How to Have an Almost Perfect Marriage

Do you, Edna Constance Bathsheba, take Stephen John Elvis to be your lawfully wedded husband? I did. After many, many years of marriage and many, many children, I've decided it's only fair to share my unparalleled expertise and deepest secrets with you in my new book, How To Have an Almost Perfect Marriage. Of course, the 'him' to whom I refer is my current husband, Stephen. You may be aware of his numerous books, his countless television shows and his enormous intellect. You probably know he spends his time travelling endlessly, attending operas, meeting famous stars of stage and screen and visiting tribespeople in the remotest corners of the globe. That's if you read all that rubbish he writes on Twitter, anyway – honestly, that man's imagination! If you frequent the Dog & Duck, however, you'll know the truth. Or the Red Lion. Or Kev's kebab van. Because that's where you'll almost certainly find him....