As soon as Mrs. Symonds leaves, I grab my phone and see a message from Sydney.
* * *
Sydney: Hey! I spoke with the judge and your divorce paperwork is being signed today! I should have a copy of the decree very soon.
* * *
My back hits the chair and a puff of air expels. It feels like it all happened so fast. Sydney appeared in court today for me, and since the divorce was uncontested and I didn’t want any of Kevin’s assets, the judge must’ve signed it.
I’m going to be divorced today.
I thought I would feel different, maybe even just a little sad. Not because I loved him and wanted things to work but because I failed to make the marriage work. In some recess of my mind, I had this belief I’d be like my parents were. Happy, in love, and wanting to raise a family, and I think that’s part of why I stayed even when things were so bad.
I wanted to be like them.
My mother married a man who was not like Kevin, though. She wasn’t plagued by anger, fists, and the never-ending feeling of not being good enough.
Sometimes, I wonder if she would’ve stayed if she were in my shoes. I like to think that she wouldn’t have.
I send Sydney a text back.
* * *
Me: I’m in shock, but there is also a huge sense of relief. Thank you. Thank you for everything.
* * *
Sydney: You’re welcome. Thank you for trusting me.
I almost tell her that Declan is in town, but I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t be welcome news. Plus, I don’t know how long he’s staying. The note that Connor left this morning explained that they had business to deal with but that he’d see me later—not they would see me later.
I did tell Hadley about him being here in case she sees some really tall guy who kind of looks like Connor walking around.
* * *
Me: You’re a great friend, Syd.
* * *
I suddenly don’t feel like one.
The last thing I want is for her to be blindsided, so maybe I should at least warn her there is a possibility of her running into him. As I start to type out the text message, the bell rings, and I have to get back to my class.
“Shit,” I say looking at the phone. If I send this now, I won’t be able to reply to her inevitable questions, which will probably leave her freaking out for the next hour.
I’ll just have to tell her later.
Right now, I have a job to secure.
“I got the job!” I yell as I enter the door to find Connor, Hadley, and Declan all in the living room.
“You did?” he asks with a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.
I nod. “I did. Mrs. Symonds said I nailed it and then offered me a full-time position! It means benefits and time off. I’m so excited!”
Hadley runs over and wraps her arms around my legs. “Good job, Mommy!”
“Congratulations,” Connor says and then he kisses my cheek before retreating quickly.
I don’t know why he’s being weird, but I’m going to assume it’s because his brother is sitting here.
“It’s a day of a lot of great news.”
“What else?”
I hold up my finger, asking him to give me a minute. This last part I don’t want Hadley here for. Regardless of how great she seems to be taking everything, I’d rather not say it like this. She knows I’m divorcing who she’s always known as her father, but she doesn’t need to know all the details.
I look down at Hadley. “Did you finish all your homework?”
“Yup.”
“And did you do your chores?”
“Yes.”
Of course, the one day she’s on top of her life is the day I need her to have something else to do for a minute or two. I look to Connor for a little help.
He puts his hand on her shoulders. “Why don’t you show my brother the tree house?”
Her eyes widen, and she turns her smile to Declan. “Do you want to see it?”
He looks over at Connor and tries to match her enthusiasm, but it looks almost painful. “Uhh, sure.”
Clearly, he isn’t a kid guy, and if I didn’t want to tell Connor about my news from Sydney, I would follow Hadley and Declan out to the tree house just to watch the man climb it in his expensive-looking suit.
Connor grins. “Oh, you’ll love it, Dec. You can climb a tree again and hopefully not fall out.”
“Great. It sounds like a ton of fun.”
“Take your time with him, Hadley. He’s old, and it’s probably going to be hard for him to move quickly,” Connor says with a laugh.
Declan glares at him. “I’ll show you old.”
“You could try, but you might break a hip. If you’re hurt, I’m not coming to help you.”
There’s a teasing edge to his voice, but then there’s an undercurrent of something else. Almost like he’s angry at him, which I don’t understand. Declan has been really nice since he’s been here. I hope to meet the rest of his brothers soon, and that one day, they’ll accept Hadley and me. Since she is their niece.
That thought sobers me.
She’s gained an entire family. Where before it was Kevin and me, now she has Connor and his entire family.
“I won’t be gone too long, but then again, you don’t need all that much time anyway,” Declan says as he claps him on the back. “You were always a finish-too-fast kind of guy.”
Now I can’t hold back, I burst out laughing.
“See?” Declan’s voice dances with mirth. “Even Ellie knows it.”
“Oh, no. I didn’t say anything,” I defend quickly.
“Hadley, make sure you have a tea party up there. Declan loves talking to and playing with dolls.”
“Okay!” she says with all the joy that she can muster.
The two of them head out of the house, and before I can say a word, Connor hauls me into his arms and gives me the hottest, most intense kiss he’s ever given me. He isn’t normally this aggressive, but it feels as though something else is driving him.
I hold on to him and give it back, pouring myself into it. Last night, I had plans for something very similar to this. I wanted to give myself to him—at least give as much as I could.
His mouth is warm and soft against mine, and I want more. My lips part, and we both move at the same time. With my back against the wall and his strong body pressing against me, I’m trapped in the best way.
My fingers move up his arms to the back of his neck, and he deepens the kiss. His hands move down my body and then hook under my thighs, lifting me off the floor.
Instinctually, I wrap my legs around his waist as he carries me.
“Connor,” I say breathlessly.
“God, you drive me crazy. I want you so bad.”
“I need you.”
And I do. I need him, and I need us, and I don’t care that it isn’t like I planned. Nothing in my life ever goes that way anyway. If it had, I wouldn’t be in this man’s arms at all, which would be a sin.
“Ellie,” he murmurs and then brings his lips back to me. “My beautiful angel.”
We kiss continuously—each one bleeding into the next and causing my lips to plump under the assault. I want it to go on forever. Minutes go by, and I swear that I want to rip my clothes off and take him now.
I don’t even know if I’m breathing since what exists in this world is Connor and his perfect mouth on mine.
He pushes me higher against the wall, using his thighs as leverage to hold me up, and then his hands are on my breasts. I moan, head falling back as he touches me.
I know I had something to say to him, but I can’t remember.
Something big.
Something about . . .
“I’m divorced,” I say the words, knowing I need to get them out while I remember my name.
His hands stop and he watches me. “You’re . . .”
“Divorced. As of today.”
“That means . . .” He pauses.
“That means that you and I, well, I’m hoping it means that what we were just doing here can be something we do when we’re not trying to steal a few minutes.”
He looks down at our situation and curses. “Fuck!”
“Hey,” I say quickly, touching his cheek. “What’s wrong?”
“This is not how . . . Jesus, Ellie, I’m sorry. I was like a madman a second ago.”
He slowly puts my feet back on the floor and then cups my face in his warm hands, which I really liked on my breasts a moment ago. “I wanted you just as badly.”
“There’s stuff we need to talk about, and I lost my mind for a minute.”
“It’s fine,” I reassure him. “I promise, we have plenty of time to talk.”
His eyes flash with something I don’t quite catch. “Just . . . I don’t want to do this now or here. Not when Hadley and Declan can come walking back in. You and I, we need some time.”
I nod. “I agree. We have a lot to talk about.”
“Yeah.” He breathes the word.
“Okay, when is your brother leaving?”
He looks out the door and runs his fingers through his hair. “Tonight. He has to get back to New York.”
That gives me some relief from the guilt of not calling Sydney when I got out of work to talk about him being here. “Okay, so maybe I can ask Syd to keep Hadley tomorrow?”
I plan to have Connor all to myself.
His smile doesn’t quite touch his eyes. “Tomorrow then.”
“Tomorrow.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
Ellie
I pull up to the house and check my face in the mirror. I really wish I had some time to change into something sexy or really do any primping at all. Thankfully, I spent a good extra twenty minutes in the shower shaving and scrubbing areas I sort of have let go the last few months.
Tonight, I need everything to be perfect.
Hadley is at Sydney’s house, where they have a whole girls’ night planned with nails, hair, and movies. I’d let my daughter go on and on about everything she was going to do until my friend shooed me out the door with a comment about making good choices and wiggling her brows with a grin.
Yes, we all know what is going to happen tonight.
Nerves hit me like a ton of bricks, cementing me in place. I know that I love him, and I want this. I know that if we hadn’t been worried about Declan and Hadley coming back last night, I would’ve let him strip me down right there in the hallway.
Desire and trust aren’t the issue—it’s fear that I’m not going to be what he wants.
I’d only ever been with him that one night, and then I was with Kevin. If you ask my now ex-husband, he’d tell you I was terrible in bed.
I worry that Connor will feel the same.
My head drops to the steering wheel as I fret over a whole new set of things for a few long minutes until I hear a knock on the window beside me and scream.
“What the—”
Connor is standing there, looking at me with concern in his eyes. “You planning on staying here?”
“I’m planning on trying to remember how to breathe first.”
He gives me a soft smile and opens the door. “I heard the car and waited, but you didn’t come into the house.”
“I was having a sort of freak out, but I’m okay now.”
I get out of the car and take his hand. When we get to the front door, he turns to me. “Ellie, I don’t want you to be nervous. I want to talk, and hopefully, we can—”
My hand presses against his lips, silencing him. We’ve talked and talked and talked. I’m not up for more of that tonight.
No, tonight, I’m done with words.
“I’m not nervous, Connor.” And then I stop myself. I don’t want to lie to him. “Okay, I am, but not for the reasons you think. I’m nervous because, for the first time in my life, I feel like things are good. You’re everything, and I want us right now—”
Connor’s lips are on mine before I can say anything else. They are soft, sweet, and nothing like they were last night.
We aren’t worried about time or anyone else tonight. We have nothing to stop us from loving one another now.
I pull back, needing to say what’s in my heart. “I love you.”
“You have no idea how much I love you, Ellie. There’s no way I could ever explain it.”
I lift my hand, brushing my fingers against his stubble. “Then show me. We can talk after.”
He hesitates for a second before leaning down and scooping me up into his arms. We don’t say anything else because, sometimes, more words aren’t needed.
We reach his bedroom, and he pushes the door open. My head rests on his chest, and I can hear the steady thrum of his heart. I want to memorize this sound. Each second of this night, I want embedded in my brain.
To be loved, truly loved, is all I’ve ever wanted.
He sets me on the bed and then takes a step back.
“What’s wrong?”
“Wrong?” he asks.
“You . . . you’re well, you’re over there.”
Connor closes his eyes and breathes through his nose. “I have things I need to say.”
I get to my feet and go to him. “We’ve talked a lot the last few months, and right now, I want to feel. Will you let me feel?”
He wants me to ask for what I want, and I’m doing it. I don’t want to talk about our pasts or our future. I want the present.
“I’ll give you everything you want.”
I shake my head. “All I want is you.”
I lean up on my toes and bring our lips together. He has no idea how frantically my heart is pounding in my chest or how him saying those words was enough to bring me to my knees, but it did. The trust I have in us is staggering.
Never before did I think I would be able to do that. Being vulnerable is scary and raw. Too many times, I’ve tried to avoid it because I learned that, when you allow another person to have the power to hurt you, they will.
However, I don’t think he will.
He would never hurt me—not intentionally.
Connor’s hands move from my arms up to my neck so he can tilt my face and deepen the kiss. He walks us backward, our mouths still together until I hit the bed.
“Lie down,” he instructs.
I do as he asks and slide onto my back. He doesn’t follow, though. He stands back, looking down at me. “Please don’t make me beg,” I say with a shaky breath.
I need him. No matter what tonight proves in regards to how we are together now, I need him.
“Never. I will never make you beg.”
“Then love me.”
“Always. Even though I don’t deserve you, I want you to know that you own my heart.”
“And you own mine.”
“God, I hope so.”
Before I can think too much about that, he moves to me and lifts my shirt from my body. I also made sure I wore matching underwear, so Connor finds a deep purple bra with lace that barely covers anything.
“Jesus Christ,” he says under his breath and then his mouth is on my neck.
He kisses his way down but doesn’t move the fabric. His warm mouth covers my very hard nipple through the lace, giving me so many different sensations all at once.
There’s the scrape of the lace against my overly sensitive nipple mixed with the wetness from his tongue finding my skin the fabric doesn’t cover. My fingers are in his hair, and my eyes are closed as I allow myself to get lost to him.
He moves to the other side, and his fingers tuck under the strap as he slowly pulls it down. The feel of his callused hands on my skin is overwhelming.
“You want more, Angel?” he asks as his mouth moves back up to my ear.
“Yes, I want it all.”
His groan is husky as he drags his lips down the column of my neck. “Then you’ll get all I have. Every-fucking-thing that I am will be yours.”
He pulls the other side of my bra down, exposin
g my breasts to him. His tongue darts out, circling around my nipple, and then he takes it into his mouth, lavishing it with heat.
I could die. I thought what we did the last time was hot, but being in his bed, where everything around me is his, is almost too much.
I can’t breathe without smelling his cologne. I can’t open my eyes without seeing something that’s his. And I feel him. Everywhere.
His hand moves down the front of my body to my jeans. Slowly, he undoes the button, and the sound of the zipper is loud, but it’s nothing compared to the sound of my breathing. I’m so turned on.
Connor watches me, and I nod, letting him know I still want this. He glides my pants down, removing my underwear too, and I’ve never felt more exposed and liberated at the same time.
He looks at me as though I’m a priceless piece of art that he’s won. Lips parted and eyes warm as his gaze caresses my bare body.
“You humble me, Ellie.” His voice is thick with emotion.
I don’t say anything for fear of breaking out in tears, and wouldn’t that be the most embarrassing thing ever? So, I sit up and brush my fingertips along the slope of his jaw before dropping them to the hem of his shirt and lifting it.
The last time we fooled around, I didn’t get this part. He wouldn’t let me touch him, and this time, we’re going to be equals. It’s only fair to have him naked too.
We both move slowly, savoring the seconds that we have. I don’t need to rush tonight, in fact, if I could, I’d put it in slow motion, allowing every single moment to last a little longer.
Connor is absolutely breathtaking without a shirt on. I know it isn’t a manly word, but that’s all I have. My brain is scrambled as I look over the finest male specimen I could ever dream of.
Each muscle is firm, and the skin strains against them. His stomach is all ridges and valleys that my fingers itch to explore. The muscles on his arms are thick, and even though they’ve been wrapped around my body as they held me, I didn’t fully grasp how powerful they were.
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