by Holly Jaymes
“Maybe it’s time to accept that you’re not going to stand up to them because you agree with them. I’m just a dumb hick player.”
“I don’t.” I shook my head.
He laughed derisively. “Yes, you do. You always have. Just because we became friends doesn’t mean you’ve changed your opinion.”
“And you still see me as an ice queen.”
“You’re the one that spent the night in my bed, and then the next day said I meant nothing to you.”
Oh, God, he was right. Even so, it was time to put it all on the line. “I love you. I want to be with you, my parents be damned. I know I hurt you and I’m sorry about that. You’re right that I should have stood up to them at that moment. I regret that. But I’m here now asking for another chance. I'm promising to give you the respect you deserve and be clear with my parents that I choose you because I do.”
He shook his head. “I can’t.”
I was broken, and yet at the same time, pissed. I’m not sure where the anger came from, but it bloomed deep. “You’re a coward.”
His eyes widened in surprise. I heard a few gasps from his fellow firefighters.
“That’s why you’re a player. Because you’re too afraid to let yourself be loved by one woman.”
“I wasn’t the other night.”
“Are you sure about that? Because I don’t remember you saying you loved me. How was I supposed to know? I’m not psychic.”
He gritted his teeth. “The way I touched you.”
“How would I know you don’t touch all your women like that?”
He jerked back. “See. This is why we won’t work. You see me as a player, and I see you as an ice queen. It’s time to cut our losses, Allie.”
Maybe he was right.
I nodded. “Well, I tried. At least I won’t have any regrets.”
“You think I’ll regret this?”
“Maybe not. But if I didn’t come here and try to reach you, I would have always wondered if possibly we could have made something work. Now I know the answer.” I was on the verge of weeping. I managed a small smile to hide that inside I was coming undone. “Bye, Josh.”
He gave me a curt nod.
I hurried away, climbed into my car, and drove out of the view of the fire station. Then I pulled over and let all my grief and heartache out.
Taking a Risk
Josh
As I watched Allie rush off, I had an overwhelming sense of dread. Was I making the biggest mistake of my life? There was no doubt that I loved her. I wanted to take her up on her offer of another chance. But it was also clear as day that we’d continue to have problems. Even in that little exchange, our differences were a chasm between us. She’d always see me as a player. I suppose I would always see her as an ice princess. Her parents would never accept me, and I couldn’t be sure she’d be able to stand by my side when they came after me. Although I had to admit, it was ballsy and out of character for her to come to my work and declare her love for me.
“You’re an idiot,” Lanie, a fellow firefighter, called out to me as I made my way back into the station.
“I’m not in the mood.”
“Then your dick is broken,” Travis Clayborn, the resident douche, who first approached Allie, said.
“Fuck off.” I went inside and to the kitchen to get water. I wished I was going off duty because I’d rather have something stronger.
“That was quite a display,” Kirk Simmons, my lieutenant, said.
I closed my eyes. I could tell Clayborn to fuck off, but not him. On the other hand, I don’t think Kirk was saying it to yank my chain.
“Sorry about that.” I downed half the bottle of water.
“No need to be sorry.” He sat down at a table, opening up the wrapper of a protein bar. “She’s not the first woman to show up here looking for you.”
Jesus, the last thing I needed was for him to think I was a player too. “It’s been a while.”
“It has,” he said with a nod. “It makes me wonder if this one is different. I don’t remember the others saying they loved you, at least not in a believable way.”
I sighed and sat down across from him.
“I know that sound and that look. It appears you love her too. What happened? Did she lie or cheat?”
“No.”
“Did you?”
I snapped my head up to look at him. “No. I’d never do that.”
“So, what happened?”
I didn’t want to go into details about my love life. Then again, it was all on display during that interlude with Allie in front of the station. I gave him the condensed version.
He nodded like he understood. “Do you remember the complex fire over on Cramer Road last year?”
My brows furrowed as I tried to keep up with the change of topic. “Yes.”
“Smoke as black as night. Couldn’t see a fucking thing. Remember?”
“Yes.” There was always a little bit of fear going into a fire. Just enough to stay alert and safe. But that fire had cranked up the fear factor by ten.
“We got through that because of two things. One, trust in our brother and sister firefighters, and two, communication.”
Ah, I got it now. This was a metaphor.
“In a good relationship, both are required,” he finished.
“And we have neither,” I said. See, I made the right choice.
“It also takes guts. The thing is, Josh, trust is earned, and communication can be learned if you love someone. Clearly, she loves you.”
“She’s just—”
“She stood in front of this station house, and God, confessing her sins and her love for you. That takes guts.” He paused for a moment studying me. “You say she fell short, lacked guts, so to speak when her parents were hounding her. But ten minutes ago, she had bigger balls than you to bare her soul in front of the likes of us.”
He was right.
“I suspect she’s right about you too.”
“About what?” I sank back in my chair, feeling the anger, but also my energy, wane.
“You’re afraid. And for good reason. Love is fucking scary.” He shrugged. “I don’t know your lady friend, but she seemed earnest. She’s pretty as a picture. Are you willing to let a chance at love with her walk away because you’re afraid?”
The automatic response was to say that I wasn’t afraid. The other night, I was willing to dive head-first into love with her.
“I wanted to love her but—”
“I get it, once bitten twice shy. I guess you have to decide if she’s worth the risk. She clearly thought you were, and it sounds like she’ll have a tough road of it if her parents are the assholes you’ve made them out to be. Again, another sign that she really does love you.”
I sat, letting his words roll around in my head. It told me the risk was too much. We’d get together for a holiday, and her mother would comment on my lack of breeding. Plus, I couldn’t afford to live the lifestyle they expected. The clothes alone would bankrupt me.
My heart, though, it cracked open with a longing to have Allie.
“Here’s one more tidbit, Josh. Life is too short not to live it to the fullest. All the good stuff in life comes by taking a chance. She’s right, you might regret letting her walk away. How are you going to feel if she moves on?”
An image of her and Mason flashed in my brain, and it fucking pissed me off because…she was mine.
I scraped my hands over my face. “I’ll think about it.”
“If you need to think about it, then you’re in the avoidance zone. It’s clear to me you love her. Take the risk, Josh.”
“And what if it doesn’t work out?”
“I’m sure she thought the same thing when she came here. ‘What if he rejects me?’ And yet she came anyway. Sometimes it’s better to know than live a life wondering if you missed out.”
He was right.
“I can let you off—”
Just then, the alarm went off, in
dicating it was time to push my personal problems aside and do my job.
The emergency was a house fire on the other side of the lake. When we arrived, a man was crazed as he paced in front of the house.
“My wife is in there,” he said, running to us as we arrived. “I tried to find her, but I couldn’t.” He turned and started back to the house.
I grabbed him. “Sir, you need to stay here. We’ll find her.”
He ran his fingers through his hair and pulled in frustration. “I can’t lose her. Not now. God, we wasted so much time when we could have been together. Please, you have to save her.”
“She’s our priority,” I said. When paramedics arrived, I handed him over to them to keep him from entering the house, and then I went to work.
Not all fires went well. In this case, the house was destroyed, but the man’s wife was found alive. She had smoke inhalation and burns, but she had a chance. What stuck with me was her husband.
I can’t lose her. Not now. God, we wasted so much time when we could have been together.
Were Allie and Kirk right? Was I wasting time holding on to my anger and pain?
I love you.
I loved her too, but I hadn’t said the words. She’d come and announced it in public.
And I rebuffed her. I pushed her away when deep down, what I really wanted was to take her in my arms and hold her forever.
The next morning, I headed straight to her condo, worried I’d missed my chance. Odds were, she was hurt and angry and wouldn’t give me the time of day. What a fuck up I was.
When she didn’t answer her door, I called out, “Allie. It’s Josh,” as I pounded again. No answer.
“Fuck.” Then it occurred to me that she was probably at her studio. I got back in my SUV and drove to the center of town.
I rushed in through the doors and to the area where she held classes.
“Inhale, reaching up. Keep your shoulders down as you extend your arms up—” Allie stopped short as she saw me in the doorway.
The dozen or so participants in her class turned their heads towards me. It was then I realized I hadn’t figured out what to tell her. All eyes were on me as they waited.
I swallowed, looking over the room and then back at Allie.
“I have another fifteen minutes of class,” Allie said.
Fuck it. It was time to put all on the line like she had. “I love you.”
There was an audible gasp from the students, who then all turned to look at Allie. Her eyebrows arched in surprise.
“I know that it’s possible that since yesterday, you stopped loving me, but—”
“No. I still love you.”
This time the room filled with sighs and awws.
I stepped into the room, not sure if I should, but needing to be closer to her.
“I’m terrified, Allie, but I want to take the risk with you. I trust you to take care of my heart.”
“Oh honey, if you don’t take this man, any one of us will,” one of the older women called out.
“I will,” another said.
“You’re married,” the woman next to her quipped.
“I’ll still take him.”
But the only woman I cared about taking me was Allie.
I stepped closer to her. “Do you trust me with your heart?”
Her lips quivered, and I was afraid that she was sad because she was going to say no when she wanted to say yes.
“We can do this, Allie,” I said, hoping that if she was wavering, I could tip her over to my side.
She nodded. “I trust you with my heart.”
Oh, thank fuck. I filled the distance between us, taking her into my arms as I should have done yesterday, and kissed the ever-loving breath out of both of us.
The class clapped.
“Who knew yoga could be so stimulating,” someone said.
When I pulled back, I didn’t want to let her go, but I knew she had a class to finish and a few more this afternoon.
“I know you need to finish here,” I said.
“Why don’t you join us?” one of the ladies said. “Show us your moves.”
I felt my cheeks heat from a blush.
“Now, ladies, stop ogling my man.”
I grinned because I was her man. “I need a shower and a nap. But I’ll see you later?”
She nodded. “Yes.”
I gave her another quick kiss. “I love you,” I said again because it felt awesome to say.
“I love you too.”
Seal the Deal
Allie
The last thing I wanted was to let Josh leave just when I got him back, but I had a class to finish. He winked at me as he left the room, and it took everything in me to keep myself from running after him.
“Go ahead and end the class,” Gloria said. She was the one who was willing to toss her husband aside for Josh.
“Nah, let him have his nap. You want him fully rested,” Candace, another student, said, adding an eyebrow waggle.
Somehow, I pulled myself together and finished class. I still had two more classes a little later in the day. I tried to calculate if I could go home for a while and come back. I knew, however, that once I was with Josh, I wasn’t coming back. I had two options; cancel classes and close the studio for the rest of the day or get coverage from another instructor. Lucky for me, I was able to find coverage. I had to offer to pay her double for both classes, but it was going to be well worth it.
With my afternoon free, I rushed home and straight up to Josh’s condo.
He opened the door with bedhead, wearing boxer briefs and a tank top. He looked delicious.
“I must be dreaming,” he grinned.
“I woke you. I’m sorry.”
“I’m not.” He reached his arm out and pulled me to him, fusing his lips to mine as he pulled me inside and then pressed me against the door. “Are we supposed to talk first, or can I make love to you first and talk later.”
“I don’t need to talk.”
“Make love it is.” He swept me up into his arms like he had the first time we made love.
“How come you didn’t carry me like this when you saved me on the mountain?”
“It was a long way back, so I needed to make sure I had enough stamina to get you out. Carrying you on my back used less energy.” He carried me into his room.
“Will you have enough stamina now?”
“Let’s find out.” He set me down. He yanked his tank top off and shoved his shorts down. His dick sprang free in all its wonderful thick glory.
I sank to the edge of the bed and wrapped my lips around the tip, using my tongue to taste the drop of precum that had been there.
“Ah fuck, Allie.” His fingers undid my hair tie and then ran through my loosened hair. “Jesus…you’ve got a hot mouth.” His hips slowly rocked for a few times, and then he pulled back. “You’ve fallen behind.”
I smiled and let him pull my yoga tank off. His hands kneaded my breasts, and then he leaned forward to suck my nipples. I might as well have been sucking my clit because that’s where the pleasure shot to.
“Josh.”
He finished getting me undressed and laid me back on the bed, pressing his body over mine.
I looked up into those glorious blue eyes, glimmering with love and arousal. “You mean everything to me,” I said, wanting him to be sure he understood how I felt.
He smiled. “I’m sorry I was such an ass earlier—”
“I thought we weren’t going to talk about that now.” I opened my thighs, inviting him to love me.
He kissed me. “Can I say I love you?”
“Yes.”
“I wanted to the other night. I should have.”
“Josh?” My pussy ached for wanting him.
“Yes, baby.”
“Fuck me.”
He groaned. “Jesus, I might have just come.” He slipped his forearms under my shoulders. “Hey, look at that, forearm plank.”
I wrapped my legs
around his hips, pressing the bottoms of my feet together. “Supine cobbler.”
“I knew yoga would make sex better.” He kissed me again. It quickly turned playful to passionate.
His dick pushed through my opening and filled me, and for the first time since he left my parents' house, my heart felt whole.
“Ah, shit.” He started to pull out.
“What’s wrong?”
“I don’t have a condom on.” He reached for the bedside table.
“I’m on the pill.”
His gaze jerked to mine. For a moment, he just stared at me. “I’ve never not used a condom.”
“Oh, well then…okay.” We were together, but we were still new. Perhaps it was too soon for that.
“You trust me?” he asked.
“Yes. I wouldn’t have said anything if I didn’t. But I’m okay to use a condom if you’re concerned.”
“I’m not.”
“Not what? Not going to use a condom or not concerned.”
“Both.” He had a strange look on his face that I couldn’t quite decipher.
“You don’t look sure.”
“I’m sure.” He gritted his teeth.
“So, what’s the problem?”
He swallowed. “This conversation has made my dick jump too close to the end.”
I smiled. “Well, then, you better hurry.” I tilted my hips up, taking him deep inside me again.
“Ah, fuck, that’s good.” His eyes closed and he dropped his head to my shoulder. “I hope you don’t hold it against me if this ends too quickly. I’ll make it up to you.”
“Make love to me, Josh.” It didn’t have the erotic shock that “fuck me” had, but the truth was, feeling him inside me, a part of me, wasn’t just about sexual pleasure. It truly was making love.
“Allie.” My name left his lips in a soft whisper as he slowly began to move. He felt amazing. Each pulse of his dick. Each slide in and out. I gripped his shoulders as I rocked with him, meeting him stroke for stroke until we were panting, our bodies coming together hard and fast.
He reached down with one hand, hooking my thigh and lifting it up, opening me more. With a tilt of his hips, he thrust in and hit that one glorious spot inside me.