Redeemed (Dirty Air Series Book 4)

by Lauren Asher

  “I’m giving you a day to figure this shit out. I’ll take Chloe somewhere, and you’ll figure out the best way to break the news. Got it?”

  “I can’t believe this is happening. I don’t know if a day is enough time to figure out what to do.”

  “A day is all you’re going to get. She’s going to want to see you again, and you can’t pretend you’re someone you’re not.”

  His eyes dart away. It sets me on edge, and I need to gain control of this situation.

  “You think this is easy for me? It’s not. The last thing I want is for this situation to ruin her in a different way than ever before. You have no idea how excited she was to spend time with you, thinking you were her dad.” Every muscle in my body locks up at the idea of Chloe finding out about all of this.

  Matteo’s eyes widen. “Does she even want to own a coffee shop?”

  I shake my head from side to side.

  “Wow.” His eyes drop. “She spent the whole summer doing things she wasn’t interested in to get to know me?”

  “She’d do it all over again, just for the chance to spend time with you. She was desperate to be around you in whatever way she could get. And now…”

  “Now I’m going to break her heart.”

  There’s no use in denying Matteo’s claim. I love Chloe, but I can’t be the one to destroy her happiness. Not when she made it her mission to become mine. I’d rather help pick up the pieces of her broken heart once Matteo shatters her world into nothing but stolen wishes and missed chances.

  I shut the bedroom door behind me without making a noise. Chloe is in the same spot I left her, looking peaceful as she holds on to the pillow. Something clenches in my chest at her vulnerability. A feeling of helplessness hits me as I consider everything I learned not even an hour ago.

  Nothing in the world can fix what she’s about to learn. All I can do is make the process as painless for her as possible.

  Making quick work of my shoes, clothes, and prosthetic, I settle back into the bed. I pull Chloe into my body. She throws a leg over my body and nestles into the crook of my shoulder. I wrap my arms around her, holding her close to my chest. It’s as if my conversation with Matteo never happened. Honestly, I wish I could go back in time and erase my memory of his confession.

  I stay like that for an hour. I don’t move an inch, afraid to wake her after the hellish night she had. And worse, I’m worried if I wake her up, the guilt will tear me apart. Guilt makes me stupid and reckless. She has a way of wanting me to be better, including telling her the truth no matter what. Even if it means hurting her.

  I shake my head, nixing the idea. I’m doing this for her. Matteo needs to think of the best way to tell her, and I need to wait.

  She startles awake, her body jolting against mine.

  “Good morning.” I brush her hair out of her face.

  “Morning.” A lazy smile graces her face.

  “How are you feeling?

  “Like I have the worst hangover, minus the alcohol.”

  “Because of last night?”

  She nods. “Crying will do that to a girl.”

  “I’m sorry it happened that way.” And I’m sorry I have to lie to your face and pretend I don’t know the truth. I’m so fucking sorry.

  She deserves much more than the shitty cards life has given her time and time again. Someone like her shouldn’t be plagued by sadness and despair year after year.

  She traces the divots in my chest with her fingers. “Out of all the ways I thought things would go down, I didn’t expect him to run away, you know? I mean, I knew it was a possibility, but I stupidly hoped it would be way better than that.”

  Shit. I didn’t expect to be tempted to break down and tell her after one minute. The nagging voice in my head forces me to stop and think of the consequences.

  What if she freaks out and leaves? What if she realizes she doesn’t love me after all, and Matteo’s truth is the last thing holding her back from leaving for America? What if I’m the one to push her to that result?

  I don’t want to be the bad guy. There are too many unknown variables, and I need Matteo to be the one to figure this out.

  I swallow back the words begging to be let out. “What do you want to do about it?”

  Her eyes shift away from me. “I don’t know. I thought about going over there and talking to him.”

  “When do you want to go over?” Please, not today.

  “I was thinking of giving him the day to think everything over. If I go over there too soon, I’m scared he will flip out again, and I don’t think I could handle that again.”

  I nod. Thank God. Matteo better pull his shit together over the next twenty-four hours. I’m not pretending I don’t know for another day. This is torture.

  “I’ve been thinking.” I tuck a loose lock of her hair behind her ear.

  “The world must be ending after all.”

  “That’s quite rude of you.” I roll on top of her body and tickle her.

  “Stop! I’m sorry!” she wails as she thrashes against the sheets.

  I take advantage of her distraction and plant a kiss on her lips.

  She smiles up at me. “What were you thinking about?”

  “How do you feel about doing something crazy today?”

  “Crazy, you say? What do you have in mind?”

  “Want to go somewhere special?”

  “Somewhere special is exactly what the doctor ordered.” Her grin expands.

  God, she’s gorgeous. The morning sun shines through the balcony, highlighting the icy shades of blue in her eyes. I wish I had a camera to photograph the moment.

  I pull away, wanting to leave before I end up back in bed with her. “Get dressed in something that can get wet.”

  She sits up. “Wet? How naughty.”

  I shove her shoulder lightly, and she flops back on the bed. “Perv. I mean a swimsuit. We’re going out on the boat.”

  “Yes! I’ve never been on a boat before!” She bolts out of bed and runs out of the room without a backward glance.

  Experiencing life through Chloe’s eyes is a new kind of thrill. The simplest things make her happy, and I find it infectious. I want to be the one to steal all her firsts and be all her lasts.

  Despite her excitement, something in my chest pinches. I check the clock on the nightstand.

  Twenty-two hours and thirty minutes to go. I can do this.

  I anchor the boat in the middle of the lake. Blue water glitters under the noon sun, resembling a sea of diamonds. The expansive valley surrounds us, setting up a beautiful backdrop of lush green forests. Our small town lines the edge of the shore. Buildings look like multicolored ants, scattered in front of the mountains.

  The boat bobs. It’s one of my smaller boats, with cushions in the front for lounging and a back meant for jumping off into the warm water.

  “What do you think?” I shut off the motors.

  “It’s stunning. I could totally get used to this.” She leans forward on the bow.

  “Me too.” I don’t bother staring out at the vista because the only view I care about is her.

  She looks over her shoulder at me and blushes. The unspoken meaning behind my words hangs between us.

  I wish she would say something back about wanting to stay here. About wanting to explore our relationship more and see where things go if we give it a chance. I’d do just about anything to have her confirm what I can tell is growing between us.

  She stays quiet like always. I can tell she likes my words, but a smile is the only confirmation I get.

  “Are we going to get in the water or what?” She stands and brushes her hands down her ripped shorts.

  I let out a deep breath, releasing the growing agitation inside of me. Give her time. She wasn’t surrounded by love growing up like you were. “I’ll race you to the water.” I plaster a smile on my face.

  “You’re on.” She fumbles with her clothing, making quick work of all the items.

/>   Like an idiot, all I can do is stare at her once she reveals her damn bright pink bikini. It’s nothing but two scraps of fabric poorly concealing her chest. She turns around to tuck her shorts into her backpack, and I’m hit with the perfect view of her ass.

  Whoever made thong bikinis deserves a thank-you card signed by yours truly—a man who will be undoubtedly stuck with a permanent boner today.

  “Fuck.” My dick pulses to life in my swim trunks. The fabric tents in the front, and I do nothing to conceal it.

  “Hello! You’re not even trying. And that’s saying something when you only need to take off your shirt.” She waves her hands at my fully-clothed chest.

  I grip onto my T-shirt and rip it off my head. “Happy now?”

  “Elated!” She flashes me a grin before it drops. Her eyes bounce between me and the back of the boat.

  Ah. I’m blocking her only way off. “And here you were, feeling confident about winning.”

  Her smile becomes something devious. “Oh, Santiago. When will you realize I’m not going to do what you expect of me?”

  I don’t have a chance to question what she means. Chloe turns and dashes toward the front of the boat. Her bouncing ass is the last thing I see as she dives off the bow.

  Damn. This girl is nothing I’d expect, but everything I want. I won’t stop until she’s mine. No disability or shitty news about her dad can stop me from claiming her for myself.

  If I have a say in things, Chloe Carter will never want for anything again.

  “Hey, loser! Do you plan on staring at the view all day or are you actually going to get in the water?” Chloe calls out from the back of the boat.

  I walk to the back platform. My eyes drop to my prosthetic leg, and a rush of emotion hits me. But it’s not the usual negative thoughts. I’m not concerned with how Chloe views me because of my leg. I’m not worried about showing this part of myself and bracing for disgust.

  I’m not worried. Period. End of story. But rather, I’m proud. The idea hits me out of nowhere, and I stumble. Proud?

  I straighten my spine. Yes, proud. This is me, and this is the person Chloe has always accepted. Hell, this is the person I accept. None of it would’ve been possible to begin with without Chloe. Because of her and my push toward rejoining F1, I can finally embrace some confidence.

  Chloe’s head pops up from under the surface. Beads of water drip down her face, coating her lashes and cheeks, dripping into her smile lines. “Do you always check yourself out this much? I know you’re sexy and all, but narcissism is only endearing to a certain extent.”

  I snort. “You’re ridiculous.”

  “Ridiculously funny.”

  There goes that weird feeling in my chest again. The guilt from her situation sits heavy inside of me, eating away at my good mood.

  I shake my head. Stop it.

  I take a breath and jump into the water, splashing water all over Chloe. Her laugh is the last thing I hear before I sink beneath the surface.

  She jumps on my back the moment I pop back up. I hold on to her and spin us around in circles, choosing to enjoy today. I’ll worry about tomorrow once it gets here because there’s nothing I can do about it now.

  Some things are out of my control, and like Chloe says, it is what it is.

  41

  Chloe

  I wake up ready to take on the day. After spending yesterday with Santiago, I reminded myself that people take time to warm up. Santiago is the perfect example of that. A few short months ago, he wouldn’t let me see his stump, let alone go on the boat with him. But yesterday, he let loose in the broad daylight and had fun with me. He was in full-on prosthetic mode and he didn’t even so much as flinch at his leg.

  I won’t lie, a few tears of joy left my eyes. But it was a beautiful sight, with him not hiding his true self from me.

  Santiago’s big accomplishment reminded me how Matteo needs time too. How people need to process their feelings. I did tell Matteo I was his daughter after all, and it’s not exactly something that can be easily digested after one day. So, I lowered my expectations after rethinking my situation.

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you?” Santiago paces the front entryway of his house.

  I double-knot the laces on my sneaker. “No. I appreciate the offer, but I think Matteo might do better if it’s just me. You can be kind of distracting, no offense.”

  He doesn’t laugh at my joke. “But I can be in another room. You know, just in case you need me like the other day.”

  The memory of Santiago helping me during my breakdown makes my smile wobble.

  I take a deep breath, pushing back my worry. “You live next door. If anything goes wrong, I can walk here in under a minute. I promise if I need you, I’ll call you.”

  He runs a hand through his hair, forcing the strands to stand in different directions. “You’ll come back the moment things don’t feel right, won’t you?”

  “If things don’t feel right.” Why is he so nervous? I’m not even that nervous, and I’m the one about to talk to Matteo after how everything went between us.

  “Right. If.” His voice lacks his usual confidence.

  “Hey.” I walk up to him and wrap my arms around his waist, forcing him to stop his pacing. “You don’t have to be afraid. I accepted that this isn’t going to be an easy process, and that’s that.”

  His body tenses. “What do you mean?”

  “I get that Matteo needs to warm up to the idea of me. It’s not like he had any time to prepare for this like I did.”

  “Right,” he whispers.

  “Yes. It’s okay if he freaks out once or twice. I would if I were in his position. It’s to be expected.”

  “Nothing about this is expected,” he grumbles under his breath.

  I laugh. “I’ll be back soon! Relax.” I let go of him and walk toward the front door.

  “Chloe,” he calls out.

  I grip the handle and look over my shoulder. “Yeah?”

  “No matter what he says, remember that I care about you, okay? You’ll always have a place here with me, and nothing he says will change that.”

  A warmth spreads through my chest as his words sink in. The sweetness Santiago shares with me is something I could definitely get used to. It’s something I want to get used to, and that’s a first for me. I crave the kind of stability he can offer me. I crave him, period.

  I grin at him. “I like this version of you.”

  “And what version is that?”

  “The one I’m falling in love with.” I slip out of the house, leaving a slack-jawed Santiago behind me.

  Matteo opens his gate the moment I press the buzzer. I powerwalk up the driveway and knock on his front door. The stucco walls reflect a well-loved house, weathered after years of lakeside winds.

  Matteo opens the door. His eyes slowly move from the ground up to my face. “Hi, Chloe. It’s nice to see you.”

  “Hi,” I squeak.

  “Why don’t you come on in?” He pushes the door wider and I follow him inside.

  “You have a nice home,” I offer as I check out the framed pictures lining the walls. Countless photos of Giovanni over the years hang in a mindless pattern.

  My eyes can’t stay on anything for too long because I want to soak it all in. This is the most insight I’ve had into my father besides our conversations at work and during dinners.

  “Why don’t you have a seat?” Matteo motions to a couch across from an old leather chair. “Can I get you anything to drink?”

  I shake my head, doubting my ability to keep anything down. My nerves eat away at my cool facade as Matteo settles into the leather chair.

  Matteo remains quiet. The big hand on an old-school cuckoo clock ticks, filling the silence with its steady rhythm.

  Neither one of us starts a conversation, and minutes pass us by. I find the awkward silence unbearable.

  I take a deep breath, sucking up the last bits of courage I can muster up. “
I want to start today off by saying I’m sorry for throwing everything on you like I did before. I realize it wasn’t fair to you.”

  Matteo’s eyes grow wide as he leans back in his chair. “You don’t have to apologize.”

  “But I do. I freaked you out, and I didn’t want that. I thought it would be easier if I spent all this time with you beforehand, but now I know that wasn’t the case.” I tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear, giving my hands something to do.

  “It was shocking, to say the least.”

  “I know. I’m sorry again.”

  “Please stop apologizing. It’s not your fault.”

  My cheeks heat. “Oh, okay.”

  He repeatedly taps his fingers against his knee. “What made you want to take the genetic test to begin with?”

  “Well, um… Are you sure you want to know why?”

  “Chloe, I’m not going to judge you. I don’t think anything else you can say will surprise me.”

  His relaxed state sets me at ease.

  “Okay...well, my life has never been easy. And I’m not telling you this for pity, but only because it’s the truth and the whole reason why I took the test. I’m not ashamed of where I came from, but I don’t want to shock you any more than I already have.”

  He shoots me a small smile. “Consider me unable to be shocked any more at this point.”

  I laugh. It feels good to release the tension from my body. “Okay. Well, my mother—not that I think it reflects on you or anything—is awful. Seriously, I can’t believe I’m related to her or that she attracted someone as nice as you in the first place.”

  Matteo winces.

  Shit, Chloe, be a little nicer, won’t you? “She made my life miserable while I was growing up, and all I did was wish every year that I would find you. It’s what kept me sane in a place that was anything but.”

  Matteo’s cheeks lose their healthy coloring. Oh, God, I’m botching this again.

  “No pressure or anything. I swear!” I raise my hands in a way to placate him. “I had hoped my father would be interested in developing a better relationship with me than my mother. And since she claimed she didn’t remember who my dad was, I couldn’t exactly find him. But then my roommate bought me an ancestry kit for my birthday and—”