I merely kissed him because I couldn’t bear to talk about the truth that we didn’t have forever. He was leaving. For good.
The night had gotten chilly, so we pulled our blankets on top of us and stayed close to one another without discussing it. It seemed like we’d both been thinking the same thing: make the most of these moments.
The more we’d explored each other’s bodies, the closer we’d gotten. I couldn’t handle the thought of him leaving me. Sure, we’d try and keep in touch, but it wasn’t the same.
With each touch, I learned his body, what he liked, and the best way to bring him close to the edge before letting him come.
He had sensed what I needed as well, and his touch reading my body like braille. When he was inside me, it felt like we were one. As soon as we were apart, I felt a part of me was missing.
4
CARTER
Rubbing the bridge of my nose, I tried to forget the past. Sitting in the car en route to Marshall’s was a special kind of torture. Jamieson wouldn’t look my way and, instead, seemed to enjoy the attention from his friend, Damien. They were indeed cozy, and I knew I shouldn’t let it get to me. I had no right.
I chatted with Brenna and we discussed how happy we were for Stu and Marshall. “Marshall deserves happiness.” She hadn’t been out to the house in York yet either, so we looked forward to it.
“He kept a lot of stuff to himself, our Marshall,” she said. “I’m glad he’s finally opening up.”
“Yes, Stuart did wonders for him,” I replied.
We arrived and went to greet our hosts. After chatting with them for a little while, I sat down in the front yard and scooped up Jess, a sure way to avoid talking to anyone. The natural beauty out here was magnificent. Compared to the city, it was peaceful and relaxing.
The sun was shining and it wasn’t too warm, which made for some perfect downtime. I was used to coming home, unpacking, repacking, and setting off again. Sometimes I’d extend a trip if I enjoyed the destination. The last time I’d gone to Toronto, the hotel was magnificent, with an amazing indoor saltwater pool and even a running track nearby, that I’d stayed an extra week.
I had a small flat in London that I was able to get a mortgage on after my first modelling contract was put into effect. I mostly used it as a place to sleep, though my financial advisor assured me it was a smart move and would increase in value in the future.
Initially my intentions were to renovate or update some of it but hadn’t had the time.
Glancing over at Jamie, I was developing somewhat of a complex by convincing myself that he was ignoring me, but he was simply hanging out, having fun, and enjoying himself. He laughed at something Stu had said.
I rubbed at the chain around my neck, and at that point, he’d caught me staring. I held his gaze, then looked down again, suddenly very interested in Jess.
Marshall strode over and handed me a beer. “Thanks, man,” I said. “This place is great.”
“Isn’t it? One day, I … we might consider moving out here. Leave the rat race.”
I leaned forward in my chair. “Oh, really? Wow.” I pulled him into a hug. Sitting back, Jess jumped off me and directly into Marshall’s lap. So adorable.
“What’s with you and Jamieson?” he ventured, obviously unsure about saying anything.
“Oh, it’s nothing,” I replied, avoiding the subject. I was too fragile to talk about it right now, and I worried I’d break down. I smiled boldly at him. “The food smells delicious.”
“Well, whatever you say, man. Like you’ve been there for me, I’m here whenever you might need me.” When I looked over at Marshall, he must have seen something in my expression and took the hint, thank goodness. “Yes, Stuart makes some amazing stuff. As you probably know, I’m pretty crap in the kitchen, but he loves it.”
The rest of the night passed rather uneventfully. Great company and food, and everyone was in a cheerful mood. Stuart’s friend, Damien, was the life of the party. He swanned around making jokes, and while he was over the top, you could tell he had a heart of gold.
Jamieson and I seemed to be playing a game of glancing at each other and then seeing who could look away first. We were friendly enough with everyone but we both seemed to be avoiding an actual run-in with each other. As much as I wanted to talk to him, now probably wasn’t the time, and after the last time, I didn’t get the impression he wanted to speak to me at all.
As the sun set and it became darker, Marshall directed everyone to where they’d be sleeping. “Follow me,” he said, and it seemed to only be him, Stuart, Jamieson, and me. Strange.
“What about Damien,” Jamieson piped up. “I can room with him.” He was about as enthusiastic about this prospect as I was.
Damien walked over to us. “Now, now, boys, I’m still deciding between this couch here or sleeping with a lesbian couple.” He chuckled. “That’d be a first for me.” Then he skipped away behind us as Marshall and Stuart shoved us forward.
We carried our bags that we’d left in their living room. There was a small cabin near the back of the main cottage that I hadn’t noticed before.
It was small and quaint. Glancing at Marshall, had I been at my full capacity and not distracted by Jamieson, I would have noticed the upturn of his lip and the smug look on his face, seemingly quite pleased with himself.
“You two will be in here for the weekend.” Then I looked around, realizing he meant me and Jamieson.
“Uh, I thought I’d be in your guest room at the house,” he said.
In unison, Stu and Marshall said, “It’s already full.” They had planned this. Observing Jamieson, I couldn’t quite tell what he was thinking.
“Okay, guys, thanks for putting us up.” I strutted in, in front of Jamieson and set my bag down on one of the beds. It was more of a large room than anything else. No television. Two beds, a nightstand in the middle, and a bathroom.
They closed the door and left, and I immediately sensed Jamieson behind me. The sexual tension was palpable and I distinctly felt the atmosphere in the room change. There was a charge in it. But I knew we needed to clear the air, and I wanted to be friends again.
Turning slowly, I said, “So, can we talk?”
Jamieson’s crossed arms and tough stance did not give the impression I’d make any headway. But he was doing that lip bite thing I’d once loved so much, and as I lowered my gaze, I saw a bulge in his pants. Maybe, just maybe.
He sighed. “About what? There’s nothing to talk about. How’s things at Xander’s company? You model with Marshall Easton now, so how do you fit that in as well?” He huffed. “Just so we’re clear … you know I’m not rude, and I’m not going to kick up a fuss since we’re here and I love Marshall and Stu, but I don’t think I’m ready to hear whatever you have to say. It’s a shock to see you again, I won’t lie. But our lives have collided, so ...”
“I can—”
“No, don’t talk. Honestly, I still can’t believe you’re back in my life. It’ll take some getting used to.”
He didn’t say it with any vengeance, just in a sort of sad and resigned tone. “Well, for Marshall and Stu, we’ll just agree to get along, okay? A truce of sorts? But I do want to tell my side of the story.”
Another huff from Jamieson.
“When you’re ready.” What a long day. I started to pull off my clothes and could sense he was staring at me.
Then, I heard what sounded like a snort or maybe a growl. He was mad at me. Damn. The room was small and I probably should have gone into the bathroom but I continued to undress. Hell, it wasn’t like he hadn’t seen me do it many times before.
He growled again. It broke my heart a bit since I hadn’t heard that in years. But I also liked it in some weird way. Maybe we could rekindle a friendship again.
Jamieson stared at my bare chest. He must have seen the chain around my neck. “You still wear it?”
I only nodded.
“Why would you?”
“Look,
Jamie, are we talking or not?”
“Don’t call me that. And no, we aren’t,” he replied, pulling down his jeans. His cock was erect and throbbing, trying to burst out of his underwear.
I marched over to him—well, the six steps I needed in the small room until I stood nose to nose with him. “Are you mad at me?” I was so close to him, I could tell his breathing had quickened. It was erratic as he looked up and stared at me. He nodded.
I palmed his hard cock and said, “This is telling me a different story.” Then I kissed Jamieson roughly. Passionate and with purpose, I opened my mouth and was happy when I coaxed his lips apart and felt his stiff body slightly relax.
And then, within moments it was over. He swatted my hand and moved away from my kiss. Suddenly the room felt stuffy as not only anger but lust radiated from him. I don’t know what had come over me. How was I to try and gain his trust and explain everything if I reacted like that?
I went back to the single bed by the far wall and stretched out, then picked up my phone and started scrolling through my Instagram. My fans loved when I posted pictures, and I tried to keep up with it. I knew Marshall was the opposite of me in terms of technology, but he still had a following.
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Jamieson seething. His cock was still hard, and for some strange reason, mine was getting harder just watching his beautiful body—to see it in real life again. I could remember that body: the way it moved, the way it reacted to me, to my touch.
My mind was all over the place, if I was honest. My body was obviously remembering our youth and our attraction. But I was a different person now, and he was too. I didn’t want a relationship and hadn’t even thought twice about one. I didn’t know what I was thinking. I was so used to fuck and go. It was enough.
I went to the small bathroom and splashed water on my face after I brushed my teeth and got ready for bed. Although I was lying down and had my eyes closed, I could sense him moving around. Shortly after, the room went dark but I was far from getting any sleep as I stared at the ceiling. Then I decided even if he wasn’t willing to talk, I could. “Isn’t it ironic that Marshall, the previous winner of the worst communicator award, shoves us in here together.” I smiled to myself.
Jamieson said nothing for the longest time. I wasn’t entirely sure how long at all. All I could hear were the sounds outside of the cottage and took a few moments to enjoy them. While I loved the city life and the bustle and noise, I could also see the appeal of this.
“Yeah, he’s certainly changed with Stuart in his life.” Okay, he was talking—not about us, but still. “For the better.” I couldn’t help but wonder if he was thinking along the same lines as I was. What would have happened if I’d done something different before?
I put my hand on the chain around my neck. It had always been special to me. I lifted my head, pulling it off and placing it on the nightstand.
“Did you go? Have you been yet?” I heard him ask in the darkness.
I cleared my throat, suddenly feeling overly emotional. I never got like this. “Uh, no. I couldn’t go without you.”
He never replied. Eventually I’d gotten a few hours of sleep. When I awoke the next morning and went to get ready, Jamieson had already left the room. The bed beside me was empty and had been made up again. Checking my phone, I saw it was 9:30 a.m. Shit.
I jumped up and got in the shower and made myself presentable. Then I went outside and over to the main house where I found everyone sitting in the kitchen chatting and having breakfast.
“Sleeping Beauty joins us,” Marshall cajoled, handing me some coffee.
I glanced around for Jamieson, but no sign of him. “Uh, yeah, he never woke me up or I’d have been here earlier. Where is he anyway?”
“Went for a walk with Stuart, I think.” Marshall pointed towards the back field somewhere. “Town centre isn’t far, so maybe they went to the shop. Things better with you two? Did you two fuck and make up?”
My eyebrows rose up into my hair, which had flopped forward with no product in it. “What?” I felt my cheeks heat, which they never did, even under the bright lights of a runway. “Did he say something?”
“Nothing at all, actually, which is really unlike him. The Jamieson I know likes to talk a mile a minute about anything and everything. Part of his charm, some would say. But I can’t figure out what’s going on with you two.” I was about to speak when he continued, “I know you’re both adults, but I’m here whenever you want to talk about it.”
I patted him on the back. “Yeah, I know and thanks, man. That means a lot.”
As the sky got brighter, we all went out to the back field to play football. It was a great few hours and Jamieson was fast and talented. I just wished I was on his team, even if it was only for fun. I tried to outwit him a few times, but he moved too quickly.
I wasn’t sure if he was showing off, but he weaved around us all and hit the goal more often than not. He did some tricks and headers and I applauded him.
Later our crew went to a pub that Marshall and Stuart loved, and sat at the cozy booths. Jamieson must have listened to what I’d said about a truce of some sort, for he was friendly enough, not standoffish. I loved his laugh and had forgotten how much I’d missed his company.
I knew he must have settled something in his mind on the walk this morning because he was back to the real him, as Marshall had said, telling stories and joking around.
He even spoke directly to me sometimes. He regaled us with the tale of when he’d first—although not officially—met Marshall.
“The way he crept out of the flat, or tried to, acting all stealth-like was something similar to a cartoon character sneaking past the enemy.”
Back at the house, we said good night and both went to the small guest cottage. “No whining, boys,” Stuart piped up as we headed out. I wasn’t going to answer that one as I had no idea what Jamie was really thinking, even though he was acting friendly enough while we were in front of everyone.
Getting ready for bed felt somewhat less stressful as I kind of knew a little bit better where I stood with Jamieson. I still wasn’t overly happy, yet I’d take the politeness between us for now. But when he was ready, I’d tell him everything and hope—for what I wasn’t sure. To be more than friends? To have what Marshall and Stuart have? No, definitely not. I had a man in every city. That was all I needed. They needed me too, right? Never once before had I really thought about it.
I had fucked up with Jamie, so why not fuck around with every willing body. And boy were they willing. I kept it pretty much on the down low, but now I wondered if I had done it to hide, to forget. Fuck Jamieson for coming back into my life and bringing along those memories I’d locked away like a school girl protecting her diary.
I tossed and turned and couldn’t get comfortable. I punched my pillow and tried to reshape it. Shoving the blanket off, I flipped my pillow over. Then I faced the wall and covered my face. Counting sheep didn’t work, and looking at the time, it was going to be a long night. The pounding headache wasn’t helping either.
I got up and searched in my bag for some headache pills. Didn’t think I’d need them out here in the country, but maybe I’d experienced too much of the nature crap. I dug around but couldn’t find anything.
“What do you need,” I heard his voice from behind me.
“I’ve got this wicked headache and was sure I had some pills or something. Must be all this fresh air out here in the country.”
I could have sworn I heard him laugh, but I didn’t want to jinx anything. “You were tossing and turning that much, I was waiting for you to fall out of the bed.” He handed me a container, which I gratefully accepted.
I went to the bathroom and got some water to choke it down. When I came back through, Jamieson had moved the nightstand out of the way and pushed the two beds together. I stopped in my tracks, surprised.
He looked directly at me and for a moment I didn’t see any anger or emptiness, but somethi
ng closer to contentment. I licked my lips; I couldn’t help myself.
“Now, now, don’t get any ideas. I just thought you’d sleep better and not fall off the bed. So, no moves like you’d get up to with your hookups.”
“Hey!” How could he call me out like that and yet be exactly right?
“Come on. It’s no big deal. I know you must have the guys lining up. Anyway, just crawl over here and stay on your half of the bed.”
I did as he said and closed my eyes. Hours later in the night, I was woken from my light slumber.
“Remember that time my mum said ‘no girls’ and I nodded and agreed?” Jamieson said.
I only laughed in response.
“Then, I really just wanted you there anyway. Little did she know how that would turn out.”
I laughed even more. “Yeah, after that first kiss, we were incorrigible, weren’t we? Uh, how is your mum.” Was it weird for me to ask that, I wondered after the fact.
No answer. Then I heard a muffled gasp of air. I rolled over quickly. “Jamie. What’s wrong?”
“No, I won’t cry.” It sounded almost as if he was talking to himself. “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting some of those memories to flood back. She had, ah, kinda disowned me. They both did when I told them I was gay.” Jamieson took a deep breath and sat up. “Fuck. Sorry, man, this isn’t me.” He let out a forced laugh. “I know I brought it up and all, but between this small room and just the two of us together, it made me remember stuff I’d buried—or forgotten. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still frustrated and angry about before, but I can’t deny that the memories aren’t coming back with having you around again. It’s kinda nice.”
I pulled him in close to me and hugged him. He didn’t resist, so I rubbed his back. “I’m sorry about your mum. I knew she hated me, but that’s really terrible.”
Jamieson’s response was so delayed, I wondered if he was going to reply. He moved to turn away from me, and I let him, yet still kept my arm round his waist.
Carter (Mayfair Model Series Book 2) Page 3