by Ivy Smoak
I looked down at the tan lines on my finger. Those rings would have made it easier to get cash. Where were they? Was James hiding them for some reason? Maybe he doesn’t trust you with them. That would be fair enough. He didn’t trust me and I certainly didn’t trust him.
God, I was so pissed at him. He went on and on about our wedding and how I cried when he said his vows. He said it was perfect. How was getting shot on our wedding day perfect?
I tried the zipper once more to no avail. Screw it. I pulled the bag over my shoulder. It was time to make a run for it.
A knock on the door downstairs made me freeze. Who the hell was that? I set the bag back down, abandoning it on my bed, and tiptoed down the stairs. Please don’t be James. If he was back already, I’d have no chance to escape. And he’d know I was upset with him. He could read me like the back of his hand, which was totally unfair because I couldn’t read him at all.
The knock sounded again as I tiptoed through the kitchen. It probably wasn’t James, or he’d let himself in. Maybe it was Rob again. James liked to send people here to watch me. But Rob had also let himself in. Which meant it was most likely someone James didn’t trust.
The thought made me pause. There was no way that I was going to die tonight. I grabbed a knife from the knife block on the kitchen counter before making my way into the foyer. I peered through the peephole in the door and all my fears melted away. Melissa was standing there with a suitcase and a huge smile on her face. I set down the knife.
“Penny!” Melissa screamed when I opened the door.
“Melissa!” I threw myself into her arms.
“I’ve missed you,” she said.
“God, I’ve missed you too.” I didn’t want to let go. Someone was finally here to help me make sense of everything. I trusted her with my life. She’d help me get out of here. She’d help save me from this hell.
I pulled away from her embrace and held her at arm’s length. “You have to help me. I need to get…” my voice trailed off when I saw Josh standing behind her. A much older looking Josh. I glanced back at my best friend. Her hair was longer than it had been a few days ago when we were studying for finals. And she was tanner and wearing way more eye makeup than she usually did. A small piece of me was holding out hope that she’d be from the life that I remembered. That she’d hold the key to my going back in time where I belonged. But she wasn’t who I remembered either. She was different. Older. She wasn’t the Melissa I knew anymore.
I felt tears forming in my eyes. “You’re not 19.” I wish it had come out as a question, but there was no reason to ask. She was definitely not 19. Just like when I looked in the mirror, I didn’t see a 19 year old anymore either. Which meant this was real. This horrible nightmare was my new reality. My chest hurt. My lungs felt like they weren’t taking in air.
The light in Melissa’s eyes seemed to dim. “I was hoping your memory would be back before I got here. I’m sorry it took me so long, but it was hard to get off work. We came as soon as we could. We originally planned a whole vacation here a few weeks from now but…” he voice trailed off. “The plans changed.” She practically grimaced at her own words.
“Melissa…” I was having trouble breathing. “I want to wake up. Help me wake up. You have to help me.”
She wrapped her arms around me again. “Penny, we’re going to figure this out together, okay? I’m not going anywhere until we get your memory back. I promise.”
I clung to her like she was the only thing keeping me from sinking to the floor. “I don’t want it back. I just want to be me again. Before all this. This isn’t my life, I know it’s not. It couldn’t possibly be. I wouldn’t have done the things that brought me here. Help me go back.”
I heard her try to stifle a sob. “I’m sorry, Penny. I’m so sorry.”
I rested my head on her shoulder and let myself cry. I felt like I had been holding back tears for years. And now that I had started crying, I couldn’t stop. “This can’t be real.” I wasn’t sure if she could even understand me through my sobs.
“It’s okay,” she said in a soothing voice. “Everything’s going to be okay.”
But it wasn’t. I was in hell and there was no escape.
***
“Here you go,” Melissa said and set the cup of tea on the coffee table in front of me. “You think tea is a cure-all.”
There was no denying anything now. Melissa was my last hope and she was sticking with everyone else’s story. “That’s nice,” I said and lifted the cup. Having the warm cup between my hands was soothing. Maybe the new me had a point.
“So tell me what the last thing you remember is. James caught me up on the phone, but I’d like to hear it from you.”
“I was studying for my sociology final. I thought I must have fallen asleep or something while I was reading through my notes.” I shrugged my shoulders. “I feel the same as I did when I was 19. My heart even still feels broken from the last message I got from Austin…”
“What did he say in it?”
“That he thought we should maybe take a break over the summer and see how things go next semester.”
“Oh. I remember that one. You were really upset.”
I looked down into my teacup. “I am upset.”
“Penny, that was seven years ago.”
“It doesn’t feel that way.”
“Well, I’m going to give you a quick rundown, okay? You aced your Soci exam.”
I smiled.
“And all your other exams, like always. And you went home and worked some dumb retail job over the summer. We talked all the time even though we were apart. You were still torn up over Austin. And then near the end of summer he said he was coming back to campus early and that he hoped to see you soon. So you went back early too. And he stopped texting you like the ass that he is.”
“So I never heard from him again?” I looked up from my cup. That hurt. He totally ghosted me.
“Not exactly. I forced you to go out with him one more time. But it was only because you didn’t tell me that you were dating your professor.”
“I really did that? Why? I don’t understand how I could risk everything for something so ridiculous.”
“Love isn’t ridiculous, Penny.”
“Fine, but I couldn’t have loved him right away. I risked everything for what? Lust? A teenage fantasy?”
“I don’t think so. I think it was love at first sight.”
I laughed.
“You’re bitter because all you remember is Austin and how he treated you. But Penny, James is a great guy. He was this mysterious, uber sexy, older man that was completely and utterly unattainable. I can see why you lost all reason around him.”
“But having sex with my professor?” My voice was hushed even though it was just the two of us. “I would never ever do that.”
“I don’t know what to tell you. You did.”
“I like to follow rules, Melissa. And that’s so against every rule in the book. Not to mention I hate upsetting my parents. I would never do something so reckless. People don’t just change overnight.”
“You did. You just…you met him and things changed. You both pushed each other’s boundaries. And you both grew together.”
“He didn’t need to do any growing. He was already a grown up.”
“You were almost 20 when you met. You were basically a grown up too.”
I sighed. “I just…I don’t understand how I could be so madly in love with him that I’d ruin the rest of my life. James and I have nothing in common. We’re not exactly two pieces of the same puzzle. I’m not even sure I like him, let alone love him. We don’t fit. He’s not my person.”
“You do fit. And your life wasn’t ruined. Look around, Penny. Your life is amazing.”
“I want to go back to Newark.”
Melissa sighed. “James was right, you’re not even trying.”
“Whose side are you on here?”
“Yours. Of course yours. But the t
hing you’re not understanding is that James is your world. He’s what makes you happy. He means everything to you.”
“I’m not even sure he’s my type.”
She laughed. “Then what is your type?”
“I don’t know…blue eyes, dirty blonde hair.”
Melissa’s eyes bulged slightly. “You never told me that before.”
I shrugged. “Well, if I’m thinking about it…that’s my type. Like…lifeguard-esque. And funny and carefree. And you know…closer to my age.” All the opposite things as James.
“That’s extremely interesting, Penny.”
“Why?”
She just stared at me and shook her head. “Well, how would you feel if I told you that you passed up that exact person you described in order to be with James? Would that convince you of how much you like him?”
“You mean I dated someone else before James? Someone just like that?”
“You did.”
“Well, I’d say I don’t believe you. Because obviously I would have chosen to be with him over James.”
“Penny, everyone loves tall, dark, and handsome.”
“I don’t. I want young and fun and blonde.”
“Shut up.” Her words came out harsh, like she was pissed at me. “I’m sorry, I…” her voice trailed off. She set her cup down on the coffee table. “Penny, you dated them off and on at the same time. And it was always James. You even made a pro-con list and everything pointed to Tyler. But you chose James anyway. You’re head over heels for him.”
“Tyler.” I said the name out loud, hoping it would trigger a memory. But his name meant nothing to me. “What happened to him?”
“This conversation isn’t about Tyler. It’s about James. Penny, you need to try to remember.”
“I was just wondering.” Geez. Melissa was never this serious. I was surprised she wasn’t raiding my closet and making me wear slutty clothes out on the town. It was a Friday night after all.
She sighed and lifted her cup back up. “Tyler is one of your best friends now. He’s happily married to another great friend of ours, and they have an adorable three and a half year old son together.”
“Oh.”
“Don’t look so disappointed.” Her smile was back. “You had your chance with him. As did I.”
“You dated him too?”
“Well, you happen to be right. Young, fun, and blonde was appealing to me as well. But I wound up right back where I started with Josh. Tall, dark, and handsome always wins. See? It’s a thing.”
“Huh.” I took a sip of my tea. “Rob’s daughter is three and a half too. Do their kids hang out? Or I guess I mean…are they friends too? Or is Tyler just my friend? You do know Rob, right? James’ brother?”
She rolled her eyes. “Yes, I know Rob. I had a fling with him too.”
“Of course you did.”
“And yeah, they’re all friends. Axel and Sophie are adorable. Those are their children’s names.”
“Cute names.”
“For cute kids.”
“Well, if I had to end up with a Hunter brother, I don’t know why I didn’t choose Rob. He seems more like my type too.”
“Stop saying stuff like that. It makes my chest hurt.”
I pressed my lips together.
Melissa set her cup back down and leaned forward. “Penny, you trust me, right?”
She wasn’t exactly the same Melissa that I remembered. But it seemed like we had remained close. I still felt comfortable around her. She still made me smile and laugh. “Of course I trust you.”
“James was the most eligible bachelor in NYC before you scooped him up. He’s handsome, and smart, and kind, and very very possessive. In a sexy way,” she said quickly when she saw the expression on my face. “It’s endearing, trust me. So just please do me a favor and try. Look at him when he gets home tonight. Really look at him and tell me you don’t think he’s sexy. And please do everyone a favor and don’t say stuff like that about Rob and Tyler around him, okay? Please?”
“Fine.” I bit the inside of my lip. “But I don’t see why an addict would be the most eligible bachelor in NYC. I guess it makes sense though. This city sucks.”
“What?”
“I’ve always hated New York. It’s…dirty and loud here.”
“I’m not talking about the city. I’m talking about what you just said about James. He’s not an addict. Why would you think that?”
“Um…” I let my voice trail off. Maybe we weren’t as close as I thought anymore. If we were still best friends, wouldn’t she have known that? Surely I would have told her.
“Penny, it’s one thing to say he’s not your type. It’s another to make up horrible lies about him. That’s cruel. He’s not an addict. Why would you jump to a wild conclusion like that? I’ve never known you to judge someone without getting to know them.” She was looking at me like she didn’t know who I was either.
“I’m not jumping to conclusions. He told me he had issues with substance abuse.”
She shook her head.
“I swear, Melissa. We had dinner earlier and he told me his version of everything that happened between. He brought up the drug thing. I’m not making stuff up about him.”
“Penny, you never told me that before. I…” her voice trailed off. “Maybe it’s a new thing? Since you got hurt? He’s taken all of this really hard.”
“No. He said he had those issues before he started teaching. He basically said his life was horrible before we met. I overheard a conversation between him and Rob earlier too. James said that I saved him. And after our talk, I think he meant from his life as an addict.”
“If that’s true, you kept it from me.” She looked hurt, like it was my fault she had been kept out of the loop. I didn’t even remember any of it. She couldn’t be mad at me.
“I don’t know why he’d lie,” I said. “He was trying to woo me. It seems like a bad idea to mention something like that on a first date.”
“Yeah.”
“Still a catch, huh?”
“I mean…all I know is what you’ve told me. And you always seemed happy. He always seemed perfect. But maybe…” her voice trailed off.
“Maybe tall, dark, and handsome isn’t all it’s cut out to be? Especially when it’s combined with serious, liar pants, druggie.”
“I feel like this is just a misunderstanding.”
“Well, it’s possible he did lie. Because he sat there and told me all about our perfect wedding and failed to mention the part where he got shot. Did you know that?”
“Yeah, I was there. I was your maid of honor.”
At least some things seemed like they were right in this world. “And have you looked around the apartment? There are pictures missing from the walls. And there are doors locked upstairs. There are so many secrets in this house. And it feels like someone is watching me all the time, I can’t even explain it.”
“Well, the last thing is easy to explain.” She pointed to a device mounted in the corner of the living room. “You are being watched. James has cameras everywhere.”
A chill ran down my spine. “Why?”
“Your security guards monitor everything to keep you guys safe.”
“They’re watching us right now? Are they listening to us too?” I looked over at the camera.
“I don’t know. You get used to it though. I forgot the cameras were even there until you just mentioned it.”
It was like I was living in one of those books that I had to read during one summer for a high school English class: 1984 and Brave New World. I don’t know why they made us read them at the same time. Ever since then, I always got them confused. But I knew in one of them someone was always watching you. Or maybe it was both of them. Either way, those were terrible dystopian worlds. How had my life turned out so wrong?
“One of the security guards told me that I was in danger,” I said, still looking at the camera. “That someone tried to hurt me. So despite them and all thi
s fancy equipment, I still got hurt. Which means I’m still in danger.”
“You’re safe here. Trust me, if you leave, you’re putting yourself at a much greater risk.”
“Of what?” Tell me. Someone fucking tell me what’s going on.
“I promised James I wouldn’t say anything, but keeping you in the dark is clearly not helping anyone. Someone tried to kill you. We know who did it, and there’s a warrant out for his arrest, but the police haven’t caught him yet. Everyone’s worried he’s going to come after you again. That’s why you have to stay here, where it’s safe.”
Safe? If I stayed here, I was a sitting duck. If I was a murderer, the first place I’d look for a victim was her home. How naïve was everyone?
“Trust me, Penny.”
I stared at her. And suddenly all I saw were all the things that were different from the Melissa I remembered. She was a complete stranger. Trust her? I didn’t know her.
Chapter 16
Friday
“There are a ton of cameras in this apartment,” I said as I stared at one of the two that were mounted in the kitchen. I had walked around searching for them, despite Melissa trying to distract me. “How many do you think there are total?”
“I don’t know,” Melissa said. “I don’t live here.”
“But if you could guess. How many do you think are in each room?”
“At least one.” She shrugged. “Maybe two or three depending on how big the room is and if there are any weird angles I guess.”
“Are there more than just two in here?”
“Penny, I really have no idea. I only see two.”
She was being very unhelpful. I wasn’t trying to hang out with her right now. This was no time for a girls’ night. I was in a life or death situation. Couldn’t she see that? I was busy planning an escape, which now seemed impossible thanks to all these stupid cameras. “Do you think James watches me all the time? Like when he’s at work and stuff?”