Us After You

by Claudia Burgoa

  23

  Sage

  The news hit me hard all the way down to my core, sending me to a place where I’m not sure how to react. Numb. The ground below me shakes.

  My heart sinks into a bottomless hole. I’m falling along with it. For a moment, I held tightly onto Tucker, and I even believed when he said everything would be okay.

  But how?

  My sister died!

  I won’t see her again. Her daughter won’t get to know her and I … I’m going to miss her. Everything is too much and I don’t have a fight in me. Against my better judgment, we take the baby to Hannah’s house.

  She’s beautiful, and as she sleeps, she looks so peaceful—she has no idea what just happened. Her entire world crumbled, and I don’t know how her future will look like since she lost her mom. I wish I could press the reset button and undo everything.

  Sienna can’t be gone. When Tucker offers for me to hold her, I shy away. It’s not only overwhelming, but I’ve never held a baby that small in my life.

  “Shouldn’t she be in an incubator?” I ask.

  “No, she’s only a couple of weeks early, that’s really almost full-term,” Hannah explains. “The doctor said so when we arrived at the hospital. Sienna was so scared that she’d lose her.”

  Her gaze drops and she takes a deep breath. “Alex and I are going next door to grab some of her stuff,” she says. “Are you okay staying?”

  Zeke and Ethan offer to go with them in case they need more hands to carry the stuff.

  “I’ll take her upstairs,” Tucker says, not letting her go.

  “If you don’t mind, I have to talk to Dex,” I announce, because he needs to know.

  I call my brother. He doesn’t answer, so I send a text.

  Sage: 9-1-1 call, it’s about Sienna.

  He calls right away. “It better be important.”

  “She died,” I blurt the words and begin to cry.

  “Wait, what do you mean she died?”

  “After giving birth to the baby … Sienna died,” I repeat, sobbing.

  “What do you mean? She died during labor? It’s the fucking twenty-first century,” he barks loudly. “Did she give birth at a barn? Sienna can’t be dead!”

  His words resonate inside my head like a shouting echo. What would I give for it to be true, but I saw her. I went to say goodbye while Tucker picked up the baby.

  She lay there pale, sleeping peacefully. I promised I’d take care of her baby. Not sure how that’s going to look when I’ve never been around newborns, but I’ll be the best aunt in the world.

  “Can we sue the hospital?” he asks, and I hate that when he’s upset, he tries to hurt others so they can feel the same pain he does. Then again, aren’t all of us Heywoods the same way?

  “I need you to give me the name of the hospital,” he says. “The cause of death.”

  “It was some pulmonary shit—she had an undiagnosed clotting disorder.”

  He breathes harshly. Maybe he’s crying and trying not to let me know he’s hurting. “Can we sue?”

  “What will you get from suing them?”

  “My sister is dead.”

  “Mine too, Dexter, and I’m fucking afraid because we might never see her daughter again,” I say, as agony clutches me by the throat, and somehow, my shattered heart threatens to stop—like my sister’s did.

  These people are tight, and we’re not part of their circle. Once her husband comes home, he’s going to take her away from us. How do I explain to him what’s happening without raising suspicions?

  Because Zeke is right, I don’t want her to be in a foster home. Not even for one night. I’m her next of kin, and I can prove it, but I don’t know the legal system. But then I think about it and no, the next of kin is the dad and after him is my parents. She shouldn’t go to them—ever.

  “Are you alone?” he asks.

  “No, I’m with her husband’s friends,” I remind him.

  “Are you calling Mom and Dad?”

  “Not yet. I want to do it once I know what’s going to happen with her, the baby, and…”

  “I’ll be there in a few days,” he says. “Let me talk to Cam.”

  In just a couple of hours, the house is filled with people I’ve never met before. Hannah’s parents, her sisters and brothers. Alex’s brothers and one of his sisters. The other one lives in Maui and won’t be able to come until tomorrow.

  Why are these people here?

  I’m not familiar with big families who are hugging each other because it’s a hard day.

  “Do you want something to eat?” Hannah’s mom asks. “We brought some food.”

  I shake my head. “Thank you.”

  There’s so much going on inside the house. Ethan, Zeke, and Alex are arguing in the office, handling things with their lawyer.

  When I head outside to the terrace, I spot Tucker holding the baby close to his heart, whispering or maybe kissing her temple.

  The picture is achingly beautiful. It makes me want to approach them and be wrapped by the bubble of love that he’s building for her. There is an earthquake shaking underneath, stronger than the one I felt when I heard the news of my sister.

  It threatens to suck me in and fill my heart with hope. Fill those empty corners in my heart with love I’ve never experienced before. My pulse skips erratically. I close my eyes, blocking the sight of them.

  This moment is so precious, I wish I could belong to it. Be a part of the love he’s giving her. To give someone so tiny everything I am without reservations or fear. They say nothing is perfect but this moment might be it.

  Will I ever be a part of something this sweet?

  24

  Sage

  After taking a few breaths, I turn around, open my eyes, and walk away while I dial Corbin’s number.

  “I was just thinking about you,” he answers right away. “Tell me about your niece. Healthy? Ten toes and ten fingers?”

  “My sister died,” I say, and the words are sour, bitter, maybe poisonous.

  The line goes silent for a few seconds until he speaks again, “Didn’t you go there because she was having a baby?”

  “There were some complications and…” I don’t have any more strength to talk—or explain what happened. “She’s gone.”

  “Can I help you?”

  “No, her husband’s friends are taking care of everything,” I answer and don’t tell him I feel like I’m being pushed aside.

  “Sage,” Hannah says my name when she finds me. “I’m sorry for leaving you alone. God, I can’t imagine how you’re feeling. We just wanted to gather a few things for—we should name her.”

  “Did Sienna have names?” I look at my phone and remember I was talking to Corbin. “Hey, can I call you later?”

  “I’ll be here if you need me,” he answers.

  Hannah reaches for my hand and squeezes it. She tilts her head, and we walk to a bench. “Do you want to take a nap or maybe have some tea? Mom’s concerned about you. We all are worried.”

  “I’m fine,” I tell her, not sure if it’s for her benefit or mine.

  “Okay, but please know we’re here for you.” She takes my hands. “I can’t imagine what I’d do if either of my sisters … I’m so sorry.”

  “We still don’t have a name for the baby,” I change the subject because I don’t like to talk about my feelings with strangers.

  “She had Everly, but then she hated it,” she says.

  “How about Poppy?”

  “Sienna thought it was too English,” she answers.

  “Any new names?”

  “We agreed that she’d know when she met her.” Her head drops slightly, and she sighs. “Not that she ever did.”

  She sniffs and says, “Sorry, this is about you not me. I…”

  “You guys were close, weren’t you?”

  She nods. “She was like a sister-in-law. Rocco was traveling a lot, and we tried to keep her company. We grew fond of her.”

>   There’s some commotion in the house, and seconds later, Hannah rises from her seat and heads to the main door.

  “Thea!” She greets the woman who just came in and gives her a big hug.

  “I came as fast as I could,” the woman, Thea, announces. “Now, tell me again, what happened?”

  Hannah briefs her with everything that’s transpired today. When she’s done, Thea says, “Could you guys do anything by the book?”

  “If we told them the truth, they’d have taken her away,” Ethan explains. “We don’t know if Rocco is going to be well enough to get his child back.”

  Thea sighs and shakes her head. “Who was his last therapist?”

  “We’re not sure,” Hannah says. “He left rehab early, and we don’t know what happened afterward. He never talks about it.”

  “His wife,” Tucker says, entering the room. “That’s why he left early. If they caught them, they’d fire her and take away her license. They fell in love. He did a different type of rehab. Not sure how different it is or if … he even went outside his house.”

  “That’s unethical,” Thea points out the obvious.

  “Hey, Mom,” Tucker greets her. “Thank you for coming.”

  She looks at him then at the baby and smiles. “Hey, Tuck. So tell me again, why am I here?”

  “Remember what happened when Brooke died?” Ethan asks.

  She looks at Hannah and nods. “Things spiraled out of control with all of you. Should I be worried about everyone?”

  “No,” Hannah answers. “We’re all good, aren’t we?”

  Ethan, Zeke, and Tucker nod.

  “Rocco is the one who OD’d when Brooke died,” Tucker tells her.

  “Who was Brooke?” I ask, confused by this new turn of events.

  “Rocco’s little sister,” Tucker informs me. “Once the band was making good money, he got her out of the foster system. We took care of her.”

  Zeke’s foot starts bouncing. Hannah takes his hand and squeezes it as she says, “Tell me if you need a break.”

  “I’m good,” he mumbles.

  “My boyfriend, at the time, liked underage girls,” she continues. “She was a few months shy of turning eighteen.”

  “He was fucking her,” Zeke says harshly. “He should be in jail.”

  “Where is he?” I ask.

  “They died,” Tucker finishes the story. “In a car accident. Rocco felt as if he failed her. He tried so hard to take care of her.”

  “She was beautiful,” Zeke says. “I was waiting for her.”

  “Fight Club,” Ethan says, and all of them press their lips together. The conversation seems to be over.

  “Fight Club?” I ask, because all of this information is new to me and I need more.

  “We know it happened; we don’t speak about it,” Ethan informs me.

  “So, let me get this straight. The guy is a drug addict who might go back to drugs. Should we allow him to have the baby?” I ask, wondering if they understand what’s happening and what they’re doing because I’m lost with grief, but I have to advocate for my niece.

  All I know is that I have to protect this baby. All of them glare at me.

  “Who is she?” Thea asks, giving me a strange look between curiosity and annoyance. “We can’t have someone judgmental around Rocco—or me.”

  “I’m not judging! I’m trying to understand while looking after my niece. Her mom just died, and she needs someone to advocate for her,” I defend myself. “How do I know if he can raise her? What kind of future do you think she’ll have?”

  Her blue/purple eyes glare at me and the entire house goes silent.

  “I raised five children, and they all survived me. Are you telling me that because I once was an addict, I can’t look after my children? Then why am I even here? You should call social services.”

  Okay, so I touch a sensitive subject but seriously, it’s not about her but the baby. I just need answers.

  “Six,” Tucker corrects her. “She has six children. She did her best to ensure our safety and loved us.”

  Her eyes go to Tucker and there’s some moisture in her eyes.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to…” Get on your bad side but I … I’m lost, confused, and I just want to make sure the baby is safe.

  Maybe I don’t understand Rocco’s situation, but they don’t understand mine. I just lost my sister and a few years back I lost my baby. I couldn’t protect my little one, but I can care for my niece.

  “My father is a recovering alcoholic,” Hannah explains to me, and there’s a hint of anger in her voice. “And he’s the best father in the world. Being a recovering addict s shouldn’t mark you as a bad person.”

  “Sorry, I…” Obviously, I touched on a sore subject and everything I meant to say came out wrong.

  But can anyone blame me?

  They didn’t just lose their sister. And then there’s the uncertainty of what can happen to my niece. One wrong move, and we all lose the baby—what if she ends up with my parents?

  “We’re not the enemy,” Hannah says. “Look, I like you, and I welcomed you, not only into my house but my family. Don’t make me regret it. All we want is for her to be happy—to have a normal childhood. She’s ours.”

  “And we’ll fight to make sure she has what we didn’t,” Zeke assures me.

  “What is that?” I ask, challenging, because what if they want her father’s money.

  “A safe and loving home,” Tucker answers, almost shielding the baby from me. “We’ll make sure that our Snuggle Bug has it.”

  When he says that, I believe him. I trust that everything will be fine. There’s something about his words. The confidence in them, in himself.

  “Can I see her?” Thea asks Tucker, who steps closer to her and puts her in Thea’s arms gently.

  “She reminds me of Winnie,” he whispers, kissing the baby’s forehead. “I cut the umbilical cord and held her.”

  “You’re lucky, Snuggle Bug,” Thea says with a soft voice. “You’ve become one of his favorite people, and you’re not even a day old. What’s your name, beautiful?”

  We all look at each other and shrug.

  “We don’t know,” Hannah explains. “Sienna was waiting to meet her. I thought…”

  “If I go by the way things were when you were younger, Rocco is going to need as much care as this little one,” Thea says. “What’s the plan?”

  “Our lawyers are looking into this case,” Zeke says. “We’re having them draw some paperwork to give temporary guardianship to Hannah and Alex.”

  “Why them?” I ask curious and why not … me. I’m her aunt.

  “One, we’re hoping we won’t need it. Two, they live next door to Rocco. If anything happens, they can get to her immediately. Three, they’re the most responsible of us. If Rocco decides to go back on tour, the temporary guardians will make medical decisions while he’s gone.”

  I’m responsible, I want to protest, but I don’t because it’s me against all these people who’ve known each other for years. I’m alone and the loneliness is heavier today than any other day though.

  “Remember one and two?” Zeke repeats. “You live in another state. If she needs you, you won’t get here in time. Also, the state wouldn’t allow you to leave with her. You’d have to stay in Seattle if you want to become her legal guardian.”

  “There’s something that caught our attention, though,” Alex adds. “He mentioned they have a will and their children already have guardians assigned if anything happened to them but didn’t say more because of client confidentiality.”

  “It’s probably you, man,” Zeke tells Alex.

  And like that, I feel like I’m being pushed aside, and I might never see this baby again.

  “Your grandfather,” Thea says, cooing the baby. “This is something Chris can handle best.”

  “I’ll call him,” Ethan volunteers himself.

  Zeke and Ethan leave around ten o’clock at night. Hannah offers me
one of her guest rooms, and I accept it, but it’s so hard to fall asleep. I keep playing Sienna’s voicemails, listening to her voice, and hoping this is all a nightmare.

  She can’t be dead. I go through her social media, looking at her pictures. How excited she was about her baby girl. It seemed like her fairy tale was finally here, and now … everything fell apart.

  There’s a knock on the door, and before I can say anything, the door opens. There’s a faint sound of a piano playing coming from the hallway. I’m guessing it’s Hannah who has been playing on and off since dinner time. The melodies she plays are sad, heart wrenching, and so fitting to how I feel.

  “Hey,” Tucker greets me. Snuggle Bug, as he calls the baby, is in his arms. “Everything okay?”

  I shake my head as tears stream down my cheeks.

  “Here,” he offers the baby. “You need some snuggles from this little bug.”

  Awkwardly, I try to carry her. Tucker moves my left elbow higher and then hands her to me.

  “Hi, sweetheart,” I greet her. “She’s so little and beautiful.”

  “She’s a good baby,” he declares, taking a seat on the bed next to me. “We’re going to make sure that she grows up happily.”

  “You say it with so much conviction,” I sniff, trying not to cry, because having this baby in my arms shouldn’t feel sad, but happy.

  I’ve been so excited about her arrival. On my way from Oregon, I was planning on asking if I could be her godmother. Grandma and Grandpa were also thrilled. They convinced me to bring a bag, so I could stay for a couple of days to help Sienna and bond with the baby.

  “I’m sorry,” Tucker says. “I wish I could fix this for you.”

  “She left,” I say and start crying again. “What am I supposed to do now? I might never see this baby again.”

  And I cry even harder because it feels like I’m losing Siena all over again.

  “You will,” he promises. “I’ll make sure of that. We’ll send you the jet or the helicopter every weekend if you want me to, okay? Rocco wouldn’t take her away from Sienna’s family.”