Ration

by Christina J Thompson

  He reappeared a moment later, a cascade of dirt falling onto her face as he tossed the rope.

  “Can you reach it?”

  She could see it dangling above her, and she lifted her hand, feeling around for it blindly. Her head spun in a dizzying frenzy, and she closed her eyes against the sensation.

  “I…I think it’s too short.”

  Ayn’s blood burned with fear; the rope was nearly twenty feet long. She was lucky to be alive after a fall from that height, but he knew that the fact that she had survived wasn’t enough. He closed his eyes.

  “You need help, Amber. I need to get your father.”

  Amber’s heart stopped, a new kind of panic sinking cold fingers into her soul.

  “No!” she cried, her voice cracking with desperation. “You can’t! I’ll lose you!”

  Ayn’s throat began to ache as tears stung his eyes.

  “I can’t let you die, Amber.”

  “I’m not going to die! I’ll be okay, just wait for him! He’ll be here any minute!”

  “I can’t,” Ayn said, his voice breaking. He remembered when she had gotten sick, how guilty he had felt about choosing his own well-being over hers, and he knew he couldn’t do it again. Surviving would mean nothing if it meant losing her.

  Amber’s heart wrenched as tears streamed down her face.

  “Don’t leave me! Please, you’re all I have!”

  Her vision went dark for a moment; she knew full well that she was severely hurt, but the thought of him revealing himself was more terrifying than the thought of dying. She dissolved into a fit of coughs, her mouth filling with the metallic taste of blood. The pain in the side of her chest was getting worse.

  “Just hold on,” Ayn called out to her, and when her vision darkened a second time, she couldn’t seem to force it to come back.

  “Just…just wait…please…”

  Ayn heard her voice grow weak before trailing off, and fresh terror flooded his veins.

  “Amber!”

  No response. He had to go.

  The words that had etched themselves into his heart over the past weeks seared his tongue, and he wished he had said them sooner. He set his jaw, hoping she could still hear him.

  “I love you, Amber.”

  Ayn turned and bolted, flying up the steps and pausing at the top for a moment. There were people working nearby, but after what he had seen during the well incident, he knew they likely wouldn’t help. Amber’s father was the only person who would risk going down after her; everyone else would probably just be preoccupied with the idea of a ration actually being aware.

  He raced back towards the settlement, trying to think. He knew full well what would happen to him if the resource center found out that he could speak, and he hoped that he could hold back that much. If he managed to do that, he would likely be lucky enough to just be harvested early, which meant that his death would be mercifully quick.

  He reached the center of the settlement, heading straight for the cistern. Richard was standing beside the open hole, a bucket of clay in each hand and a rope coiled up on the ground at his feet.

  Ayn braced himself, every moment of his time with Amber flashing through his mind. It had all been worth it, and he wouldn’t change it for anything.

  He skidded to a stop, snatching hold of the rope and grabbing Richard’s arm.

  “What the hell is this?” Richard demanded, his eyes narrowing as he yanked back.

  The few people that remained in the settlement during the day immediately began to take notice of what was happening, and Ayn could hear murmurs of surprise rising up from the small group that was quickly gathering around. He clenched his teeth, hoping the fear on his face was enough to convey his urgency.

  Richard stared at him in silence, and Ayn’s heart sank. He took a deep breath, preparing to speak, when a spark of realization suddenly appeared in Richard’s eyes.

  “Where’s Amber?”

  Ayn grabbed him again, and Richard finally seemed to get the message. He dropped the buckets of clay and began to run, Ayn following close behind.

  Richard stumbled down the steps that led into the grid, his face pale as he paused to take in the sight, then he fell to his knees beside the hole in the ground.

  “Amber!”

  Ayn held his breath, listening, but there was no answer. He grabbed the first rope and quickly tied it to the other one, then made a loop and draped it over his shoulders. Richard stared at him with wide eyes, taking hold of the end of the rope and fixing it around his waist.

  Ayn set his feet, holding tight to the rope as Richard’s weight strained against it. He slowly allowed it to slip through his grasp, counting the distance in his head until it went slack. His stomach churned with fear; almost thirty feet. She was probably dead.

  There was a firm tug at the rope only a moment later, and Ayn hauled back on it. There was more weight this time.

  Richard’s head appeared at the edge of the hole, dust covering his face, and Ayn heaved against the rope again. His heart hammered against his ribcage, thudding to a stop when he saw Amber’s limp figure cradled against her father’s chest. Richard crawled forward, setting her down and grabbing her face.

  Even from where he stood, Ayn could see her chest rising and falling with each shallow breath she took, and tears of relief welled up in his eyes.

  “Carry her!” Richard shouted, pointing at Amber’s body. Ayn reacted instantly.

  He gathered her into his arms and sprinted towards the settlement, gazing down at her as he ran. Blood had soaked through her hair, and when he had first picked her up, he had seen the white of her skull through the gash in her head. She was still breathing, though, which meant there was still hope.

  He glanced over his shoulder. Richard was falling behind, but Ayn didn’t slow down to wait. He darted through the settlement, reaching Helen’s house within minutes and bursting through the door.

  Helen was standing next to a young boy, stitching a small cut on his arm. She let out a quiet shriek at the sight of Amber’s bloody body, dropping the suture and frantically gesturing at the floor.

  Ayn set Amber down as gently as he could, and Helen moved to kneel beside her just as Richard arrived. She looked at him in alarm.

  “What happened?”

  “The bottom of the grid collapsed!” Richard gasped. “She fell over twenty feet!”

  Amber’s body suddenly tensed up; she began thrashing, her eyes rolling back into her head as she seized.

  “Hold her down!” Helen cried, grabbing Amber’s shoulders. Ayn lunged forward to help, and Helen froze, staring at him in open-mouthed shock. She managed to tear her eyes away a moment later, focusing on Richard.

  “Her brain is swelling,” she said quickly. “I have something I can give her, but it’s going to almost double your quota. What do you want me to do?”

  Ayn lifted his eyes, and Richard met his gaze for a moment.

  “Give it to her,” Richard muttered, looking away. Helen got up, digging in a plastic crate and producing a syringe. She injected it in the side of Amber’s neck, and a moment later, the seizure stopped.

  “I need to check her over,” Helen said, grabbing a small knife and preparing to cut Amber’s shirt off. “You shouldn’t be in here.”

  Richard nodded, moving towards the door, but Ayn didn’t get up. He stared down at Amber, memorizing her face. He knew he wasn’t going to see her again.

  He felt Richard take hold of his arm, and he allowed himself to be pulled to his feet. He walked outside, gazing down at his hands as he was pushed to the ground.

  “I need the council!” Richard called out. “Someone go get one of the council, there’s something wrong with this ration!”

  Ayn sighed deeply and closed his eyes.

  †‡†

  CHAPTER

  TWENTY-EIGHT

  Ayn drew his knees up to his chest, leaning his head back against the dirt wa
ll. He had been thrown into the holding pit dug into the floor of one of the council’s rooms, and there was no way out. He had already tried; the hole was too deep to jump out of, and the walls were too dry to make footholds. It wouldn’t matter even if he did manage to escape, it was still daytime, and he would be noticed immediately. He closed his eyes. It was almost dark, and he knew they would be coming to get him soon.

  He wished he knew what was going on with Amber. From what few snippets of conversation he had overheard, she was still alive, but barely. He replayed the day’s events in his mind, sighing heavily to himself. If he had just been a split second faster, he might have caught her before she fell. He shook his head, forcing himself to stop. It didn’t matter anymore.

  Footsteps echoed out in the room above him. Ayn quickly straightened, crossing his legs and tilting his head down as his heart began racing. It felt too early for harvest.

  The sound of breathing appeared above him, but he didn’t lift his head.

  “You saved her,” a voice whispered, and his jaw clenched.

  It was John.

  Ayn didn’t react, keeping his eyes firmly fixed on his hands.

  “I know you can understand me,” John said. “And I know you can talk, I heard you and Amber at the grid yesterday. Don’t worry, no one else is here.”

  Ayn’s stomach knotted, and he finally glanced up. John’s face was peering down at him over the edge of the hole, and he took a deep breath.

  “Is she okay?”

  John shrugged.

  “I don’t know yet, Helen won’t let anyone in except her parents.”

  “But she’s still alive?”

  “For now. Helen said that it was because you went for help. If you hadn’t, Amber would have had a seizure and died down in the mine.”

  Ayn smiled to himself, gladness filling his heart at the affirmation. It wasn’t for nothing; if he had waited, she would definitely be gone.

  He met John’s gaze.

  “Are you going to tell?”

  “No.”

  Relief flooded over him, then he raised a brow.

  “Why not?”

  John shrugged.

  “Because I care about her. If I tell, they’ll take her away if she lives.”

  Ayn nodded slowly, gratitude filling his heart.

  “You’re a good friend to her, John. She’s lucky to have you.”

  “As if it matters,” John sighed. “She loves you, not me. I guess it makes sense now why she didn’t want anything to do with me.”

  Ayn’s breath caught in his throat.

  She loves you.

  Tears stung his eyes.

  “They’re going to harvest me soon,” he said, his voice breaking. “She’s going to be mad at me when she finds out that I’m gone.”

  John’s face vanished for a moment, glancing behind him, then he reappeared.

  “She won’t be mad. You saved her.”

  “She didn’t want me to,” Ayn told him. “She knew this would happen.”

  “But I’m glad you did, even so.”

  Ayn was glad, too, but he knew she wouldn’t see it that way. A thought occurred to him, and he gave John a long look.

  “Will you do something for me?”

  John nodded quickly, and Ayn drew a ragged breath.

  “Tell her that she was worth it, and that I don’t regret it for one minute. Tell her…”

  His voice trailed off for a moment, and he swallowed hard.

  “Tell her that I love her. Promise me that you’ll tell her, she needs to know.”

  John’s face darkened for a moment, and he sighed heavily before finally answering.

  “I promise,” he said, glancing up again. “I have to go, I don’t want to get caught talking to a ration.”

  “Thank you,” Ayn whispered, giving him a grateful smile. “Just make sure she’s okay when she wakes up, will you?”

  “Of course I will.”

  John disappeared, and Ayn was alone again. He buried his face in his hands. He hoped John would tell her, and that he really would keep the secret.

  Ayn sighed, remembering the fear that had plagued him at the thought of the harvest. A sudden wave of calm acceptance washed over him, and he realized that he wasn’t afraid anymore. He had been so terrified of being forgotten, but now, he realized that it didn’t matter.

  He smiled to himself, remembering the nights he and Amber had shared gazing up at the stars. Those moments could never be erased, they were a permanent part of the universe even if no one knew about them. It was just like the stars—they had been in the sky since the beginning of time, and their existence didn’t depend on whether there were eyes to see them.

  No matter what, for one brief moment, there had been a ration with a name. He had existed, and nothing would ever change that.

  A sliver of light streamed through the door of the room and cast a shadow along the top edge of the hole, and Ayn could see it growing more and more narrow as the sun began to set.

  Any minute now.

  * * *

  Amber’s head throbbed with each beat of her heart, and she slowly opened her eyes. Every inch of her body hurt. She winced in pain, carefully turning her head as she tried to make sense of where she was. It was too dark to tell for sure, but it almost looked like she was in Helen’s treatment room.

  There was a mattress on the floor beside the bed she was on, and she thought she could see someone stir. She tried to move, glancing down in fearful confusion when she couldn’t lift her hand. Her arms and legs were strapped to a plastic board.

  A small light appeared above her, and she squinted, turning her face away.

  “I thought we were going to lose you, young lady!” Helen said, leaning down over her. “I’ve been sleeping in here for the past three nights just to keep an eye on you!”

  Amber gulped. Her mouth felt strangely numb.

  “What…what happened?”

  “The grid collapsed and you had a nasty fall. Lucky for you, the hole was sloped a little and there was loose dirt at the bottom. That’s the only thing that saved you!”

  The only thing that saved you…

  The words echoed in her mind, and Amber closed her eyes, fighting to remember.

  Ayn.

  Her heart leaped into her throat.

  “The ration!”

  “Calm down, Amber, don’t worry about that. It’s been taken care of.”

  A bitter pang of dread sliced through her stomach.

  “What do you mean, taken care of?”

  “I’m going to give you something to help you rest,” Helen said, producing a syringe. “Heaven knows your parents can afford it now!”

  “What does that mean, Helen, taken care of?”

  She felt a sharp prick on her arm, and Helen smiled.

  “There you go, that should also help with the pain.”

  Amber tried lifting her head up, her eyes growing suddenly heavy.

  “Helen, tell me…tell me…”

  Her voice trailed off as the world faded.

  * * *

  “Come on, sweetheart, it’s time to wake up.”

  Amber groaned, slowly opening her eyes and looking around. She was in her room, and her mother and father smiled down at her, their faces bright with excitement. She lifted her head, searching for Ayn, and her heart sank. There was no sign of him.

  “Where’s the ration?” she gasped.

  “You need to drink some water,” her mother replied, helping her sit up. “The doctor said you need to get up and walk around for a few minutes today, too.”

  “The doctor?” Amber asked, ignoring the flask she was offered. “You mean Helen?”

  “No, the doctor,” her father said. He looked like he was practically trembling. “We can afford a doctor now, no need for Helen!”

  “What are you talking about? Where’s the―”

  “You did it, Amber!” her fathe
r crowed, gently patting her shoulder. “You did it, you saved us!”

  “What do you mean? Where’s―”

  “The mine, Amber! You broke through to the mine! Our grid has the only access, it was right above the old entrance before they filled it in! Even if everyone else digs down as far as we did, they’ll never get through the rock ceiling!”

  His words ran together, and she lifted her hand, stopping him.

  “Dad, what about the ration?”

  “It was defective, Amber,” her mother answered. “It’s gone.”

  “And we got a full 250 pounds this harvest!” Richard added happily, clapping his hands together. “You did well, my dear! I never would’ve been able to dig deep enough without you!”

  Amber’s heart felt like it was going to explode in her chest as her mother’s words echoed in her mind.

  It’s gone.

  He’s gone.

  Ayn is gone.

  Gone.

  “I’m a little tired,” she managed to say, fighting back the scream that filled her throat. “I think I need to rest.”

  “Of course, my dear!” her father sang, bending down and kissing her forehead. “Don’t worry, you’ll be up and around in no time! We paid for some extra medicine that will help you heal faster, the doctor said you should be back to normal in just a few days.”

  “You need to get up, Amber,” her mother said as she stood to leave. “Just long enough to walk across your room, the doctor was very insistent. You’ve been in bed for nearly a week.”

  A week. A whole week had passed in a world that didn’t have Ayn in it.

  “I will, mom,” Amber feebly replied. “Just...just give me a minute.”

  “Don’t take too long,” Mica called over her shoulder, disappearing through the doorway.

  Amber rolled onto her side the moment she was alone, clutching her hands to her mouth in horrified sorrow. She felt like her soul was bleeding out through every pore in her skin, and she couldn’t breathe.

  Gone.

  She squeezed her eyes shut as her shoulders heaved.

  “Amber?”

  She froze, quickly swallowing back her tears. She recognized the voice.

  “Go away, John.”

  His feet shuffled a little closer.