Shelter Me Home

by T. S. Joyce

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “It was a long time ago and, besides, at least I got time with her. You didn’t even know your father. I can’t imagine what that must have been like.”

  “It wasn’t as bad as everyone thinks. I never knew differently, so maybe I just didn’t know what I was missing. And my mom kept me busy enough with her crap to worry over a missing father too much. Sometimes, I swear I was raising her instead of the other way around.”

  “I remember in school the kids used to talk about how she drank a lot.”

  “Drank a lot is a colossal understatement. But she’s sober now, or so she says. I’m happy for her. I hope she finds some peace in her life.”

  “Do you think you’ll ever let her see the baby?”

  She lifted one shoulder and swallowed a bite. “I haven’t thought about it. Mostly because I’m scared to think about it. She just wasn’t very nice to me when I was growing up. I love that she seems to be changing, but she can’t be trusted. Not ever.” Erin swindling information out of her about Miles was proof of that.

  “So, does that mean you’ve made up your mind on keeping the baby?”

  “I think so. I want her. Watching you fight so hard for Dodge is inspiring. And I already love her so much, I don’t know what to do with myself. I’d already made up my mind last week, but if I hadn’t, today would’ve sealed it for me. I’ve never been so scared for someone other than myself in my entire life. She’s my world now.”

  “It’s so crazy calling her she now,” he mused.

  “Isn’t it? I’ve been saying the baby or it for so long, it’s a relief to finally know.”

  “Did you want a girl?” he asked.

  “Yes. Mostly I just want a healthy baby, but I was really happy when Dr. Janson told me. What about you? Do you ever want baby girls running around the homestead?”

  Dropping his gaze to his plate, he said, “Yes. I’d like that very much.”

  Those words stirred within her a vision of everything that could be. Years stretching before them, children playing around the homestead, and holiday meals surrounded by family. The imaginings were so beautiful, she couldn’t take her eyes from Aanon. He had the capability to give her a life she hadn’t dared to dream about. And if the emotion churning in his gaze was anything to go by, he felt the same.

  The moment was interrupted by Luna scratching on the front door and whining. “I still can’t believe you had the patience to potty train a half-grown wolf pup,” he said with a smile in his voice. “I’ve got her.”

  He stood and opened the door, then disappeared onto the front porch. When she joined him, she slipped her hand into his and stared at the moon with the man she loved. He leaned into her, wrapped a strong arm around her shoulders, kissed her hair, and sighed. Moments like these were meant to be savored and remembered.

  “I’m still not tired,” she said.

  His breath came out a huff of steam as he chuckled. “I know what we can do to relax you.”

  She cocked an eyebrow. “I don’t think Dr. Janson okayed me for that kind of activity.”

  His surprised laugh filled the clearing. “No, I’m sure he didn’t. I was thinking along the lines of a warm bath.”

  “With you?”

  His smile lifted and fell in question. “If you want.”

  “I do,” she said, tugging his hand toward the cattleman’s cabin.

  A sudden shyness took her as she and Aanon stood in her small living room. His arms flexed as he pulled the sweater over his head, and she traced the curving tattoo on his shoulder with her eyes. Steam frothed from the water buckets on the stove, and she shifted her weight, stalling.

  “Do you know, when I saw your silhouette against those thin sheets you were using as curtains, I knew I was done for,” he murmured.

  With a trembling sigh, she lifted her shirt and tugged it from the dark waves of her hair. She hadn’t been naked in front of a man for some time, and she’d never asked a man to enjoy her figure while pregnant. Her ribs were bound and her body felt like a bruised peach, but bearing witness to the growing hunger in Aanon’s eyes, none of that mattered.

  Water splashed as it was poured into the tub, and he added a fifth bucket of cold water to temper the heat.

  After he unwrapped her ribcage, she undressed the rest of the way, then slipped into the tub, hissing at the heat that lapped at her battered body. Eyes closed in bliss, she smiled as Aanon slipped in behind her. The intimacy of his skin against hers sent delicious tingling sensations down her arms. If she’d been modest before, any hesitation was erased with Aanon’s obvious attraction to her pressed against her spine. Leaning into him, she sighed as her body fit perfectly to his. He trickled water and smoothed her hair with his hands until her tresses were soaked through.

  “Do you ever get bored out here?” He whispered the question, as if any louder and the beauty of the moment would be tainted.

  “If all Alaskan winters were just like this, I’d live and die happily here.”

  His chuckle resonated off her shoulder blades, and the scent of cherry blossoms and lavender filled her lungs as he poured shampoo into his hands. Lathering her hair, his gentle rhythmic hands did all the talking. How could a man be so strong, yet so soft all at once? He was wild, a man with the ability to top the food chain in an unforgiveable landscape, yet he was tame for her.

  “I had a crush on you in high school,” she admitted.

  “Oh, yeah? Then why didn’t you say anything to me?”

  “You weren’t exactly approachable back then, Falk.”

  “I reckon I’ll always regret that.”

  With her hair rinsed, she rested her head on his chest and watched water race from her dangling fingertips.

  Aanon cupped a hand and caught the tiny waterfalls until it pooled, then overflowed. “You scared me today. I thought the baby would be hurt or worse. I can’t lose you.”

  “You won’t,” she promised.

  “I don’t want you in the cattle pens anymore without a horse under you. I know you can handle yourself in there, but what happened today can’t happen again. After the baby comes, maybe we can ease you back in there, but for now, I don’t want you doing anything that’ll put you at risk. I can handle the work around the homestead. I’m not picking up any construction jobs this late in the season unless I have to. I love you helping me, and if you need to get out and do work that won’t be too hard on your body, you should. Whatever you’re comfortable with. But if you need to lie in a bed from now until the baby arrives, I’m completely okay with that. In fact,” he said, nibbling her ear, “I’d prefer to see you in my bed as often as possible.”

  “Mmm, is that where we’re sleeping tonight?”

  He eyed the small cattleman’s bed. “I think we have to. We both won’t fit in yours.”

  A vision of his long legs dangling off the end brought a smile to her lips. Gooseflesh rose across her skin as his finger drew languidly toward her face, and she bent and kissed his knuckle. The day had been both the worst and best of her life.

  ****

  Crisp sheets rustled as she moved her legs in the dawn light that streamed through the window. She was stiff, painfully so, and so sore it hurt to move, but she was alive. Searching for warmth, there was none from Aanon’s side of the bed. With a stretch, she rolled over and found an empty pillow. Her arm bent under her, she propped up and listened for his muffled sounds around the house.

  Silence.

  Boom! A gun sounded from a short distance, and she jumped, clutching the comforter to her chest. A jolt of panic, white and hot, pushed her into motion, and she dressed with frantic urgency.

  Outside, Aanon unloaded the extra round from his rifle and stood, weight on one leg, like it was the most normal thing in the world to be popping off rounds at the crack of morning. A black cow lay in a heap near the shelter, and if she had to guess, she’d wager the tag in its ear read 417.

  He nodded a greeting at her approach. “I don’t
usually butcher my own cattle as a rule. Bad for business, you know. But, she hurt you, and she’s a troublemaker to the herd. And now she’ll feed you and the baby through the winter. That’s what I’d like to call Alaskan justice.”

  Huh. Now that was a cow she would thoroughly enjoy eating. “You want me to help prepare her?”

  He set the unloaded rifle on the back of the four-wheeler and donned a smile that lit up the morning. “You never cease to surprise me in a good way. Nah, its messy work, and I’d rather you take it easy today.”

  “Did you already eat breakfast?”

  “No. Are you hungry? I could cook us some eggs real quick.”

  “Oh no, you don’t. I’m cooking this morning,” she called over her shoulder as she headed for the chicken coop. “And Falk?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Next time you muster a hankering for target practice before the danged rooster crows, a little warning would be nice.”

  His unapologetic laugh ricocheted off the mountains, and she hid her grin. The man didn’t need encouragement.

  She scrambled enough eggs to feed Bruno and Luna as well. They’d tried their best to distract that blasted cow when she’d attacked, and Farrah would thank them through their bellies. The wolf pup sported a pink rhinestone collar she’d picked up on her last trip to town, and she looked quite the pretty predator as she waited impatiently for breakfast. Aanon came in only long enough to eat, and then headed back out to process the beef. It would hold in the weather, but Aanon explained that if the meat froze, it would make it more difficult to make certain cuts.

  After she cleaned the kitchen, she wandered out to the barn where Aanon was fast at work with the meat cutter. She sat on a stool by the shop table and packaged and labeled each cut. Then she taped the paper and stacked them in cardboard boxes. T-bone steaks, chuck roasts, rib roasts, round roasts, ribs, sirloin steaks, and strips for stew meat and jerky.

  Such confidence was given to each cut that she watched in awe as Aanon worked. He explained everything he did and why as he went along, and she gained an entirely new respect for where her hamburgers came from.

  The hundreds of pounds of red meat insured they would have plenty of protein to survive the winter.

  “Are you up for visiting the neighbors?” he asked as he pulled the plastic gloves from his hands and tossed them in the trash.

  “Probably should so the good people of Cooper Landing know I’m okay.”

  He packed two of the boxes into the extra freezer and loaded the third into the back of the truck. When she’d readied for the day and dressed for the cold, he helped her into the passenger seat and off they went, bumping and jouncing slowly down the road until they came to the turn off for Billy’s family.

  At each stop they made, Aanon seemed to know just the cuts of meat each family or homesteader preferred. Billy’s mom brought out six jars of preserved smoked salmon and patted Aanon’s cheek affectionately before they headed to the next home. Ben, Mayva’s family, the Thompson’s, and an older woman named Mrs. Tessa filled their day, and with the last cuts of meat, Farrah asked a favor.

  “My mom struggles in the winter,” she explained. “Could we take the last of it to her?”

  Intertwining his fingers with hers, he rested their hands on her thigh. “Sure.”

  “What is that satisfied, cat-got-the-cream look on your face for?”

  “It’s stupid,” he said through a self-deprecating grin.

  “Tell me!”

  “I just like when you let me into the parts of your life you hide from everyone else.”

  With a sigh, she scrunched her nose. “I was just going to drop it on her porch, but do you want to meet her?”

  “Yeah, I’d love to meet your mom.”

  “Don’t—just don’t…” What did she mean to say? Don’t expect too much? Don’t be disappointed?

  A gentle squeeze of her hand said he understood.

  Mom opened the door to the singlewide, wrinkles deepening with the exuberant smile that took her face. “Is this Aanon?” she asked. “I seen you around, but I never met you before. And Farrah here used to talk about you all the time when she was in school—”

  “Mom,” Farrah cut in.

  Aanon’s eyes were twinkling with humor, and her embarrassment deepened. She was already regretting this.

  “Oh, right. Won’t you come in?” she said slowly as she swept her hand grandly toward the inside of her house.

  “It’s nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Fennel,” Aanon said, shifting the box of beef and offering his hand. “We brought you a present.”

  “Oh,” she said, peeking across the folded cardboard. “Well, surely I can find room for fine cuts of meat. This way.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” he said charmingly as he followed her into the small kitchen.

  They talked easily as Farrah sank into the couch cushion. But then, she was pretty sure Aanon could get along with a badger. He just had a way about him that put people at ease.

  “Oh honey, I almost forgot. I heard something dreadful yesterday. Folks in town said you were hurt bad enough to go to the clinic. Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, Mom. I’m fine. Just had a run in with a pissed off cow.” She arched her eyebrow at the box they were unloading into the freezer.

  “Oh, I see. And the baby?”

  “She’s fine.”

  “She?” A look of hope flitted across her features. “It’s a girl?”

  Farrah couldn’t help but laugh because Aanon’s face had cracked into a grin so bright he lit the entire house with it. “Yes, I’m having a girl.”

  “Well, don’t that beat all,” Mom whispered. A shaking hand dashed against her eyes that welled with emotion.

  The rest of the visit was pleasant. Mom made hot cocoa and told Aanon stories from when Farrah was a child. A less charitable part of her was surprised Mom remembered them, but a bigger piece of her was happy that she seemed to have such fond memories from when she was little.

  When they finally left, Mom shook Aanon’s hand for a long time and told him she was glad he was taking care of her baby.

  Maybe it was the hormones, or maybe it was the emotions that came with having a meaningful visit with someone she’d sworn most of a lifetime to deny charitable feelings toward, but tears of joy streaked her cheeks as she climbed into the passenger seat of the truck.

  “Are you okay?” Aanon asked, rubbing her back.

  “I really am,” she said thickly. She felt like she was so raw with the extreme ups and downs. She’d never cried much, but lately she was, and for what? Maybe she was just feeling emotional, but more likely, in Cooper Landing, she was overflowing with a deep happiness, and her well of tears needed an outlet.

  The main drag was bustling with activity as the townspeople prepared for another winter storm later in the week.

  “Oy!” Burtlebey hailed them, and she rolled down the window. “Welcome back to the land of the living. You had us worried.”

  “Don’t worry. I’ll be back at work serving you drinks before you know it.”

  “Swear it?” he said.

  “I swear!” she called as Aanon pulled away.

  Others who’d apparently spent time in the waiting room of the clinic yesterday waved and called well wishes over the sound of crunching snow beneath the tires. A sense of deep belonging filled her.

  A pleasurable heat still touched her cheeks by the time the truck crossed onto Falk land. Today had been perfect, from waking in Aanon’s bed to meeting his neighbors. He looked at her with such pride, evident in every feature of his face when she spoke to the people he cared about. He was a caregiver, a man who went out of his way to make sure his friends were okay, and it meant something to him that she connected with them. She wasn’t sure what, but from the smile that still ghosted his mouth, it was something good.

  A flash of color drew her gaze, and she leaned forward to wipe condensation from the window. “Aanon?”

  “Yeah?” he asked, scanning
the road for the safest route.

  “Why is there a moving van in your front yard?”

  Chapter Eighteen

  A helpless moan escaped her lips as Farrah beheld the wreckage of the cattleman’s cabin. The snow was dotted with her clothes, jewelry, and upended luggage. Even the precious cradle lay on its side, emptied of blankets.

  Aanon sat white as a sheet beside her, mouth slightly open, as he pulled the Chevy to a stop beside the moving van.

  Erin waved cheerfully from the front porch.

  The door creaked, and the truck rocked as Aanon slid out. “What, in the actual fuck, do you think you’re doing?”

  “Hey, baby!” she squealed as she rocketed into his arms. “It’s moving day! Oh, and watch your mouth. Dodge is running around here somewhere.”

  “Where?” Aanon said, scanning the yard. “Where is he?”

  “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him in a couple of hours. I’ve been busy preparing our love nest.” She wiped her fuchsia lipstick stain from his cheek.

  “Dodge!” he yelled, prying her off him.

  Farrah escaped the confines of the cab and yelled Dodge’s name in the other direction.

  “I’ll check the house,” he said, giving Farrah a significant look before he ran for the porch.

  She rushed for the cattleman’s cabin and searched her thrashed home. It wasn’t big, and after a minute, it was clear Aanon’s son wasn’t in there. She had a terrible feeling in her gut as she ran for the dog houses, but he wasn’t in there either. A check of the cattle pens and horses stalls, even the chicken coop, turned up nothing.

  “He’s not in the house,” Aanon called, voice panicked.

  “Call the police!” she cried as he bolted for the barn.

  On a hunch, she marched toward the big house, but Erin stood in her way.

  “Move,” Farrah growled.

  “You’re not stepping one foot in my house.”

  “If you did something to him, I swear, I’ll kill you.”

  “Pipe down. I would never hurt my son. And besides, I have a witness who’ll back me up that you just threatened my life.” She leaned forward and whispered into her ear. “I brought you a going away gift, Farrah.”