by Jan Spiller
Perhaps through their interaction with their boss, they can learn that if they don’t assert themselves, they may be expected to do more difficult or unpleasant tasks in the future. By validating whatever it is that they say they learned about THEMSELVES—not the other person—you will be encouraging the path of self-discovery that their Soul is urging them to take.
Promote Independent Action
These people tend to hold back on asserting themselves for fear that voicing their desires could create disharmony for others, and this leads to their “going along” and supporting others at their own expense. If they feel that someone is imposing on their accommodating nature, encourage them to take the initiative to clear the air and stand up for what they need to happen in the situation.
Aries North Node people have an innate sense of fairness. They don’t take advantage of others and don’t want to be taken advantage of themselves, which is healthy. Since this person is a born team player, if you help them to see that sometimes asserting their independence is what will ultimately benefit both themselves and the team, and lead to harmony, they will do it.
For instance, if they tell you they feel sad because their significant other always seems to be creating distance and pushing them away, suggest that they experiment with doing more things on their own, independent of the relationship. Help them to understand how strengthening their own individual identity—and giving their partner the space to do the same—can actually lead to greater intimacy and joy between them.
Inspire Them to Act on Their Instincts
Point out to the native that when they are self-reliant and follow their own instincts, they win. Taking action on their internal impulses works for them, but when they delay action and seek input from others, they begin to doubt themselves and become confused. Their impulse to take action is an instinctive force, and they need encouragement to trust and follow it.
In dealing with others, urge these people to always state their position first, before asking for the other person’s input. Help them to understand that this is truly being a team player. It lets others see their position up front, which allows a deeper level of cooperation and a more lasting harmony to emerge. Since these people value fairness, if you frame it as the best way to “play fair” with the other person, they will feel empowered to meet the challenge.
Support Their Focusing on Self
Aries North Node people are so accustomed to being in a relationship that it seldom occurs to them to do things that make them happy as an individual. Encourage them to engage in activities that spark the joy inside of them. Maybe it’s going to a classical music concert. If you don’t want to go, encourage them to love themselves enough to go enjoy it. If they feel happy spending time in Mother Nature and you’re not in the mood for a hike, support them in following their “hiking impulse” and taking some time alone to recharge.
Encourage them to set aside time for activities that they deeply enjoy—all by themselves. And if occasionally there’s an event that they really want you to attend, support them by sharing the experience with them. In this way they will see that exhibiting their independence evokes others’ support and cooperation.
It is vital to prompt these people to make their own decisions. If they seem indecisive, ask them: “What would be best for you in this situation? What would you like?” Since their individual survival instincts are underactive, they need you to encourage their self-interest and remind them to “be brave.” By supporting them in decisions that nurture their own life force, you can help them to heal their tendency to co-dependency.
Encourage Them to Spend Time by Themselves
Aries North Node people are so sensitive to those in their environment that when another person is unhappy, it affects their state of being. Encourage them to schedule regular time alone in order to recharge their energy and strengthen their sense of self-reliance. Also, when they are alone and cannot be distracted by the identity of others, it is easier for them to connect with their own true inclinations and gain the self-centering they need in order to create truly balanced relationships.
Since their tendency is to want to do most things with their partner, they need encouragement to do things on their own. Point out activities they can do alone, such as taking walks, going to a movie, working out at the gym, reading, etc., and ask them which ones they feel attracted to. And remind them that doing some things alone can actually be more fun. For instance, when they go shopping at a favorite store by themselves, they have the freedom to focus on what they are interested in, which also reinforces their healthy independence.
The values of harmony and peace are important to these people. If you also observe that doing things alone that make them happy increases their own inner harmony—which in turn affects others positively—they will be more willing to do it. Help them to see that by building a strong sense of personal identity, a deeper, more lasting harmony can be attained in their relationships.
Habits to Discourage
Seeing themselves through the eyes of others: Discourage this practice. They lose their sense of self when they get caught up in worrying about another’s image of them.
Comparing themselves to others: Don’t allow this habit, as it is totally counterproductive to discovering and expressing their own unique, individual self.
Reacting to something being “unfair”: Every time you hear them say the words “This isn’t fair,” don’t indulge them. Remind them that this is a mind-set resulting from expectations and self-compromise that only leads to resentment. Instead of being concerned with “fairness,” they need to focus on discovering the true identity of themselves and others.
Taurus North Node People
and North Node in the 2nd House
SPECIAL GIFTS THEY BRING TO RELATIONSHIPS
Psychological depth
Sensitivity to the circumstances of others
Eagerness to support others
A powerful spirit
A natural team player
The potential to create financial abundance
A willingness to invest in others
MISCONCEPTIONS THAT BLOCK INTIMACY
“My relationships work when I pour all my energy into supporting the other person.”
“Supporting my partner means getting involved in helping them make their decisions.”
“I need to be in a relationship in order to survive.”
“I’m safer if I ignore my boundaries and give beyond my comfort zone.”
“Others don’t realize how valuable I am to them.”
“If I reveal my needs, others may not respond in a positive way.”
“It’s okay for me to buy what I want now and pay for it later.”
“Others don’t care enough about me to tune in to where I’m coming from.”
COMPLAINTS OF THEIR PARTNERS
“They’re always having some kind of a crisis.”
“I can’t trust them to respect my values.”
“They are very judgmental.”
“They use intimidation to gain control.”
“They’re extreme in the ways they deal with money.”
“They feel entitled to be treated in a certain way.”
Maintaining Healthy Boundaries
One way that boundaries are defined in relationships is by the amount of time and energy exchanged. Taurus North Node people are out of touch with their boundaries due to many past incarnations where they deliberately overlooked their own needs in order to wholeheartedly support others. So in this lifetime they tend to yield too easily to supporting their partner in developing their gifts and values at the expense of what the native feels is important. Intellectually, they know better than to spend time, energy, or money beyond their limits, and yet they continue to do it again and again.
Eventually, the native st
arts to feel like they’ve lost themselves in the process of taking care of everyone else. Then they feel resentful and may suddenly just withdraw their support. This causes the other person—who doesn’t understand what’s going on—to feel shut out and alienated. They are learning about the proper use of boundaries and the importance of letting the other person know their limits: “I can be here to support you for an hour, and then I need to go.” In this way the other person can become more aware of them as an individual and more appreciative of the time and energy the native gives to them. And the native won’t be so likely to feel as if there’s “no end” to the other person’s needs.
Another block to intimacy in Taurus North Node people’s relationships is their subconscious notion of “ownership” over the other person. Whether it’s their child, lover, friend, or business partner, they tend to become enmeshed and lose their sense of self. They think: “What I invest my energy in and make successful should be mine.” And this is correct ONLY in terms of business or personal projects, not people! But when they see the potential for success in someone, they can’t seem to help putting all of their energy into helping that person become successful and wealthy. Due to their subconscious issues with self-worth and boundaries, they often do this without any written or verbal understanding. So the other person may get all the fame and financial rewards, for something that succeeded—in great part—due to the native’s efforts. The native thinks the other person should be loyal to them and give back to them in some way, and if the person they supported doesn’t see it that way, they feel betrayed.
When the native is supporting their partner’s success their focus is totally on them. They put their own needs on the back burner, not insisting on the reciprocity that is an intrinsic part of any healthy relationship. Instead, they tend to play the whole relationship out in their heads and decide what they are entitled to have once their partner has reached their goal. And then if they don’t get it, rather than communicate and work it out with the other person, they just shut down. Their partner doesn’t understand why the native has distanced themselves—they didn’t know that the native’s support came with a hidden price tag. The results of this dynamic are anger, resentment, and distancing for both people, because the process of the relationship isn’t honest. The Taurus North Node person denies their needs in the moment, and then demands that they be met in a specific way later on. And then, whether their partner meets their needs or not, they cannot experience true intimacy because the natural reciprocal process that can be created when needs are expressed AS THEY ARISE has been circumvented.
Our true boundaries are not a mental construct. They are innate, and are actually felt as an urge within the body that lets us know whether or not we feel comfortable in a particular situation. For most of us, stretching beyond our “comfort zone” is a requirement for personal and spiritual growth. But for Taurus North Node people this process is reversed. They tend to feel safer when they discount their own comfort and ignore their boundaries. It may even feel very frightening for them to remain aware of their comfort zone and stay within it, but it is through that process that growth can occur. And in this lifetime, it is an absolute necessity if their relationships are to succeed. So if they feel uncertain in a situation, they need to slow down, take a deep breath, and wait until they know if they are comfortable with the timing and level of reciprocity that is unfolding. In this incarnation, there’s no rush, they have plenty of time—and if they stay within the parameters of where they feel good about themselves, they will know they are on track.
Taurus North Node people know when their boundaries are being trespassed—they feel frustrated, fatigued, uncomfortable, and unsettled. In this state there can be no intimacy because they can’t risk being vulnerable at the deepest level. They fear other people will continue to violate their boundaries, and since they don’t know how to stop that process they shut everyone out and end up feeling alienated. The native thinks that others don’t care whether or not they feel comfortable, but this is because they don’t express their needs so that others can accommodate them.
Everyone wants to be comfortable. However, these natives tend to be more concerned with the comfort of others—which they can’t really control—and neglect taking responsibility for creating what they need to feel comfortable. Subconsciously they think: “If I feel comfortable, someone’s going to ask me to do something. Then they’re more comfortable, but my comfort has gone out the window.” For example, a Taurus North Node client was reading her book, finally comfortable after her long day. Then her husband came in: “What’s for dinner?”—and her son: “Hey, Mom, help me build this!” So she immediately jumped up and responded to their needs at the expense of her need to have a little time to relax.
The dynamics of this scenario block intimacy, because again the interaction isn’t honest. Truthfully, the native wanted to enjoy her own comfort, but instead of saying anything, she took care of her family and—once again—felt resentful. Others don’t sense the resentment because the native covers it up. Intimacy is thwarted because the native has set it up for everything to be all about the other people.
A good experiment for these natives would be to set time limits that include what they need to feel comfortable. For instance, if my client is relaxing and someone says: “Can we do this?” she could say: “Sure! I need another fifteen minutes (or an hour—whatever her real needs are) for myself, and then we’ll do your thing!” This validates to the other person the importance of the native’s comfort and points out that they also have individual needs. And it opens the door for intimacy to be created because the other person appreciates the native more. They think: “There’s a person over there! And she’s willing to come and help me when she gets through with what she needs to do!”
Reconnecting with a Sense of Self-Worth
Taurus North Node people generally aren’t aware that anything about them is inherently valuable. This “blind spot” was created by many past lives where they were so focused on how brightly ANOTHER person was shining that they lost sight of their own light. They developed a pattern of seeing their partner’s talents, investing all their energy into demonstrating that person’s worth to society, and neglecting to nurture their own inner spark. Also, from being so focused on promoting their partner, they began discounting their own personal values. They allowed what society valued—and what brought material gain—to eclipse their inner sense of what was truly important. Over time, they became disconnected from their own values and actually began BELIEVING that what society values really is what’s important.
From these repeated past life experiences, these people have lost touch with their sense of self-worth and the inner voice that tells them what’s truly worthwhile. Until this pattern is resolved, it emerges again in this incarnation as a block to creating happy relationships. For one thing, they tend to think that for any relationship to succeed, they must focus on supporting their partner. This blocks intimacy because underneath the native knows they are disrespecting themselves by giving so much to their partner—and they are—when they don’t also reveal their own needs. They just assume that their choice is to partner with someone and be responsible for meeting their needs, or to not have a partner. So rather than following their own natural attraction and finding what they need for personal fulfillment, they usually choose a partner whose needs they think they can fulfill without expending too much energy.
These folks often come to conclusions without the other person even being aware of this process. The native may not allow for their input or explore how together they might structure the relationship to be mutually satisfying. For example, one client—a professional business woman—became involved with a Taurus North Node man, and there was a powerful, mutual attraction on all levels. However, when he was approached by a secretary in his office, he chose the secretary, since he felt he could satisfy her needs and wasn’t sure he was “worthy” of my client. This all
came out later—he didn’t share his thoughts with her at the time.
People in this nodal group also experience insecurity when they go out of their way to let the other person know how important and special they are, and their partner doesn’t reciprocate. Then the native begins to doubt their worth to that person and pulls back. For example, the husband of a Taurus North Node client noticed that his wife was distant, and asked what was wrong. She said: “I went through all the Valentine’s cards in the store to find just the right one. And when I gave it to you, you just said: ‘Thanks. I’ll read it later when I have my glasses.’—and you went to sleep.” In her eyes, he was discounting her value to him, and it damaged her sense of self-worth. Another client with this nodal position had a significant other who didn’t do anything special for her on Valentine’s Day because, he said, “It’s too commercial.” For both of these natives, their partners are not meeting needs that are important to them.
If the native doesn’t say anything, others just assume that they will continue going out of their way to show their love and support—and may never acknowledge them. Then the native isn’t sure if the other person even recognizes their contribution. Just a few words of appreciation would mean so much, and when their partners don’t validate them, it undermines their confidence. Of course, no one asked the native to give so excessively, and they never make it clear to their partner what they need in return.
So again, it’s the “hidden price tag,” and when the other person doesn’t “pay up,” the native shuts down. This reaction blocks intimacy because, to their partner, the native has suddenly become cold and distant and they don’t know why, so they pull back as well. These people are learning that in this lifetime their destiny is to risk asserting their own needs in their relationships and to “train” the other person to satisfy them. And when they do, it makes their lives—and their partners’ lives—much happier and more fulfilling.