile long, powerful and shapely, her dyed red hair dripping wet and tousling her face.

  ‘Help me out of this,’ she said, fumbling drunkenly with the hooks down the front of the corset. ‘It’s killing me.’

  Roger hesitated.

  ‘It’s OK,’ she said, ‘I’m wearing something underneath it.’

  Roger approached and busied himself with the tightly fastened clasps, while Susan smooshed her generous breasts into her chest with her hands to release some of the pressure on the garment.

  ‘Oh this will take forever, Roger, you’ve obviously never done this before.’

  ‘Well, can you blame me?’

  ‘Here, you hold my tits in and I’ll do it.’

  Roger took a deep breath and grabbed what he could of the exposed upper halves of Susan’s large breasts. They were soft, but still endowed with a meaty substance, and still cold to the touch from the wet weather. He pushed her breasts towards her, spreading them outwards and upwards until they nearly touched her chin.

  ‘Mmm,’ she giggled drowsily as she fiddled with the corset’s fastening mechanism. ‘Your hands are warm.’

  With a snap, the corset flew open. Susan wasn’t wearing anything beneath it at all. She had either been lying or had forgotten, but in any case, Roger found himself nearly knocked backwards off his feet by the mass of bare breast that surged like a tidal wave toward him.

  ‘Ah, that feels better,’ exclaimed Susan, giving her opulent bare bosoms a grateful liberated shake, Roger still attempting to hold them.

  Roger’s fingers half exploring and half simply trying to hold on, found their way around her thick, dusky nipples. Instinctively, he kissed one of them.

  ‘Oh fuck yes,’ she closed her eyes and exhaled, then inhaled sharply. ‘Too much!’

  With a giddy laugh, she pushed him backwards on to the bed. He gazed up at her hourglass hips and surprisingly trim waist, and then up to her huge, heavy, thick-nippled breasts. She was right: they were indeed softer, wobbly versions of Kathrin’s firm teardrop breasts. Susan clasped her hands behind her and pushed out her bare, quivering chest. ‘So, I need to know, Roger. My bosoms. My big, jiggling, heaving bosoms. Now you’ve seen them naked. Are they bigger or smaller than Kathrin’s?’

  Roger was about to reply when something sprang into his field of vision, partly obscuring his view of the busty bounty before him. It was the fat, purple head of his now livid erect cock, turgid to bursting point.

  ‘Oh my God!’ Susan’s hands flew to her mouth, her elbows compressing her soft breasts inwards. ‘Uschi wasn’t kidding! It’s fucking enormous! Roger, who would have known that you had such a big, big dick?’ She extended a trembling hand toward it, then stopped. ‘Wait, I’ve gotta go to the bathroom for a quick freshen up. Don’t move.’

  With a squeal of excitement, Susan ran, breasts rebounding with massive inertia, from the room.

  Roger leapt from the bed to the chest of drawers. Top drawer, no. Second drawer, no. Third drawer: Jackpot! The bra drawer. Still encumbered by his roaring erection, Roger grabbed the first bra he could find, a white lace number, and rummaged for the label. Forty F! He checked another, a navy blue push-up bra, also forty F. And what a pair of tits! So soft, so heavenly, so well-formed despite their heavy mass...

  His cock had already fired two blissful eruptions at the side of the wardrobe before Roger even knew he was cumming. Hastily slamming the bra drawer shut for fear of getting any incriminating bodily fluids onto Susan’s underwear, he continued to fire thick white puddles of sperm at the oak veneer, giving his shaft a few rubs to help it along the way. He heard the shower running. Seizing this chance, he scrambled back into his shirt and suit, stopped briefly to wipe the majority of the sticky jism from the side of the wardrobe, then ran to the sitting room area where he squelched back into his soggy socks and shoes. He scribbled a note of apology on a post-it pad on the coffee table, then fled into the night.

  Chapter Six

  ‘Tell me everything,’ insisted Uschi with a filthy grin, palms flat on the meeting room table. She had got Roger alone under the pretext of planning a presentation to the accounts department.

  ‘You put her up to this, didn’t you?’

  ‘Moi?’ Uschi pouted and placed an innocent hand on her lush bosom. ‘So, perhaps I let slip about the size of your equipment, but how can I help it if Susan turns out to be as obsessed with big cocks as you are with big titties?’

  ‘I see. So you’re trying to “cure” her, too?’ Roger tried not to raise his voice in anger. ‘Now, this remains strictly between us, got it? She ended up blind drunk, dragging me back to her flat, taking off my clothes supposedly to dry them, then stripping half naked herself. She tricked me into groping her bare breasts...’

  ‘Oh Roger, you poor thing, that must have been terrible,’ Uschi deadpanned. ‘How did she do that?’

  Roger waved a dismissive hand. ‘It was absurd, the kind of scheme you would have cooked up. Made me hold her breasts to make it easier for her to open her corset bustie
r thing.’

  ‘That old trick.’

  ‘Told me she was wearing something underneath, which of course she wasn’t, and before I knew it my hands were all over her bare breasts. Or more accurately, her bare breasts were all over my hands.’

  ‘So you had a good feel, excellent,’ smiled Uschi. ‘How about the nipples?’

  Roger sighed. ‘Well, between us, that’s where I got a bit carried away. They were so chunky I couldn’t resist rolling them in my fingers and sucking them.’

  ‘You sucked Susan’s nipples?’

  ‘Keep your voice down.’

  ‘I’m starting to feel a little jealous, Roger.’ Uschi slid a hand under her silk blouse and toyed with the shoulder strap of her bra. ‘Where was my nipple-love in Frankfurt?’

  ‘Anyway, the nipple play was too much for her –’

  ‘Now I’m really jealous!’

  ’– and when she went to freshen up, I looked in her underwear drawer and got her bra size.’

  Uschi built up a drumroll on the table with her fingers.

  ‘Forty F,’ said Roger.

  ‘Fuck yeah,’ Uschi clapped her hands together. ‘Respect. That’s a big pair of titties. You must have cum good and hard.’

  ‘Right there on the spot. Then I went home.’

  ‘That explains why Susan is so grumpy today. I thought it was just a hangover. You can’t leave a girl hanging like that. If you ever have your way with my nipples without giving me a damn good fucking afterwards then you’ll be in big trouble, Roger.’

  ‘Noted.’

  ‘You’re thinking about my nipples now, aren’t you?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Are you getting hard?’

  ‘Yes.’

  Uschi rolled her eyes, then unbuttoned her blouse with brisk efficiency and tugged down the black cups of her bra until her generous olive breasts tumbled out, the nubs of her nipples still soft atop the wide, swollen mounds of her flesh tone areolae.

  ‘Uschi!’

  ‘They’re just tits, Roger. You have to get used to them. Take a good, long look.’