by Jan Spiller
For their relationships to be successful, Taurus North Node people are learning to take responsibility for strengthening their sense of self-worth and reconnecting with their own personal values. They can accomplish this by focusing on the people and activities that bring them inner feelings of satisfaction. Rather than compare themselves with others, their “right path” is in the direction of whatever brings them comfort and fulfillment. Whether it’s cooking, walking in nature, planting a garden, hanging out with their best friend—it is correct if it evokes inner contentment. On some level it is filling their personal needs, strengthening their core, and reestablishing their sense of self-worth.
The next step for these people is to make sure they set aside enough time to engage in these pursuits—time when they use their energy solely for themselves. Regardless of how busy they are, it’s absolutely essential for the health of their primary relationships that they block out at least half a day every week when they only nurture themselves. When they create this boundary by making themselves important and devoting time to themselves, it strengthens them in every area of their life. Then they will be able to connect more intimately with others because they won’t only be depending on their partner to meet their needs, and they won’t feel so resentful if they don’t get exactly what they want from them.
It is also essential for these natives to start setting limits on how much time and energy they give to others. Their compulsive drive to “shore up the leaks” for their partner not only drains Taurus North Node people of their energy, it also disempowers the other person by robbing them of the independence they need to build their own inner strength. So another benefit of increasing their sense of self-worth by setting personal boundaries is that those around them will become more autonomous as well. For example, when they say: “I can’t help you until 2 P.M. because I take Friday mornings for myself,” the other person not only sees them more clearly, they gain a clearer picture of themselves too. They realize that they can’t just assume that the native will always take care of them because the native is a person with their own needs.
Respecting Others’ Values
In past lives, Taurus North Node people were accustomed to having a Soul Mate, so now whenever they bond with someone—a lover, spouse, child, or business partner—they give 100 percent to support that person being successful. And they can be a powerful ally in helping others make their dreams come true, because they understand society’s values and how to win in that arena. However, in their past incarnations they “sold out” to society’s values so many times that now they don’t take personal values into account—their own or others’. They just assume that the other person wants the things that society labels as “success,” and push them to succeed in that direction. In fact, they think that adhering to society’s values is the only safe way to exist in the world.
If the native has children, they tend to overbond with them and put their full energy into making them successful in the eyes of society. Perhaps the child is musically gifted and wants to be a singer. But because the Taurus North Node parent doesn’t understand the process of first discovering what is innately valuable to the other person and then helping them develop their talents, if the child is also good at math, they may try to turn them into an accountant—or some other artificially imposed role that will ensure society’s approval and monetary gain. In this way they run roughshod over others and their “support” often creates opposition rather than gratitude and cooperation.
In fact, Taurus North Node people tend to invalidate any values other than those THEY think are legitimate—i.e., society’s approval and monetary reward. This can be particularly hurtful to those who are close. If a loved one is interested in something that to the native doesn’t seem like a viable way to earn money or gain status, the native can be strongly judgmental, or even combative. This is a serious block to intimacy because others can’t trust the native to respect their values. Rather than feeling accepted for who they are, the other person feels they are constantly being judged.
The Taurus North Node person may even put someone down or make fun of them if they don’t agree with their values. It can be very psychologically subversive. They may also urge the other person to openly share themselves and their values, and then try to show them that their values don’t hold water. Naturally, the other person defends their values, so conflict is created. Eventually, others will no longer risk revealing themselves to the native because they get tired of having their feelings ignored and their ideas rejected. The other person feels they have to pull back so they can redefine who they are in their own eyes. So the native ends up creating distance in the very relationships that are most important to them. If the other person had felt accepted and understood, the results could have been rapport and intimacy instead of anger and mistrust.
Another way that this fixation on society’s standards creates difficulty in their relationships is that they want others to treat them according to how they think society defines their “role”—father, friend, lover, child, etc. The native believes they are entitled to feel the way they want the other person to make them feel when performing their role “correctly.” For instance: “Children should do well in school and make their parents feel proud.” Or: “Men should spend a lot of money on their girlfriends so they will feel valued.” Then, if the other person doesn’t treat them this way, the native takes it personally and creates distance in the relationship.
All these issues stem from Taurus North Node’s underlying “magical belief” that if they totally support the other person, then everything will work out the way they want it to. However, by imposing the values that guide THEIR life on those who are close, they cross the boundaries of the other person. They seldom even ask their partner what they want. The native just “helps them” make decisions, in alignment with what the native thinks is important, and then puts all their time and energy into supporting that decision. And it never works. Even if the other person is happy with the results—i.e., the job change, new location, etc.—they will tell the native that the only reason they did it was because the native wanted it. And if they’re NOT happy with the result, they blame the native, who feels responsible.
When the native becomes so intimately involved in their partner’s process, they rush the other person into making a decision before that person can get in touch with what it is they really want. The native’s partner doesn’t appreciate it and doesn’t feel supported. In fact, from their perspective, they are actually supporting what the native wants them to do or be. They feel like the native owes them, not vice versa, while at the same time the native feels like they have given so much and are never acknowledged.
This dynamic defeats intimacy in their relationships because the other person can’t trust that the native won’t bulldoze them into making a decision that isn’t really what THEY want. And sometimes people just want to do their own thing—they may not want everything to always involve their partner. So before investing a lot of time and energy, Taurus North Node people are learning to first discover and respect what their partner wants to create in the situation, and how that person wants to express their talents and abilities. This means giving them time to discover what they inherently value, and being open to what they want.
These folks are learning to ask their partner: “How can I support you?” Then when they give their support, they will create positive energy as well as results that make both people happy. Their help will be truly valued by their partner, and cooperation, intimacy, and heartfelt appreciation will be the results.
And in the process of listening to their partner share their own personal innate values, the native will be able to see how their partner’s internal values are an intrinsic part of what they are interested in, who they were designed to be, and their instinctive needs for personal and spiritual growth. In this way the Taurus North Node person will have the opportunity to better understand the process th
at they need to follow in order to reconnect with their own inherent values on a Soul level—and to put their life force into growing in that direction in this lifetime.
Overcoming Crisis Orientation
Taurus North Node people create crises in their lives that could easily be avoided. On an unconscious level, they do this to demonstrate their power—like a person who starts a fire so they can run in and save someone. It’s a way for them to get the recognition they feel they never get from others. Whether they’re the rescuer in moments of crisis or the person in crisis, either way it keeps everything revolving around them for a change. Everyone expends energy to help them during the “crisis,” as opposed to their modus operandi of using all of their energy to support others.
In addition to their addiction to crisis, these people also block intimacy by creating unnecessary friction in their relationships. Particularly in the area of the other person’s profession, the native tends to push their partner in the direction they think will bring the greatest social and monetary rewards. For instance, if a Taurus North Node father has a son who wants to be a veterinarian, he may try to convince him to go into computers to make more money. The son will naturally rebel to maintain his own identity, which creates distance in their relationship.
These people may also maintain a crisis environment by partnering with someone whose life is in constant crisis. This has the same effect of preventing intimacy because everyone is busy handling the crisis instead of relating to one another on a personal level. They are learning the value of choosing the path of “comfort and ease,” over the path of “crisis.”
Taurus North Node people also tend to be secretive and only share with others selectively—telling them only what they want them to know. There’s a separateness, an aloofness, because they have a protective shell around them and are on “high alert” at all times. They’re so afraid of letting someone in who might hurt and betray them that their guard is never down. They’re calculating—even on the most minute level—what to do, how to do it, and what the results will be. They are learning to just “go with it” and accept things at face value.
The dynamics of mistrust block intimacy in their relationships because the other person has a tough time feeling close to the native. The native doesn’t reveal themselves, which makes their partner afraid to reveal himself or herself. Others don’t feel comfortable—that they can just “be” without the native doing something that creates crisis and separation. Those who are close can’t feel intimacy because they’re always busy trying to fix the current crisis. In addition, the constant crisis distracts others from the things they want to do—it’s exhausting.
So a lot of energy gets wasted and the other person feels drained. They don’t have any energy to give to the native to create positive outcomes. Subconsciously, the native is trying to build self-worth by having others validate how powerful they are. So when the other person resists their attempts to forcibly change what’s going on, they feel unappreciated and resentful, and begin withholding Love. As a result of these dynamics, each person begins to resent and blame the other for the same reason: They feel it’s the other person’s fault that they’re feeling so spent, unnurtured, and unsupported.
Taurus North Node people also create drama as a distraction from dealing with their own inner complexities. In a crisis, they display their level of mistrust in negative thoughts: “This person is going to betray me…that person is going to hurt me…” They create crisis in the outside world as a way to interact with their powerful unresolved emotions on a secondary level—outside themselves. It’s like they’re trying to learn how to deal with their internal feelings by creating external crises that they can face and handle. Ultimately, the idea is for them to turn inward and deal directly with these intense issues, which include unresolved past life betrayals.
Lifetimes when they supported another who tricked them or betrayed them in some way has led to a seething inner rage and constant fear of an unexpected betrayal—which is why they are so self-protective. It may have been that they innocently fed all their power to someone they trusted to be operating from a high level of integrity and noble ideals, and when that person became powerful they used their power to harm others. In this way the native would have inadvertently been part of something that went against their own ideals and values, and they lost their sense of self-worth. Past life regression therapy could be great for the people of this nodal group. By allowing memories from their subconscious to come to the surface and be dealt with, they can release their many layers of inner tension.
Gaining Financial Power
Taurus North Node people subconsciously equate their financial survival with developing and supporting their partner’s talents. They don’t think that anything about THEM personally is valuable, or that they know how to make money themselves. So if their partner leaves, they fear that they can’t make it on their own. As a result, they may interact with some partners in unhealthy ways. For example, they may allow their parents or their ex to interfere in their life for fear that without the other’s financial support they might not be able to survive.
These people definitely have issues around money. For one thing, they are convinced that making money requires a team effort, and that they can’t build financial security alone. However, the fact is that this nodal group has more innate gifts for accumulating money than most others. But due to past lives where they depended on their partners, they are not aware of their financial power. There’s a place inside of everyone that contains the gift of “making money and becoming wealthy.” These people have overlooked this place in so many past incarnations that they don’t even know it’s there. But once they rediscover it, they’ll find that they have an incredible ability to create wealth.
Those with this nodal position usually also resist taking responsibility for the practical, monetary side of life. For example, they can spend money they don’t have, or spend more than makes sense—past the boundaries of what they feel comfortable with after the fact. Debt and credit cards can be a problem for them. They’re willing to get what they want now and deal with it later, which is one way they create crisis in their life. Even when they make more money, all that happens is that their standard of living rises, along with their debt. In fact, it’s not uncommon for them to make an enormous amount of money at some point and just burn through it.
Subconsciously, these folks often try to make their partner responsible for the money—i.e., they lose the bank statements, can’t seem to balance a checkbook, etc. They think their financial problems will end when they get married, trusting that the other person will somehow take care of any debt. For instance, a Taurus North Node client moved in with her boyfriend, who had a $40,000-a-year job. They were so excited they went out and bought a big screen TV and many other luxuries—all on her credit card. In past lives she was used to rich husbands who took care of all the bills, and she spent as if someone else was going to pay for it. She ended up leaving the relationship and all the “stuff,” but was still responsible for her credit card debt.
Although this dynamic was appropriate in past incarnations, in this lifetime it’s only when they take charge of their own money that they can begin to regain their independence and a healthy sense of self-worth. But until they learn this lesson, they continue to be outrageously extravagant and may need others to bail them out when they can’t take care of daily necessities. Their irresponsibility with money creates an energy that drains those around them. Others are diverted from focusing on their own affairs by attempting to “save” the native from their latest crisis.
These people also tend to blame others for their lack of financial stability. For instance, I had a client whose Taurus North Node ex-husband always said: “My divorce ruined me financially.” In fact, they had split all of their financial assets 50/50, but in his mind he still blamed my client for his money problems. And their carelessness with money undermines thei
r relationships because their partners are afraid to merge their finances. They can’t trust the native to be responsible with money, which supports the physical survival of the partnership. This leads their partner to think that the native doesn’t have their best interests at heart—they won’t watch out for them by being financially responsible.
Financial irresponsibility also blocks intimacy because it creates chronic underlying tension. Knowing they’ve got outstanding debts, the native can’t really be fully present and close with their partner because they’re constantly worried and preoccupied. Also, it may be that their partner has gotten used to the flow of spending, and if it stops, they may not be very understanding. On a deep psychological level, this dynamic serves as a way for Taurus North Node people to create some sense of boundaries. Because there’s always a part of them stressed out about money, that part is held back from being fully enmeshed with the other person. It’s like a technique that unconsciously helps them learn how to start setting boundaries.
So when these people begin consciously constructing healthy boundaries—by setting aside time for themselves, letting others know their needs as they arise, and building reciprocity in their relationships—they will naturally cease to create money crises. When they gain a healthy sense of independence from others, they will no longer need to have subconscious, self-sabotaging behaviors around money to provide some sense of separation. And although the native resents the fact that they have to deal with money at all, learning how to handle it successfully will bring an emotionally soothing sense of comfort and stability to their life.
Relinquishing Manipulation and Intimidation
Taurus North Node people often use subtle forms of manipulation or coercion in order to get their way. They have a deep and accurate understanding of the psychologies of others, and use the tactic they think will best help them gain control in each situation. With one person they might decide that getting really angry might help them win. If they think that by being intellectual they would gain power over another, that’s what they’ll use. They switch their approach according to the circumstances, and share information with others in a strategic way. However, even though this may work on an external level, internally they will not feel satisfied with the results. In this lifetime they are learning to present their plans openly so that others have a clear choice about whether or not they agree and want to participate.