Us After You

by Claudia Burgoa

  “We take everything into consideration before we make a decision,” Mary says, putting her notebook and pen inside her purse. “Your parents are contesting the guardianship, and they have their reasons. I’m here to find out what the best fit for Mae is.”

  “Thank you for coming,” I say, walking her out of the house.

  She turns around and says, “If a relationship between the two of you arises, and it doesn’t work, what’s going to happen with Mae?”

  I hide behind a smile. There’s so much I want to tell her, including bribing her to make everything disappear and grant us the guardianship. All I want is my baby, and for Sage to stop worrying about the outcome.

  “That’s a loaded question, Ms. Johnson. I understand you’re trying to figure out what’s best for our kid. If that ever happens, it’s because we’re fully committed to each other and we’re thinking on a permanent relationship. Neither one of us would jeopardize Mae’s future.”

  She waves at me and marches to her car. When I go back into the house, I find Sage setting Mae back into her crib.

  “Are you okay?” I ask, but I don’t wait for her to answer.

  Within seconds, I have her in my arms, flat against the wall. Our faces are so close to each other I can feel her soft breathing against my skin. Warming it.

  “It’s going to be okay,” I change my sentence before I slant my mouth onto hers and kiss her.

  No, I devour her.

  This time is different, mind-altering, life-changing.

  A declaration of love. A promise that I’ll do anything to keep Mae with us—to not lose either one of them.

  Greedy, I stroke my tongue between her lips, groaning deep, I recklessly break the rule we made four days ago and drink her whole, savoring what I’ve missed for the past ninety-six hours.

  She lets out a shaky breath, as I bury my face in her neck and nibble her skin, biting her ear and grasping her jaw with my teeth.

  We shouldn’t be doing this. I need to stop, but I can’t.

  I pull her long skirt up, move her underwear to the side, and push my pants down releasing my cock. I plunge myself inside of her.

  Deep, impossibly deep.

  The urge is killing me. I’m desperate to claim her. This madness is fucking with my head. The uncertainty of our future is a hard limit. I need to know we’re together.

  Forever, if I’m lucky.

  I feed on her pleasure, her moans. Her quick breathing and the way she squeezes my cock as I thrust rapidly. Until we both reach the edge. A rush of energy slams through my spine. We fall, fall, and let the madness capture us, forgetting everything around us.

  It’s us.

  Our legs quiver. We’re holding onto a thread of sanity, but we’re strong together so we don’t fall. I love you, I think, but I don’t say it again. I won’t do it until she’s ready, until this is over.

  “What are we?” she asks, between gasps.

  “We … what we are?” I scramble the words, not sure how to respond. “We’re trapped somewhere between everything and nothing. I wish I could give you an answer.”

  This is bliss. I’m happy, but …

  “We’re in a place between happiness, madness, and uncertainty. All I know is that I …” I love you. “That I won’t fail you, Sage.”

  56

  Sage

  “Why are we doing this again?” Tucker asks, as he sets Mae in the basket Hannah and I found yesterday at the craft store. “She’s not a piece of cantaloupe.”

  “Stop,” I order and set the blackboard next to the basket.

  “Mae Brooke,” he reads out loud. “Twenty-three inches and three quarters, twelve pounds. I’m one happy little Snuggle Bug, sleeping seven hours a night. I love my new best friends, Peter Panda and Drumstick Joe. I hate going to childcare—with a passion. I love playing with Mom, listening to music with Dad, and singing with my aunt and uncles.”

  He smiles. “So, we’re doing it?”

  I nod. “You’re right. She needs Mom and Dad, and I … she’s ours.”

  We’ve been discussing the fact that someday, we want to adopt her. She’s a baby and just having an aunt and an uncle who raise her isn’t going the whole nine yards. We want to be a family, make her feel like she belongs.

  Of course, we haven’t talked much about us and our future. Every time Mary, the social worker, comes, we pretend that nothing is happening between us. Just friends, working toward one goal.

  “Best qualities,” he continues reading. “Super smiley and drooly.”

  “Okay, let’s see if I can take a better picture than last month,” I say, pulling out my phone.

  “We should hire a professional,” he states. “At least call Nana to do it, since she owns a professional camera.”

  “She’s in Steamboat, remember?” I snap a couple of pictures from my standing position and then squat. “Who’s my favorite Snuggle Bug?”

  She cracks into a smile instantly and reaches up with her arms. That’s when I realize Tucker is almost on top of me, making faces at her.

  “I told you you’re her favorite person,” I say, adoring the way these two connect.

  “You are too,” he counteracts, bending to pick up Mae and then lifting her all the way up as he raises his arms. “She loves all her people, but Mom is the best. Isn’t she?”

  Mae giggles, and it fills my heart with joy. So far, we’ve done our best to make her happy. All I want is for her to be healthy, happy, and loved. If only my parents stopped trying to take everything away from her.

  “Since it’s Saturday, why don’t I take my girls for a stroll? We still have a few presents to buy for Christmas,” he reminds me, and I grunt.

  Who knew he had such a big family?

  This year, I got lucky; his extended family who lives in Albany won’t be coming. However, we have to buy thirty presents—not including Nana, Alex, Zeke, or Ethan.

  We’re still missing eleven, and I made the stupid suggestion of buying everything from local shops and not online.

  “Thank you,” he says, lowering Mae and giving me a peck.

  “For?”

  “Everything,” he replies as he turns around and walks away. “Get ready. I’m going to make sure this lady is layered up and ready for our adventure.”

  “This is getting ridiculous,” Tucker protests. “She’s too … pink.”

  “It’s February,” I remind him. “Valentine’s Day was just a few days ago.”

  “Still upset about it?”

  “No. I mean, yes … can we not talk about it?” I ask, trying to hide the embarrassment. “I planned it perfectly. Mae went to your grandparents’ house, I had dinner in the oven, and what did you do?”

  “You never told me about that,” he says defensively. “Who knew I’d come home to our house and I’d find you naked? Which I’m not complaining, babe. I love you naked, but … since when do you receive me like that?”

  “It’s our home,” I remind him. “Who brings strangers into the house without a heads up?”

  “I wanted to serenade you.”

  “Well, they got a pretty good show, didn’t they?”

  I wave my hand, because every time I think about my translucent lingerie and the pose I had going on the rug while the string quartet stepped into the living room, I turn red.

  No amount of flowers can make up for it. I look at the music room that has at least three of the seventeen arrangements Tucker has sent me with sweet notes, asking me to forgive him.

  I’m not upset at him, it’s just … those men saw me naked.

  “Let’s just get this over with, okay?” I request, not because it’s a hardship, but because I doubt Mae is going to stay in the basket smiling for more than a minute. After he places her in, I snap the pictures fast.

  Once I pick her up, he reads the board.

  “Mae Brooke,” he reads out loud. “Twenty-six inches and a quarter, fourteen pounds, and five ounces. Major milestone, sitting up. I’m one happy little Snuggle
Bug, sleeping ten hours a night. Loves Mom and Dad but she snuggles with her stuffed butterfly. I hate socks, teething (my parents do too), and still don’t like to go to childcare. I love Uncle Zeke, my stuffed bunny, and playing the guitar with Dad.”

  “Best qualities,” he continues reading. “Super chatty and squirmy.”

  “Squirmy is a quality?” he asks, shaking his head. “I think her best quality is when she bangs the drums with Uncle Zeke.”

  “They adore each other,” I say, just as the doorbell rings.

  We don’t even bother checking who it is, since it’s five o’clock and Friday night. The guys and Nana agreed to come over for dinner.

  “Where’s my favorite Snuggle Bug?” Zeke asks, marching toward me and taking Mae away. “I missed you, beautiful.”

  “Oh, great. I won’t have snuggle time until he leaves,” Nana complains.

  “You see her every day at work,” Zeke protests and then looks at the board, grinning like a fool. “I am her favorite person, aren’t I?”

  It was Christmas Day when he finally stopped shying away from Mae and began to pay attention to her. I had no idea Tucker was worried about him until that day.

  He said that Rocco’s death affected him more than he wanted to admit, and thankfully, he reached out to Tuck’s family and his counselor while he worked through his feelings.

  Now, we see him almost every day, and Mae gets all his attention.

  As we make our way toward the dining room, the doorbell rings again. Tucker gives me a confused glance; I shrug, and we both go to the door. It’s Mary, our social worker, with a smile on her face and her notebook in hand.

  “Good, you’re both here,” she says sweetly. “Surprise inspection.”

  We knew this would happen, but hoped it wouldn’t be anytime soon. Hunter warned us about it. They’ve been investigating us. We just …why today?

  “Please, come on in,” Tucker invites her.

  “Where’s Mae?” she asks and stops in her tracks when she sees Hannah and Alex. “You have guests.”

  “More like family,” Tucker offers. “They’re my best friends since childhood. This is Hannah Hades and—”

  “Alex the Speedman,” Mary says, with a swoony tone that has Hannah arching an eyebrow.

  “This is Mary,” I introduce her. “Our social worker.”

  “A snowboarder, I take it,” Hannah says politely.

  “Well, my brother used to compete, and I watched him, but…” She curls a few strands of hair behind her ear. “I’m a big fan. You were a god. My brother watched all your videos, and I was always there with him. He studied all your moves, but he was never as good as you.”

  She shoves her notebook to his chest and says, “Would you mind giving me your autograph?”

  “Mary, is it?” Alex says super chilled, scribbling his name fast and then looks at us. “I hope you don’t mind. Nana just got a text from her parents. We need to check on them.”

  Nana says, “Maybe we’ll see you tomorrow. Text us when you’re back.”

  I don’t understand the exchange but wave at them when they leave. We proceed to show her the house. She takes a few extra minutes to browse through Mae’s journals.

  We have one for every month of her life. I try to write in it every day, and I definitely draw something and add pictures of her to it daily. She doesn’t pay much attention to Zeke or Ethan who are playing with Mae and her musical instruments.

  Once she leaves, Tuck pulls out the phone, and I receive a text.

  Tuck: It’s safe to come back.

  I look up at him when I realize he sent it to our group chat. “Why did they leave?”

  He shrugs. “Ask them when they come back.”

  “Is it always like this?” Zeke asks. “I felt like a wild animal in exhibit.”

  We nod.

  “Yeah, she’s cool, but fuck if she doesn’t get on my nerves with that notebook and pen. Who the fuck knows what she writes in it?” Tucker says, exasperated.

  A few minutes later, Nana and Alex are back.

  “What happened?” I ask.

  “She hates my fans,” Alex informs us. “We don’t want to get on the bad side of the case worker because my woman can’t hold her tongue, do we?”

  “Thank you?” Tucker asks.

  “I wasn’t going to pull her hair or say anything,” Nana says defensively. “You’re just setting this up, so they can tease the fuck out of me for the next couple of weeks.”

  Alex smirks. “Well, it kind of worked out that way, but it wasn’t intentional.”

  “What’s happening in a couple of weeks?” I ask, the same time that Tucker’s question silences the room, “When are you getting married?”

  “March sixth,” she says, tilting her head toward Alex. “The day after his birthday. We’re doing a rehearsal dinner and birthday party at my parents’. Everyone has to come!”

  Zeke grunts and rolls his eyes dramatically. “Bridezilly is back!”

  “Wasn’t that the date for the ski trip?” Ethan questions.

  “It was our way to make you reserve the date without telling you why,” Hannah explains. “So … you’re still my bridesmaids, don’t forget.”

  Then she takes Mae in her arms and looks at Tucker and me. “Can she be one of our flower girls, please?”

  “Of course,” Tuck and I agree.

  Hannah walks to the kitchen counter where she had left a white box earlier today. She hands it to me. “I got her a dress and a pair of shoes.”

  It’s a lavender dress with a pair of fabric shoes the same color. It’s adorable, and I can’t wait to dress her up and take pictures of my little princess.

  When I look up, everyone is hugging Alex and Hannah, and I feel so lucky that I’m now a part of their family to a degree. Tucker and I look at each other, and I wonder if we’re thinking about the same thing.

  Are we ever going to be able to move forward?

  We don’t discuss our relationship because there’s nothing to say until things are settled with Mae.

  But when is that going to happen?

  This uncertainty is killing me. I just want them to tell me she’s ours and that no one is ever going to take her away from us.

  57

  Tucker

  Being a bridesmaid isn’t bad when your job is to carry the flower girl to the gazebo. Mae looks adorable in her little dress. Sage fixed her hair with a purple bandana and asked Mom for a bracelet that would match the outfit.

  Throwing lilac petals as we walk down the aisle isn’t my favorite thing, but with this cutie, who cares what I have to do. I’d do anything for Mae, even be a flower guy.

  Once we reach the altar, Mae gives me a sloppy kiss and I hand her to Sage. Then, I stand next to Zeke.

  “At least she didn’t choose a purple dress for us,” he jokes, looking at Tess, Nana’s sister who is the matron of honor.

  “I like the tie,” Ethan comments and fixes it.

  Alex glances at us then takes a deep breath as the music changes, and Nana appears on the other side of the aisle. Her dad walks beside her, smiling proudly. Her mom is in the first row, watching them walk toward us.

  For a small gathering, this is a big wedding. He has a big family and a lot of friends and Nana, well, she has a lot of people who love her. Alex doesn’t read his vows; he hands a letter to Nana who reads it and starts sobbing.

  “I love you—forever,” he mumbles when she lifts her gaze and looks at him adoringly.

  He places the letter back into the envelope and hands it to Hannah who cries even harder. He takes her in his arms, and they hold each other until she calms down.

  “I love you,” she mumbles, before she starts reading her vows. “There’s no way I can measure up to that. He … I swear, he wouldn’t write his grocery list when we met, and now, he writes the best love letters in the world.”

  Alex stares at her with so much love, I’m blindsided.

  “Alex, you’re my forever person. The
day I met you, I had no idea what life had in store for us. There’s something about you, about us, that always brought us back together, and I’m glad that you’re stubborn because I can’t imagine my life without you. Your persistence is one of your best qualities and why I love you so much.

  “Every day with you is magical, and I wish with all my heart that we continue growing together. Life is most fun lived with you. I will strive to make you feel supported, valued, and loved. The way you make me feel every day. Loving you is easy because you live life with an open heart. You make everyone around you feel special and treasured, and I can’t believe how lucky I am that you chose me to be your companion during this crazy ride.

  “I promise to be there for you, during ski season, hiking the highest mountain, or just jumping out of an airplane. I promise to always be supportive, the way you are with me. Thank you for being my everything and never letting me go. I love you—forever.”

  As the sun sets, Nana asks the wedding party, her parents, and siblings to go to the other side of the garden for the pictures. Tess, her sister, fixes her makeup while the parents and everyone else get their pictures with the groom.

  “Thank you for being here with me,” she says, when it’s our turn to pose for pictures. “I just wish …”

  “We all do,” Zeke says, not mentioning Rocco, but I’m sure we’re all thinking about him.

  After a few snaps, she moves along to the next picture, and we’re free from the wedding shit. I walk to the tent where the reception is taking place, and I find Sage right away. She’s with my parents, and Mom is holding Mae.

  “Hey,” I greet them, kissing Mom’s forehead.

  “You two looked adorable walking down the aisle,” Mom declares, smiling at my baby. “I’m going to start making more headbands for her.”