by Jeff Kinney
spent a day apart.
167
Victor became famous just like his science
teacher predicted, and he was always in
the paper for one thing or another.
Each year Victor got a little older but
his pet didn't age. And when Victor
finally died his loyal sidekick was right
there by his side.
168
Over the years people forgot all about
Victor Frankenstein, but his pet became
kind of famous. People called him
"Frankenstein's pet" or "Frankenstein's
monster," but after a while they just
called him "Frankenstein." And he was OK
with that but it kind of made him miss his
old friend.
Frankenstein didn't know what to do
with all his free time now that Victor
was gone but he knew you couldn't really
do anything without an education. So he
went to school, starting with the first
grade.
169
And even though he was bigger than the
other kids they treated him like he was
one of them.
Frankenstein was a quick learner and he
actually skipped a few grades. In middle
school he entered the Science Fair and
took first place just like his friend
Victor. And if you're wondering where he
got the materials for his project, let's
just say that sometimes it's better not
to ask too many questions.
171
Ryan was a curious boy, and he loved to
explore every nook and cranny of his
apartment. And even though sometimes
he got into places he didn't belong, his
parents never seemed to mind.
Ryan's favorite room to explore was his
parents' bathroom, because they had so
many interesting things in the drawers
next to the sink.
172
Sometimes Ryan would use his mother's
hairspray to make his hair stick straight
up. And sometimes he'd make a foamy
beard out of his father's shaving cream.
Every once in a while Ryan would put on
lotion to make his skin feel extra silky.
And once he covered himself in Band-Aids
just because.
173
Ryan's parents were glad their son was a
curious child and they never got mad at
him for experimenting with stuff in their
bathroom. But they told him he must
NEVER go in their medicine cabinet.
And if you're saying "Hey this sounds just
like The Cellar" well you're wrong because
this story is totally different.
Anyway if there's one thing you should
never tell a curious child it's where NOT
to go. Because that night Ryan waited
for his parents to fall asleep and then he
snuck into their bathroom.
174
Ryan opened the door to the medicine
cabinet. He was expecting to find
something really interesting in there
but the only things on the shelves were
a pair of tweezers, nail clippers, cotton
balls, and a bottle of makeup.
Ryan was disappointed but he decided
to use the nail clippers to trim his
fingernails since it had been a while. Then
he dabbed some of the makeup on his
cheeks just for fun.
175
He realized he had used up all the makeup
and now the bottle was empty. But he
didn't want to throw it in the trash
because then his parents would know he'd
disobeyed them.
So he put the bottle back in the medicine
cabinet and closed the door. Then he snuck
past his parents' bed and went to sleep
in his room.
When Ryan woke up he could smell the
bacon and eggs his mom was cooking in
the kitchen. He went into his parents'
bathroom to brush his teeth just like
he always did. But when he looked in the
mirror something seemed DIFFERENT.
176
Ryan's hair looked a few shades lighter,
like it did when he was a little kid.
And his freckles were back too. But
the weirdest thing was that his head
seemed smaller than usual.
Now Ryan was getting kind of nervous.
He opened the medicine cabinet and took
a closer look at that bottle of makeup.
And when he read the label he started to
REALLY freak out.
177
Just then Ryan's mom called him from
the kitchen and said breakfast was ready.
Ryan didn't want his parents to see him
looking like he did because then they'd
know he'd gone in the medicine cabinet.
So he put on a hoodie and kept it on
while he ate his breakfast.
Ryan's mom always gave him a kiss before
he went to school. But today Ryan rushed
out the door before she had a chance.
178
On the way to school Ryan felt a little
dizzy. He checked his reflection in a
window but then he wished he DIDN'T.
Because now he looked even younger
than he did before.
So Ryan put his hood back on and planned
to wear it for the rest of the day.
179
But Ryan's teacher Miss Pickler didn't
allow kids to keep their hoods on in class
and she asked him to please remove it.
Ryan was hoping the other kids wouldn't
notice he looked a little different. But
kids always pick up on those kinds of
things.
180
Miss Pickler didn't even seem surprised
though. She asked Ryan to come to the
front of the room. Then she handed him
a small package and told him he should
take it to the restroom.
When Ryan opened the package there
was a bar of soap along with a note.
181
Ryan was glad Miss Pickler had experience
with this kind of thing. He followed the
instructions and had to repeat the steps
a few times to get all the makeup off.
But even though Miss Pickler's secret
formula stopped him from getting any
younger it didn't get him back to looking
like his old self.
On the walk home Ryan realized he was
gonna have to tell his parents the truth
about what he did. But when he got to
his apartment there were two old people
in the kitchen who he didn't recognize.
182
This day had already been hard enough
for Ryan so he just sort of lost it.
But it turns out the old people were his
PARENTS. They asked Ryan to sit down
so they could explain what was happening.
Ryan's mom and dad said they had him
later in life and had been using that magic
age-reversing makeup because they
didn't want to look older than all the
OTHER parents.
Ryan asked his parents how old they
were and they said 114 and 112. And Ryan
thought that really was pretty old but
183
Ryan's parents said since he used up all
the makeup they were stuck looking like
this for good. But Ryan said he didn't
care HOW old they looked because he
loved them no matter what.
And from then on things were pretty
great for Ryan and his family. Sometimes
people looked at them a little funny but
they didn't really care because they
had each other and that was all that
mattered.
185
The people of Fairview were some of the
happiest people on Earth. They lived in
a beautiful, clean city and everyone was
nice to their neighbors.
One day news came that there was a
zombie invasion in a city on the other side
of the world.
186
But the city was very far away and
the people of Fairview just went back
to their normal lives. And even when the
zombie invasion spread, people didn't
pay that much attention because it
didn't seem like something so awful could
happen in a place as nice as Fairview.
But when the city next door to Fairview
got invaded by zombies there was no
ignoring the problem anymore.
The mayor had a big meeting and
everybody discussed what they should do.
187
The military wanted to blast the
zombies with their weapons. But then
someone said that wouldn't work since
zombies were already dead.
The scientists wanted to build a giant
force field around the city to keep the
zombies out. And even though it was a
cool idea everyone agreed it would take
too long to figure out how to do it.
188
Someone said that the only thing
zombies wanted was brains so maybe
they should just feed the scientists to
the zombies. And everyone liked that idea
except the scientists.
After the mayor listened to everyone's
ideas he told them his own idea.
He said that every city that had tried to
keep the zombies out had failed, and there
was nothing they could do to stop the
zombies from invading the city.
189
So his idea was to let them IN.
At first everyone thought that was the
dumbest idea they ever heard. But then
the mayor told them part two of his plan.
He said since zombies were so crazy
about brains, they could use plastic molds
to make FAKE brains out of something
like tofu.
190
People still thought it was a pretty dumb
idea but they couldn't see any other
options. And a few days later when the
zombies finally arrived the people of
Fairview were ready for them.
At first the zombies were confused
because they were used to people
putting up more of a fight.
191
But it didn't really make a difference
to the zombies because they were only
there for one thing.
Just then the mayor gave the green
light and the food trucks rolled in.
192
Well it turned out that the zombies liked
the tofu brains as much as the real thing.
So zombies just like food that's SHAPED
like brains, the way little kids like food
shaped like dinosaurs.
And if someone had figured that out
years earlier there would've been a lot
fewer problems between people and
zombies.
The zombies liked the tofu brains so
much that they decided to stick around
Fairview. And nobody seemed to mind
because they were just glad the zombies
weren't eating THEM.
193
After a while things started to go back
to normal in the city of Fairview. And life
was pretty much the way it was before,
only now with zombies.
In fact things were pretty great. A lot
of the zombies got jobs and they used
the money they earned to buy houses.
194
People and zombies realized they had a
lot in common and their families started
having playdates together.
Zombie kids went to school where they
learned to talk like humans. And humans
learned to talk like zombies, which wasn't
really all that hard.
195
Humans discovered that they liked brain-
shaped food just as much as the zombies
did. And before long, drive-through places
were cropping up everywhere.
Zombies started getting elected to
important positions, and soon the city of
Fairview had its first zombie mayor.
196
So everything was pretty great in
Fairview. But one day the skies darkened
and a giant spaceship appeared above
the city.
At first everyone was freaking out
about the spaceship because no one knew
why it was there. Then the new mayor
held a meeting to figure out what to do.
197
The military said they should use all their
weapons and blast the spaceship out of
the sky. And a lot of people liked that
idea.
But the scientists said the aliens probably