A Kiss For You

by Rachel Van Dyken

  That conversation all those weeks ago when Heidi had said that came back to me. God, I hadn’t even known what she had meant, but now that I did, I felt like an idiot.

  “Fuck. Really everyone knows?” I asked.

  “I mean it’s not a secret that he had a kid. I swear I thought you knew before you even hooked up with him.”

  “I didn’t.”

  “Shit, I’m sorry. I would have said something, but I figured you knew and thought it was no big deal. It’s not like this is his first hook up post-child.”

  “Yeah,” I said softly. It sure wasn’t. “It just…I don’t think he’s an absentee father, Heidi. I think he’s really involved in his son’s life. He said he’s very protective of people meeting him. He wants me to meet him, and I don’t know if I want that. I don’t think he really trusts me.”

  “Maybe he thought you already knew about his son like I did.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t think he did. We would have talked about it.”

  “Well, now I feel even shittier. What are you going to do?”

  I leaned my head back against the wall and closed my eyes. “I have no idea.”

  “Look, when you and Jensen started this, it was supposed to be a fling. It’s only been a few weeks since you’ve been together.”

  “Yeah. That’s true. Why would he share crucial information with a fling?” she asked miserably. God, I knew that I wasn’t a fling to him, but this whole trust thing was taking me to a bad place.

  “You’re not a fling anymore. So, if he wants you to meet his kid, then this is a good sign, Em,” Heidi said. “Just because you didn’t find out the way that you wanted doesn’t mean that he doesn’t trust you.”

  “Maybe.”

  “Okay. Worry about Kimber right now and deal with Jensen tomorrow. Maybe you’ll have a clear head then. We can talk more if you need to work through it.”

  “Thank, Heidi.”

  “You’re the best.”

  “Don’t forget it.”

  We ended the call, and I took my time getting back to the hospital room. I couldn’t believe that Heidi had known…that everyone had known. I knew I was out of the loop on Lubbock gossip, but I thought I would have heard something like this. But no, I had closed myself off from the Wright family so much that I didn’t even know this one piece of information. And Jensen hadn’t trusted me with it.

  I sure hoped Heidi was right and that by tomorrow I would know what to do. Because right now, I had a long night ahead of me. A long, tiring night.

  Chapter 31

  Jensen

  Leaving Emery at the hospital was much harder than I’d thought possible. Her words had put my entire life in perspective. I was the one letting Vanessa continue to ruin my life. And I wouldn’t do it any longer. I wouldn’t be ruled by her dictatorship in our relationship. I didn’t care what she wanted or what she thought she could threaten me with. Colton wasn’t a game piece in an adult battle. And I refused to let her use him in such a manner.

  He was a six-year-old boy. Vanessa using me and our past as weapons only hurt him. And the last thing in the whole world that I wanted was to hurt my son.

  I spent the rest of the night fighting with myself to go to sleep. Even for a half hour. But it never came. When it was finally time that normal humans would be awake, I stumbled out of bed and decided to do something about it. I texted Vanessa to find out where she was staying and then drove the Mercedes over to the hotel downtown.

  I parked the car out front and took the elevator to the top floor. I knocked on the door and the nanny, Jennifer, answered the door. She was a twenty-something live-in that Vanessa had hired last year full-time.

  “Hey, Jensen!” Jennifer said. “Oh, Colton has been talking about you nonstop!”

  “Hey Jennifer. Good to see you too.”

  I stepped inside, but before I even fully entered the living room, I heard the familiar ring of, “Daddy!”

  Colton launched himself from the couch in the living room and straight into my arms. I picked him up off the ground and swung him around in a circle.

  “Hey, champ,” I said, squeezing him tight.

  I could never get enough of this. I could never have enough hugs or enough of these moments. Him living in New York was a vise on my chest at all times. I hated it. The week I’d seen him before Christmas wasn’t long enough by far. He’d been in Paris with Vanessa for the two weeks before that, and it had been so hard to let him out of the country. Even if he had done it before, I still worried. Having him here with me always made me less nervous.

  Most days, I still couldn’t believe that I had moved back to Lubbock. I’d had to admit that the two years I’d lived in New York were bad for the company. It had been a devastating decision, one I could never take lightly. But I also couldn’t take Colton out of New York. I wanted what was best for him, and even if Lubbock had good schools, I’d be stripping his known environment from him and taking him away from better schools.

  On days like today, I wanted to not care.

  “God, I missed you so much,” I told him as I moved him to one hip and carried him into the living room.

  “I missed you, too! Are you coming home with me and Mommy and Nanny Jenn?” Colton asked. He was an adorable kid with unruly dark hair and big brown eyes that got him anything he ever wanted.

  “Home?” I asked, setting him on his feet on the couch. My eyes jumped to Jennifer’s. She shrugged helplessly and the nodded her head to the bedroom as if to say leaving was Vanessa’s idea.

  “Yeah, Daddy. Mommy said that we’re going back to New York today. I want you to come with us. You can meet my new art teacher when I start school again.”

  I grinned down at him. Colton loved art. Vanessa had sent me pictures of the dinosaurs he had drawn after I’d taken him to the American Museum of Natural History. I wanted to take him all over the world and feed his addiction. But I definitely did not want him to leave today.

  “Going to have to talk to your mom about that,” I told him.

  Just then, Vanessa walked into the room. She leaned her hip against the wall to the kitchen and crossed her arms. Her eyes were guarded and wary. It was a look I was used to getting from people today. Vanessa’s was warranted after the way I’d spoken to her at the New Year’s Eve party. She’d deserved it, but I didn’t like to argue with her. It wasn’t good for Colt to see us angry even if simply being in her presence pissed me off.

  “You’re leaving?” I asked. “I thought you were staying for a couple of days.”

  She shrugged. “Changed my mind.”

  “Hey, Daddy!” Colton said, still holding my hand. “Look at my new drawings.”

  I gave Vanessa a look that said this was not over and then sat down on the couch next to Colton.

  “This one is a pterodactyl,” he said, showing me a flying green dinosaur. Then, he showed me another one with horns. “This is a triceratops.”

  “Wow. These are really good, champ.”

  I inspected the one he was working on now. They were good for his age. It made me proud, how much he loved this. He was excelling in school, but I never wanted to suffocate my kid’s love like my father had.

  “Are you going to be an artist when you grow up?”

  “No, Daddy, I’m going to be just like you.”

  I laughed, and then life flashed before my eyes of Colton being just like I was with my father. I shuddered at the very idea. God, I hoped I wouldn’t ruin him.

  “You can be and do whatever you want.”

  “I’ll fly on planes then!”

  “Like a pilot?”

  “No. I’ll run my business in the air.”

  I chuckled again. There was no deterring him. Perhaps, it was normal for your child to want to grow up to be like you. At least at this age. I knew he’d grow up to have huge dreams, and I wanted to be there to encourage every one of them.

  “You know, little man, I have someone very special that I want you to meet when you’re r
eady. Would you like a new friend?”

  “Yeah!” Colton agreed. “I love friends. Do you think he’d color with me?”

  “Jensen!” Vanessa snapped from the kitchen.

  Vanessa clearly was unhappy with the idea that I was going to introduce him to anyone. And I was sure she was pissed that it was coming on the heels of meeting Emery.

  “I’m sure she would color with you,” I said. “But I’m going to go talk to your mom for a minute, okay?”

  “Okay, Daddy.”

  I kissed him on the cheek and then left him to his drawings. Jennifer moved into to play with him while I stepped up to Vanessa.

  “We need to talk.” She strode into the bedroom of the suite without another glance.

  I took my time, following her inside and closing the door. I took over the space, stretching in height and crossing my arms over the bulk of my chest. She might want to have this conversation, but I wasn’t going to give her any concessions.

  She whirled around on me and then took a step back. I knew that look on her face. I’d made my point. I wasn’t going to give an inch to the woman who frequently took a mile.

  “You are not introducing your latest fling to Colton.”

  “She’s my girlfriend, Vanessa. I can, and I will introduce her to my son.”

  “Jensen, absolutely not! You don’t even know if she’s going to be in your life past tomorrow! I won’t allow you to disrupt his life like that.”

  “Let’s get to the bottom of this, Vanessa. You don’t like that someone new is in my life, and you don’t want it to disrupt your delusions. This has nothing to do with Colt.”

  “I don’t like that you’re going to introduce him to someone that might leave. That’s selfish.”

  I ran a hand back through my hair and sighed. “You’re right, Vanessa. Under any other circumstance, it would be selfish. But it has been four years since we divorced. It’s not unreasonable for me to meet someone new in that time.”

  Vanessa rolled her eyes. “She’s not someone new in your life. She’s another fling. I know you have them all the time. I know the signs.”

  “Emery is different.”

  “Really? How did you meet?” she asked, crossing her arms.

  “At Sutton’s wedding.”

  “Let me get this straight. You met her a month ago, probably banged her that night, didn’t tell her about Colton, and now think you’re ready to introduce her to him? I don’t think so.”

  “What I do in my free time is none of your business. Emery is my girlfriend. You may not like that Vanessa, but that’s not about to change. Good try showing up last night and trying to break us up though.”

  “I was just trying to tell her the truth. You’re the one who was a raving jackass,” Vanessa spat.

  “The truth. Right,” I said sarcastically. “You were trying to break us up. Even though you were, I am sorry that I spoke to you the way that I did.” I had been harsh in the moment. Normally I never would have spoken to her that way, but after seeing Emery’s reaction, I’d lost it. “I didn’t come here to argue with you about last night. I wanted you to understand where I’m coming from.”

  “Oh, I understand where you’re coming from,” she spat. “You’re thinking with your dick.”

  “I can’t handle this Vanessa. I’m tired of arguing. I apologized for how I treated you, but you can’t dictate who Colton meets. Emery is in my life, and Colton is my life.”

  I turned and opened the door to go back out to see my son. I knew that I needed to talk to Emery about again. I wanted to make things right and get us on the same page.

  “I’ll tell Marc,” Vanessa spat.

  I shook my head. I’d heard that one before. “Empty threats, Vanessa.”

  “They’re not empty threats,” she spat. “I will tell him.

  “I don’t believe you. If you think meeting Emery isn’t in his best interest, then I have no idea how you could think Marc would be either.”

  Then I strode away from her. After kissing Colton good-bye and promising to come back later, I left the hotel and went to go see Emery. We had some catching up to do.

  Chapter 32

  Emery

  Kimber’s contractions went on forever with no end in sight. By the next morning, I was worn out and had barely slept. I couldn’t even imagine what Kimber was feeling.

  Luckily, she had finally managed to get some sleep, which was my chance to find the Starbucks downstairs and drink the entire store dry. I let Noah go first though. He’d been there longer than me, and I knew he needed to eat something even if he claimed he wasn’t hungry. As a doctor, he was used to the weird hours, but he needed to be Kimber’s rock. I’d take care of him for her.

  While Noah was gone, my phone pinged. Heidi and I had been texting on and off all night. I swiped my phone and checked the screen, expecting another text from Heidi about the guy she had hit on all last night. But, instead, it was a message from Jensen.

  Coffee and doughnuts?

  It was as if he had read my mind. I wanted those things so bad. My stomach grumbled. But did I want the added struggle of Jensen right now when I was sleep-deprived?

  He texted me again.

  It’s just coffee and doughnuts. We don’t have to talk if you don’t want, but I thought you could use some sustenance.

  Noah walked back in the door at that time with his own cup of coffee. “Hey, I saw Jensen downstairs. I think he’s waiting for you. So, you can go ahead. I’ll take watch.”

  I ground my teeth. Of course he had presumed to show up without checking with me first.

  You’re already here?

  Guilty.

  Fine. I’ll be down. But I’m not a person right now.

  I left Noah to watch over Kimber and then headed back down to the first floor. My stomach noisily growled again. I couldn’t remember what I’d last had to eat. A candy bar or something in the middle of the night. I’d been so shaken, and I hadn’t even realized it until I’d gone to find something to help me power through the wee hours of the night.

  Jensen was waiting in the lobby, holding two coffees and a bag of doughnuts. He looked…beat. He probably hadn’t slept all night either. And this was the first time I’d ever seen him with stubble. Jensen and clean-shaven went hand in hand. But, fuck, it was definitely sexy on him. Like I wouldn’t mind finding out exactly how he could use that in the bedroom. I was sure it would leave a trail of wonderful marks up my inner thighs.

  Damn sleep-deprived brain was yelling at me, Sex, sex, sex.

  I shook my head and tried to put everything back in perspective. I was standing on quicksand. If I kept struggling, I’d be swallowed up even faster. But, if I stayed still, maybe, just maybe Jensen could pull me back out.

  “Rough night?” I asked when I approached him.

  He grimaced slightly at the comment. “You could say that.”

  “Yeah. Me, too.”

  Jensen passed me the coffee, and we moved to a table inside Starbucks, which was blissfully quiet at such an early hour.

  “Noah said that you’re going to be here for a while longer.”

  “Looks like it.”

  I reached into the bag and smiled when I saw an apple fritter and a cinnamon twist inside. My two favorite doughnuts.

  “Thanks for these.”

  “I thought that you might be hungry.”

  I nodded. For the first time ever, there was awkwardness between us. We had one foot in the water and one foot on solid ground. Not knowing where we stood or what would come next seemed to be killing both of us.

  “I know I said that we didn’t have to talk,” Jensen said, breaking the silence.

  “Too much to ask for, I guess,” I mumbled.

  “And we don’t have to if it’s too much, but I stayed up all night, thinking about what you said.”

  “Which part?”

  “Me not trusting you…or anyone,” he clarified. His eyes darted up to mine, and I could see the hours of anguish and self-d
eprecation that radiated from him. “I don’t think that I ever realized until last night that I absolutely do not trust anyone other than myself. Not one person. Not even my family.”

  I nodded, having found out firsthand the truth of that statement.

  “I wish I could say that I don’t know how that happened to me, but I do.” He sighed and glanced away, as if he didn’t want to continue, as if the next words would rip through him. “Colton isn’t my son.”

  I opened my mouth, stuttered incoherently, and then closed it again. I shook my head in confusion, trying to understand how his own son couldn’t be his. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, Colt is Marc’s son,” he said so calmly that I knew it must have been killing him to admit it. “I’ve never told anyone this. Not even my family. The only people who know are me and Vanessa.”

  “Not even Marc?”

  “Especially not Marc,” he growled low. “I’m a better dad than he could have ever been. I’d spent two years with Colt. He was my son, and I couldn’t lose him. Not to anyone.”

  My heart ached for him. How could he possibly live with the fact that his son wasn’t really his? How had he kept that secret locked up for all of these years?

  “What happened?” I asked, suddenly desperate for him to tell me the story. To finally have an explanation for why he was so guarded.

  “Vanessa and I had been married for almost two years when she found out that she was pregnant. I had been living in Lubbock, taking over the company for my father after his death. I’d barely been in New York. We weren’t even trying. I was still too devastated by his death to think about that. When she called and told me she was pregnant, I was ecstatic. Maybe I should have been more cautious.” He shrugged, as if he had played this over and over again in his head before.

  “But you weren’t.”

  “No. I never suspected once that she and Marc were together. I was too grief-stricken and dealing with the company to consider what was going on with her when I was away.”