The Boyfriend Plan

by J. S. Cooper

  “But at least I eat,” I’d say indignantly. He’d laugh at my pout and kid. “Yes you do, that’s why I love ya.” And as he said those words, he would realize through a warm feeling flowing from his stomach to his heart that those words weren’t just a joke. That he actually, really did love me. And he’d grab my hand and he’d say, “Maggie Lane, you are so precious. Don’t ever change. Not for anyone.” And then I would realize that the conversation had taken a serious turn and would look up at him and suddenly feel shy. What came next always differed in my mind, but it always ended with him telling me how much he loved me and how he couldn’t believe he was so lucky to have met someone like me.

  “So where’s it to be?” Ben broke my reverie.

  “I really don’t think I can make it, Ben,” I tried to be firm. It wasn’t easy, and I’m not sure how well it worked. Most of my friends know that I’m a bit of a pushover.

  He pouted deliberately. “But I really want my best-girl friend to meet my girlfriend and tell me what she thinks.” He really knew how to push my buttons. I delighted in the fact that I was Ben’s best friend. I liked to think of all those romantic quotes that talked about best friends making the best lovers and spouses. Even though it didn’t seem to be working out that way for me yet.

  “Girlfriend?” I spoke a little too loudly, the shock apparent in my voice.

  Ben grinned. “Yup, we made it official last night. She asked me what we were and where it was going, and I said ‘F-it. I’m not getting any younger; why not give it a chance.’”

  “Wow,” was all I could manage as my nervous system went to pieces and I tried to manage a brave smile and look like I was happy for him.

  “I know, you never thought I’d be in a real relationship, eh?” I wanted to wipe the smile off his face. It was true that I had always implored him to stop his dalliances and to get into a real relationship. Only I had wanted it to be with me. I’d rather he went from woman to woman than actually be in love with someone else. I knew it was selfish, but I couldn’t help it.

  “So now you have to meet her. My two favorite girls have to get along.”

  I told him yes because I needed to get out of the conversation quickly, as tears were starting to well up in my eyes. I was just too emotional right then. I was already feeling overwhelmed about the marathon and the book, and this was just the icing on the cake.

  “Yes, yes, sure. I’ll work something out with Gayle. But I have to go now. So we will talk later,” I jumped up quickly.

  “Where are you going?” he looked a little put out that I was ending our conversation so quickly.

  “Oh, I have to meet Blake. He wanted to talk about some things,” I said distractedly, gathering my handbag and possessions. I noticed Ben’s eyes narrow and the quick frown on his face, and I might have beefed it up a little bit more to make him jealous. But I was about to cry. I just gave him a quick hug and left.

  “I’ll tell you where I want to eat tomorrow,” I shouted back to him as I walked out the door. I’ll have to think of an expensive place to eat to make up for the emotional trauma I have to endure while at lunch with Ben and Ms. Perfect.

  I was sitting on my bed, stroking a sleeping Lucy, and feeling sorry for myself when my phone beeped, indicating that I’d gotten a text message. I grabbed the phone up quickly and saw that Blake had texted me. My heart jumped slightly for a few seconds and I smiled as I opened the message.

  Blake: Hey, how’s it going?

  Maggie: Okay, I guess. How are you?

  Blake: Great. Why just okay?

  Maggie: I just suck at love. That’s all. :(

  Blake: I’m sure you don’t suck. :(

  Maggie: I can’t get a boyfriend to save my life.

  Blake: I’m sure you can.

  Maggie: Yeah. Le Sigh.

  Blake: Would you like to meet up for lunch tomorrow?

  Maggie: Sure.

  Blake: I think I might have a suggestion for you.

  Maggie: Oh what?

  Blake: You’ll have to wait and see.

  Maggie: Ugh.

  Blake: See you tomorrow, Maggie-Moo.

  Maggie: Just Maggie thanks.

  Blake: :P

  7

  Dear Diary,

  I’m not a flaky kind of person, and I never usually have more than one crush at a time. For God’s sake, I’m 27. I shouldn’t even be having crushes, but something about Blake makes me all happy inside. I feel almost guilty about it, as if I am cheating on Ben. I know, I know, there is nothing between Ben and me, and it is time for me to move on with my life. It’s just that I’ve entertained the thought of Ben and me being together for so long, that it’s almost like I believe we are fated to be together. Gayle has done her best to tell me to move on with my life and start dating, and, well, I’ve wanted to but never knew where to start. And I was never quite ready to accept that Ben and I would never be. I think I’m ready now. I don’t know if it is because he now has a girlfriend or because Blake is in my life again. Oh, Blake! But I’m ready for the dreams to become reality.

  “Shit,” I muttered to myself as I tried to find a parking spot for my car. I was late. Again. I don’t want Blake to think I am disrespectful of his time, but it just seems as if I can never be on time when meeting him. I ran into the restaurant, looking around for him, hoping he wasn’t mad. I almost stopped dead when I saw him, beaming at me from the table.

  I was struck once again by his good looks and boyish smile. He is a man with a boy’s charm and his friendly look put me at ease right away.

  “Maggie, over here,” he called out to me and waved. I walked over, trying to look graceful but feeling like a gangly teenager once again. Blake got up and gave me a hug as I approached the table. His body was warm, and I wanted to melt right into him.

  “What, no kiss today?” he teased me as I sat down.

  “Maybe when I leave, if you’re lucky,” I shot back. I was actually quite stunned inside. I’ve never been able to flirt with guys I find attractive. I usually get all tongue-tied and googly-eyed. But with Blake it’s easy, maybe because I’ve known him since I was a child; I mean, he has already seen me at my most immature.

  “So how is the revision coming along?” He smiled at me as he leaned back in his chair. I didn’t know what to think. Was he testing me? Did he realize that there was no revision going on because the book wasn’t done? Not even a third of the way written.

  “It’s coming okay. You know how it is.”

  “So, tell me about it. I’m all eager and excited.” A huge grin spread upon his face. It was a private joke. When we were younger, I’d always gotten mad at him for not paying attention to me when I told my stories. I’d tell him I wanted a more eager audience, and that I wanted to see that he cared about what I was talking about. He had never changed his expression and always seemed as if he wanted to be anywhere but there when I was talking to him, but he had listened to me more than Chad had. In fact, Chad would leave the two of us in his room while he went to go and play video games and ride his bike. He’d shout up to Blake to just leave me and come on downstairs. But Blake had always stayed. Hmm, I’d never really thought about that before. It had to be annoying to him to listen to me talk about Anna and Sue (my two best friends at the time), and then complain about the latest boy who wasn’t calling me.

  “Are you going to tell me what your great idea was?”

  “In a little bit, patience, dear Maggie.”

  “Ugh, I hate having to be patient.” I groaned and sipped on some water.

  “Hey, quick question, Blake.”

  “Sure, shoot.”

  “Why did you listen to me babble on so much when we were younger? I must have been a teen drama queen personified, always going on about different guys and different hair-brained schemes to get their attention. Why did you put up with it?”

  He laughed. “You know, Maggie Moo, there were a million times that I wanted to throttle you or tell you to shut-up, but I enjoyed you trusting me e
nough to open up like that to me. You always made me feel like I was your big brother.”

  “I did?” I didn’t quite understand how that was. I’d had a little bit of a crush on him. Even though he’d been acne ridden and nowhere near as cute as he was now.

  “Yeah, no one who was concerned about manners or etiquette would ever put their business out there like that and babble on and on and on. You didn’t care. You treated me just like you did Chad. It made me feel like I was truly part of the family.”

  “But I was so rude and snotty to you.”

  “But that’s how you were to Chad. That’s the dynamic brothers and sisters have. And I liked it. It was hard growing up as an only child, but you made me feel like I was surrounded by siblings. Because frankly, one of you equaled at least 3 sisters in normal families, I’m sure.”

  I couldn’t help but join him in his laughter. I was indeed the queen of drama and could have been the main character in at least 3 different soaps. It wasn’t in just one area of my life that there was commotion; it seemed to invade my whole being, from friends, to boyfriends, to school, to family, to the families I dog-walked for, to the local grocery stores I bought products from, there was always something going on.

  “You know, I missed you more than Chad when I moved.” Blake looked at me seriously. “I missed my little sister. Chad was my best friend, and, well, I missed my best friend, but with you? With you, it was like leaving family behind.”

  “Oh wow, I didn’t know that.” I felt a little guilty. While I had missed Blake, it had been more because I missed my sounding board and the only person who ever listened to me garble on for hours without their eyes glazing over or trying to then bore me with their problems as well. Yes, I had also been the quintessential bad friend in that regard. I really loved to talk about my own problems but never really listened. I grew out of that phase, thank God, or I’m sure I wouldn’t have any friends anymore.

  “Hey, let’s not get all sappy. I’m glad we’ve reconnected. Tell me about your book and anything else that is going on with your life. I’m all ears, and I’m sure you haven’t changed that much, Moo-moo.”

  I swatted his shoulder at the Moo-moo, but felt a warmness inside me. Chad had moved to Germany about six years ago when he met a German girl while traveling through Europe, and there were times that I really missed having my big brother around. I was a bit disappointed that Blake saw me as a little sister; it seemed as if my daydreams of kissing him all night were a bit inappropriate now, but really, who’s to say that those visions are wrong? I mean, it’s not as if we are blood-related or anything.

  “So ... the book is going okay,” I began. I mean even though we have this newly-developed closeness, there was no way that I was going to tell him that the book was not even nearly done.

  “What’s it about?” I could tell that Blake was genuinely interested. Oh, why couldn’t he have been one of those people who asks you a question and then continues on talking about themselves? Normally, I can’t stand that, but in this instance it would have been ideal.

  “So the book is about, um, this girl called Jenny and she uh, well, she has the ability to become a butterfly during the summer months.”

  “A butterfly?”

  “Yes, she becomes a monarch butterfly. It has to do with her metamorphosis from a caterpillar. You have to read it to really understand,” I say, a little indignantly.

  “Oh, I see, interesting. And what does she do with this ability?”

  “Well, she flies around and, um...”

  “Are there other people with this ability in the book?” Blake interrupted me, genuinely interested in learning more about these butterfly-human beings. I wanted to smack him across the head. Really? A girl who turns into a butterfly? How awful was that plot? Who would really be interested in reading that drivel? Maybe I’d tell him that her turning into a butterfly was a metaphor for her starving herself and only eating lettuce. That the book was a scrutiny of life as a teenage girl and how they are similar to butterflies: pretty, flighty, and in danger of having their wings torn off by horrible boys.

  “Well, there are only girls who have this ability. They turn into butterflies as a way to camouflage themselves in awkward situations.” I was talking very animatedly and knowledgeably for someone who was making up the plot on the spot. I went into my handbag to grab a pen and paper. I was actually really beginning to like the premise. I wanted to make sure that I didn’t forget the ideas that I was spewing out now.

  “What are you writing?”

  “Oh, just some additional thoughts to include in the book in the second draft. Review and renew, that’s what I call this stage.”

  Blake watched me as I furiously scribbled every last word I had just said, or as I remembered it. I wasn’t sure how I was going to incorporate everything, but I liked the idea of a teenage girl being like a butterfly. I had a big grin on my face by the time I was done. I finally had an idea to start working with. That was always my biggest problem, and I was anxious to go home and get started.

  “So what happens next?” Blake asked.

  “Oh, oh, you don’t want to hear more about my book right now,” I babbled. “Why don’t you tell me all about your job and love life? I’ve been dying to hear more.”

  “Well, there is no love life worth talking about right now.”

  “What? I find that hard to believe!” My insides were screaming with happiness and excitement at his words. Oh my, I was going to go to Hell. How could I be this happy about my pseudo-brother being single?

  “Believe it, Maggie Moo, there is no one but you,” he laughed. “I’m a poet and I don’t even know it.”

  I swatted his arm again. It was firm beneath my touch. “Blake, if those are the lines you are approaching women with, then there is no wonder why you’re single!” I didn’t add that I was joking and that a million of those lines wouldn’t detract a female within a hundred miles of him. His handsome good looks and incorrigible laugh and smile more than made up for some corny poems.

  “So what about you? Are we marrying you off anytime soon?”

  “Nope.” I made a face. “I did just tell you yesterday that I suck at love.”

  “What, not at all? I’m shocked. The boy-crazy Maggie I knew would no way be without some sort of man or crush in her life.”

  “Well, I didn’t say I didn’t have any interests in anyone,” I grinned back at him. “Remember Ben?”

  “The spy?”

  “Yes, the spy.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Well, you know. I have a slight thing for him.”

  “What sort of thing?” His face looked curious, but his tone was more tense now.

  My cell phone started ringing at that point. I groaned when I saw Gayle’s face blinking on the screen. I excused myself quickly and took the phone call. Gayle and I were meant to hit up the indoor track at the gym for a run, and she was calling to make sure that I had remembered.

  “Hey, sorry about that,” I said as I sat back down in my seat. “That was Gayle. We’re going for a run this afternoon, and she was just reminding me.” I pulled a face.

  “No worries. What are you running for?”

  “She convinced me to run a marathon with her in a few months, and, well, let’s just say that I am not prepared at all.”

  “A marathon, huh? How far can you run now?”

  “About 1 minute,” I mumble the last part.

  “One mile?”

  “One minute.”

  “One minute?” Blake tried to hide his smile.

  “I know, I know, I suck.”

  “Oh, Maggie,” and with that he erupted into laughter. “So tell me about this thing with Ben?”

  “There’s not much to tell. I like him, he doesn’t know I exist. No man knows I exist, that sort of thing.” I sighed dramatically and made a face.

  “I could help.”

  “How?” I narrowed my eyes at him.

  “What if I become your boyfriend coac
h?”

  “My boyfriend coach?”

  “Yeah, I can help you get Ben or whatever guy you really want.” He paused for a second. “Maybe there’s a better option out there for you.”

  “Better than Ben Bonkers?”

  “Perhaps. From what I know of him, he didn’t exactly seem like God’s gift to women.”

  “He’s very cute!”

  “He’s okay.” His voice trailed off. “So, do you want my help.”

  “What exactly would your help consist of?”

  “Well, I’d have to do some preliminary tests to see where you stand right now.” He tilted his head to the side and studied my face and body as if he were some sort of doctor sizing me up for plastic surgery. It made me feel slightly uncomfortable and weirdly turned on. “Based on that, I would know what you needed help with.”

  “I need help with everything.” I groaned.

  “So then I’d teach you the art of seduction.”

  “Oh?”

  “For example, give me your best end of first date kiss.”

  “What?” My jaw dropped. “Now? With you?”

  “Yeah.” He grinned. “It’s important for you to know the right balance in a first date kiss.”

  “Balance?” I was confused. “What do you mean?”

  “How sexual to make it. When to pull away. What to do with your eyes. That sort of thing?”

  “Oh.” I swallowed hard. “So you want me to kiss you?”

  “As a test, so I know your level of flirtation skills.”

  “Uhm okay. As a test then.” I said. I took a deep breath and leaned forward. I closed my eyes and pressed my lips against his for about five seconds and then pulled away. When I finally opened my eyes again, he was just staring at me with a small smile.

  “So I see we have to start at the beginning there.” He said.

  “What?” I was offended. “I’m a good kisser.”

  “This is how you perform the perfect kiss.” He said and he moved his chair over to me. He leaned over, grabbed my neck and brought my face towards his. “Keep your eyes open.” He said, before his lips descended onto mine. His blue eyes gazed into mine as his lips pressed down firmly on mine. His fingers went up to my hair and he deepened the kiss, pushing the tip of his tongue into my mouth slightly, before pulling back slightly, tugging on my lower lip with his teeth for a few seconds. Then he kissed me firmly again and moved away from him. I was literally left gasping for air as he gazed at me. My heart was racing and my lips were tingling. I had never experienced a kiss like that before in my life. Never.