by Ivy Smoak
“You’ve been married before?” I never in my life thought I’d be someone’s second choice in the end. I had been second my whole life. The thought of Austin blowing me off made me want to cry. I'd gone from one jerk to the next.
“I never loved her. It wasn’t like our relationship at all.”
“If you didn’t love her then why did you marry her?” I didn’t know why I was jealous. I didn’t even like James. But my mind was already running a million miles a second. Was she prettier than me? Skinnier? Did she still have all her memories intact?
“My parents were very controlling. And I…” he let his voice trail off. “I was numb to the world. I had given up on happiness at a pretty early age. My life was laid out for me. And I didn’t fight it like I should have.”
“Why were you numb to the world?”
“Penny, I wanted to talk about how in love we are and how perfect we are for each other. I brought you here to try and help remind you…”
“I don’t want to be given some lies about how our life was a fairytale, James. I overheard you talking to Rob. You said I wasn’t happy. I don’t want to hear some dream you made up…”
“I didn’t make any of this up. We were happy. Baby, we were so happy.”
“Then why were you numb to the world?”
“That was before I met you…”
“But it’s still a part of who you are. You can’t tell me the good and keep away the bad. You said you’d be honest with me. And I want to know about this.”
“I was depressed, okay?” He stood up, like the idea of being so close to me made it hard for him to breathe. “Before I became a professor, I was working at a job I hated with a wife I loathed. I contemplated ending my miserable life.”
I looked up at him. “So what changed?” Don’t say me. Don’t say I saved you. His conversation with Rob tumbled through my head. Don’t put it all on me.
“I turned to teaching because it was something I was actually passionate about.”
I breathed a sigh of relief.
“But I gave it up for you. Because you’re the only thing I love in this world more.”
Damn it.
“I swear to you, Penny, we were so happy.”
“So why’d we stop being happy?”
“Because you’re everything to me. But I’m not enough for you.” He ran his fingers through his hair as he looked over at the tree. “I was broken when I met you. I’ve had issues with substance abuse and depression. My life was a series of bad events until you fell into my arms.”
I’m married to a divorced addict? God. Had I known about his issues all along? Or had he hidden them from me like he had been trying to do now? I watched a tear slide down his cheek before he quickly brushed it away. And suddenly my questions didn’t matter.
“You’ve always been the light to my darkness, Penny.” He continued to stare at the tree instead of me. “And I think you finally realized that you deserved more light in your life than a man like me could possibly give you.”
My heart shattered. I didn’t even know him, but his words broke me. I felt big, fat tears roll down my cheeks. “You know…I think I could eat. If you still want to.” I wiped the tears away before he turned back toward me.
He smiled like I was giving him hope. And I’m pretty sure he pieced my heart back together just as quickly as he shattered it.
In that moment, I knew I was in trouble with this man. Because my heart seemed to know it belonged to him, even though my mind didn’t remember. He killed me and brought me back to life in a matter of seconds. And I was even more terrified of him than before.
Chapter 14
Friday
I listened to our story from his point of view. The good, the bad, and the in-between. But it was mostly good as far as I could tell. I laughed at his retelling of the first time he met my parents. And I was entranced by how strong I seemed to be when our affair blew up in our faces. I understood why we left Newark. All of it made sense if we loved each other as much as he said. And how could I not believe him when he stared at me with such intensity? I was like putty in his hands.
“You thought I was unhappy because I wanted to have a career? It doesn’t sound like that had anything to do with you not being enough for me. It sounds like I wanted to…I don’t know…” I let my voice trail off. “You’ve given me the whole world. I probably felt like I didn’t deserve it.”
A smile spread across his face. “You always say that.”
“I do?”
“You do.” He reached across the table and grabbed my hand. This time he ran his thumb along my palm.
I thought him running his thumb along the back of my hand was calming. But this? I closed my eyes. It was like he could take away all my stress with one touch.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
I opened my eyes. “Yes, I just…” I stifled a sigh and glanced down at our hands. “I really like when you do that.”
“I know.”
I felt the color rise to my cheeks. What else did he know about my likes and dislikes? I looked back up at him. The heat in his gaze was palpable. I had this all-consuming feeling that he knew every single thing that I liked. Probably better than I knew myself. I swallowed hard. “I think it sounds like I was still madly in love with you.”
“I hope you’re right.”
I hope so too. I was surprised by my own thought. For the first time, I found myself wanting to fit into this life. I wanted him to exist. I wanted someone to truly love me as much as he seemed to.
“If you want, we can go home and I can give you a copy of the book you wrote. You can read all about your version of us.”
I shook my head. “I kind of like your version.”
He smiled. “I wanted to shelter you from the bad so that you had a chance to remember the good instead. But it was better that you heard about everything.”
“I get it. My amnesia is basically a fresh start for us.”
“But I was wrong, we don’t need a fresh start. I wouldn’t change a thing about our past because it brought us here.” He pressed his lips together. “I mean…I’d rather this hadn’t happened to us. I’d prefer if you knew me.”
He was older than me. Richer than me. Certainly more charming than me. I knew he was trying to make me fall for him all over again. I had overheard his plan to do just that. But it was still working. I didn’t have the urge to run. At least, not as strong of an urge. There were still things he hadn’t told me, though. I wasn’t sure how many times I had asked what happened to me, and he always skirted around the question. I was about to ask him again, but he started talking before I opened my mouth.
“You’ve barely touched your food,” he said.
Instead of focusing on the delicious meal that was placed in front of me, I had been listening to his stories. The meal was good, but I wasn’t really hungry. “I’m officially on a diet,” I said and pushed the plate aside. “Besides, I may have eaten quite a bit of ice cream earlier today.”
“You were upset?”
It was unnerving how he knew me so well. “I woke up to your brother in my bed. I tried to leave the apartment and was stopped by two security guards. And Rob wouldn’t tell me anything that was going on. I wasn’t just upset, I was frustrated and scared and…”
“I’m sorry.”
“Where were you?”
“As much as I wish it could, my life can’t just stop because you forgot who you are. I have a lot of obligations. Trust me, I wish I could have woken up next to you.”
I looked at the dark circles under his eyes. “Did you even sleep?”
“I haven’t been sleeping well since you’ve been in the hospital.”
“But I’m back now.”
“Not completely. It’s easy to forget when we’re like this. You look and sound and act like my Penny. But I can see the difference in your eyes. There’s no love there. What’s the point of sleeping when it already feels like I’m in a nightmare I can’t wake
up from?”
That’s what I had been thinking this was. A terrible nightmare I was stuck in. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I felt the same way for the opposite reasons. My lack of love toward him terrified him. And his love for me terrified me. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m not asking for you to apologize. This isn’t your fault. I just…I never thought I could miss you so much when you were sitting across from me. You really don’t remember anything? Nothing I told you jogged your memory?”
“I’m sorry.”
He cringed at my apology. “Please stop apologizing. You’ve done nothing wrong.”
“I’m sorry...geez. I can’t seem to stop,” I said with a laugh. “I always apologize for everything.”
“Yeah.” He squeezed my hand. “You did that a lot when we first met.”
“I did?”
He nodded. “Not so much since. It must have been a 19-year-old thing.”
I laughed. “Probably because any time anyone gave me attention it felt like I was in trouble. I’ve spent most of my life being invisible. I’m pretty sure I’m the only person that is capable of feeling alone in a crowded room.”
“But you’re never alone. You have me.”
My heart felt like it stopped beating as I stared into his eyes.
“I’ve always seen you, Penny. The only time I’m happy is when you’re in a room with me.”
God was he handsome. When he looked at me like that if made me want to melt into my chair. My whole body felt like it was on fire. And I had the strangest urge to lean across the table and kiss him. “What time is Melissa coming today?” I blurted out. I wanted to punch myself in the face as soon as the words spilled out of my mouth. Why had I felt so compelled to take that beautiful moment and ruin it? What is wrong with me? Love was staring me in the face and I had just pissed all over it for no reason at all.
He let go of my hand and straightened in his seat. “Not until 8:30.” He glanced down at his watch. “I didn’t realize how late it had gotten. We should probably get going.”
“You told me everything except what happened to me.” I felt like there was more he was holding back. There were holes in his story that I was only just starting to realize. I was dying to get my phone back so I could research his ex-wife and see what she was up to. And to see what she looked like. Stop it.
“I’ll tell you when I get home tonight.” He slowly stood up, pressing his hand against the table as if he needed the support. He looked so unbelievably tired. “I’m already running late.”
“You’re not coming back to the apartment with me?” I walked with him out of the restaurant.
“I have some errands I have to run.”
Hadn’t he just said he was late? Like for an appointment? Errands and an appointment weren’t the same thing. You’re hiding something from me. Hell, he was probably hiding a ton from me. But whatever he was doing, I was pretty certain it wasn’t a class. Rob’s cover for him was flimsy at best. Besides, if James had been going to teach a class, he would have just said that. Instead, he was acting all mysterious about running secret errands. I tried not to let it bother me, but it did. His lies stung after our nice evening.
“I…” my voice trailed off as we stepped back into Central Park. “James, I’m not sure I know how to get back.” I was all turned around. Had we turned right or left on the path to get here? And hadn’t Rob said I was in danger? I felt a chill run down my spine. As soon as I thought about being in danger, it was like I could feel someone watching me. I looked over my shoulder at the restaurant we had just been in. No one was looking at me. Everyone was eating and talking and having fun. I tried to shake the thought away as I turned back to James.
“Briggs and Porter are going to walk you home.”
It was like they materialized out of thin air before me. “Where did you guys just come from?” I asked.
“The bench over there,” the taller one said.
I glanced at the bench he pointed at. They must have been blending into it because I swear I had just seen that bench empty a moment ago. It was probably them watching me though. I took a deep breath, trying to calm the unsettled feeling in the pit of my stomach.
“Can’t I come with you?” I asked James. I didn’t want to be left alone with the strange men. I was just starting to get used to him. Why was he leaving me again?
James shook his head. “You should be there to greet Melissa. I told her she could stay at the apartment, like you requested.”
“Thank you.” Our conversation had flowed so easily before, but now it was stiff and formal. I was tempted to shake his hand and wish him a nice night like I was never going to see him again.
He stepped forward and kissed my temple. “I’ll catch you up on everything tonight. I promise,” he said.
I was pretty sure Melissa would fill me in on everything as soon as I saw her. Or better yet, she’d tell me I had been kidnapped and everyone around me was a psychopath. And she’d rescue me and take me back to college where I belonged.
“What time will you be back?” If I was going to escape, I needed to know how long I had.
He glanced at his watch again. “As soon as I can. If it gets too late, you don’t have to wait up for me. We can always talk tomorrow.”
I felt guilty thinking about leaving. And I wondered if he felt guilty for all the secrets he was keeping from me. Our dinner had been lovely. It was like I was transported into another reality that was starting to feel like home. But standing here now? I knew James and I would never work. We were too different. “Okay.”
“Okay.” He gave me a forced smile. “I’ll see you tonight. Briggs, Porter,” he nodded at them. “Call me if you need anything.” He turned around without another word and walked in the opposite direction of the way we had come. As soon as he was out of earshot, he pulled out his cell phone and pressed it to his ear. And he never looked back.
“Where is he going?” I asked no one in particular.
One of the security guards cleared his throat. “Ma’am, we should probably get you home.”
I turned around to see them both staring at me. “Who do you think he was calling?” His ex-wife? I wasn’t sure where the thought came from. I squashed it down and tried to bury it in my mind. What did it matter? He needed to rely on someone and I wasn’t that person.
One of the security guards glanced over his shoulder, like he could feel someone watching him too. When he turned back around he was frowning. “Trench coat at 7 o’clock. I’m going to call William to bring a car around and I’ll wait with Mrs. Hunter in the restaurant.” He grabbed my elbow and pulled me back toward the restaurant before I could even try to see who he was talking about.
“What’s going on?”
He ignored my question as we hurried toward the restaurant. He let go of my arm as soon as we were inside and started scratching the side of his neck. It seemed like a nervous tick, and it made me nervous to watch him.
“Is everything okay?” I asked.
“Yeah…I’m sure it’s nothing. This place just always makes me unsettled after everything that happened here.”
“You mean…at our wedding?” I couldn’t think of what else he would be talking about that happened here. Was he not invited to the wedding or something? That seemed harsh. God, was I a bitch in this world? Or maybe he didn’t have a fun time.
“Yeah. I can’t believe I didn’t see the shooter that night. I’ll never forgive myself for James getting shot.”
What? It felt like I couldn’t breathe. I knew Rob said I was in danger, but I didn’t know if he was being serious or not. He seemed to joke around about everything.
“Not that the guy outside is a sniper, but who wears a trench coat on a clear night in the middle of summer? It’s like a thousand degrees out.” He loosened his tie.
“James got shot?” I thought about how every now and then he seemed out of breath. Or needed something to lean on. But our wedding was supposedly years ago. Was he still hurti
ng from that? Again I got the unsettling feeling that someone was watching me.
“Oh, shit.” The security guard said. “He told me he was going to tell you everything. You didn’t get to your wedding yet?”
“No, we did. He just failed to mention the part where he almost died.” God, this really was a nightmare. It was like I was in a horror movie. Rob was right. I was in mortal danger. “What happened?”
“It’s not my place to say…” his voice trailed off.
“If my life is in danger I think I have a right to know.”
“Mrs. Hunter…”
“My name is Penny Taylor. Taylor, not Hunter.” I wanted to unleash hell on everyone around me. James had sat there and lied to my face about our perfect life, leaving off the fact that he almost died and that I probably had too. “Am I in danger?”
“Briggs and I would never let anything happen to you.”
“But am I in danger?” I asked again.
He pressed his lips together.
“I need to know. I need to be able to protect myself. Is someone trying to hurt me?”
He hesitated, but only for a moment. “Yes. But we won’t let him get to you again.”
Again? Who? I didn’t have to think about it any longer. I needed to get the hell out of New York before my fake lying husband got me killed.
Chapter 15
Friday
I tossed the duffel bag on my bed and unzipped it. The zipper snagged on one of the articles of clothing inside. Come on, not now. I pulled harder, but it just made it worse. My mom was an expert at getting zippers unstuck. But me? I didn’t have the patience for it. I tried to pull the zipper back in the opposite direction, but it wouldn’t budge. Come on, you stupid piece of crap. I abandoned the zipper and slammed my fist down on the duffel bag.
I wasn’t even frustrated with the zipper. I was upset because I had searched the whole freaking apartment and I hadn’t found any cash, my phone, my ID, or anything that belonged to me. How was I supposed to make a run for it without my stuff?
The zipper could wait until I got wherever I was going. I slid the expensive looking watch I had swiped from the closet into the small opening of the duffel bag. I could sell it at a pawn shop for cash. And I didn’t really need a phone, I had no one to call. As for the ID, I just wouldn’t try to get on a plane. There were a row of car keys hanging downstairs. If he had that many cars, he probably wouldn’t miss one. And I’d drive slowly to avoid being pulled over. Or I could always try to flirt my way out of a ticket. I’d never done it before, but I could try. It wasn’t like I had a wedding ring on my finger to prevent me from trying.