by Jan Spiller
In an intimate relationship, it is the tactile level that is easiest to access for sharing pleasure: eating together, touching, sexual interaction. In the bedroom, without this emotional component, lovemaking eventually becomes flat and lacks the self-renewing fulfillment of passionate attraction. It becomes strictly physical. For many men sex can be satisfying on the strictly physical level, but for women, without the emotional component, they begin to lose interest and withdraw. A woman seeks that emotional attachment, and if her Leo North Node man remains emotionally detached, he’s not going to be able to give it to her. It’s a constant, destructive friction, and as time goes by, the sexual activity in the relationship will probably diminish. To keep the sexual attraction alive, the emotional component of romance must stay activated.
Until they become conscious, these people tend to defeat themselves from getting the response that they want from their intimate partner. The reality is that Leo North Node people long for the joys of spontaneous affection. It is interesting that they can connect so well with children in this regard. When they are with a child, they don’t have the same fears in terms of being rejected or how they appear to others, so they don’t hold back and are able to connect on an emotional level. In fact, it would be helpful to them in their intimate relationships to experiment with visualizing their partner’s inner child, and then start playing with that child. This will help them start exercising the right muscles and bring their own inner child to life.
When unaware and dealing with their partner—and other adults—they tend to get stuck in their head and do things in a way they think is giving Love to the other person. However, the other person isn’t receiving it, because the native hasn’t really tuned in to what would make the other person happy. This blocks intimacy because the native’s partner feels like their identity and specialness aren’t really seen. Leo North Node people may think they’re in love and giving generously, but often it’s a self-enclosed system. They are playing out the drama of love within themselves and doing it their way.
Actually, Leo North Node people are innately very gifted in the area of making an emotional connection, but many of them never realize it. Just as a skilled actor or actress becomes objectively aware of the feelings of their audience, connects with them on a feeling level, and then changes the mood as needed by altering their own feelings, these people have the ability to apply this talent to their intimate relationships. By being receptive and tuning in to the emotions of their partner, the native can interact with them in a way that validates and celebrates their mate’s specialness and brings emotional satisfaction to both of them. If they can gain this awareness this lifetime, they will have everything they’ve always longed for in their intimate relationship, and more.
How Others Can Help Them Heal
Encourage Creative Approaches and Activities
Leo North Node people have taken a backseat to the joy and creativity of others for so long that they have put their own creative spirit on hold. Rather than actively working to make a situation happier for everyone concerned—including themselves—they often give in too easily and just go along with what others want. Encourage them to find creative approaches and take action to shift situations in a positive direction that would make them happy—and it will make those around them happier as well. For example, if their primary relationship is getting dry and boring, instead of letting them give up on it, encourage them to initiate shared activities that will rekindle the romantic spark. If they lack confidence, suggest that they “act out a role” that they think will lead to the outcome they desire.
Notice their talents—maybe it’s art, writing, music, public speaking, or acting. Support them in developing these creative interests and prompt them to pursue activities that bring these gifts into expression. They feel happy when they lose themselves in a creative project and a part of them that was unsatisfied becomes full to the brim. Then their joy naturally uplifts all those around them. It is also important for them to exercise the power of their creative will. When they make a decision that requires willpower, the whole process becomes exhilarating for them.
Inspire Them to Take Risks and Follow Their Heart
These people need to feel the energy of taking risks and living life with excitement and involvement. One way to help them do this is to encourage sports activities, especially those that require them to completely immerse themselves in the experience. For example, skiing, parachute jumping, and surfing would all evoke the excitement they need, and demand their total involvement. Support their participation in any sport that attracts them.
They are great at games, and playing brings out their inner child and helps them to experience joy. Also, encourage them to take risks in other areas of their life. Because they naturally see the objective picture, their choices are usually very good. But if they hesitate, you can remind them that once they take the risk, if the results are not what they were aiming for, they can always readjust their approach and try again. Since they are forever trying to see the “Big Picture,” you can often motivate them by suggesting they view the risk as an experiment from which they will gain information that can help them glimpse the bigger picture and guide them to the next step they need to take in the situation.
Leo North Node people have denied themselves the pleasure of following their hearts in so many lifetimes that now it often feels like they are emotionally flat. Their challenge is to get their heart going again and regain their passion for life. Sometimes they need a lot of support to begin making choices based on what makes their heart happy. They can start in little ways, but don’t let them get away with more postponement. Prompt them to spend time in physical activities that bring them pleasure—dancing, fishing, exercising—or suggest creative outlets that attract them—like acting, painting, music, crafts, or other forms of artistic expression that bring them joy. Encourage them to spend time with people who make them happy just by being around them. Investing their energy in activities that open their heart honors and validates the passionate part of themselves, allowing it to become stronger and take its rightful place in their personality.
Arouse Them to Demonstrate Their Love
People with this nodal position need to take ACTION and DO something to show what they’re feeling. Backing up their words with physical action proves that their words are based on something real. For example, if they say “I care about you,” they need to DO things that the other person will interpret as demonstrations of their caring. If the other person loves flowers and they bring flowers—or something else that will light up that person’s face and bring them pleasure—they are demonstrating their caring feelings.
They tend to live in the practical, rational world of words. Encourage them to physically do things for others; the responses they get will be emotional and will trigger their own emotions. It will help to open them up and then they can get what they are longing for. They WANT that emotion coming to them, and they don’t understand why they usually don’t get it. Especially encourage them to take this kind of action with their significant other, because when they do they will find the love that they crave coming back to them.
Encourage Their Generosity
When a Leo North Node person withholds generosity with others, those people also tend to withhold generosity toward them. This leads to a downward spiral where no one feels special in the relationship. The best way to help them with this issue is to reverse this trend by really going out of your way to be generous with them. For instance, if you want them to be more romantic with you, you become more romantic with them. Buy them gifts or cards of appreciation, take them out to dinner, or find other ways to show them how special they are to you.
Be generous with them so they can experience how wonderful it is to really be special to someone else. Then they will be much more likely to do things to make you feel that you are special to them. And when they do start being generous, let them know how much
you appreciate it and give them lots of positive reinforcement. Take the time to enjoy being the recipient of their spoiling and let your own specialness shine, as this will validate the impact of their actions toward you. In this way the energy between you will begin to flow in a more satisfying way for both of you.
Also, these people love their friends and have a friendly attitude toward others. If you can help them to see that demonstrating generosity supports friendship and equality in the world—that “it’s the friendly thing to do”—they will be more likely to do it. Encourage them to show generous actions toward others they care about—to go out of their way to help a friend, or buy a child a toy just because it will make the child feel special. Help them to understand that when they ignite the feeling of “being special” in others, they will begin to see the specialness in themselves, and this will be very healing and nurturing for them.
Support Them in Having Fun
When someone with this nodal position is involved in an activity, ask them: “Are you still having fun with this?” If the answer is yes, encourage them, because they’re on track. If their answer is no, suggest that they stop and reevaluate. They either need to change their approach to the situation or change the situation itself. If they are not having fun, they’re “off path.” So cheer them on in pursuing activities that make them happy. Help them get in touch with what they would like to have happen and what would make them happy in the situation (trip, party, relationship, business meeting, etc.).
When they’re involved in activities that allow them to experience personal pleasure, they are fanning the fire of their joyful emotional body and opening their hearts. Encourage them to play—to bring out the joy and the playful spirit of their inner child—and when they are playing and having fun, validate them. Sometimes they can get over-serious in dealing with peers. Remind them to see other people as children and to experiment with playing with the inner child of the other person. This will help them to gain confidence and allow their relationships to take on a lighter note. Then life will become a lot more fun for everyone involved!
Habits to Discourage
Postponing creative action: These people have a constant feeling that they can’t do anything because “my ducks aren’t in a row yet.” Discourage their habit of postponement and being distracted by whatever stimulus arises in their environment, and support them in focusing on moving forward and accomplishing tasks and goals that are important to them.
Inaction because they don’t see the “Big Picture”: Encourage Leo North Node people to take the next step in front of them and know that the path will reveal itself as they go along. If they follow their attraction to whatever makes them feel vital and alive, the end result will be something that is best for all concerned.
“Going with the flow”: When these people “go with the flow,” they flow right down the drain! They submit too easily to peer pressure, so discourage them from postponing experiences that would be emotionally nurturing for them by allowing themselves to be distracted by the demands of others. Encourage them to pursue choices that make them personally happy, rather than take the route that is “practical.”
Virgo North Node People
and North Node in the 6th House
SPECIAL GIFTS THEY BRING TO RELATIONSHIPS
Unconditional love
A forgiving spirit
Compassion
Non-judgment
Enhanced ability to plan
Sensitivity
A kind heart
MISCONCEPTIONS THAT BLOCK INTIMACY
“If I say no, it will crush the other person.”
“If I let my guard down with someone I trust, I will get hurt.”
“If I care about someone, it’s right that I sacrifice myself for them.”
“I can’t communicate when my emotions are involved.”
“I’m too sensitive to be able to handle negative feedback.”
“Others take advantage of my kind heart.”
“If others falsely accuse me, I need to cut them out of my life in order to protect myself.”
“If others look down on me, I’ll never be able to perform.”
COMPLAINTS OF THEIR PARTNERS
“They’re too sensitive; they get their feelings hurt easily and react defensively.”
“They often assume the role of ‘the helpless victim.’”
“Their need to be seen is a ‘bottomless pit.’”
“They can’t stand to hear any constructive criticism.”
“They too easily give in to fear and anxiety and become helpless.”
“They become overinvolved with their projects or work.”
Establishing Personal Limits
Virgo North Node people have had many lifetimes where they focused on dissolving personal limits in order to cultivate an awareness of “oneness” and unconditional love. As a result, in this incarnation it is difficult for them to say no to others and focus on their own wants and needs. But without setting any limits, they tend to give themselves totally to others, and then feel angry and resentful. These natives are learning that establishing—and sticking to—routines that support their own personal health and well-being is an appropriate demonstration of their spiritual awareness in this lifetime, and the only path that will allow them to create healthy relationships.
However, until they start setting limits, these people end up doing a lot of things they don’t want to do because they don’t say no—and this blocks intimacy. For example, one client with this nodal position bought a house with his brother. As soon as the escrow closed his brother wanted to start working on the house. Even though my client was exhausted from his new job, he bought the supplies and began painting, but the whole time he resented his brother and was in a bad mood.
Another reason these folks have trouble saying no is because they fear that the other person will be angry. They are very sensitive and do not respond well to anger, due to their incarnational history of being persecuted as the innocent victim of other people’s anger. In fact, if they have to say no and think that the other person might become angry, the native may get angry first, in preparation, thinking, “The best defense is a good offense.” But then they feel guilty because the other person didn’t do anything wrong—they just asked the native to do something. If the native stays focused in the here and now and tuned in to the person with whom they’re interacting, they can defuse these unconscious pressures.
Another reason Virgo North Node people may feel angry when asked to do things is that they hate feeling guilty. And they feel especially guilty if they have to say no to the friends or family who are giving the most to them. Sometimes they may come across as abrasive, because they feel like they’re being put on the spot.
When these people say no, they fear both the other person’s response and feeling overwhelmed by their own guilt. This reaction blocks intimacy: The other person gets frustrated because they don’t know why the native is getting so defensive. After a while, the other person becomes hesitant to ask the native for anything.
A big part of the problem is that these people need to learn what words to use to set limits. If they say no in a way that reflects their subjective internal states, they feel guilty. But they are finding that if they phrase their reasons as practical and tangible, it doesn’t trigger their guilt, and other people can better accept their refusal. For instance, instead of saying “I’m too tired,” or “I don’t want to,” they can say: “No, I have a list of things I need to do today,” or “I need to stay home, work around the house, and get some rest.” Or: “Sorry, but I’ve already made plans to do ____.” But until they learn this skill, these natives often perceive that the other person is making them feel guilty. Then they may throw a tantrum that makes everyone uncomfortable.
One area where their neglecting to set personal limits is part
icularly apparent is that they tend to trust others inappropriately and thus live in constant fear of getting hurt. And if they perceive that someone they trust has responded to them harshly on an emotional level, no matter what the circumstances, these natives feel betrayed. They become so devastated that they can’t even defend themselves. So instead of confronting the other person, and straightening things out, their tendency is to react like a child, just sitting there and waiting until the shock passes.
The native doesn’t say anything and the other person often has no idea that anything is wrong. But the native replays the scene over and over again in their mind: “How could they do that to me?” It isn’t that they judge the other person—they’re just completely crushed, so they withdraw. Then the native is no longer emotionally available to the other person, and they remain untrusting and on high alert in the relationship from then on.
To bridge this barrier, the other person has to take the initiative and practically beg the native to talk about it: “What happened? Why are you so distant?” Then, when the native finally releases their upset feelings, their partner can share what was going on with them at the time. And when they have concrete information instead of just their internal anxiety, the native can let go of the negative energy and closeness can be restored. The relationship then can function—until the other person responds in a way that again breaches the native’s trust, and the whole scenario repeats itself. However, this requires the other person to take an active role, so many of their relationships don’t survive this dynamic.
These natives are learning to have a more practical approach to trusting others and dealing with perceived betrayals when they arise. One way they can do this is by becoming more aware of the temperaments of others. For instance, by noticing that a friend has an abrasive side to their nature, the native can make a conscious decision to not allow themselves to be totally vulnerable with that person. If they know someone has the propensity to talk behind their back or spread gossip, they’re not being realistic if they think they can trust that person to not say bad things about them. In this case, the practical approach is to take into account that it’s part of that person’s nature to diminish others.