The Keeping Score Box Set

by Tawdra Kandle

  I blew out a sigh, slumping against the wall. “Mia, you heard what he said. Nate doesn’t want anyone to know what really happened. It’s his decision.”

  “He has a head injury, Leo. I don’t think he’s in any state of mind to know what’s best.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Did you ever stop to think, Quinn, that maybe it’s better for Nate this way? What do you think is going to happen if he points the finger at Brent and the guys? They’ll get kicked off the football team, and that’s going to piss off the whole school. It’s not going to make things any easier for Nate. He’ll get picked on even more.” I paused. “If that’s even possible.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Quinn stood with her hands on her hips, her face stormy as she stared me down.

  My blood was beginning to boil just a little. I was getting over the fear that had gripped me since I’d seen Nate at the bottom of those steps, motionless, and now that it looked like he was going to be all right, I had to think about how this was going to play out. Nate’s insistence that we protect Brent, Tim and Karl made my job easier. The only obstacle to helping this whole thing go away was standing in front of me, eyes blazing and full lips pushed together.

  And I wanted her.

  I’d been trying to ignore it and deny it for so long. But looking at Quinn, I couldn’t remember anymore why we weren’t together. I couldn’t remember why I’d been fighting the idea of us. I couldn’t pinpoint any of my many reasons—or why I was convinced that I wasn’t good for her. That I’d ruin her, dragging her into situations she’d hate.

  All I knew was the pounding of my heart, the way my dick was going hard and how much I needed to taste her. I almost reached for her—she was just about an arm’s length away, and I knew I could have her body pressed against mine in a matter of seconds. But before I could act on that, she starting talking again.

  “You think it’s our fault that people—and by people, I’m assuming you mean your new pals, your little football buddies and the groupies—that none of them like Nate and me. All those people who you call friends now—the ones you party with, get drunk with, all the other stupid things you do.” She arched one eyebrow, leaving no doubt about where she stood on all those topics. “You think we like being made fun of, being teased—you think we bring it on ourselves. You as much as said that yesterday, didn’t you? When you had to pull Trish away right before she started getting rough with me.” Something changed in her expression; pain or something like it passed over quickly. “Sorry about that, Leo. Sorry that you had to choose between the person who’s known you forever and one of your slut buddies.”

  Ouch. That one stung. I’d never slept with Trish—hell, I’d never even looked twice at her—but I’d banged my share of cheerleaders. I wasn’t proud of it, necessarily, but when a girl threw herself at me, and I was maybe more than a little drunk, it wasn’t easy to say no. Not when there wasn’t any good reason to deny myself the pleasure they offered.

  But that wasn’t anything I wanted to discuss with Quinn. Not when it was her my body was burning for right now, not when it was her lips I wanted to crush to mine. The sting and the lust were probably why I went the direction I did, lashing out at her without thinking about it first.

  “Maybe if you made a little more effort to be nice to people instead of putting them down, and maybe if you gave a shit about how you look, what you wear, you wouldn’t have to be jealous of my slut buddies. Maybe then I wouldn’t have to make a choice.”

  Quinn reacted as though I’d slapped her face, jerking back as her mouth fell open. Disbelief and betrayal filled her eyes, and my heart sank. Shit. What had I done?

  Before I could get another word out or stop her, Quinn turned and sprinted down the hall and out of the hospital.

  Quinn

  I fled down the hallway of the hospital and out the automatic doors into the waning afternoon sun. The air was chilly, and I shivered, wrapping my arms around my waist as I leaned against the bumpy stucco wall. My throat was tight with tears, but dammit, I wasn’t going to cry. Not here, not where Leo might see me.

  I wasn’t stupid. I’d known for a long time that this guy who wore my best friend’s face and spoke with his voice wasn’t the same sweet boy I’d known forever. No matter how much I lied to myself, no matter how many times I searched for any hint that Leo was still in there, it was time to face facts once and for all. Leo wasn’t my friend. He wasn’t Nate’s friend, and even though he’d rescued Nate today, the sooner we accepted that truth, the sooner we could move on. Forget him.

  Pain held a vice-grip on my heart. For me, losing Leo meant more than just having one less friend. It also spelled the death of the dream that someday, he might be even more. I couldn’t remember a time when I hadn’t looked at Leo as the boy I wanted as mine. Even when I hadn’t known how to define that feeling, I’d recognized how I felt about him. Leo was like the other piece of my puzzle, the one whose edges complemented my own. Nate was my best friend, too, but there was just something more about Leo, and I’d always known it. Maybe that was why I’d tried to compensate all these years, giving Nate more attention and deferring to him; maybe I’d always realized that some day, I’d choose between them. And when that day came, I’d known that I’d choose Leo without hesitation.

  “Quinn.”

  His voice, low and rough, was so close to me that I jumped, sucking a quick breath. “God, you scared the crap out of me. Go away, Leo. Leave me alone.”

  “Quinn, let me explain.” He grabbed my upper arm, and the heat of his hand burned through my sweatshirt. I froze, my heart stuttering.

  “You said enough inside.” I lifted my hand, trying to ignore how much it was shaking. From anger, I told myself. It wasn’t because Leo was touching me. Wrenching away from his grip, I began to count off on my fingers. “I’m a loser, because I don’t dress like the rah-rah girls and drool over Neanderthal football players. Nate’s a wuss because he didn’t stand up to three guys who each outweigh him by a good hundred pounds. And you only protected him today because you feel sorry for us. And now, Nate wants me to lie about what really happened, about what those boys tried to do, and you agree with him. You don’t want me to rat out your idiot friends or mess up your precious football team. Did I miss anything? Leave out any other truth you feel I need to know?”

  Leo’s eyebrows drew together, and his gray eyes went thunderous. He bent so that his face was inches from mine.

  “I never said that. I never said anything like that, about you being a loser or Nate being a wuss. I was just trying to be a good friend by giving you some advice—”

  “I don’t need your advice, Leo. I don’t need anything from you. Believe me, you’ve made yourself perfectly clear.” I turned away, intent on escape again, but he snagged my arm again before I could get very far.

  “Quinn—” He growled out my name, yanking me closer as though he was going to keep yelling at me. I blinked rapidly, breathing hard at his nearness. I could smell that scent that was only Leo, a mix of his shaving cream and some kind of intoxicating musk. It made me want to bury my nose in the crook of his neck, even now when I was angry and hurt. My chest rose and fell so fast, I felt as though I’d just run one of Coach Cramer’s laps.

  “Quinn.” Leo said my name again, this time a little softer, a little less frustrated and a little more desperate. His eyes fastened onto my mouth, and I couldn’t help myself; my tongue darted out to run over my lips.

  His grip on my arm loosened just a tad, not quite releasing me. Although I could’ve easily stepped away, I didn’t. I stayed close to Leo, the warmth from his body making me forget the cool breeze blowing around us.

  Leo didn’t draw back, either. His mouth opened a little, and his throat bobbed as he swallowed. A tic jumped in his cheek, distracting me momentarily from staring at his lips. But then his tongue slid out to mimic my earlier move, and all I could think was . . . please.

  As if he’d heard my silent plea, Leo’s hands skimmed slo
wly down my arms over my ribs to my waist. He drew me closer, lowering his head until I could feel his breath fan my cheek.

  But he stopped short of touching my lips. For a moment, time stood still as I watched a silent battle wage in his eyes.

  And then his eyelids slid shut. “Fuck it.” The words escaped on a sigh that sounded like defeat, but before I could analyze that, his mouth was on mine and everything in the world was new and shiny.

  Every girl imagines her first kiss, and I wasn’t any different. I’d never pictured sharing that milestone with any boy but Leo, even though that possibility had felt increasingly remote lately. But when it actually happened . . . every preconceived notion I’d had evaporated into nothingness, because reality was better than anything I could have dreamed.

  His lips were soft, and they covered mine completely, at first with a tentative touch. I arched my body into his, needing to be closer, and he groaned, opening his mouth and coaxing me to do the same. His tongue teased at the corners of my lips, tracing the seam until I couldn’t resist letting them open.

  As if he’d been waiting for just that, his hands dropped to my hips, pressing me close to him as his tongue swept into my mouth, tangling with mine and exploring me with such intimacy that my knees went weak. His fingers dug into my back, just above my butt. My hands were linked behind his neck, but I couldn’t quite remember how they had gotten there. It didn’t matter, because in that minute, close could never be close enough.

  “Mia.” He broke the kiss just long enough to murmur his endearment against my cheek. I caught one fast breath before he captured my mouth again, this time with more aggression and need. His hands began to move in small circles over my lower back, but it wasn’t enough: I wanted everything, and I wanted it now.

  I became aware of the hard ridge of his arousal against my stomach, and a thrill of want shot through me. I did that. The realization sang into my heart. Leo wanted me. Me. I’d waited so long for this, and I couldn’t believe it was finally happening. I had no idea if I was doing this right, or if there even was a right or wrong way. The part of me that still thought of Leo as my best friend wanted to ask him if he could tell how inexperienced I was. But most of me hoped he didn’t notice.

  The front of my body was warm as it pressed into him, but the wind was picking up, blowing over my back. I shivered, curling against him.

  “You’re cold.” Leo trailed kisses over my jaw and then drew back, chaffing his hands up and down my arms. “We should probably get inside and check on Nate. See if he’s back from the scan yet. And maybe his mom and dad are here. If everything’s okay, I’ll take you home after that.”

  I knew that reminder about Nate should’ve jarred me back to a place where I was worried about my other best friend—and I was concerned about him—but nothing and no one was going to knock me off this high. And the idea of Leo driving me home? Being alone in the car with him? Yeah, that made me want to break out into what the boys and I used to call my joy of silliness dance.

  Would he kiss me again when he dropped me off? Would we sit in front of my house, making out until the windows of the car steamed? And what did it mean, exactly, this kiss? I opened my mouth to ask that question at the same time Leo began to speak.

  “Quinn, I—”

  “Leo, what—”

  Whatever Leo was about to say was lost as a woman’s voice behind me called out to us. “Leo—Quinn. Thank God. What happened?” Sheri Wellman was sprinting toward us. “We just got your message. I’d had my phone off, until it was closer to time to pick up Nate at the river—damn, that doesn’t matter. What happened?”

  Leo’s eyes darted to mine, pleading. I knew what he was waiting for; he wanted my permission to tell Nate’s mother the story the boys had concocted. The lie that was going to let Brent, Karl and Tim get away with what they’d done to Nate. I pressed my lips together, still tasting him there, and although I wasn’t at all sure he was right, I gave a little nod.

  “It was those steps by the gym. I guess Nate was heading to the locker room, and . . . I don’t know, he just fell. I was down the hall and saw him going down, but I couldn’t do anything. Couldn’t get there in time.” Leo rubbed the back of his neck, giving an excellent impression of friend who was suffering from guilt. Or come to think of it, maybe he wasn’t acting. “I think he hit his head on the railing. But the doctor said he was going to be okay. They just want to keep an eye on him. We saw him before he went up for a CT scan, and he was awake. He talked to us. They said maybe a mild concussion.”

  “Oh, my God.” Sheri closed her eyes, took a deep breath and then looked at me. “Will you guys take me in to him?”

  “Of course.” I gave her a quick hug. “He’s really going to be fine, Sheri. He talked to us and everything. I bet he’s more worried about you and Mark freaking out than anything else.”

  She gave a semi-hysterical bark of laughter. “He always is. That’s Nate. Okay, so you’re saying I need to pull myself together, huh?” She managed a smile. “All right. Got it. Oh, and I called your mom and dad, both of you, in case they didn’t know where you were. Quinn, your mother’s on her way here.”

  “She is?” It didn’t really surprise me. My parents and Leo’s all tried to support Sheri and Mark however they could, whether that was bringing meals or sitting in hospital waiting rooms.

  “Yes. She said if everything was going well here, she’d drive you home.”

  Disappointment flooded me. All the anticipation of riding home with Leo went up in a cloud of smoke. “Oh, well, Leo was going to—”

  “I better get going.” He tapped his fingers against his jean-covered thigh. “Since Sheri’s here with you, and your mom’s coming. And Nate’s going to be fine.” He glanced at me. “If you’re doing all right, I’m going to stop in at practice.” He cast Sheri an apologetic smile. “Not that I think that’s more important than Nate. But if you’ve got this . . .”

  “Sweetie, don’t be silly. Nate wouldn’t want you to miss football practice, especially not with a big game tomorrow.” She patted his shoulder and squeezed. “Not that I keep up with that, but Mark said something about it being an important one.”

  Leo shrugged. “They’re all make-or-break according to Coach. But yeah, it’d be good if I can show my face and explain what’s going on.” He dropped his gaze to me. “You can tell Nate that I’ll see him soon. Explain . . . what’s going on and everything.”

  “Oh. Okay.” I felt oddly deflated. Leo was backing away from me, both literally and emotionally.

  “I’ll see you later, Mia. Text me if anything comes up.” He reached down to take my hand, squeezing it lightly, and then dropped a quick, friend-zony kiss on my cheek. “Sheri, if you need anything, let me know. I can bring Nate his homework or whatever.”

  “Thanks, Leo.” She managed a smile. “It always makes me feel better to know Nate has the two of you.”

  Leo winced just a little before he nodded and turned to go. I watched him leave, his long legs striding across the asphalt, and I wondered if he was rushing off because he regretted kissing me. What would he do when we saw each other Monday in school? Or should I go to his game tomorrow and cheer him on? If he saw me there, would he ask me out, and not just as his friend? Or would he pretend the most beautiful moment of my life so far had never happened?

  “Quinn? You okay, honey?” Sheri tilted her head at me quizzically.

  “Hmmm?” I blinked at her. “Oh, yeah. Come on, I’ll take you to Nate.”

  We went back inside, with me leading Sheri down the same hallway I’d run out a few minutes. She ran her fingers through her hair, wrinkling her nose.

  “How many times have I been in one hospital or another with Nate . . . but you know what gets me every time? The smell. That horrible antiseptic slash pine cleaner slash sickness smell. When Nate was little, the first thing I’d do every time we brought him home was wash him with his own sweet baby soap. Or when he got too old for that, make him shower.”

&
nbsp; I made myself smile at her, although cheery was pretty far from what I felt at the moment. “I get that. Remember when I had to be in here overnight? I had that ear infection that wouldn’t go away. The smell still reminds me of that night.” I shuddered. “I’ve always thought Nate was so brave to face everything he does without freaking.”

  “He’s got more than his share of chutzpah.” Sheri stopped when I did, by the door to Nate’s room. We both leaned inside, but the bed was still empty.

  A passing nurse paused. “Imaging’s backed up today. You can wait in the room if you want. The waiting area’s pretty full.”

  “Thanks.” Sheri dragged a chair from the hallway into the room and then pointed to the other one already there. “Sit down, hon. Your mom’ll text me when she gets here.”

  “Okay.” I sank into the ugly brown imitation leather chair. “I’m sorry we couldn’t get you sooner. We tried both you and Mark. And I know the school tried to call, too.” I flashed back to that horrible moment when I’d seen Nate lying so still on the steps. “I was so scared.”

  She nodded, her eyes welling up. “I’ll give myself permission to break down a little now, while he’s not here. But don’t worry. I can man up the minute they wheel him in here.”

  I reached out to touch her hand. “I said before that Nate’s brave, but I kind of think I know where he gets it.”

  She half-laughed through her tears. “It never gets easier.” She laid her other hand over mine, holding it there. “And no matter what, you’ll do anything to keep your child from being hurt. In any way.” Her eyes searched mine, and I felt my face heat.

  “I’m sure it’s hard when—well, with Nate sometimes it seems like anything that can go wrong with his health does.”

  “There’s that. And then there’s a different kind of hurt.” Sheri didn’t move, but her fingers tightened, holding me where I was, as though I might try to run. “Quinn, I don’t mean to interfere or to pry. But when I walked up, it seemed to me like you and Leo were . . . close. Is there something between you two that I haven’t heard about?”