Us After You

by Claudia Burgoa

  “Fucker!”

  “Keep your negativity outside the door,” Nana says, sounding like the hippie that she is.

  “Zen if it’s a boy,” I continue, and Alex gives me a murderous glare.

  “Stop or I’ll suggest kilts for her bridal party,” he warns me and walks away to kiss Hannah on the cheek. “How’s it going?”

  “She’s dilated ten centimeters,” the doctor announces in the moment. “Only two people can stay with her. Sienna, sweetheart, it’s time to push.”

  “Patrick isn’t here yet,” she whispers to Hannah who looks at me with panic.

  “We can’t wait for him,” I tell her, holding her hand.

  “He’ll be here,” she insists. Her voice is so weak that I’m afraid she might break.

  “Sienna, Rocco is in London,” I explain.

  “No,” she insists. “I’m not ready.”

  “Sienna, get ready,” the doctor announces and looks at me. “Ready for this?”

  “As ready as one can be,” I answer, because what am I supposed to tell him?

  It’s not like I’m new to this shit. When I was sixteen, I did this—at home. This time, I’m not the oldest in charge of four children and a woman in labor.

  “Where’s Sage?” Sienna asks and squeezes my hand pretty hard.

  “She boarded the helicopter a few minutes ago,” Hannah answers. “Let’s push this baby out, so she can surprise aunt Sage.”

  “But I can’t,” she whimpers. “I need Patrick.”

  I bend down and say, “Sienna, sweety, your baby is ready to meet you. Patrick, Sage, and everyone else can meet her when you two are in your room recovering.”

  This reminds me so much of the time when my baby sister, Winter, was about to be born.

  My mother went into labor at the house and it was too late to even drive her to the hospital. With the directions of the doctor—who was on the phone—I was the one helping Mom.

  “Sienna, this is it. There’s no rehearsal, and we can’t wait,” I say firmly. “If you want a healthy and happy baby, you need to follow the doctor’s instructions.”

  “We can only have two people in the room,” the doctor repeats.

  Ethan, Hannah, and Zeke look at each other.

  “I’m staying,” Hannah volunteers.

  “I’ll stay,” I offer.

  “We can’t wait to meet your little girl,” Alex tells Sienna, as he kisses Nana’s cheek and leaves the room. “Call me if you need me. We’ll be in the waiting room.”

  Sienna pushes her head harder to the pillow. “Can I talk to Patrick?”

  Nana and I look at each other, I dial his number while Nana holds her hand. “We’ll get him on the phone. For now, concentrate on your breathing. Do you think it’s too soon to name her my flower girl?”

  Sienna laughs, but it’s a faint laugh. She’s pale. I look at the phone, Rocco isn’t answering. I text him, there’s no answer either.

  “Okay, Sienna, there’s a contraction coming,” the doctor tells her. “Take a deep breath, then push for ten seconds.”

  “One, two…” Hannah counts along with the doctor. Sienna, who is squeezing my hand pretty hard, is turning pale instead of reddening as she pushes harder and harder. “…Nine and ten. Now take a breath.”

  “Where’s Patrick?” she asks, desperation in her voice. “He needs to be here.”

  “We’re trying to find him,” Nana says and shoots me a concerned look.

  There’s another contraction, another count to ten, another weak and faint noise coming from Sienna, and I wonder if this is normal? I remember Mom being loud and energetic.

  Sienna is weak. Should they take her to surgery instead?

  “The head is coming down, Sienna,” the doctor announces. “You’re doing great. Rest for a few seconds, we’re going to push again when the next contraction starts.”

  She leans back against the pillow; her eyes seem lost.

  The doctor pats her leg and says, “Here comes another one. Help me count, push hard.”

  “One, two,” Nana counts with him, trying to keep Sienna animated.

  “Oh, God,” Sienna moans loud in pain and looks at me. “This better be worth it, Patrick.”

  I frown but don’t say anything.

  “Good, we have a head,” the doctor says. “Push harder, you’ll pass the shoulder. She’s almost here.”

  I watch as the baby emerges out of Sienna and starts thrusting her arms and legs. The doctor hands me a pair of strange scissors. “Would you like to do the honor?”

  Carefully, I cut the umbilical cord and stare at the little baby girl who is now wailing after taking her first breath. Instinctively, after handing the metal object to the doctor, I grab her and bounce her.

  “It’s going to be okay, sweetheart. You’ll be fine,” I whisper, and her loud cry becomes a quiet fuss.

  “Let the nurse take her, so she can measure and clean her,” the doctor directs.

  I kiss the little girl on the forehead and hand her over.

  “She’s beautiful, Sienna,” Nana tells her. “We’re going to spoil her and make sure she’s always happy.”

  “Promise?” She says with a dim voice.

  “Sienna, sweetheart!” the doctor calls her loudly. “We need one more push to get the placenta out, then you can hug your beautiful girl.”

  “Doctor, her heart rate is dropping!” someone yells.

  “Sienna,” Nana says with a louder voice. “Don’t go to sleep.”

  “Sir, ma’am, you need to leave,” a nurse orders and starts pushing us out.

  “What’s happening?” I ask, my eyes never leaving the baby.

  One of the nurses puts a plastic bracelet on me. “You need to leave; we’ll call you as soon as your wife is in recovery.”

  22

  Tucker

  It’s a split second. Life doesn’t stop for you, someone else decides when it’s over. Boom, some celestial force snaps their fingers, and you’re gone.

  How can it be over for Sienna?

  “Pulmonary embolism,” the doctor says a couple of hours after they kicked us out of the delivery room. He gives me a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry, sir, we tried everything to save your wife.”

  The hair on the nape of my neck lifts. Rocco.

  “But she was fine,” I say, attempting to keep my voice firm but it’s breaking. “It was a baby, not some—”

  “Sorry, sir, we think she might’ve had an undiagnosed clotting disorder,” he explains. “We tried everything, but it was too late.”

  “I … Thank you,” I say, because what else can I do?

  “The baby is doing great,” he continues trying to sound animated as he pats my shoulder. “I know this is hard, but there are resources for you. There’s no reason to keep her. Usually, we like to keep the mom and the baby for observation but due to the circumstances. You can take her home today and start bonding with her. The nurse will give you the necessary instructions.”

  Once he leaves, I look at the guys and wonder how we’re going to proceed.

  “Rocco,” Hannah whispers, grabbing my hand and Alex’s.

  Then, I realize we’re all grabbing hands. The same way we used to do it before a concert, a trip, or when we received bad news. Zeke, Ethan, Hannah and, in Rocco’s place, is Alex. It’s been Alex since Rocco went away to rehab.

  This was our way to give each other energy, support, and strength for whatever is coming our way.

  “This is going to be worse than Brooke,” I say, closing my eyes as the terror creeps inside my soul and my heart.

  “We’ll have to watch him,” Alex speaks. “We’re a team. There are plenty of things we’ll have to figure out. Decisions he’ll have to make but be unable to do, so we make them for him.”

  “Her family?” Zeke asks.

  “I called them earlier. Her parents won’t be here until tomorrow,” Nana says. “Sage should be here soon.”

  “Fuck, are we going to survive this?” Z
eke questions, and I squeeze his hand harder, because this has to be hard for him too.

  The fucking memories are about to drag us to the dark place. I look at Nana. That woman can go into the deep end and—who is going to survive this shit?

  “This isn’t our first rodeo,” I remind them.

  “Exactly. We have a baby who needs our love and so does Rocco,” Hannah whispers his name, and I’m feeling better as I hear her ready to fight and not drown. “She’s going to help him stay grounded.”

  “Who?” Zeke asks.

  “The baby will help him stay grounded,” she explains.

  “Do you think a kid is that powerful?” he asks skeptical.

  Alex nods. “If something happened to Hannah, I’d be devastated, but our babies would be my reason to live. To continue, because they’ll need me as much as I’ll need them. I’ll want to tell them everything about their amazing mother.”

  Hannah smiles as a tear rolls down her cheek. “We’re not going anywhere. But if you…” she sniffs and her bottom lip trembles. “I’ll make sure our babies know they have the best father.”

  “Babe, I’m not leaving you.”

  “You better not, we have so much to live for,” she says, and they hug and kiss each other as if it’s their last moment, and they were told the world is ending today.

  “Fuck, we’re those people,” Zeke says, running a hand through his hair. “Life is catching up to us. We’re getting married, having children, and realizing death is real.”

  “Are you getting married, Z?” Hannah asks, as she cleans her tears.

  “Need to meet someone.” He looks up toward the elevators and says, “Maybe she’s my girl.”

  “Fuck off,” I order when I notice Sage.

  “Told you he staked claim on her,” Ethan mumbles. “You three owe me money.”

  “Not the time, Ethan,” Nana warns him and looks at me with a sad, yet mischievous smile.

  “Hey,” Sage greets us with her sweet voice. “Is Everly here yet or did my sister wait as I asked her to do?”

  “Everly?” Hannah says and looks at me. “Did she look like an Everly to you?”

  “She’s here already?” Sage asks animated.

  Nana nods and tries her best to look cheerful. “Yes, she’s tiny and beautiful, and I think she had a tuff of red hair.”

  Sage smiles, and my chest constricts because we’re about to wipe its beauty and break her heart.

  “Well, I’m here to compete for the favorite aunt spot,” she says, looking at all of us. “What’s going on with the long faces?”

  We all look at her and none of us speak.

  “Guys, you’re scaring me,” she says with a worried tone.

  Alex takes a deep breath and mutters, “Sienna … there were complications.”

  “What kind of complications?”

  “Pulmonary embolism right after giving birth,” Nana answers, taking her hand.

  “What’s the treatment?” she says, swallowing hard.

  Everybody avoids looking at her. I take a deep breath and breathe out her name, “Sage.” That’s all I can mutter. I can’t find anymore words.

  “No,” she says. “No…”

  My heart seizes in my chest when tears begin to crawl down her cheeks. It’s heartbreaking. The woman whose chin always lifts and nothing can possibly break her bends over at the waist, arms across her middle, as though trying to hold herself.

  “She can’t be…” she sobs.

  I step closer and pull her against my chest. She goes stiff for a moment, but I don’t allow her to push me away. I draw circles on her back. I don’t say anything because, really, what can you tell a person when they’ve lost a loved one?

  It’s going to be okay is such a cliché statement.

  An empty promise that it’s going to be okay doesn’t sit well. Not with her. Really, those are the worst words you can hear when somebody close to you dies. The only way it can be okay is if we can bring Sienna back from the dead.

  I hold Sage as she weeps, stroking her back, cradling her head, offering comfort without whispering a word. I wish I could put her heart back together, that I could stop her tears. But there’s nothing I can say or do.

  Her entire body shakes as she sobs. I’m not sure how long we stay in this position, but I don’t let her go, not even when she starts to calm down and finally speaks, “How?” against my neck.

  “Something happened during the last push,” Nana says. “It’s like … as time passed, she was getting weaker. Her color washed down. Wasn’t it?”

  “Yes, her voice was losing energy as she pushed,” I agree.

  “As soon as the baby was born, she—it happened too fast,” Nana sniffs.

  “It’s okay, babe,” Alex says, holding her.

  Nana sobs. “She asked me to take care of the baby. It’s like she knew.”

  “Where is her husband?” Sage asks, trying to find her bravado.

  “Rocco is on his way back from London,” Alex informs her. “We haven’t told him yet.”

  “We won’t until he’s here—and we have a counselor with us,” I add.

  Fuck, what are we going to do with him? He’s not going to be okay.

  “My parents,” she utters. “I have to call them.”

  A hysterical laugh, almost maniac. “They’re going to blame me.”

  “Listen to me,” I say with a firm voice, locking our gazes, “None of this is your fault. Let’s wait until Rocco gets here. We’ll take care of everything.”

  “The baby,” Nana says. “She can go home. The doctor said she’s fine, and there’s no point to keep her. For some reason, he thinks you’re the father. Let’s take her home.”

  I run a hand through my hair. Where is home?

  “How long before Rocco lands?” I ask Alex, who’s the one in charge of the flight.

  “Fifteen hours. His flight doesn’t take off for another three hours,” he answers. “They need to stop in New York and refuel. It’s a small plane.”

  I look at the time. It’s three o’clock. He won’t be here until tomorrow.

  “We have to take care of this,” Zeke informs me. “He won’t be able to do it.”

  “Where are we taking her?” I ask, because I don’t have a place in Seattle.

  “You can’t just take her. We’re not her parents,” Sage states, confused.

  I show her my bracelet. “For now, I’m the only person with access to the baby. She lost her mother. She needs to be with family.”

  “This isn’t right,” she reminds us.

  “Sage, if we tell them he’s not the dad, they’re going to call social services,” Nana says. “It’d be best if we keep this between us.”

  “What if they catch us? Her mom just died.” Sage’s voice is breaking down again.

  I squeeze her hand lightly and then ask to no one in particular, “Where to?”

  Nana looks at Alex, and he nods before she speaks, “Our house. We have a couple of guest rooms set up for our nieces and nephews. We can get some of her clothes from … Rocco’s.”

  “This is illegal,” Sage insists. “We should wait for her father.”

  “What if social services takes her?” Zeke says, his jaw set. “We’re here to protect her. That’s why we didn’t correct them when they thought Tucker was the father.”

  “You seem awfully familiar with the system,” she says in a suspicious tone.

  “I was poorly raised by it, princess, and believe me, you don’t want her to end up there.”

  “She has me,” she insists.

  He gives her a glance and shakes his head. “It’s not enough. This kid is ours…” He shuts his mouth and glares at me. I shake my head.

  We can’t tell her about Rocco’s past until we know we can trust her.

  Zeke tilts his head and walks away. I follow him. Once we’re at a safe distance from the rest, he speaks in a low tone, “Look, I’m not a lawyer, but if you recall, I interned for one who focused on family
law.”

  “They’re going to take her, aren’t they?” I close my eyes, trying to figure out who to call to help us with this mess.

  “Not exactly,” he says. “They think you’re the father. Let’s get the fuck out of here with the baby. You fake being in so much pain you can’t fill out any legal shit. They’re going to believe you. We’ll pull the famous card. There’s a fucking wing with the Decker last name in the hospital.”

  “What if there’s a rumor that I have a child?”

  “We’ll have them sign NDAs. If anything, we can ask Ethan to publish an exclusive about Rocco’s new baby.” His expression slides into a frown for a moment. “Maybe even have your aunt Pria release a short statement.”

  I nod, it sounds plausible. “What else do we have to know?”

  “We’ll talk to our lawyers. I think one of us should have temporary guardianship of the baby. Rocco won’t be in any condition to take care of her,” he tells me. “It can be you or Nana.”

  “What about Sage?”

  He shakes his head. “She lives outside of Washington. If anything happens to Rocco, the state has to approve the guardianship, and it will be a shit show to give it to her.”

  Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and get ready for the next few days. I open them and walk with all the confidence I can gather toward the rest of the group.

  “Okay, guys, this is unusual and might not be exactly legal, but we’re doing it because of the baby,” I remind them, before I begin to explain my plan. “I’ll talk to the doctors, pretend I’m distraught and in no condition to name the baby, yet. Ethan, you come with me and pretend you’re on the phone with our lawyer, setting an appointment to come back with me tomorrow, to fill out the paperwork.”

  “We have the car seat set in my car,” Alex offers. “I’ll go for … her stuff. It’s in the delivery room.”

  I study the floor before I continue. This better work, or we might need a lawyer to get us out of trouble.

  “Zeke, get the nurses and doctors to sign those NDAs,” I instruct and pinch the bridge of my nose before I look at Hannah. “Call my mom, tell her what happened. We need a counselor at the airport. She might be the best suited for this.”

  Her hand reaches out and squeezes my arm lightly. “You need her too—as your mom.”